When the World Comes Crashing Down
Disclaimer: I do not own any of the canon characters; they belong to Marvel and Stan Lee. If I did own the characters, well, I would make several changes, notably what happens to the Avengers and Loki during the battle to stop Thanos and reverse the destruction.
He thought it was a game at first; the boys loved to play hide-and-seek.
He thought it was a trick of the light.
He thought it was a trick of his eyes as an after effect from all the combat he'd seen in his life.
He thought it was only a hallucination.
He thought it was only a dream.
He though it was only a nightmare.
He never thought it would be real.
Clint Barton screams as he crashes to his knees in the middle of the park, his face already completely soaked with tears as he curses loudly.
Clint finds out he isn't the only one. He isn't the only one who lost family in the 'Snap' as the news and the Avengers are calling it. However, he is the one who lost the most family in the mad Titan Thanos' destructive, genocidal plan to wipe out half the universe. The numbness that travels through Clint's body as he returns to the farmhouse, what was once his safehouse, chills him to the core. Cooper and Lilah were in high school, and Nathaniel was barely in elementary school. All of his children deserved a better life. None of them deserved to vanish away into dust before their father's eyes while spending a summer day at the park as a family. And, Laura… Laura, his doting, amazing, beautiful, and intelligent wife who stood by his side beside everything. She had his back when he was a top S.H.I.E.L.D. agent, even at the potential danger to her own life. When Clint returned home from Budapest with a potentially life-threatening injury, Laura didn't demand he quit trying to save the world. Instead, she nursed him back to health and let Natasha stay over as the redhead's injuries healed as well. God, he loved her; Clint doesn't understand why his Savior couldn't stop Thanos from killing half the universe. Perhaps the Infinity Stones were too strong for even Him to wield, though Clint knows that the very idea of that is blasphemous, so he strikes it from his thoughts. Perhaps God knew the Avengers could find a way to solve the crisis presented by Thanos. However, that is no comfort for the grief-stricken man known as Clint Barton as he comes home to an empty house, devoid of laughter, happiness, and sense of purpose now that he is a family of one.
Natasha calls as soon as she gets back to the United States from Wakanda. She tries to understand her best friend and partner's grief, but no one can really understand what it is like for Clint. Not even Thor could understand, and the God of Thunder lost his entire family from countless wars and Thanos' greed. However, Thor did not have to suffer the loss of a wife and three children, some of the purest bonds that exist in all of the galaxies. And for that, Clint believes that the Norse God of Thunder should be extremely grateful.
"Clint?" Natasha gasps as Barton picks up the phone, his breath shaky on the other end of the phone as he tries to regulate his breathing.
"Natasha?" Clint chokes out a sob, glad to hear his friends' voice, even if it is just over the phone.
"Hey. Is everyone-?"
"They're all dead, Nat!" Clint screams into the phone before quieting himself and realizing that Natasha is not to blame for this crisis. "The Snap or whatever in Hell's name we're calling it killed my entire family! Lilah, Cooper, Nathaniel, Laura," he continues, his voice cracking after each voice before tears consume him as he breathes out Laura's name. "I had to watch them fade to dust in front of my eyes! If I ever find that genocidal maniac known as Thanos, he'll regret ever messing with the Barton family!" Clint growls, and Natasha has never heard her friend sound so animalistic in nature before.
Granted, he has never lost his entire family, and Natasha merits that he could never talk again and that would also have been an acceptable response to this tragedy. So, in order to spare her best friend the pain of describing the scene the occurred at the farmhouse, she sticks to telling him of the battle against Thanos. She tells him how Tony is trapped in space with Thanos' recently converted daughter Nebula. In addition, she tells him of all of their fallen comrades who perished in Wakanda. When Clint says nothing about the death of their friends and comrades, particularly Wanda whom he took under his wing after the battle in Sokovia went south, Natasha begins to worry.
"Are you there?" Natasha inquires, concern lacing her voice as she finds it eerie that Clint wouldn't even make a peep, not even about his family.
Surely, he, too, didn't disintegrate into dust. The Snap wouldn't have a second wave of casualties, would it? Was that even possible?
"No, I'm not. The Clint Barton you once knew is dead, Nat. He's gone just like his family."
Clint hangs up on Natasha, and the Black Widow's resolve breaks. She allows a single tear to run down her face, not even bothering to wipe it away when Steve comes to tell her goodbye and good luck.
When Clint makes his plan for revenge against the genocide of half the world, he emerges from the farmhouse, sporting a new haircut to mark his transition from Hawkeye to Ronin. To mark a superhero's descent into lawlessness and vigilante status, one must change his or her hair. At least, that is the story Clint has always heard from the other agents at S.H.I.E.L.D. during his time at the Academy and when he mentored the younger agents.
"How're you holding up?" someone asks Clint when he emerges from the house nearly a week later to buy food and other rations for himself for his journey to rid the world of other genocidal maniacs.
"Children don't deserve to die in Thanos' Snap," Clint mutters through gritted teeth, setting his supplies on the counter where the clerk can check them out. "Least of all, not mine," he whispers, taking his bags of supplies and settling them in his undercover backpack Fury had gifted him after basic training at the Academy.
Oh, how long ago that had been. That had been before he met Natasha for the first time. That had been before he became a top S.H.I.E.L.D. agent. That had been before…. Before he met Laura, the love of his life. The backpack was not only practical; it was meant to transition Clint back into a life of isolation, recklessness, and overall secrecy. If he was to become a shadow of his former self, so be it. There would be no one around to witness the fall.
When the world comes crashing down, sometimes even heroes add excessive amounts of red to their ledgers in order to soothe the pain of guilt and anger surrounding the innocent lives lost at the hands of madmen.
Author's Note: And there it is! This is my first Endgame fic, so I hope everyone enjoyed this little look into Clint's mind. Clint has always been one of my favorite Marvel characters since I first started watching Marvel in May of 2018. Captain Marvel was actually my first superhero film I saw in theaters with Avengers: Endgame as my second. My friend AJ and I went to see them both on my day off, and we absolutely loved them! I nearly broke down into tears during the first five minutes in the scene with Clint's family, because I just love the Barton family so much and I didn't want anything to happen to Clint's world. You can imagine how upset I was. Anyway, expect more Endgame stories from me; I was really inspired through much of the movie, especially with a certain Clint and Natasha scene. As always, reviews are greatly appreciated. Anyway, I have to prepare to go to work soon, so I'll cut this Author's Note here. Happy Memorial Day, everyone; bless all the soldiers who gave their lives to fight for what they believe in. Thank you for your service. Until next time, dear readers. Have an amazing day, afternoon, or night!