It's pouring rain, but I cant will my feet to move so I can find shelter. Right now, I cant find a will to do anything, but stare. Stare at the sight before me that breaks my heart into millions of pieces.
I thought… I thought we loved each other. We promised to be there when the other needed each other. We promised to be together for as long as we both shall live and we promised to marry and have children. We were in the process of making one, what happened to that?
She told me she wanted me. She told me that I was the only one for her. Was it all lies? For show? Did she only want to be seen around public with Captain America on her arm so she can flaunt off to women that I'm taken? Was I just a prop to use on stage of her big performance?
I loved her with all my heart, I gave her everything I had and I loved her with every ounce of me! She was my first. She took my virginity and stole my first willing and wanted kiss. She was the first girl I've ever felt anything towards ever since I've been unfrozen from the ice.
I guess none of that matters anymore. Not as my eyes watch her making out with the partner she's with.
My fist closes into tight fist as my urge to punch something grows stronger, my eyes burn with unshed tears and yet I can't speak or scream. I can only stare, the burning in my eyes grows stronger and my body starts shaking in anger with I see the first article of clothing rip off of her body. Her shirt.
My first instinct is to go over there and start beating the hell out of this guy, but something stops me from doing so. I think it's the facial expression that will be on her face when she figures out that I know and that I'm beating her partner. I shouldn't be thinking about how she will feel after what she's making me feel at the moment, but I still love her. I think I will always love her and nothing can change that. Not even an affair.
Even though I cant confront her, I can do this.
Slowly and heartbreakingly I start to pull off my wedding ring. Now the tears begin to stream uncontrollably down my face like a waterfall. I allow my body to rack with sobs, but keep myself quiet even though I know the couple won't hear me over this pouring rain.
The rain has soaked through my clothing and has left me chilled to the bone, if only I could get cold. Being cold would be a huge improvement over what I feel at the moment.
When the ring is off I examine it for a few minutes before letting it slip between my fingers. The big diamond on the ring breaks into a million pieces when it hits the ground and, shockingly for such a small thing, makes a loud noise that echoes off the alley walls.
Without looking I know I've gotten the couple's attention and they're eyes are on me, but I keep my eyes towards the ground. Where my broken wedding ring lies. "S-Steve?" I hear the hesitant voice of my… e-ex- wife, Maria. Slowly I raise my head, showing the tears still streaming down my face and now onto the floor. The rain washes them away as quickly as they came and the tears may look like the rain, but the expression on Maria's face tells me she knows I'm crying and that I've been there for a while. "Steve wait!" She calls after me when I start off running. Abandoning the car, I run straight to the apartment, my vision being blocked by the tears and rain. From behind me I can hear Maria screaming after me to wait, but after what I saw… I have no intention to hear her explanation. It's over.
AVAVAVAVAVAVAV
Running inside, I close and lock the door and make my way towards my bedroom. Walking inside my eyes land on a picture of Maria and I on a vacation to Chile we took last year. I storm over to it, yank it off the desk and stare at it. My eyes sobering for the slightest second. I quickly shaking my head and slam the picture on the floor, the tears still uncontrollably running down my face. I run to my closet, grab the bat I always kept there and start going around smashing everything that is a memory of Maria and I.
I'm blinded by pain and sorrow that I don't know what I'm doing until the phone starts ringing. Thinking it's mine, I pull it out and place it on the desk slamming the bat against it breaking it. Dropping the bat I drop down on my bed and scream into the pillow allowing myself some vulnerability. I never show weakness or emotion in things I do.
A soldier doesn't cry, a soldier never show weakness and a soldier does what he is told to do. Those are the three things I follow every day ever since I was injected with the serum. But today… I just broke two of those rules.
AVAVAVAVAVAVAVAV
The phone has been ringing for the past 10 minutes. Someone wont stop calling me! I don't want to talk to anybody! Especially Maria. I just want to be left alone!
The ringing gets louder and finally I'm fed up with this. Jumping off the bed I rush to the phone and yank the chord from the wall. Throwing it across the room, it smashes into tiny piece against the wall and I stand there, breathing heavily and taking in the ruins of my room… well, my old room.
I cant stay here any longer. Too many memories and now that I look back on them, it only adds to my pain.
We had the best years of our lives together and now this… what happened? I want to know what happened. Did I do something? Was I not a good enough husband? Did I treat her not like she should've been treated?
So many unanswered questions run through my head and I'm soon left dizzy from turning around in circle too much. Backing up, I run into the desk and my hands make contact with my forehead. I press into it to level out the pain. Turning around I sit down in the chair and grip the desk's edges hard until I feel a warm sticky substance run down my hands to the floor.
Taking out my hands I examine the deep cup I punctured into them. I didn't feel anything… I don't feel anything anymore. Is this the serum? Or have I finally gone numb because of the pain? I wish the latter and my eyes lock on a piece of paper and a pen. Just in my reach.
Without a second thought I place them in front of me. It is then I realize that… I have nothing to say. Standing up from my spot I walk over to the closest and pull out a suitcase. I cant stay here and I cant face her when she comes home which she might in about a couple minutes. If she does, she'll be beneath my worry and I'll leave. I don't know where I'll go, but I'll go somewhere where I might be wanted.
I finish packing and take a long look at the room. Softly and quietly, I sit on the bed open the drawer and pull out Maria's and Mine scrapbook. We started making it a couple weeks into our relationship and everything we did is in this book.
Every memory, every thought and every picture. Opening it, I stop at the page that contains our wedding photo. The day we got married Maria and I took a photo at the reception and then another with all the Avengers, Maria and I in the middle of the five of them and their dates.
I brush my fingers around the edges, my mind wandering until there's a knock at the door. Maria's home… Standing from my spot, I place the scrapbook under my arm and I enclose my hands around the suit case handle and walk over to the door grabbing my jacket on the way.
I open the door and stare into the face of my previous wife. She gasps and covers her mouth taking notice of the suitcase. "Maria." I nod in acknowledgement and start making my way to the front door.
"Steve wait no!" She grabs my wrist stopping me. Keeping my voice steady and strong. I'm not going to let her see how much this hurt me, unless I need to. Nothing she's going to say will make me stay. "Don't leave, we can talk. We can work this out! It was a mistake; I was drunk and didn't know what I was doing!"
"If I should stay, I would only be in the way." I replied curtly clearing my voice when hearing it crack.
"No you wont Steve! I can change you know I can." Maria pulls out the ring she found when running after me. The diamond is beyond repair from what I can see. "Please don't do this. I love you!" She tries to put the ring on my finger again, but I removes my hand turning to face her and exposing my unshed tears.
"Maria I'll go, but I know that I'll think of you every step of the way." Using a thumb, I wipe away a fallen tear from her face and take the ring in my own hand. "And I will always love you. Always love you." He whispers the last part bending down and kisses her one last time letting a tear flow down his cheek. When I pull away I turn to leave, but Maria's grip on my hand tightens keeping me from moving.
"Steve…" She whispers. I pull my hand away from her sighing and running my hand over my face staring upwards.
"My darling you… you…" I try to find words, but nothing comes forward. Shaking my head I clear my thoughts and just speak from what my aching heart tells me to. "Bitter sweet memories," I pull the scrapbook from under my arm and place it in her hands. She grips onto like a life time and stares up at me with yearning eyes. I point at the scrapbook, "That is all I'm taking with me. So goodbye." Maria's breath hitches in the back of her throat and more tears run down her face. She shakes her head no and cries harder, but I wrap my arms around her as she places her head in my chest. "Please don't cry. We both know, I'm not what you, you need."
"Steve you are what I-"
Steve cuts her off by kiss her cheek full of wet tears. "And I will always love you, Maria." I whispers emphasizing the you. Leaning down I kiss her again, and she kisses me back with as much passion she can muster. I just feel empty inside, the kiss having no effect on me, but I allow Maria to have this moment. This last moment before I leave.
After a while she pulls away and clings to me, but I manage to pull her off and take the scrapbook from her arms. She reaches out for me, I slip under arms and grab the suitcase heading towards the door. "Steve… Steve! Please don't do this!" She screams running after to me and taking the suitcase from me. "I promise to change, I do!"
I ignore the desperation, pleading and begging in her voice, and ignore her comment all together. I don't want her to change, I want her to stay who she is because I love who she is. But I cant stay with her after what she was going to do while she was married to me. I love Maria, but not enough to stay with her. Sighing I give her a weak smile, "I hope life treats you kind. And I hope you have all you've dreamed of. And I wish you joy and happiness, but above all this I wish you love." Reaching in my back pocket I hand her, her anniversary gift I was supposed to give to her in a week for our 4 years anniversary. Opening the box, she gasps and pulls out the diamond necklace from inside the black box.
"Steve," she whispers looking up at him.
"Happy Anniversary." I whisper weakly turning on her and walking out the door. Before the door closes on her I whisper one last thing to her. "I'll will always love you."
"STEVE NO!" He hears her scream through the closed door, but he just keeps walking forward without a second thought.