The Ballad of Honor and Tess

by kataract52

A beautiful story about how two friends become more, lose each other, and try to find a world they can share. Focuses on LeBeau Clan. Updated rating for sexual content.

1. Chapter 1

Disclaimer: I do not own. This is a love story between two young girls. If you have a problem with that, turn back now.

It was the summer after the Guilds' massacre, and for the third time in three years, I fell into a depression. Because of my blunders, fifty-four people were dead. Parents, children, spouses and siblings. Gone. These were people I knew and loved.

I was born to an Assassin mother and Thief father. Unlike previous bastards, I was royal-born. My parents' marriage was meant to unite two feuding clans and guilds, but nothing ever works as intended. Still, my pedigree ensured me a life of power and fortune. A birth defect that turned my eyes black and red granted me even more opportunities. Both Guilds believed I was the child of prophecy, and looked to me to unite them where my parents could not. And at thirteen, I assumed the role of matriarch. It was my destiny to free us from the tyrannical grip of Candra the benefactress. My reign would re-establish a dynasty of pride, unity and strength.

Now fourteen, my Guild was decimated, my ancestral home burned, and my allies deceased.

I was present at the massacre, and only survived because my Assassin blood makes me stronger than most. Even so, I spent seven days in a coma, three weeks in intensive care, and twelve weeks in rehabilitation. My body could function almost flawlessly by September. But I was not the same. After I learned the number of the dead, and that my cousin Theo was among them, I inquired no further. I couldn't know who else was gone. I couldn't imagine another family suffering like mine. So I asked no more, and no one told me. In fact, I gave up all my duties to the Guilds. I couldn't face them after so much grief and shame. I couldn't rebuild Rome with twigs.

I didn't even try.

The Ballad of Honor and Tess

I turned fourteen on September 19th. Although I was in no mood to celebrate, my parents insisted on a big dinner. Momma made my favorite meal, a type of taco made with pork meat and salsa as spicy as possible. It was only my second dinner since leaving the hospital. Since our house had been destroyed, we all re-located to my father's ancestral home. The Thieves' mansion was given to me the previous summer by my grandfather, Jean-Luc, but I'd never lived here.

I could tell by the air that no one had lived in that house for years. The last child to run through these halls was my father. Now that my family had moved in, ancient ghosts fell from their dusty rafters and irritably looked down their noses with disgust for us.

In addition to my parents, I also lived with my father's wife, Rogue, their fifteen-month-old twins, Ollie and Becca, and Momma's newborn baby girl, Hero. Previously, we'd also boarded with Rogue's foster-mother, Mystique. She weaseled her way into our ranks disguised as a student named Foxx. Once her grandchildren were born and her cover blown, she earned her place among us as a caretaker and disciplinarian. But she was deadly and completely untrustworthy, so the X-Men planted a chip in her brain to monitor and control her. No one was entirely pleased with the situation, but Rogue needed support and guidance. Papa complied to make Rogue happy. I needed Mystique to help me understand my physic powers. Momma spent the most time with our uninvited relative, even going so far as to entrust her with Hero. But she didn't trust Mystique. No. Momma believed you kept your friends close, your enemies closer and your kin closest.

After the massacre, I spent a lot of time in intensive care, and the doctors didn't know whether or not I'd survive. During this period, Papa helped Mystique deactivate the chip. They worked together with Matt Murdock and Elektra to retaliate against my would-be executioners. I knew Papa acted out of love, and there was a time I would've felt loved by his act of revenge. But I'd had enough blood spilled on my account.

Free from her restraints, Mystique vanished. I was sure she'd return someday, on her own terms.

On the night of my birthday, my godparents also surprised me with a visit. Tante Ro, who worked with Papa for Xavier, flew down from New York. Johnny, who I hadn't seen in almost two years, flew in from California. He brought his new girlfriend, Solie Lopez, who I knew and loved. She was a musical entertainer, like Johnny, and the two of them had been splattered across tabloids for months before coming out as a couple. While the ten of us were dining, Momma told me that we were moving back to New York. I would re-enroll at Xavier Academy, go back to being normal, and leave the Guild behind.

Papa and Rogue braced for the outburst that never came.

…

I started the tenth grade late, and didn't think I'd ever catch up. Dr. McCoy agreed to give me some extra credit if I assisted him in his classes. Every Friday night, I could be found in his laboratory helping grade papers and tests.

My "unofficial" precog classes, which had formerly been conducted by Mystique, were now handled by Ms. Frost-Summers. She was a telepath, which was very different from a physic, but she was more than capable. I trusted her - unlike Mystique/Foxx - so we made a study of my dreams, visions and premonitions. Mystique could only teach me what others felt and thought. Ms. Frost-Summers was much more personal and direct.

During one of our Tuesday night sessions, I discovered a secret of hers. She was pregnant. With a girl.

Ms. Frost-Summers had only discovered this fact a few weeks ago, when she heard the child's first thoughts. She'd told Mr. Summers, of course, but they were waiting to make an announcement. Nate didn't even know yet.

Another one of my teachers to offer assistance was Bishop. He was teaching law that year, and offered extra credit if I did a class presentation on organized crime and its influence on the public.

Bad idea.

"In conclusion, organized crime will always exist as long as there's a need for it. It is perpetuated by a lack of other means and opportunities, and finds its haven in desperation. The violence and fear usually associated with organized crime is cultivated by the very people who are sworn to combat it. If you take away nothing else from my presentation, I hope you'll remember that it takes just as much work and intelligence to make a crooked million as it does an honest million. The only thing that separates a street thug from a Wall Street broker is the family they were born into. Thank you."

I waited at the podium politely during the applause. Uri pumped his fist into the air and cried: "Stick it to 'm, 'On!" Praise wasn't required from my classmates, so I knew I'd done well.

Before I could return to my seat, Bishop asked: "Does your presentation include a question and answer section?"

"Sure, why not?"

"Explain how the police force helps organized crime."

"That's not a question, Bishop."

The class snickered, but his mouth never twitched.

"Could you please explain how the police force helps organized crime?"

"I explained in my paper that when the law punishes all crimes, people who are surrounded by crime are reluctant to seek the law's help. They take matters into their own hands because they really have no alternative, and no matter what they do from that point, it's illegal! But since you're still not getting the point, I'll use some personal examples. My first experience with 'the Man' was when I was two. My great-grandmother was dying a slow, painful death, and her husband helped her along to the inevitable. Watching her brains being blown out was much less traumatic for me then the cops showing up like an army and snatching me away from my mother. After that, why would I ever trust the law?"

"Assisted suicide is a tragic situation that I'm not going to discuss right now," he replied. "But for your situation, I would have to say that the police officers acted completely within their jurisdiction. I wouldn't have done anything differently."

"I'm glad life's so black and white for you, but for me, it's not a matter of jurisdiction. It's a matter of wrong and right. It was wrong for my Grammy to suffer, and right to help ease her pain. From your point of view, murder's wrong. End of story. But we helped her, so how is that wrong?"

"That's one example," Bishop said, leaning against his desk. "I still don't understand how one example encourages a life of crime."

"Ok, here's another. Everyone knows I don't date because I'm betrothed. My parents are going to pick my husband. But let's say they pick someone I don't want to marry. I call the cops. What happens?"

Unfortunately, when your father works for Xavier, your family doesn't keep many secrets. If someone knew me, then they knew my family arranged marriages. It was common knowledge, just like it was readily known that Bishop was the unlawful father of my baby sister, Hero. Most people were surprisingly tolerant of my outrageous family. The rest could eat dirt.

"If your parents refused to compromise," answered Bishop, "and you were still a minor, you'd be placed into foster care."

"You'd take me away from my family?" I asked.

"If no other alternative could be reached, yes."

"But I didn't want you to take my parents away. I just wanted the problem to go away. You can't fix my problem?"

"The arm of the law only reaches so far."

"Do you know what I'd do in that situation?" I continued, my face getting flushed. "I'd put the right amount of pressure on the right people to get that boy away from my parents. It would involve a fair amount of blackmail, bribery and just a dash of terrorism. But in the end, I'd have my cake and eat it, too. Now does it make sense?"

"You think you're acting justly, but what about those you hurt? There must be a sense of order. Someone to judge the righteous from the greedy."

"Why should I do right by the people who piss me off?"

"I think we're beginning to understand each other," he said with a strange smile. "Take your seat, LeBeau. Any other questions?"

Uri raised his hand. "Can you teach me that blackmail, bribery, terrorism formula for the next time Logan wants me to do laps?"

.::.

Slowly but surely, I began to climb out of the hole. If I wasn't at school, working for extra credit or baby-sitting, I could be found in the library with Tess.

Tess was my first and dearest friend. Lately, we'd become more than friends. Or at least, I thought we had. Or maybe we had been once, but were now just friends again. I really wasn't sure anymore, and she wasn't a very expressive person. Despite our long evenings together, we never had a chance to bond. The only time we ever really spoke was when we were testing each other's knowledge.

As usual, she was taking extra classes, and I was stunned by some of the subjects.

"'Covert Hypnosis'? 'The Art of War'? 'The Complete History of Espionage and the Technology Used to Support It'?" I read the titles of the many books piled around her. "Good God, Tess, what're they teaching you?"

"Everything. Isn't it obvious?"

"Why?"

"Never know when you might need it."

"Yeah," I said. "I can think of endless possibilities to utilize mutant civil rights."

"Then why do you study for your classes?"

"To pass, I guess." I shrugged.

She returned to her material, and I glanced around to make sure we were alone. I didn't want to be overheard or interrupted.

Quietly, I said: "Tess, I was thinking… My parents said since I got my grades up, I can go to the Mutants' Convention next weekend. Would you like to go with me?"

"Half the school's going," she said without looking at me. "You can go with Nate."

She said it dismissively, but I understood her point perfectly. Nate Summers was the headmaster's son, and one of the most popular kids at school. He was friendly with everyone, but our little group of misfits was his favorite. He and I had a personal and complicated history, but I trusted him with my life. He was charming and funny and talented with telepathy and telekinesis. So what if I enjoyed his company? That was no reason for Tess to be jealous.

"I don't want to go with Nate," I said stupidly. "I want to go with you. Just the two of us."

'Like a date', I thought but didn't say.

She looked at me, and quickly looked away. "I don't know, 'On… People might talk."

"What? You're afraid people might find out you're a mutant? The school's kind of a giveaway, babe."

"No, not that…" She said slowly.

She was closing her book, and I knew she was about to leave. I grabbed her hand.

"Come on. When's the last time we had some time alone together? No homework or anything? I really miss you, Tess, and I know you miss me. Remember how great it used to be? Us against the world. Let's just be us again."

A rare, genuine smile spread across her pale-painted face. "All right."

I suppressed a scream and jumped across the table, hugging her neck. She laughed and hugged me back, our heads fitting comfortably against each other's necks. Our bodies fit together perfectly, like two halves of a ying-yang symbol.

She was my other half in every sense.

.::.

Shortly after my father and Rogue got married, Papa built a house in Poughkeepsie, New York. It was easily large enough for my entire family, and was my favorite place in the world. My friends loved it, too, and Uri encouraged everyone to call it 'LeBeau Manor' – although we hated that name. Any time someone stopped by, they got a fresh glass of sweet tea and a homemade dessert. Momma wasn't sparse with her hospitality. Most of my friends came to love my family as their second clan; the rest loved us like their first.

Wednesday nights, I had Papa to myself. Saturday nights, I watched the twins while Rogue got him to herself. Every night, Momma and Rogue found time to gossip and drink. But Sunday was a day for the entire family. My parents would create a feast of Cajun cuisine, and it wasn't long before they were feeding my friends, too. Tess and Renegade never missed a Sunday.

Tess's birth family was in Afghanistan, and her memories of them were just as distant. She didn't even know how many of them were still alive.

Renegade was my newest friend: a stray that Nate recruited from the streets. I didn't know where he originated, but his accent was Caribbean. Actually, I didn't know too much about his past. The first time Momma met him, she told me he was a Thief. Turns out, she was right.

When I was matriarch of the Unified Guilds in New Orleans, I sent an envoy to the New York Thieves Guild in search of resolution. I discovered he had been initiated, but after a pinch went sour, his Guild left him to fry. He still bore the scars, and life on the streets was hard. But he'd rather starve than return to the people who betrayed him. I don't think he had a family before the Guild. He certainly didn't trust anyone. Somehow, Momma had taken a liking to Renegade. She'd gone as far as to invite him to spend the holidays with us, but he laughed it off. There was always some part of him that held back from us.

On the second Sunday of October, I actually had all of my friends over for dinner. While Tess and I set the table, Nate and Renegade got the twins washed and ready to eat. Rogue was puréeing Hero's dinner (since Momma and Papa were cooking for the rest of us), and Ethan was playing peek-a-boo with Hero on the living room floor.

When Tess wasn't watching me, I'd catch a glimpse of Ethan with my baby sister. He'd throw the blanket over her, pull it down, and shake his hair in her face. No matter how many times he repeated the game, Hero was always delighted by the outcome. I would be delighted, too, if he threw a blanket over me and let his hair fall in my eyes. I thought how lucky she was.

Suddenly, he looked at me, as if reading my thoughts, and smiled. I blushed and smiled back.

Ethan was four years older than me, and in the same class as Nate. However, unlike Nate, Ethan didn't surround himself with pretty girls his own age. He had openly flirted with me since the first day we'd met, making his desires obvious. But he'd never acted on those insinuations. We'd both changed since those early, awkward days. We were both adults now, even if the law didn't think I was, and I wanted a woman's life. More than anything, I wanted Ethan to throw caution to the wind and make good on his promises.

"Grab it an' growl!" Momma called, pushing me towards my chair.

Nate and Renegade rushed into the dining room with the twins are their shoulders. I watched Nate lift Becca off his wide, strong shoulders and carefully place her in her booster seat.

"You're good with her," I told him. "Good practice."

"Yeah, for you. Your old man's planning to re-populate the countryside, isn't he?"

We shared a smile.

I knew he was right, even though he didn't know it. Rogue would conceive again in the next day or two. This one would be a boy.

We all took our seats. Papa was at one end with Momma and Rogue to his sides. The little ones were right beside their mothers, except for Becca. She sat beside Nate and kept leaning towards him, trying to grab him and get his attention. He really was great with kids. I sat at the other end, with Tess and Uri at my left and right, respectively. Southern tradition dictates that my mother or Rogue should've had my seat, but I always blessed our meal. Therefore, I was given the position.

"Our Father and Mother, who art in Heaven," I said with my hands folded, "Blessed be thy names. We praise you for your mercy in sparing us from random acts of unspeakable violence, unstoppable monstrous storms, fatal genetic defects, and viral epidemics that target people like us. We beg your mercy for another day. We praise you for the generosity you've shown our family, and ask only for a lifetime of it. Glory to thy names forever. Amen."

.::.

Monday morning, it was back to the grind: homeroom with Ms. Frost-Summers; computer class with Ms. Pryde; law and ethics with Bishop; English with Ms. Frost-Summers; study hall; geometry with Dr. McCoy; lunch; art history with Mr. Wagner; and finally, biology with Dr. McCoy.

I drug my feet through the Main Hall until I found my friends at our table. It was still early morning, and I was exhausted. Thankfully, none of us were "morning people". We all respected each other's need for silence before nine a.m. Tess drank her cappuccino and muttered: "Damn Bishop had me up all night working on that paper. How'd you guys do?"

"Oh, honey," said Uri, "That's not due until next Monday."

"No, it's today. Says so on the syllabus."

His green face drained.

"Please tell me you're joking!" I gasped.

Uri and I immediately pulled out our supplies and scribbled the best report we could muster. Of course, Tess helped us along.

"You're a life-saver," Uri gushed. "I spent all weekend on Frosty's review questions."

For once, Tess looked concerned. She dug through her back pack and pulled out her English book. "Please don't tell me that's due today…"

"That's what she said," he said with wicked glee.

While the three of us were exchanging answers, Renegade finally joined us. He looked as tired as I felt, and I could tell by his deflated book-bag that he couldn't have finished all his assignments. Before I could break the bad news to him, he yawned and asked to see our answers to McCoy's study guide. Of course, we didn't have that completed, either.

It was just another, typical day at Xavier Academy. Every morning and night there was homework to be done. My parents made sure I was faithful to my medical routine, and the twins started walking. Occasionally, an older student publicly humiliated me with childish names like "Les-Beau" or "Coon-Ass", and more than once I had my lunch desecrated or my boots stolen during Mutations Control. But I had been a crime lord, for gods' sake. High school was nothing.

My life was quiet. Normal. Exactly what my parents and I wanted.

…

One Monday morning, there was considerable excitement outside the cafeteria. Tess and I pushed our way through the surge of bodies to get a glimpse. Logan had posted the sign-up sheet for combative training. That class wasn't mandatory, but nearly every sophomore added their name. Those who volunteered would start training next semester. During finals, they would be tested on our skill. Those who survived the cuts would be assigned to a squad at the start of junior year. As the crowd whittled away, I could see my friends Uri and Renegade had already signed up. Tess pulled out a pen with green ink and added her name.

She looked at me expectantly. "Do you need my pen?"

"No…" I read over the names, already knowing who would pass and where they'd be assigned.

"Who are you?" She shook her head at me.

I passed the list every day for six weeks. But November was the cut-off date. There was always a great deal of excitement concerning cuts and assignments. The glory, the pain, the stress… Did I want it? On the last day, I stood before that sign-up sheet for a solid hour. I had the pen in my hand, which was fixed firmly at my side. I felt like a man on the precipice of something great, too frightened to take the next step.

Nate approached me from behind. "If you're trying to do that telekinetically, you're going to be waiting a while."

I was slightly startled and laughed at myself. "Haven't made my mind up yet," I told him.

"Look," Nate said, "Logan's coming for that sheet. He'll be here in a few minutes. If you change your mind, you can always back out. But if you don't sign up, you won't even have the chance."

"Yeah right! Logan's totally gonna let me quit. Okay."

"So what's stopping you? Afraid of getting hurt?"

I shot him a dirty look. "Have you seen my scars? I didn't get 'm by being afraid."

He laughed. "So what is it?"

"Everyone expects me to do it," I said. "Little Gambita: future X-Woman-in-training."

"That doesn't sound like the Honor LeBeau I know. She doesn't care what other people think. Anyway, you already know how to fight. This is just fighting with your mutations."

"But it's exhausting."

"I enjoy it, so I don't mind."

"And I'm exhausted enough! Piano lessons… Health checks… I've got all these classes and all this extra credit crap-"

"Once you get caught up, it won't be so much."

"And I've got all this family crap, too."

"Like what?" He moved in front of me and leaned against the wall with the posting.

"I have to watch Hero on the nights Momma has class. And I've got the twins every Saturday night, too. This time next year, we'll have another baby-"

"You will?"

I gasped and covered my mouth. Looking around, I was relieved to see we were alone.

"Please don't tell anyone," I whispered. "She doesn't know."

He laughed at me. "Oh, the secrets you must have. Isn't good to keep them all locked up, Honorita."

I lightly blushed and an uncomfortable silence settled between us. He'd heard my problems, but hadn't helped me work them out. I still felt like both choices were wrong.

"We shouldn't be alone," I reminded him. "What would Melody think?"

Now it was his turn to blush. As he walked off, he said: "Why does it bother you so much that we're dating? She's just a girl, 'On."

Just like his father, he had to have the last word.

Alone, I added my name to the list.

.::.

The Friday night before Mutant Con, I could've exploded with excitement. Even Tess was beside herself. She and Uri stayed at my house that night, and we spent the entire time discussing which booths we should make an effort to visit.

"We can't leave before we see the exhibit for Stark Enterprises," said Tess while speed-reading an article about said company. "They've got a device that allows you to create hypothetical mutations and observe how the situation unfolds."

"Tess? Wants to play a video game?" Uri gasped.

"Don't be naïve, Uriah. It isn't a game."

"I heard it's gonna be huge," I said. "I really wanna hear Dr. MacTaggert's presentation. She's probably the most knowledgeable person in the world on mutations."

"I read-"

Papa interrupted us with a knock on my opened bedroom door.

"Bon appetite, Athos, Porthos and Aramis."

It isn't always easy to prepare a good-old Cajun meal that won't offend a Muslim or Jew, but my friends never complained. When Momma made pork, Tess would fill up on salad and sides. When we had shellfish, Uri claimed to be allergic. I don't think my parents had a wide concept of what food meant to others; they only knew what it meant to them.

After I blessed our meal, the three of us resumed our conversation.

Mutie-Con was an entirely new concept, but it had done a good job of reaching its potential market. In fact, so many people from Xavier Academy were attending that Ms. Frost had set up buses to run at half-hour intervals. I was secretly hoping Nate would offer to give me a lift, but he invited Melody Jacobs instead. His parents had given him an embarrassingly expensive sports car for his eighteenth birthday. I suppose I couldn't blame him for wanting to show it off. Since I didn't do buses, my friends and I decided to bike the trip. It was only ten miles from my house; the distance was completely feasible.

At the other end of the table, my parents and Rogue were pretending to ignore us. They were discussing Hero's new teeth and Becca's runny nose.

BRRRRRRRIIIIING! BRRRRRRRIIIIIING!

We all exchanged worried looks. Phone calls were not acceptable during dinner. Everyone who called us knew that, which meant this was probably an emergency. Papa and Rogue would have to leave in a hurry, and I'd have to miss Mutie-Con to help Momma with the little ones.

Momma quickly wiped her mouth and excused herself.

No one spoke so we could hear the bad news.

"Hell - Who is dis?... What happened, cher?... You okay? Oui, oui, don't worry about dat... 'Course I come get you. Where are you?... I'm leavin' now. Don't tell dem anyt'ing."

She rushed back through the room and grabbed her coat.

"What was dat?" asked Papa.

"Renegade got himself in trouble," she said. "Down at de county prison. I'm gonna go get 'm."

"You sure you wanna do dat?"

She shot him a nasty look and asked me to make sure Hero got a bath and put to bed.

"'Course, Momma," I sighed.

I was so relieved that I didn't have to give up Mutie-Con, I would have agreed to anything!

…

Tess, Uri and I woke up early, grabbed our water bottles and helmets and hit the road. The first time we tried to leave, Rogue stopped us at the door and made us finish a three-course breakfast. It was a brisk bike-ride, not a triathlon! Impatient and energetic, we left without a care. Momma didn't get up in time to see me off, which was unlike her, but I was too excited to notice. She must've had a late night.

The autumn air was clean and invigorating. We had already decided to stick to the back roads, and we had our pick of both lanes most of the way. I felt so free, so liberated! Just me and my friends and the promise of more like us! As we got closer to the convention center, we were pushed out of the road by buses from Xavier Academy, Massachusetts Academy, and other schools from the state. Lots of people came by car or taxi, and the media was in prime shape.

I knew mutants were the minority, and plenty of people wanted to hurt us. But that day at Mutie-Con, there were so many of us! We were so open and honest and no one bothered us. There were no strikes, no secret codes, no hurtful names.

There was a five dollar per person admission fee, and once inside, we had access to all the latest stuff: new classifications of mutations, second-degree mutations, video games, laws and trials concerning mutants, medications, movies, books… We saw it all. Some of the hottest topics were developments on the Legacy Virus cure, and a new machine which could supposedly reverse mutant abilities. I didn't particularly like the idea of anyone altering their genes for the sake of popularity, but some people were a danger to themselves and others. In those cases, I agreed with using the machine. Dr. MacTaggert's presentation was very popular, too. Despite the many minds working on a cure for the Legacy Virus, the world was no closer to a cure. In fact, there was a new, more aggressive strand called the Neo-Harshen Virus. Apparently, Neo-Harshen was techno-organic in nature and slowly turned its victims into metallic minerals. The process was gruesome, which of course drew a crowd. I dared myself to face pictures of young men and women struggling for life. Sometimes, they gave up peacefully. Other times, they turned into statues with that spark of defiance still burning.

What sort of world would my brothers and sisters live in?

I called home when we got to Mutie-Con (as promised), and I called again as we were leaving. By that time, the sun was low and the clouds thick. We could make it home before dark, but we'd have to leave quickly.

"Maybe we should take the highway back," Uri suggested. "It's shorter, and we don't want to be lost on those back roads at night."

Tess and I considered it.

"Let's do that," said Tess.

On our way out, a bus from Xavier Academy hailed us.

"Vhy don't you put those bikes up and ride back?" Mr. Wagner asked, leaning out the driver's window.

"Nah, it's okay," I said. "I live just a few miles down the road."

"Very vell. Do be safe."

The roads leading back home were considerably more crowded. The cold air was beginning to burn my lungs, and my body was beginning to hurt. Half way home, the clouds opened up and rained painful pellets.

"This sucks!" I shouted.

"Raindrops keep fallin' on my head," sang Uri. "But that doesn't mean my eyes will soon be turnin' red."

I joined in: "Cryin's not for me."

Both of us sang: "And I'm not gonna stop the rain by complainin'…"

While singing, we went over a slight hill. After a sudden descent, we noticed a red light with zooming, opposing traffic at the bottom of the hill. Uri and Tess slammed on the brakes, and I heard their bikes stop. I slammed my peddles backwards, too, but my bike skidded right into traffic. It happened in a second. I really didn't even see anything; I just reacted. My prized bicycle flew in the road and was struck by a car. The car screeched to a halt, and my bike flew past me into a ditch.

"Pochica!" Tess screamed.

She threw her bike to the ground and knelt beside me.

"Are you okay, baby girl?"

"Honor?" Uri joined our party. "Honey, talk to us!"

My eyes were fixed on the damaged pile of aluminum pikes and spokes that had tried to kill me. That could've been me lying in that ditch. I was supposed to be physic, goddamnit! Why hadn't I seen that car coming? Why hadn't I known my tires were worn?

I heard myself emit a single sob.

"She's in shock," I heard Ethan say. "Breathe, honey."

He was the driver of that car!

I sobbed again, and inhaled once in a broken gasp.

"Better let me take her back."

"But," Tess said. "B-but-!"

"But what?"

My poor Tess was jealous! She was more concerned about me being alone with Ethan than she was with my physical well-being. I tried to stand to prove I was okay. My legs trembled so violently that I fell into his arms.

"But… What about my bike?" I muttered.

"We'll have to come back for it," he said. "It's not going anywhere today. I could give you guys a lift, too, but there's no room for those in my car."

Uri and Tess exchanged looks.

"No," said Uri. "We'll be all right."

Next thing I remember, we were driving down the highway. He turned the radio down, and the only noise was the sound of the rain and the windshield wipers.

I realized I was soaking wet and freezing. I turned the air conditioner off. His car wasn't nearly as nice as Nate's. Ethan drove a ten-year-old Ford Thunderbird with bad tires and a trunk that didn't shut properly. He paid for it himself by the money he'd saved from his Social Security checks. Ethan had never spoken to me about his birth parents, but I knew they had died together. He lived with relatives for many years, receiving money to compensate his parents' loss. Eventually, he was adopted by an Asian couple, Li and Jade Fong. I didn't know exactly how he met them.

"How you feelin'?" He asked me.

I didn't feel anything, so I looked myself over.

"I'm okay."

"You're going to have to give me directions to your house. If you can't, I'll take you back to the school. We can call your folks from there."

"No, I know the way. Stay in this lane. I'll tell you when to get off."

We were quiet for a while. Finally, I remembered my manners.

"Thanks, Ethan. For the ride."

"Hey, no problem, babe."

I blushed so fiercely that I could feel my face and neck burning. I looked out my window so he might not notice.

"I hope your car's not too badly damaged. My pop can pay to have it fixed."

"Don't worry about it. It's not like it hurt the car's worth," he laughed and put a hand over mine.

I gasped and pulled my hand away.

"Sorry."

"Look here, Ethan!" I threw my fists up. "I appreciate the help, but if this is one of those things where you think you're going to get something for it-!"

"It's not."

"First you call me 'babe', and now this! I am not your babe! And you may not touch me!"

"Hey man! I surrender! I said I was sorry. Won't happen again."

"If it does, I'll break your damn wrist!"

"Sorry!"

We became quiet again, and I felt a little guilty for my outburst. I was angry that he'd try to pull something. And truthfully, I was a little sorry I'd shot him down.

"Turn right there, by that Papa Smurf's sign," I told him.

Other than directions, I said nothing to him. He delivered me right to the front door, but once home, I lingered in his car. I didn't want this to taint our friendship.

"Ethan, I'm sorry I yelled at you, but you can't touch me, okay?"

"No, it's cool. I wasn't thinking. I forgot that younger girls are really uncomfortable about stuff like that. It didn't mean anything. It doesn't change who you are just because I grabbed your hand."

"I know that," I said defensively.

"'On-" He leaned towards me and then pulled away. "Honor, I know someone's hurt you. But I would never do that to you. I'm sorry for whatever I've done to make you think I would. From now on, I'm just your friend, okay? I'll watch what I say around you."

My heart was breaking.

He pointed to my house, and I saw Momma standing on the front porch with Hero on her hip.

I left and he drove away, not bothering to come inside and socialize. In my house, that was a cardinal sin, but Momma seemed to forgive him. She took me inside and helped me dry and change. I told her about my bad tires, the rain, and Ethan driving me home. She seemed distracted.

"Your Papa got a call," she told me. "He and Rogue are goin' to be gone for a while, so I'll need your help wit' de kids. De twins are nappin' right now. But luckily, we ain't alone dis time."

"Did Mystique come back?"

She laughed at me.

"No, chere, Renegade's gonna be stayin' wit' us for de time bein'."

She took me upstairs, and I could see that he was occupying the guest room. He gave me a reluctant smile and explained that part of his release agreement required an adult to accept responsibility for him. Apparently, my mother was the only adult willing to do so.

.::.

Sunday night, Renegade had babysitting duty. Momma and I were in the kitchen, elbow-deep in potato peels with hot grease popping at us. Our only guest that night was Tess, who was sulking in my room with a made-up tummy ache. Resentment was heavy in the air. The little ones continually escaped Renegade's watch and ran under our feet. There was no one to set the table. After Momma and I cooked dinner, set the table, and fed the kids, we still had to wash the dishes and get the kids into a bath and then bed.

I went to bed exhausted, and still had to face a pissed-off Tess. My room was dark, and she was lying with her back to me – she'd been here all through dinner. I turned on a lamp and groaned.

"Any chance I could get you to rub my shoulders?" I asked.

"Call Ethan. I'm sure he'd be glad to."

"Now that you mention it, I probably should've just stayed the night with him. Since Papa and Rogue are away, there's no one to take me to school."

She shot up and threw her pillow at me.

"What is your deal?" I said.

"You think you're funny?"

"You act like I had a choice!" I snapped. "Like I intentionally lost control of my bike and nearly died! In case you forgot, it was your idea to take the highway! I had no way of knowing Ethan would be there! I suppose next time I'll stay on and get splattered. Then if he takes me, you know it'll be to the hospital and not to basier point!"

"It was the chance you've both been waiting for. Did he kiss you?"

"What?"

"Okay, did he try to kiss you?"

"He's been a good friend to me-"

"Oh, spare me!"

I never thought I would say these words, but for once, I knew how my father felt. Without trust, there can be no love. The longer she doubted me, the more I felt like I didn't know her. Life without Tess was like life without air. There wasn't anything I wouldn't do to get her back.

"You're right, baby," I said and sat down beside her. "He tried to hold my hand, but I told him he couldn't. Not that you'll believe me. You haven't believed a word I've said all day."

"Really?" She sat up and leaned toward me. "You said that?"

"Yeah."

"Why?"

"This hand's only for you, Sagey."

We giggled and she hugged me. I loved the way she held me: with her arms around my neck so I could smell her skin. My sense of smell isn't as keen as Logan's, but there are some people that I seem to be more aware of than others. My parents, for example, smell like home. My little brother and sisters smell like innocence. Tess smelled like heaven. I knew her scent would linger on my pillow cases all night. I hugged her in return, and then slid my hands to her hips. She seemed so thin. I ran my hands up her back to see if I could feel her ribs. I couldn't, but I could feel that she wasn't wearing a bra. With a devilish grin, I slipped my hands up her shirt.

She gasped and jerked away.

"Jesus, 'On! Your hands are freezing!"

"Sorry," I said.

I rubbed my hands together and huffed on them, trying to regain some warmth. She helped. Once the chill seemed to subside, I placed my hands on her face. With invisible ease, my hands slid over her jaw, down her neck, and under her collar. She sighed and closed her eyes. Inwardly, I felt the same way. Her skin was warm and soft as a kitten's, but I felt it tighten at my touch. I relished the way I could make her smile or coo whenever I pleased. It had been months since we'd been like this, but she'd never let me go so far before. Just how far could I get?

I put my lips against the nape of her neck and ran my fingers through her thick hair. She shivered and gasped in delight. Her hands grabbed my arms so strongly that her fingers left bruises. I didn't mind. In fact, it was kind of intoxicating. Gently, I pressed against her until she lay on my bed. Her inky hair fanned out over my quilt, her eyes dark and pleading. I noticed her navy sweater exposed just a sliver of her stomach. The skin was flawless and as pure as snow. My fingers lifted the shirt with all the respect one would give a wedding veil.

My bedroom door opened – slowly and noisily. Tess and I sat up in a panic, and she quickly pulled her sweater down. If it had been an adult, we would've been busted. Even if we'd moved quickly enough, guilt was plainly written on our faces.

Instead, a red and wet faced Ollie came shuffling into my room.

"Sissy," he cried, "Can't find … Momma…"

Poor brother must've looked in every room… Except my mother's room, of course. If she'd found him out of bed after she'd already put him down, it would've been a swift pop on the rear. I knew I should've done the same – popped him and put him back in his own bed. But he was so pitiful: wearing his little footie pajamas, holding his stuffed alligator, and rubbing his tears away with his fist. His little button nose was even running. He was the most pitiful sight in the world!

"She's working, brother. Remember?"

His bottom lip trembled and his voice cracked as he moaned: "I want my Momma!"

I picked him up and he melted against me. He cried a little longer while I rubbed soothing circles across his tiny back. I already knew where this was going… He'd ask to sleep with me, and I'd be unable to refuse him. Then he'd cheer right up, and we'd whisper until Becca realized he was missing. She'd come scampering into my room, too, and I'd have them both sandwiched between my arms.

Normally, I wouldn't mind, but this wasn't how I'd hoped to spend the night.

…

Monday morning at my house was complete chaos. Normally, I just rode to school with Papa and Rogue, but since they were away (Israel, I think), Momma would have to take me. Unfortunately, that left no one at home to watch the kids. But she couldn't fit three car-seats, three teenagers and herself into any of our cars. At the very last minute, we realized we'd have to find someone to either watch the kids or drive the rest of us to school. Xavier Academy was more than an hour's drive away: no one lived near us.

"I'll call Lucas," Momma finally decided. "Ya'll are gonna have t' stay at de school till your Papa gets back, but dat'll take care of today's problem."

Bishop? My skin crawled at the thought.

"Can't leave you here with the little ones," I argued. "Not for two weeks or more! And who's gonna watch them while you're at school? Look, I can just take the city bus back and forth."

"No way I'm gonna let you ride all dat way by yourself."

"She won't be alone," Renegade said. "I'll watch out for her."

Ridiculous notion, I thought. Like I need him to protect me!

Momma pursed her lips and conceded: "Two's better den one, I s'pose."

We were almost half an hour late for school. Renegade, Tess and I ran up the endless brick lane, heavy back-packs slamming into our legs with every step. By the time we reached the entrance staircase, my legs were numb and my torso damp. I panted almost in sync with my footfalls.

Someone grabbed my shirt collar and yanked me back.

"Ya ain't gonna get the drop on anyone makin' all that noise, pepper."

"Logan!"

"Classes start at eight."

"You know Papa got called away-"

"Come this way. You, too, Dee and Dumb."

My friends and I exchanged pissed-off looks, but we followed him outside. It looked like he was going to make us run laps, so I quickly explained about the car-seat situation and the bus running late. I didn't expect any leniency, and he didn't give us any. Out on the field, I was surprised to see Nate, Ethan and Uri sitting on the bleachers and looking bored. They were already dressed out in tactical uniforms. The three of them were slumped over and silent like they'd been waiting for a long time. At the sight of Logan, they jumped to their feet.

"Now that you're all here," Logan said, "I can let the cat out of the bag. Frosty's letting me form a new team this year. I'll be the adviser, and you lot will be the team. Questions?"

We couldn't have been more shocked if he'd told us he was leaving the X-Men to write romance novels full-time. We just sort of stared at each other in disbelief. He started to leave when I found my voice.

"Logan! We didn't even have try-outs!"

"You know I don't go by those scores," he said dismissively. "I just put on a show to give four eyes a thrill."

I chocked on a laugh.

"What are we gonna be called?" asked Renegade.

"Hadn't thought that far ahead. I'll leave that up to you."

"Who's our captain?" Ethan fired off.

Logan gave him a dirty look and answered: "Summers."

"Heh! Big surprise there!"

"He's got seniority."

"Seniority? He's been on this team as long as I have! About a minute and a half!"

"Fong," Logan paused to light up a cigar. Smoke billowed around his weathered face and filled my nostrils. "I've got more 'n one way of dealin' with problems if you enjoy runnin'."

Ethan's eyes lit up at the insult, but he kept his mouth shut.

"When do we start?" Nate asked.

"Today. That's six o'clock for you rookies. Frosty's gonna have your uniforms in your lockers, so don't worry about rippin' your panty hose. That's all I've got for you."

As he started to leave, my stomach sank. My friends were still in shock, but I had the presence of mind to go after him.

"Logan, wait. Can I have a word?"

He didn't stop, but turned his head to acknowledge he'd heard me. I quickened my pace to match his.

"Six o'clock tonight… That's not gonna work for me. I've got classes with Ms. Frost-"

"I know. Re-schedule."

"Well…" I bit my lip and watched my feet moving at break-neck speeds. "I wouldn't have been able to go to that tonight, anyway. See… Since Pop and Rogue are gone, Momma's got the little ones all by herself. She's got school tonight, and I said I'd watch them."

He stopped abruptly, and I braced for an outburst. Instead, he moved the cigar to the side of his mouth and looked me up and down. It was a silly gesture since I had three inches on him – rather like getting sized up by a leprechaun.

"It ain't my business to tell a man how to raise his kids," said Logan. "But you ain't the one who made those babies. They ain't your responsibility. Seems to me, you do enough for 'm. Your old man wants to have his cake an' eat it, too, then let him sort it out."

He walked away.

I stood still as a statue with my head lowered. Logan made it sound so simple, but it wouldn't be Papa who made the sacrifice – it would be Momma. And she wasn't any more responsible for the twins' existence than I was. Anyway, what choice did Papa have? Short of leaving the X-Men, he had no options. He couldn't just drop the kids off with a sitter like a normal parent. There were too many people who wanted to hurt him. There were too many trips when he didn't know if he'd ever come home again. He didn't want a stranger making the hard decisions about his children if anything happened to him. I'd never told Papa this, but I resented the fact that his job was so dangerous. It didn't have to be. He could take a non-combatant job for Xavier, or leave the school entirely. Now that I was older, I understood why he did this work. He believed in it. He was good at it – no one could do what he did. And secretly, he loved the thrill of it. But wasn't I important, too? How much of my life had he missed or ruined because of his work?

I always thought I would make different choices. I thought that if I were my father, I would much rather chose the boring, safe life. But here I was: abandoning my mother for Xavier. Momma wasn't angry when I told her. She was thrilled by the whole thing – I was chosen early for a brand new team under the most respected instructor at Xavier's. She told me nothing was more important than my education, and I shouldn't sacrifice this opportunity. Finally, we agreed that I would stay at the school until Wednesday night, when she'd pick me up.

"I'm so proud a' my tite fille," she gushed, "Just wait till I tell Jean-Luc!"

.::.

For a solid week, I was the most popular kid at school. Everyone wanted to be my friend, even the bullies. I knew being on a combat team would create some excitement, but I was completely unprepared for this level of positive attention.

We decided to call ourselves "Hunter". Tess suggested it as an acronym for our names: Honor, Uri, Nate, Tess, Ethan and Renegade. I called her a genius and kissed her.

Squad Hunter showed up half an hour early to a crowded field. As a squad, we were given our own locker room with individual showers, a first aid station, and twelve lockers. Also, the school provided a sauna for all the teams to share. I found my locker in the center. It had a small, golden label with black print: H. J. LeBeau. Inside, I found a form-fitting black uniform with matching boots and gloves. The only thing to distinguish our uniforms was three bright blue strips around our biceps. Naturally, we all took to personalizing the uniforms, which wasn't unusual. Ethan extended his collar to cover the back of his skull and jaw. Tess cut of an entire sleeve and the collar, leaving her neck, shoulder, and large parts of her chest and back exposed. Uri let out the seams as much as he could so that his uniform wasn't as form-fitting, but his round belly and muffin-top were still visible. He laughed with us and suggested we call him "jelly roll". Nate did the exact opposite, using yellow strips to draw attention to the muscles in his legs, torso and arms. Poor Renegade didn't even fill out his uniform. He left the gloves off since they wouldn't stay on anyway and used a belt to pull the uniform closer. I cut the fingers off my gloves for easier access to my powers, and put a little skirt around my big ass.

After our uniforms had been customized, I braided Tess's hair so it would be out of her way, and pulled mine into a pony tail. The guys applied double de-odorant and rushed to do warm-ups. Alone, Tess and I looked at each other in the mirror.

"You're beautiful," said Tess. "I don't think you've ever looked lovelier."

I smiled and said nothing, but I was content to have these precious moments alone with her.

The six of us stretched and flexed at Nate's instruction. We even had time to run a warm-up lap before Logan arrived at six o'clock. We were ready to jump into the action, but Logan called us to the side for a conference first.

"I know you lot got yer own ideas how this is gonna go down," he grumbled, "Let me dash all those hopes right here and now. This ain't a game. We ain't here to have fun. Yer here to learn and I'm here to teach you how to fight and survive when the occasion calls for it."

"Can we change our name to Team Feel-Good?" said Uri.

"I expect yer to be on time, every time," Logan continued. "When I give you an order, I expect it carried out immediately and with effort. Lastly, any problems you got with each other or me stays off the field. We've lost too many good people because of trust."

"This group doesn't have any issues," I said. "Isn't that why you picked us?"

"I picked you because I've seen the potential of each and every one of you. Yer good. I can make you better. Might go home every day hurtin' and whinnin', but I will make you great. I ain't never gonna bury a Hunter."

I swelled with pride at his sort-of compliment.

Logan was a harsh coach – much harder than any of the other instructors. He constantly pushed, pushed, pushed our limits. I soon realized he was right when he said this wasn't a game. He wasn't interested in helping us beat the other squads or even the other members of Hunter. We were competing against ourselves. After an hour of unbearable intensity, we were released. We limped pitifully to the showers, and then to the first-aid station.

In search of stronger pain relief, I went to Dr. McCoy.

"Aw!" The good doctor cried and clapped his hands. "Miss LeBeau, how wonderful to see you. Unfortunately, today isn't Friday. It's only Monday, kitten."

"I know," I smiled. "Logan put us through the ringer. Could I get something a step above Tylenol?"

"I think I have something to help you feel better," he replied.

He brought up a computer screen, and after a few minutes of work, I saw my father's face on the monitor. I couldn't make out too much of the background: looked like he was inside a tent.

"Papa!"

"Hey, catin. Sorry I didn't get t' say adieu before I had t' leave. It all happened so fast."

The picture was clear and smooth, and the sound perfectly timed. I didn't know how I was communicating with him. This technology was far more advanced than mere satellites.

"You're never gonna believe this," I said, "but Logan started his own squad and guess who's on it? Me! Ms. Frost-Summers designed the uniforms. I can't wait for you to see them. Oh, and Nate's the captain. And I beat everybody at sprints and marksmanship!"

"Dat's my girl!"

"You already knew, didn't you? About the team."

"Oui. I'm so proud of you, catin."

Rogue came onto the screen. "Hiya, sugah! How are the twins fairin'?"

"We're managing."

"Congrats, darlin', on the team an' all. We're real proud of ya. Got news of our own… Ain't been to a doctor yet, but I just missed my second monthly. Looks like we got another bun in the oven."

"Oh! You guys!" I beamed.

Of course, I already knew, but I was very happy that she'd finally realized. Also, I was happy to be the first one they told. Last time they conceived, I never got told at all. I'd been kidnapped, and then I went mental, and then I was committed. Rogue's pregnancy seemed to get lost in the mix.

"How much longer are you gonna be?" I asked.

They looked at each other, uncertain.

"At least deux weeks," Papa answered.

It was a standard answer and I tried not to pout.

"Well, be careful," I said. "I love you guys."

I placed my hand in the corner of the screen, as if I could reach them. Papa's eyes glassed over. He kissed his fingers and put them over my hand's image.

"We love you, too, sugah," Rogue smiled sweetly. Hopefully this pregnancy would be easier for her than the last one had been. She'd gotten her powers under control, and hadn't had an accident in over a year. She was so good now that she could even absorb someone's power through a mental connection.

"Take care a' your Momma," said Papa.

"And tell the twins we love'm, too," Rogue added.

I smiled for them one last time before the screen went blank. Suddenly, they seemed so infinitely distant. They almost felt dead.

"How was that possible?" I asked Dr. McCoy.

"That, my dear, is the latest in communication technology. Using various government satellites and some Shi'ar technological improvements, I was able to establish visual and audio contact with someone on the other side of the planet. The most remarkable aspect of the equation is that your father didn't even have a computer!"

"Then how could I see him?"

"How much do you remember about cyberpathy?"

Dr. McCoy usually wanted to give information. It wasn't like him to quiz me unexpectedly: to wait and hear what I knew about the matter. Naturally, I wanted to impress him.

"Cyberpathy…" I closed my eyes to concentrate. "That's when a person can communicate with a computer through their thoughts. They can sometimes manipulate the data, but they can't force the hardware to behave contrary to its programming."

"Well done!" He cheered. "Gambit's away team is employing the use of a cyberpath. She was able to take the scrambled data that our message was transmitted as, decode the information, and re-translate it into a language their device could understand. They probably used a television screen, which of course means the equipment re-translated the translation into its standard audio/optic format. As far as I know, cyberpaths don't usually have the capacity to reach information in orbit. Hypothetically, she could manipulate alien technology. If she could locate another species' broadcast, we could finally test that theory."

I'm sure I didn't comprehend most of the process, but I was very impressed with what I did understand.

"Dr. McCoy… That's amazing!"

"Oh, just something I concocted to pass the time," he said with a broad smile. "You see, kitten, Shi'ar technology is far more advanced than our own. Even their most basic designs possess an artificial intelligence, which is how their equipment adapts so easily to foreign models. I suspect that Shi'ar tools would be eager – if that is the appropriate term – to communicate with a cyberpath. Imagine the possibilities!"

"I'm sorry, Doc," I said, backing slowly toward the door. "Don't know what I did to piss ya'll off. First Logan tries to kill my body, and now you're trying to make my head explode!"

…

A full moon overlooked the lake behind Xavier Academy. The water had taken a slight chill, and the forest buzzed with activity as nighttime creatures made ready for the transition between summer and winter. Across the yard, hundreds of children and dozens of adults ventured into the vulnerable state of sleep. Only the moon saw two young women steal a boat and ferry across the lake. They halted on the eastern side of Lake Westchester, shed their clothes and went for a swim.

"FUCK!" I screamed. "IT'S FREEZING!"

Tess laughed at me, herself shivering like a rattlesnake's tail.

"M-move ar-round, Cajun. You'll w-warm up."

We swam away from the little boat, and eventually the cold subsided. I don't think I "warmed up" as much as I just went numb. She led me to a low-lying cliff. I thought this would be the most romantic place in the world to die, but she had other ideas. We took a deep breath and dove under the water. I saw only black, and prayed she wouldn't loosen her grip on my hand. A short, uncertain moment later, we broke the surface again. She'd found this cave, and now we had it all to ourselves!

I untied the rosary around my waist, brought it up and charged it to light the area. Soft blue light revealed a modest bank, steep walls and a ceiling littered with stalactites. The air inside was warm - much warmer than the water or air outside the cave. Since I didn't smell or hear typical cave dwelling creatures, I assumed the place flooded at high tide. Tess approached the bank and climbed up. She was wearing white, matching underwear that I could see right through. I climbed out and felt the prayer beads getting warm. I could postpone the detonation, but not forever. I could also cancel it, but that could leave us in darkness.

"I could set it down," I said, looking around, "But I don't want it to ignite…"

"Then use something disposable," she said boldly. She put both hands behind her back and removed her bra. She held it out for me as if it were a dirty napkin.

I took the garment, charged it, and hung it on the wall – all the while trying not to look at her bare breasts. They were slightly smaller than mine, like white cupcakes with cherries on top. I noticed with just a twinge of envy that her thighs were also slimmer than mine.

Great, I thought, That makes me the fat one.

She sat down and hugged her legs so that her knees covered her nakedness.

"Isn't this place great?" asked Tess. "We can come here and no one will bother us."

I approached her and sat down behind her. She turned her head to see me, and in the dim light, she looked just like an antique painting of an unknown beauty.

"I love you, Tess."

"I love you, too, 'On."

"I know we're young, but that just means we've got the rest of our lives to spend together. I.. I think we're soul-mates. I think I've loved you in every past life I've ever lived."

"I feel the same way," she said with rawness in her voice. Her hand laced with mine and she moved closer to kiss me.

Her bra finally disintegrated, casting our cave into pitch blackness. I removed my pink bra, charged it, and tossed it to the side. I tried to resume kissing her, but she resisted. Her dark eyes were very obviously staring at my breasts, and I felt my skin burn under their gaze.

"You're so beautiful," she said. "So fucking beautiful…"

Before I could reply, she grabbed my head and pulled me into a kiss. She tasted like my Tess, looked like her and smelled like her… But I didn't know how my Tess loved. I suspected I would before we left the cave. She straddled my waist and deepened the kiss. My hands responded of their own accord: moving down her back, grabbing her ass, messaging her breasts and rubbing her nipples. She gasped and shivered and spread her legs for me.

"'On," she panted, "Before we do this… I love you…"

"I know," I said, "I love you, too."

"I know I can't take away your past, but I don't want you to be afraid of love. I want to give you something to cherish."

I was shaking all over. I was nervous and frightened, yes - but also eager to venture into new territory. Would I be any good? Or would we fall apart, go back to bed as virgins, and never speak of this again? God, I hoped not.

"Lay down, Pochica," she whispered.

Still shivering, I obeyed. As she pulled down my black cotton panties, the water attempted to suction them in place, and the garment rolled into a mess. I was shaking uncontrollably, violently now, and my joints locked up.

She held me in her arms and whispered: "We don't have to…"

"I want to," I dared to say, my teeth chattering.

Her hands worked out the stiffness that had collected along my shoulders, arms and legs. My bra disintegrated, and once again, we were in darkness. Alone with the void, I suddenly realized that I was bracing for pain. Without even realizing it, my mind slipped into the same helpless state I felt during the rape.

I didn't immediately charge another article of clothing, but forced my body to adjust. I realized that she was much lighter than Nate… slimmer, kinder, and gentler. She wasn't the giant rock that would crush and smolder me. She was more like a butterfly softly kissing every flower in the field. My body stopped trembling and accepted the pleasure. Everywhere she touched felt incredible, and when her hand dipped below my pelvis, I melted. Thankfully we were isolated. Against my will and better judgment, my voice echoed and rang off the walls.

I had no idea sex could feel this good!

Her mouth latched onto my nipples while her hand was between my legs. I wanted to feel more, I wanted it to stop, I wanted to make her feel this way, I wanted… I didn't know what I wanted. My body started to tremble again and I felt a little embarrassed. I didn't want her to think I was still afraid. My muscles wouldn't stop shaking, but I could still use them to thrust against her hand and pull her closer. Her mouth devoured mine, and all of the sudden, I hit my climax.

"Baby, I… I think I'm gonna… Ah. AH! TESSSSS!"

There are no words to describe how wonderful my first orgasm was. I had loved Tess with all my heart and soul, and now I loved her with my body. She held me while I tensed, trembled and finally relaxed. I groped around in the dark until I found my balled-up panties. The cave filled with light again, revealing a devilish smile on her lips.

"I've never made it with a girl before," I confessed. "Not even sure I know how to."

"Me neither. But I'm willing to look foolish if you are."

My hands slid down her smooth back and over her bottom. I pulled her panties off and felt the flesh beneath them. She let me touch her bony hips, cold thighs and the warm, moist crevice between them. I slipped one fingertip inside her and watched her face. She inhaled and exhaled and closed her eyes. Then she pressed herself onto my digit. I put two fingers inside her and moved them in and out. She was slick and tight, and the longer I stimulated her, the tighter she became. Her juices soaked my fingers and pooled in my hand. She hovered over me, bucking against my hand and squeezing my hips between her thighs. Maybe I should have given her an orgasm to return the favor, but I had an impulse and followed it. I rolled her onto her back, pulled her panties over her knees and opened her legs. She never resisted. With one leg over my shoulder and the other around my waist, her pussy came into contact with mine. She was swollen and dripping wet and very, very hot.

"Honor," she groaned and wiggled against me.

I struggled to find the right angle to please us both, and for a few, infuriating moments, I thought I'd never manage. Our clits finally came together and we thrust softly against each other. We exchanged fluids – sweat, saliva and cum. The cave smelled like our love. Our union.

"I'm so close," she told me in the darkness. "I wanna come."

I quickened the pace, even though my legs burned in protest. I wouldn't feel complete unless she came, too.

"Yesss…" Tess's mouth froze open in a silent scream as she arched and trembled in my arms.

Making love with Tess was the greatest act of my entire life. She was singular, but her body was so wonderfully different from a man's. There was no force or intrusion; no mess dumped inside and left for my disposal; no massive body to conquer and humiliate mine. Tess and I were equals: we came together and fit together as lovers should. But we were more than our bodies. Our souls had always been joined, and now our bodies were joined as well. With this final barrier crossed, I finally felt a great awakening flow through me. This Great Knowing, which had always been dwelling silently inside me, roared with life.

.::.

"Wise fools would be wise to review questions one, three and five. For those of you paying attention, that's the third time I've mentioned those specific questions. And for those of you with your syllabus handy, you might notice we have a test next week. Now, turn to chapter four-"

The sophomore class groaned and re-opened our books. It was the last half of our last class of the day, and we were exhausted. Dr. McCoy didn't seem to understand that not everyone possessed his thirst for knowledge.

"Better yet," he said jovially, clasping his enormous blue hands together. "Let's forgo that until tomorrow. You may spend the remaining time on my homework."

He took his seat and we breathed a sigh of relief.

There was a knock at the door and Mr. Summers entered the room.

"Hank, I need to see you for a moment. And Miss LeBeau, your mother's here to take you home. No point in making her wait."

"Awesome!" I said, gathering my books.

On the other side of the room, Renegade gathered his things, too. Dr. McCoy stepped into the hallway with Mr. Summers, and re-entered just as Renegade and I were leaving. I sensed a sorrow in him, but looked no further. His emotions were private.

Momma was in the Headmaster's office, speaking with Bishop. My fury rose when I saw him holding Hero, but faded when Momma turned to me. She had tears in her eyes.

Papa.

Time stood still. Deep inside, my stomach sank and my blood turned to ice. I heard my heart pounding in my ears; I felt the air rushing through my head. Around me, Bishop carried the little ones outside, and Renegade led me into Mr. Summers' office.

Momma, Renegade and I were alone in this air-tight room.

"Sit, chere," said Momma.

"Papa?" I croaked.

"Your father and Rogue are fine," she said, taking my hand. I should've felt comforted, but I just knew the bottom was about to drop. And kind Mr. Summers hadn't even had the balls to warn me. "But dere was an accident… Mr. Wagner and Rogue were followin' a lead. It was a trap, and dey were alone… Mr. Wagner gave his life tryin' t' protect her."

No one ever tells you when your life's about to change. After the disaster has passed, your mind sort of goes blank. Then you discover that you've always known when this day would come… You just pretended not to know.

"Is Rogue okay?" I asked. Heavy, hot tears trickled off my nose.

"She's fine, chere. De bébé's fine, too. Dey comin' home t'night. Rogue's gonna need your help. De next few days an' weeks'll be hard on her, and you know how bad stress is on her condition."

I nodded and wiped my face.

Rogue and Mr. Wagner were foster-siblings, although they didn't know this until adulthood. I don't know how close they were, but Mr. Wagner was a kind and generous man. He was truly a rare breed, and he would be greatly missed by everyone who knew him.

…

For two years, my father returned from every away mission unscathed. Any harm he'd encountered was cured with a hug from his kids. This time was different. He and Rogue arrived shortly after eleven p.m., and the twins and I ran outside to greet them. They soberly held us and walked very slowly into the house. This was not a victory march: it was a broken stride.

"Don' you worry 'bout a t'ing," Momma told Rogue. "Just tell me what you need, an' I'll see dat it's done."

Momma put on a pot of tea.

"That's very kind of you, Belle, but Ah can manage." Rogue sat down at the kitchen table, holding little Ollie tightly in her arms. "First things first, reckon Ah should call the funeral home."

"Cyke should have 'm on speed dial," said Papa darkly.

I didn't want to go to bed that night, especially after I discovered the twins would sleep with their parents. Wednesday night was supposed to be my day with Papa. Under the circumstances, I knew our date would be cancelled, but I was still heart-broken.

.::.

The atmosphere at Xavier Academy was bitter. I'd never seen so many people be so still. People looked at me sideways and the staff wore black. During homeroom, the school had a moment of silence, and Ms. Frost-Summers gave a brief eulogy to the sophomores.

"As many of you know, this is the second instructor we've lost since I've come to Xavier. It's never easy to bury a comrade, but Nightcrawler was especially valuable. He was a great leader and a great follower. No one will ever be able to replace him… On the team or in the world."

I loved and respected Ms. Frost-Summers, but she didn't love Mr. Wagner the way we students did. She just didn't understand him.

His legacy won't be the X-Men, I thought. It'll be us.

At lunch, I met my friends at our normal place. Nate and Ethan saved a place for me between the two of them, and after I took my seat, Ethan wrapped an arm around me. For once, no one objected. I relaxed in his embrace, and inhaled his scent.

"How ya doin'?" he asked.

"Better now," I smiled.

Nate hugged me: his body was hard and bulky, and I found it difficult to hold him.

Across the table, Uri and Renegade smiled bravely. Uri extended a green, clawed hand, and gently squeezed mine. My eyes met Tess's, but she did nothing. Her presence was enough.

"You guys will be at the funeral, right?" I asked them.

"Of course," they answered in unison. Nate added: "Just let us know what you need."

Slowly, our hands moved around the table, working as one. For as long as I can recall, we'd always exchanged lunch items. Nate took the meats, Tess took the veggies, Uri took the starches, Renegade took the fruits, and I took desserts… Some things never change. After the bell rang, a few hundred students stood and meandered back into the classrooms. Tess and I strolled down the hall arm in arm.

"You'll be at the funeral, too?" I asked her.

"I said I would, and I will be."

"Would you sit with me?"

"What a strange question, Pochica. Where else would I be?"

I smiled to myself. I should've stopped talking and accepted her answer, but my big mouth opened again. "The family sits separate from the other mourners. Rogue will have Papa with her. But Momma won't be sitting with us – said she didn't think it was right. I just don't wanna be alone."

"If your mother doesn't think she should be there, then I certainly shouldn't."

"You won't be there for Mr. Wagner. You'll be there for me."

"That's what your family's for."

I could hardly believe her coldness. After everything we'd been through together, would she really leave me to face this alone?

The class immediately following lunch was art history: previously held by Mr. Wagner. Today, Tante Ro was substituting. This was the first I'd seen of her since the away mission that killed Mr. Wagner. She had been in Israel with him, and the toll on her was visible. Our faces lit up at the sight of each other. I felt like I was eleven years old again, and ran to hug her with enthusiasm. Normally, we kept a professional appearance at school, but these circumstances were far from normal.

"I'm glad you got back okay," I told her.

"I am very glad to be with you, too," she smiled warmly.

My godmother was one of the bravest people I'd ever known. Her only sign of weakness was the sorrow in her eyes. I noticed new lines on her face: lines that spoke of regret and loss. But she was no less beautiful to me.

"Take your seat," she said. "We can talk after class."

I was soul-weary, but obeyed. How could my instructors expect me to concentrate? How could any of us move as if unwounded? The school stopped for sixty seconds after Mr. Wagner's death. Was that all the time we were given to mourn? Tante Ro gave us Mr. Wagner's quiz as scheduled. I was sure I bombed it, and told myself I could do better next time.

"When you're finished, you are dismissed," she told us.

I lingered behind, and after everyone else was gone, Tante Ro closed the door.

"It has been too long since we've spoken," she told me. She sat in a student's desk near me and took my hands. "How are you?"

"You've got no worries with me," I smiled bravely for her.

She smiled back. "I'm going to be staying with your family for a time. I told myself that Rogue would need my support, but now I think I will need hers. There was a time, Honor, when the X-Men were family. I don't know when that changed… Cyclops is different without Professor Xavier. And Jean. Believe it or not, there was a time when I sought out the X-Men in times of sorrow. Now I find myself searching for something else… When I see your face, I know how your father must feel. I understand why he moved out of the school, and why he returns every day. I find myself wanting those same reasons to fight. Justice is an empty reward for a lonely life."

"Are you saying… You want to leave the X-Men?" I could hardly breathe.

"Honor, I need to tell you something. You will not be pleased to hear it."

"Yes?"

"Rogue was in charge of the away team. It was her decision to investigate the cave, and it was her decision to lead Nightcrawler to his doom. No one is blaming her, but responsibility must be placed. Cyclops has suspended her position indefinitely."

"He fired her?"

Never had I wanted to hurt someone so badly. Every fiber of my being fought the urge to storm the headmaster's office and punch Mr. Summers' face. Who did that prick think he was? The X-Men belonged to my family as much as they belonged to his! Tante Ro was godmother to all of my father's children, and Logan was godfather to the twins. Bishop was Hero's biological father, and Mr. Wagner was like a brother to Rogue. My father and step-mother were senior team members who had risked their lives countless times for Xavier's dream! Did Mr. Summers have any idea how much he was fracturing the team? Or did he think we were more loyal to him than we were to each other?

…

People poured into our house like ants to a picnic. Mr. Wagner's foster brother, Stephan, and sister, Amanda, flew in from Romania. The Excalibur team from Europe also accepted our invitation to stay in our home. Logan and Tante Ro both decided to stay until after the funeral to watch the twins, and of course Tess and Uri were there, too. Surprisingly, Jean-Luc and his wife Marguerite showed up just in time for the wake. Jean-Luc made an uncharacteristic display of affection by embracing Rogue and telling her: "I know what it is t' bury a part of yourself." For the first time since the accident, I saw Rogue weep.

I kept an eye out for Mystique (or anyone I didn't know), but she never made an appearance. Sadly, I knew that if Rogue had died instead of Mr. Wagner, Mystique would be here sobbing on the coffin.

We held the wake at our house. I knew the decision was a slap in the face to Mr. Summers. Everyone expected the wake and funeral to be at the school, and that's where he was expected to be buried. Instead, we held the wake at our house; the funeral, at Mr. Wagner's church in the city; and his ashes would be scattered in Romania. Rogue said that's what he would've wanted, and I agreed with her. Momma fussed endlessly over the food preparation and my dress and Hero's hair. Maybe I should've been more helpful to her, but I found myself haunting the empty corners of my house.

Shortly before the wake, I watched Nate's sports car pull up. Our front yard looked like a used cars dealership, so he had to walk quite a distance. He'd brought Ethan with him. I was immediately glad to see them, but doubly glad Nate hadn't come with Melody. Come to think of it… They hadn't been together in a while. Maybe they'd broken up?

I ran outside in my ugly mourning dress, and jumped into their arms: Ethan first, and then Nate.

"Thanks for coming," I told them. "So many people here I don't know or don't want to see."

They laughed at me, and I lead them inside, holding onto their arms.

The wake was peaceful. It was strange to be eating and talking in a room with a dead body, but I never looked at Mr. Wagner in his coffin. I saw Momma place something in the box with him, but I didn't want to remember him as a dead man. I wanted to keep him alive in my memories.

Since the funeral was the following day, many out-of-towners spent the night with us. I shared my room with Tess, Mr. Wagner's foster-sister Amanda, Tante Ro and Meggan Braddock from the Excalibur team. All the rooms were equally packed, and some people even slept in the living room. The house went dark, but the noise never completely vanished. I lay awake until the wee hours, listening to Tess breathe and Meggan mutter softly and Amanda get up to pee. All of these people loved Mr. Wagner. He had touched their lives – changed them forever. For such a quiet man, he made such an impact.

I snuck outside to smoke a cigarette, and found Nate alone on the back porch.

"Can't sleep?" I asked.

"Too much broadcasting," he replied. As a telepath, the sorrow must've been especially unbearable for him.

I sat down beside him and offered him a smoke.

"You really should give that up," he told me. "It's not flattering for a young woman."

"Ha! You sound like Momma!"

The corner of his mouth flickered. "You heard about Rogue? On the team, I mean."

"Yeah. I heard…"

"I'm sorry. I can understand some discipline, but that was too much. He overreacted."

"He's gone power-hungry," I vented. "He's becoming a tyrant now. If Jean were still alive-" I stopped myself. For one, I had no right to blame Jean for being dead when I was the one who killed her. Secondly, this was Nate's father I was talking about. I didn't want to cross the line with him.

"No, you're right," Nate shook his head. "He's a different person with Emma. I think Ray saw that. I think that's why she left. And just between me and you, 'On, I'm leaving, too."

My stomach dropped. "Where will you go?"

"Back to Alaska with my mom. She needs me. Oh, don't worry. I'm going to graduate first."

Eight months.

"It was a mistake to leave in the first place," he continued. "But I thought he would need me after Jean's death. Ha! I thought maybe my mom was wrong about him… That maybe he and I could finally have some time to connect. But there's never gonna be time for me – just like he never had time for my mom."

"I know exactly how you feel," I said quietly. "I'm sorry."

"Don't be sorry, it's not-"

The back door opened, and I shuttered boldly. Quickly, I dropped and stepped on my cigarette and then jumped away from Nate. If Momma found us like this, she'd shout until the whole house heard and Nate went running for his car.

But it wasn't Momma.

Ms. Pryde was arm-in-arm with a member of Excalibur, Pete Wisdom. They were dressed to leave, and looked equally as startled to see us.

"Where are you going?" I asked.

"Huh…"

"Er…"

They looked at each other nervously. I knew exactly where they were going: a hotel room.

"The pub!" Pete said quickly.

"Yes!" Ms. Pryde added. "Going for a drink because… we can't sleep. What are you doing out here?"

"Same as you," I said. "I'm sure."

The four of us exchanged sly smiles and Pete said: "We never saw each other."

I watched them leave in his car. "Nate… Can I tell you a secret? I haven't told anyone else about this."

"Sure. What's up?"

"Tess and I had sex."

He suppressed a laugh. "Wow. Our little Pochica's a man."

I punched his arm and we shared a little laugh. I felt greatly relieved to be discussing it.

"Can I tell you something?" He leaned towards me and whispered, "You can't say a word."

I nodded.

"Melody had an abortion."

I gasped. I had not expected that. I didn't even know she was pregnant!

"Nate! Why didn't you say anything? We're your friends!"

"I was scared, 'On." He rubbed his hands together nervously. "I've never been so scared in my life! Her parents threatened to extort my dad… He was so angry with me. He still can't look at me. I convinced her to get rid of it, but now… She's sick, Honor. In the head. I'm worried about her. I thought I would feel relieved, but I just feel… Empty."

"Oh, Nate!" I had no words for him. His problems were so much bigger than mine that I didn't even know where to start. I put my arms around his massive shoulders and pulled him into an embrace. He didn't resist as he always had. Instead, he melted against me. For once, he let me in.

.::.

The Saint Patrick's Cathedral in New York City was the grandest and most elaborate church I'd ever seen. The choir sang a heavenly rendition of Ave Maria, and the sunlight shown through stained-glass stories. Every pew, every seat, and every corner was filled with people in black. I sat up front with Papa, Rogue, and Mr. Wagner's European brother and sister. Since we'd been sitting through a full Catholic mass, the twins were with Momma near the back. The X-Men filled the next three pews behind us.

Professor Xavier, who I hadn't seen since the twins were born, made his way through the sea of bodies. He looked older than I remembered. Despite all the misery he'd caused my family, I felt a pain for him that was probably pity.

"Rogue, Gambit," he greeted them both with an embrace. "My deepest sympathies for your loss. I am sorry I could not come earlier. I was detained temporarily in Genosha, but I would not have missed this for the world."

"T'anks for comin', Professor," Rogue said quietly.

I saw the Frost-Summers couple arrive and quietly find their seats. They were dressed in solid black with dark glasses, and Ms. Frost-Summers wore a cute little black hat with a black veil over her silicone face. Her belly had taken on a roundness that sent the rumors spinning. So far, she'd denied the speculations; instead insisting that she felt more comfortable in her body as a married woman. Nate wasn't with them, and he wasn't with my friends, either. Renegade was helping Momma with the little ones, and Tess, Uri and Ethan were right behind the Excalibur team.

Trying to be discrete, my head rotated back and forth over the crowd.

Then I saw Nate, whispering into Momma's ear and holding her elbow. She nodded without looking at him and he walked away. If I thought that was strange, I was further confused by what happened next. He sat beside me – in the family pew – and took my hand. His lips found my ear and he whispered: "I won't let you face this great unknowing alone."

He smiled kindly at me as tears poured down my face.

The casket was closed for the final time, and the organ rang out with sorrow. I wept through the first three songs of holy worship. I didn't dare look at Papa or Rogue, but my father's hand clasped mine and trembled. After the third song, Nate helped me dry my face and tucked a handkerchief in my hand. I ascended the stairs to the pulpit and spoke without lifting my eyes to the crowd. I felt a holy presence that I could never full articulate. Standing before the mass, I felt the presence of God. His all-knowing eyes peered into my soul, and I could only confess what He already knew.

"When Rogue first asked me to deliver Mr. Wagner's eulogy," I began, "I thought she'd gone nuts. I'm sure some of you agree. There are-" My voice quivered and I willed it to be strong. "There are people who knew him better, who loved him more than I did. But the more I thought it over, the more I thought she was right.

"To his co-workers, Mr. Wagner was a reliable man who could fill whatever role he needed to fill. To his family, he was the quiet optimist who required little and asked for less. To his flock, he was an unwavering light in the dark. But to his students, Mr. Wagner was so much more. He filled the role no one else could. He was the small and steady voice that steered us to righteousness. He saw our light when we couldn't see it in ourselves, and he loved our dark."

My hands gripped the pulpit so hard that they shook. More tears escaped my blurry eyes, and once again I had to collect myself. All around me, people were sniffing and collecting the tears. I could hear the twins in the distance, asking Momma why I was crying.

He deserves a good eulogy, I told myself. Not a blubbering fool venting her frustrations!

My voice came back stronger, much stronger than I felt. "So, taking a page from Dr. McCoy, I'd like to leave you with the poetic words of Robert Green Ingersoll. 'Again we, in the mystery of Life, are brought face to face with the mystery of Death. A great man lies dead before us, and we have met to pay a tribute to his greatness and his worth. I know he needs no words of mine. His fame is secure. He laid the foundations of it deep in the human heart and brain. He was, above all I have known, the poet of humanity, of sympathy. He was so great that he rose above the greatest that he met without arrogance, and so great that he stooped to the lowest without conscious condescension. He never claimed to be lower or greater than any of the sons of men. He said, speaking of an outcast: "Not till the sun excludes you do I exclude you". Today we give back to Mother Nature, to her clasp and kiss, one of the bravest, sweetest souls that ever lived in human clay. And I today thank him, not only for you but for myself, - for all the brave words he has uttered. I thank him for all the great and splendid words he has said in favor of liberty… and I thank him for the brave words that he has said of death. He has lived… He has died… And death is less terrible than it was before. And so I lay this little wreath upon this great man's tomb. I loved him living, and I love him still.'"

Although my voice trembled throughout, the words were clear and I did not sob as I was inclined. I felt proud for the eulogy and its execution. I found the words to express what everyone else felt, and they wept with relief. I left the pulpit feeling drained. My knees knocked together like a newborn fawn's. My shaking hands gripped the pulpit for support, and then the altar. Nate came and held my hand for the remaining three steps to my seat.

Rogue sobbed into my father's collar, but he managed to slip a hand into mine. Nate gripped my other hand while the trembling subsided. His hand stayed with mine the entire service.

…

Most of the visitors were gone by dinner time. Rogue locked herself in her room, leaving Momma and I to pick up the make-shift beds. Renegade took the little ones into the backyard, and they ran around until it started to rain. He brought them inside, and instinctively knew to give them a bath and put them down for a nap. Jean-Luc and Marguerite made themselves at home in the kitchen. We didn't have much food left, but they managed chicken and rice with green beans. Nate drove Ethan and Uri back to school, although they were all very reluctant to leave me. Amanda and Stephan would be staying for a few more days until Mr. Wagner's body was cremated. They planned to spread his ashes on a lake that the three of them lived near as children. Mr. Wagner once told them it was the most peaceful place in the world, and that seemed like the perfect resting place.

"You did good t'day, petite," Momma told me while we folded blankets on the living room floor and tossed them into packing boxes. After her compliment, she walked towards the kitchen.

"Thanks, Momma. It was the least I could do."

When she didn't reply, I looked up and found her gone. Tess had taken her place, and stood in the doorway watching me.

"I'm sorry, baby girl," she said quietly. "I should've been there. I didn't know you were taking it so hard."

"Yeah, well… I did," I said bitterly. I folded the blankets with more speed and threw them with more strength than I had been. "Now everyone's gonna think I'm with Nate."

"Since when do you care what other people think?"

"Since that's all you care about, apparently!"

"I said I was sorry… Please forgive me, 'On. I can't stand you being mad at me."

I knew exactly how she felt. We hugged, and I was suddenly very glad to be alive.

.::.

In the dead of night, three bodies moved across the lawn of the LeBeau household. Security cameras watched their every move, but a review would leave their identities protected. Rather than risk going through the front door, they climbed the tower and opened the round, blue and green window. Security lasers aimed and readied, but then powered down.

I heard footsteps in my room and jerked from slumber. Tess was half-naked and curled up around me, but I managed to get my phaser gun out the night-stand before they reached the bed. I nearly fired on Nate, Ethan and Uri.

"Jesus Christ!" I panted, bile burning in my stomach.

Tess pulled the blanket over her bare shoulders.

"Some physic!" Ethan sneered.

"I could've killed you!" I whispered angrily. "What the hell are you guys thinking?"

They exchanged smiles.

"We're thinking you forgot how to properly bury a man," said Uri.

"Yeah," Nate said, "Someone told me you Cajuns have a party for everything. Even funerals."

"It's not like that! It's a celebration of the dead man's life, not his death."

"So get your party boots on," Ethan smiled. "We've got some celebrating to do."

"Get the hell out!" Tess snapped. For a moment, we thought she was going to try and ruin our fun. "I'm not getting dressed in front of you!"

Nate smiled. "I'll get Renegade."

He used his telepathy to call my foster-brother, and a few short minutes later, we were piled in Ethan's car headed for the city. We rolled the windows down and ran ninety miles per hour down the country roads. The wind cut through my hair and deafened everything except the blaring radio.

I leaned into Ethan's ear and screamed: "Where are we going?"

"Surprise!" He shouted back.

"Gotta warn you! My old man's probably doing the same thing! Don't wanna run into him!"

"Trust me! You run into his where we're going – he's got more 'splaining to do than you!"

He smiled at my confusion. From the back seat, Renegade tapped my shoulder and handed me a little pink pill. He handed one to Ethan and Nate, and I noticed Uri pulling out a flask to help shallow the drug.

"What is it?" I asked.

"Just take it!"

I looked at the two guys sitting by me. "I'm putting a lot of trust in ya'll!"

Renegade shook his head so hard that his dread locks threatened to slap my girlfriend, who was sandwiched in the back seat between him and Uri. "Izz too goddamn hot in 'ere!" He slithered out the window and climbed on the roof while we were still doing 90 mph. A moment later, his body slid over the windshield and sat on the hood.

"Can't see the road!" Ethan screamed.

We laughed hysterically, and after Ethan turned on the windshield wipers, I nearly pissed my pants.

Renegade boldly threw his fists in the air and declared: "I'm king a' de road!"

Half an hour later, we all arrived safely at Pantheon. It was a gay club with all the vices of the ancients… Or so I'd heard.

"You know we have to be twenty-one to get in," I said.

"No worries," Nate shrugged. "Got all my bases loaded." He handed all of us drivers licenses, and for a moment I was excited. With a fake I.D., I could get away with so much! But it wasn't a fake; it was really Ms. Frost-Summers' driver's license.

"Okay," I said, "I know we're both blond, but no one's going to buy this!"

"They will with a little telepathic persuasion." Nate winked at me.

"Nathan Christopher Charles Summers!" I gasped. "That is a blatant abuse of your god given abilities!"

And I loved it!

The bouncer looked down his nose at all of us but let us in. Once inside, my senses were immediately assaulted by strobe lights. The hallway was lined with gender-benders, shape-shifters and androgynies. I was afraid maybe we'd made a mistake in coming here, but after we descended the stair-case, the club opened up into an enormous dancer floor with booths against the wall and a bar with low-lights. The bass vibrated in my chest and rang in my ears. The sensation was bothersome at first, but later numbed my body and inhibitions. Bodies thrived together like sinners in hell's pit. In one of the booths, two men were having sex on the table.

"They couldn't make it to the restroom?" Uri asked, aghast.

"Exhibitionists, honey," I said. "They get off on people watching them."

"My god!"

"You guys find a table," said Nate. "I'm gonna get us some shots."

"I wanna dance!" I said, pulling Tess's hand.

"I don't dance!" she said.

"I do!" Ethan quickly led me into the sea of flesh.

We lost ourselves – arching our backs and throwing our heads around. I felt the mystery pill kick in like little spiders crawling around under my skin. I wrapped my arms around his neck and shouted: "Whatever happens tonight… Don't let me fuck you!"

"No promises," he grinned.

"I'm with Tess now!"

"Right now," he purred, "You're with me."

I have no idea how long we danced, but when we re-joined our party, they were drunk. We all took to doing shots, and in time, Tess agreed to dance with Ethan and me. I was the luckiest girl in the world! My head was spinning, my limbs tingled and my loins burned. Every part of me was grateful for every breath. At midnight, the sprinklers cut on, soaking everyone on the dance floor. I screamed in delight and jumped up on the table, dancing like a woman possessed. Oh, if my mother could've seen me then… We were young, vibrant, and we had the rest of our lives to conquer the world!

…

KER-POW!

My feet sprinted across the field and over the grass as I leapt over the first obstacle – a wall five feet high and three feet thick. Too late I remembered to look before you leap, but I managed to kick myself away from the wall and avoid the ditch at the bottom. I landed rolling head over feet – a less graceful entrance than Nate, but at least I didn't break my ankle this time!

The next obstruction was an insanely complicated series of mazes with dead-ends and booby-traps. The only available choice was to go through it or back the way I had come. Since I couldn't retreat, I considered my best recourse. Clever Tess took one look at the maze and ran through without incident. I could only wish I were that intelligent. No, my skill was speed and balance, and I would use that to my advantage. Charging into the man-sized rat maze, I zigged and zagged through the halls. The bush walls immediately began moving to close me in. Exits were closed off, hallways vanished, and I was forced to leap through new holes with no idea where I was going. In the distance, I could hear a strange humming sound… Almost like a helicopter was chasing me. I turned around just in time to catch a metallic ball about the size of a dinner platter. It singed my hands and tried to knock me down, so I charged it and watched it explode too close to my face. Luckily, I could still see, and returned to the course.

A few breaths later, that humming noise was pack in pairs. This time, I caught one and charged it with less power while it jerked towards my face like an angry dog. One of its buddies hit my shoulder, and although I was knocked off my feet, I held onto my attacker. Glowing blue, I threw it at a wall, gambling that it would go through the wall and not just bounce back at me. It worked. Better still, my imprint confused the other heat-seeking missiles into following their compatriot. I quickly leapt, slid and jumped through the holes until I was free of the maze. Bruised, battered, and with greenery in my hair, I was victorious nonetheless.

In the stands, I could hear people clapping and laughing.

I doubled over panting, and waited for Logan's evaluation.

"Pep," he said, cigar on the side of his mouth and stop-watch in his hand. "You know the objective was to go through the maze… Not blow your way out."

"Hey," I huffed, "I got through the maze!"

He laughed and wrote down something on his clipboard. Meanwhile, my teammates gathered around me with water, a towel, and inquired about my shoulder. It burned like a mother, and Tess pealed open the back to reveal a black and swollen joint.

"God, that's gonna suck," I hissed.

Ethan grabbed a water bottle, turned the water inside to ice, and pressed it against my injury. The make-shift treatment helped until Dr. McCoy arrived.

Tess and Nate had gone through before me with no effort. Uri zipped through like the lizard he is: instinctively knowing where to turn and slipping through any prison. Unfortunately, he hadn't heard the missiles coming, and was knocked out cold. He didn't get to finish at all. Renegade avoided all the traps, but couldn't find a way out before his time expired. And Ethan was disqualified for cheating, although I didn't think using his powers to control the walls was cheating. I expected to be disqualified, too.

Instead, Logan said: "New record, pepper. Congrats. Looks like I'm gettin' soft in my old age."

Ethan jumped up. "What d' you mean? 'New record'? She used her powers same as me! If I got disqualified, why doesn't she?"

"Never said you couldn't use your powers, dumb ass!" Logan snarled, "That defeats the purpose of Mutations Control. LeBeau used her powers like she's been trained to: as a last resort, in a controlled environment, and with a purpose. You get in there and just start throwing things around. First day you walked into this school, you could do that much! I never saw you use anything I've tried to teach you. So if you wanna make the cut, I suggest you dig some of that crap out of yer ears and start listenin' to Summers!"

"This is bull shit!" Ethan shouted.

Nate tried to admonish him, but Ethan stormed away, turning the bushes to rock so that Logan couldn't use the obstacle course again.

"Let the little prick go," Logan growled. "Yer better off without him."

A tense silence settled over us before Uri cheered: "So congratulations, 'On! You've set a new standard in learned recklessness!"

.::.

Thanksgiving arrived, bringing with it snow and good news. Just before the students were released for the holiday, Ms. Frost-Summers confirmed she was half way through her pregnancy. I didn't notice a change in Mr. Summers, as I had seen in my father when Rogue was pregnant, but I noticed a quiet change in Ms. Frost-Summers. She was… more content now.

My step-mother was still "suspended" from her duties as an X-Man, but continued to teach at Xavier Academy. Personally, I didn't understand how she could stand to look at Mr. Summers, but I knew her heart was wandering away from combat and politics. She was carrying her third child, and wanted to provide her children with a sense of stability. Her greatest reluctance was my father: Papa would never surrender a life of danger. Men like my father (and Mr. Summers) didn't live for happiness or the thrill of a dollar bill. They lived for risk. I wanted Papa to leave the X-Men, too, mostly for reasons of selfish pride. I wanted Mr. Summers to come begging for my family's help as he'd done before. I wanted to hurt and humiliate him – to take what he loved most.

But truthfully, I could do nothing more to hurt him than he'd already suffered. His marriage to Ms. Frost-Summers alienated him from many of his dearest friends. She was his only confident now. He spent more time trying to hold the X-Men together than he spent fighting for mutant rights. His daughter was lost in time and space, and in the summer, Nate would abandon him, too. He might never know his baby sister the way I knew the twins. I could hardly imagine Mr. Summers' suffering, but to me, it wasn't enough. So imagine my outrage when Momma told me we'd be celebrating the holiday at Xavier's home. At first, I refused to go, but my parents gave me no choice. Maybe they could force me to go with them, but they couldn't force me to enjoy myself.

"I hate that man," I confided in my mother on the ride.

She and I rode with Renegade and Hero in her new Rolls-Royce. (Momma was too practical to spend that kind of money on a car herself; it was a thirty-second birthday present from Johnny.)

"I hate 'm, too, chere. But what I always tell you?"

"Keep your friends close, your enemies closer, and your kin closest of all."

"Good girl."

…

All of the X-Men and their families filled the great dining room. Three extremely long tables provided enough seats for everyone and held traditional dishes: turkey, stuffing, sweet potatoes, cranberry sauce, mashed potatoes, corn, squash, rolls, pies and muffins. The silverware was polished to a shine, and the china was laid out immaculately. Just above the delicate gold-brimmed plates were name tags printed in raised black letters. Overhead, the crystal chandelier reflected a dozen or more burning candles. Underfoot, the marble floor had been waxed so thoroughly I could see my calves' reflection. And in the air lingered invisible, pleasant music and insatiable smells.

Ms. Frost-Summers greeted us, looking flawless as always. Her bleach-blond hair fell like a curtain over her neck and shoulders – every strand in place. She wore a white, sleeveless dress with a plunging neck-line and slits up to her knees on both sides. Her breasts were even larger than usual, and her round belly was firm and perky. She wore silent, four-inch heels that I thought were completely unnecessary for a woman carrying a child. Apparently, this woman never dressed comfortably.

"Dis a family celebration or cocktail party?" Momma whispered to Rogue. Obviously, we were dressed for the former with turtle-necks, pull-over jackets, jeans and sneakers or boots.

My step-mother giggled and nudged Momma as Ms. Frost-Summers reached us.

"LeBeaus! My favorite Cajuns."

Ms. Frost-Summers kissed checks with Momma, Papa and Rogue and spared a warm hug for us children. She smelled more like European perfume than cooking grease, so I knew she hadn't prepared a single dish. What sort of a mother didn't cook?

"Make yourselves at home. Just waiting on Charles to finish dressing, and we'll be ready to eat."

"Is he gettin' that bad?" Rogue asked quietly.

I ran after the twins as they climbed into seats not assigned to them.

"Not yet, kiddies," I said, taking their hands. "Why don't we go find Oncle Kurt's name on the Phoenix memorial?"

"Funny," I heard Ms. Frost-Summers say as we left. "Thought she'd expunged all the French from her vocab."

Ollie and Becca each wrapped a hand around my index fingers, and we began the slow walk to the rear exit. However, I'd failed to anticipate the popularity of small children. Despite having lived with us for seven days, Tante Ro and Logan were eager to spend more time with the twins.

"It has been so long since we've had infants to introduce," Tante Ro said, proudly bouncing Ollie in her arms. "Let us indulge ourselves."

She winked at me and I followed her to a crowd of three young, attractive couples speaking with Dr. McCoy and Dr. Reyes.

"If you'll pardon the intrusion," Tante Ro cut in, "I don't believe you've had the pleasure of meeting the LeBeau children."

"Oh! Is this Olivier?" The woman closest to us cooed. She wasn't much older than me, but shorter and thinner than I was. (Most women were, regardless of their age.) She was a very pretty girl with blond hair and blue eyes - much like Ms. Frost-Summers - but unlike my headmistress, this girl had a natural beauty and made herself approachable.

"Yes, Paige, this is Ollie. Child, say hello to Miss Paige Guthrie."

My little brother smiled until his dimples appeared and replied: "Bonj'ur mad'moiselle."

All four women put a hand to their hearts and "awwww"ed in chorus. ("My god! I want one!" added the woman with thick green hair.)

"Can I hold him, Storm?" asked Paige.

Before Tante Ro could answer, Ollie reached out his arms and Paige swept him up. My godmother put an empty hand on my shoulder. "This is Gambit's eldest, my first godchild: Honor. Dear, I am sure you've heard their names… This is Warren Worthington, Bobby Drake, Alex Summers… Lorna Dane and Madeline Pryor."

"Nate's momma?" I blurted without hesitation.

They laughed at my enthusiasm, for which I was immediately embarrassed, but her visit took me completely by surprise. She looked nothing like the woman in the decade old picture I'd glimpsed in Ms. Grey's office years ago.

"You can call me 'Maddie' for short," she told me with a smile. Maddie had auburn hair, freckled skin, and dark green eyes that reminded me of emeralds in an unlit safe. Her presence was very different from Ms. Grey's, which is probably why I'd missed her. She wasn't aggressive like Ms. Frost-Summers, nor was she as passive as Ms. Grey. I would've described her as… wounded.

"Nate didn't say you were coming," I told her. "But I suppose I should've deduced that, since he wasn't going to see you for the holiday."

"Now, let me see if I can remember you all…" She looked at me thoughtfully. "You're not the one who jump-starts mutations… You're the one who blows things up. You play piano. Have I got that right?"

"Yes, ma'am."

"Honor... Yes. So much easier to remember now that I have a face to go with the name. Nate tells me about all his friends," she explained to the others. Then, to me, she said: "He says he's almost as close to you as he is to Rachel."

"Oh… well…" I felt my face burn. "I don't know… I mean, I… You haven't met my sister, Becca!"

The adults laughed again, and I wished I could stop making a fool of myself. My little sister buried her face in Logan's neck so that only her chocolate curls were visible. I was relieved when Bobby took over the conversation.

"You look comfortable with her, Wolverine. You aren't thinking about adopting one of your own, are you?"

"What's the matter, Drake? You feel a little cold watchin' everyone else move forward while you go nowhere?"

Even after all this time, I could still be shocked by Logan's ruthlessness. Poor Bobby had been dumped, duped and discarded more times than anyone deserved. It took a lot of courage on his part just to attend the party. Two of his ex-girlfriends left him for Alex Summers, Ms. Frost-Summers had used him like a towel, and he'd once had his eye set on Rogue. And for Logan to throw that in his face was just mean.

But Bobby was used to it. "Nah. Warms my heart to think of you on diaper duty."

Alex intercepted any possible fight by asking me: "So only three of you? Scott always makes it sound like there's a pack of you."

"Well, that's Hero over there. She's my mother's child – not a LeBeau, obviously. And there's my foster brother, Renegade. Momma's taken him in."

"That must be Bishop's kid," Lorna said quietly to Alex.

"We don't talk about it, if you please," I said with more force than I'd intended.

"Big family," said Maddie, "And you all live together?"

"Yes, ma'am."

"Wow," she said solemnly. "Your parents really love you. You have no idea... No idea how much they love you…"

"You're a very lucky girl," Alex agreed. "Scott and I were raised in separate foster homes. I always wanted a brother or a sister to grow up with."

I was shocked. "That's… exactly what Nate said…"

"Looks like Charles finally made it," Warren said, looking at the staircase. "Think we'd better find our places."

Logan easily took Ollie from Paige. His parting words to Warren were: "Careful, Worthington, you might have competition. He's closer to her age than you are."

I tried not to laugh at Logan's meanness. "You always gotta be so rude?" I asked him as we walked away. "We can't take you anywhere!"

I took my seat near my parents, and was surprised to find out we were beside the Summers/Frost/Pryor clan. Nate and I caught each other's eyes and waved since we were too distant to speak. Over our heads, our mothers smiled at each other, too. Looking around the room, I saw all the families together: the Guthries and their dates, the Beaubier twins, the St. Croixes, the original X-Men (minus Jean Grey), and most of the current X-Men, including Jubilee, Hellion, the Stepford Cuckoos, Karma, Ms. Pryde and her date Pete. Sadly, Professor Xavier was the only one without family or at least a date. But I suppose he thought of the X-Men as his family…

"I'd like to thank you all for making the journey during this hectic time of the year," Professor said to the room at large, and I noticed a sacred hush fell over restless feet and gossiping tongues. "It would be utopian to think everyone here loved and cherished each other, but I know many of you despise each other. And yet you came anyway - because we are a family. I hope we can learn to forgive each other while there is time. As you all know, we lost a great man this year. Kurt Wagner – Nightcrawler – will be greatly missed. But we have much to celebrate, as well. Scott and Emma are expecting their first child together; Remy and Rogue are expecting their third; Paige has her choice of the best universities in the nation; and Monet's decided to move to Europe, where she'll be working with my dear friend, Dr. Moira MacTaggert. I cannot begin to imagine where the following months will lead you all. But I know that I am very grateful to have this time with you now. Enjoy your evening."

The food was delicious and provided in abundance, but I left hungry for all the gossiping I took part in. Nearly everyone spared a greeting for Maddie, but she and Momma got along like old friends. Apparently, Maddie didn't abide by Momma's "I'm happier divorced, but I'll always love your father" mantra, and she had no qualms discussing her problems with Mr. Summers. (Naturally, we adored her.) Making sure not to be overheard, she told us how she met and fell in love with her ex. They married less than a year after they met, and Nate was born a year after that. Maddie said their biggest problems came from the X-Men. Mr. Summers was always so secretive, and always put them before his wife and son. He wasn't even present at his son's birth. About the time Nate started school, Mr. Summers took a "business trip" to New York, and Maddie didn't hear from him for three months. Finally, she traveled to New York herself, and discovered he'd made amends with his ex, Jean.

Jean Grey looked strikingly like Maddie, but had never heard of Mrs. Scott Summers or their son. Maddie was understandably irate, and for years did everything to keep Nate away from Mr. Summers and his new wife. If not for Alex working as liaison, Maddie might have succeeded. Instead, they reached a custody agreement that left Mr. Summers mostly absent, and when he was required, he still failed to fulfill his obligations.

"So imagine my surprise," Maddie said, "when my sixteen-year-old son tells me, 'Mom, I think I need to live with Dad for a little while. Just a year or so. I'm worried about him handling Jean's death.' Well, we see how he handled that! You know, if I had it all to do again, I'd do a million things differently. But for all my mistakes… To end up with a son like that… To raise a man with a heart of gold, I guess I did all right."

Maddie's dark eyes glassed over and Alex patted her hand.

"You did a damn fine job, Maddie."

It suddenly occurred to me that the Summers family was one ripped by sorrow, and not for the first time, I was glad Mr. Summers wasn't my father.

.::.

The sun had set by the time we returned home with our guests: Maddie Pryor and her son Nate. I was eager to show off our house, but Momma stopped us shortly after the threshold.

"Somet'ing's wrong…" She said, almost sniffing the air.

Rogue picked up the twins while Papa proceeded slowly into the living room. His body slipped into the shadows.

"Belle!"

I followed Momma after him and found Bishop sitting alone in the dark.

"Who's with you?" He asked.

"Lucas! For god's sake-"

"Don't turn the lights on, please. Are you alone?"

"Scott's ex-wife and-"

"Get rid of them."

Momma looked at me. For the first time since the Guild massacre, my curiosity got the better of me. For once, I wasn't afraid to know what was going on.

"Ask Renegade," I told her.

She flicked an eyebrow at me – telling me not to challenge her. With a groan and roll of my eyes, I quickly returned to our guests.

"Sorry about that, everything's fine. Would you like to see your rooms?" I motioned for them to proceed up the staircase while Momma closed the living room doors. Rogue smiled politely and took the twins to their rooms. Once they all were out of hearing range, I whispered harshly to Renegade: "Find out what's going on."

He nodded and vanished into his smoke state.

Reluctantly, I carried Hero upstairs in her car-seat. "Nate, you can bunk up with Renegade, and Ms. – Maddie, you can stay in the guest room by the twins. They sleep through the night, so you shouldn't have any problems. The bathroom's right down the hall. Are you thirsty? Is there anything I can get you?"

"We're fine," said Nate, dropping his mother's bags in the nautical themed guest room. "I'd like to give mom the tour… Is that all right?"

"Huh…"

I thought about my parents downstairs with Bishop and hesitated.

"Well," I answered, "Rogue just put the twins down, and I need to get Hero to bed, too. Think it could wait until tomorrow?"

"Sure, honey," Maddie said. "I had a long flight. I'd like to get some rest, too… Now that I don't have to worry about anyone snooping around in my head."

As I left to put Hero down, Papa passed me in the hall. He spared a good-night hug and kiss for me, but I saw his red and black eyes flicker towards the guest rooms. He was looking for Renegade. With a knowing smile, he proceeded to the twins' room. I carried Hero into her room, which use to be Momma's walk-in closet. My baby sister's room had no door, yellow walls decorated with bumble bees, and matching furniture made of polished cherry wood. As I laid her in her crib, smoke slipped through the air vent overhead.

A moment later, Renegade re-formed.

"You ain't gonna like dis," he warned me. "Bishop's gotta go in hidin'. He – he come to say good-bye."

I was instantly torn in a hundred directions. Who was he hiding from, and why? To me, he seemed invincible. Why would he waste time and risk his life he see Momma? And would we ever see him again?

Deep inside my mind, I dipped my foot into the river.

"Sorry to surprise you like this, Bella." Bishop said. "I revoked my access to your security systems, so it won't happen again. I've left something for Wolverine… He should find it in the next day or two. If you like, he can take my place as your failsafe."

"Why you leavin'?" Momma asked him.

My vision didn't extend to the full area of the room, but I saw enough to know they were alone. It was dark, and Momma drew the curtains shut. Bishop approached her, but kept a respectable distance.

"I killed a girl. Cyclops isn't happy about it, and someone tipped me off that he's put me on his blacklist. I think it's best for everyone if I take a little… break."

"Where you gonna go?"

"Time is my friend and his enemy. I will hide there."

Momma nodded, gripping the curtains and not looking at him.

"T'ank you. For everyt'ing."

He hesitated. "Is it too much to ask for you to look at me?"

She quickly spun around, tears brimming in her eyes.

I saw her move to close the distance between them, and pulled my foot out of the river. The image faded like ink in water, and left me gasping for air.

"You a'ight?" Renegade asked me.

I looked at Hero sleeping peacefully in her crib, so unaware of how her life had just changed.

…

Maybe I should have just accepted Mr. Summer's decision… Everyone else seemed to. But the angry beast inside me refused to sleep. It paced around in my belly, feeding on every insult, humiliation and injury until its rage ruled in my mind.

I could've killed him easily. Or with a phone call, I could have him killed. No. I could trust this job to no one else. I would destroy him myself. Even if I failed and he killed me, I would be victorious. A headmaster killing his own student? Farewell career. No prison cell could protect him from my father. The war between them would tear the X-Men to shreds. It would destroy them from their souls to their public persona. Sacrificing my life would almost be worth it… But I would destroy my own family in the process, and my revenge wasn't worth that. This would require skill and precision. I lay awake that night, planning my next move. For all my anger, I could think of no situation that would satisfy the beast and my conscious.

A few hours before dawn, my personal line rang. It was Tess.

"What happened?" she asked. "I can feel you raging from here."

I smiled, loving her with all my heart. She was in Maine, spending the holiday with Uri and his parents.

"Cyclops put a hit on Bishop," I quietly told her. "He came to say good-bye to Momma. I don't think we'll ever see him again."

For a long time, she said nothing. Finally, she said: "We'll get him, baby. Don't you worry."

.

To Be Continued…

.

Author's Note: The words from Robert Green Ingersoll at Kurt's funeral were given originally at Walt Whitman's eulogy. It's a shortened version. If you'd like, you can find the full version on-line. It's beautiful and makes me cry every time I read it.