A/N This was originally a project for my English class. We all had to put together an entire newspaper, this is mine. There will be four chapters, one for each page (news, editorial, feature, and activity). All of the stories are pretty short, but they were super fun to write.
Let Us Conquer
When, in 1972, the Chudley Cannons changed their motto from "Let Us Conquer" to "Let's Just Cross Our Fingers and Hope For the Best" many believed that their glory days were well and truly over.
They hadn't won the league since 1892, and their performance over the next century had been lackluster at best. Ask anyone, "who lost the game last night?" and their surefire answer will be "The Cannons."
That is until last month, the Cannons won their last game of the season, 150 to 0 when their seeker, Roan Wellace, fell of his broom and trapped the snitch underneath him as he hit the pitch.
This unexpected victory against The Falmouth Falcons (8th in the league) bumped the Cannons up in the ranking from dead last, in 13th to 12th place, ahead of Pride of Portree.
Falmouth fans have never been more ashamed, while they are still holding their spot in 8th place, the Cannons hadn't won a game in more than 40 years.
"It's a hoax" exclaimed Falmouth captain, Derry Morphay, through tears, as he left the pitch.
The Cannons' small but loyal fanbase is thrilled. War hero, and longtime Cannons fan Ron Weasley was heard saying, "Sure we've done some great stuff, sure we defeated Voldemort, But that didn't feel nearly as good as this. I can't believe it. The Cannons have done it at last."
Sinistra to Retire
Recently rumors have been flying that our beloved astronomy professor Aurora Sinistra will be retiring at the end of this term.
Sinistra confirmed these rumors saying "I have taught far too many midnight classes. I'm ready to retire, if only to get a full night's sleep."
Sinistra is well known for assigning exceedingly difficult star charts to students of all ages."
Fourth year Hollie Granite said "Her homework is even worse than Professor Vector's. I can't say i'm going to miss that."
While students might not like the homework, Sinatra's presence in the castle will be missed. She is a friend to many students and teachers.
"It's not as though I'm dying," Sinistra said, " I'm retiring. You students all spend 7 years in this castle. I've been here for five times that long. I'm ready for a break."
Exams
As the term comes to a close, students should be worrying about what they are going to do over the break. Instead they are full of anxiety for their upcoming exams. O.W.L. and N.E.W.T. students especially are under pressure. Remember, these tests are key to succeeding in later life.
Some students think they can't handle it. Fifth year Gary Weellance was sent to the hospital wing for concussing himself after banging his head against the wall.
Weellace was wrong you can do it, just follow these tips.
Do all homework assignments and any extra work you can find- Practice makes perfect. Teachers give homework for a reason: to help you pass end of year exams!
Use a planner- Color coding was invented for a reason. Write up a review schedule. Know when you are going to do what. If you want to succeed you should schedule out every single day.
Rest- This may seem hard when every day is booked down to the minute, but you can find time.
Adrenaline Charm- This easy spell is the key to studying success. It'll keep you up for hours. You're sure to get everything done.
Badger Blunder
Tensions were running high in Professor Preston's N.E.W.T. level potions class yesterday when 7th year Oliver Sandeem accidentally transfigured his cauldron partner, Jonathan Baileray into a badger.
The two, who are good friends, despite being from different houses (Hufflepuff and Ravenclaw, respectively) were overheard arguing about whose house was better, just before the incident.
Can it really be a coincidence that less than an hour after the argument Baileray had been turned into a badger, the animal of none other than Helga Hufflepuff?
"I swear it was an accident'" said Sandeem at the bedside of a raging badger in the hospital wing. "I don't even know how he drank the Polyjuice. I haven't a clue how it turned him into a badger. It wasn't my fault I swear."
Baileray was unavailable for comment.
Polyjuice potion is not meant to be used for human to animal transformations under any circumstances. "Of course I'll be able to fix it" said Madame Pomfrey. "But it'll take weeks, maybe even months. He may have some badger-ish tendencies for years after this."
Needless to say, Sandeem and Baileray are not currently on speaking terms. After all, one of them is stuck as a badger.
Lovegood Vindicated
In the top North-Western corner of Sweden, lies Abisko, a tiny muggle-magical village of only 85 inhabitants. Abisko is one of only four known places in the world where the muggle and magical peoples live in complete harmony. The muggles of Abisko Village were informed of magical people in 1764 when the village elder was tragically eaten by a magical creature of unknown species.
The village was virtually unknown until recently when world-renowned magizoologist Luna Scamander (née Lovegood) proved the existence of the crumple-horned snorkack, a creature that for years was believed to be fictitious. A creature that makes its home in no place other than Abisko.
Through all her years at Hogwarts people called her Loony Lovegood. When, after the war she published a list of creatures which she planned to prove existed, people doubted her. The discovery of the snorkack marks the completion of this list.
"People thought I was insane," Scamander said, "It's just that i saw things that other people couldn't see. I believed in what others wouldn't believe. I knew that all those creatures were real because I could see that they were. If your brain went fuzzy It must have been a wrackspurt. If there was something in your mistletoe it must be a nargle. Its that simple."
The ministry of Magic has confirmed the existence of the snorkack. It will be included in the next edition of Fantastic Beasts and Where to Find Them.
Eternally Grateful
As the anniversary of the Second Battle of Hogwarts draws near, we must remember to take the time to honor all those who fought and died in the battle, and in the first and second wizarding wars.
When Lord Voldemort learned that Harry Potter had made himself known at Hogwarts after spending months in hiding, every Death eater, and follower of the Dark Lord was ordered to attack the school.
They believed it would be their greatest victory. The sorcerer Albus Dumbledore was dead, and Harry Potter would soon join him. Voldemort, victorious at last.
It was because of the efforts of The the Order of the Phoenix, Dumbledore's Army, and the students of Hogwarts that this horrible fate did not come to pass.
We are eternally grateful. To those who fought, those who lived and those who died. A full list of the deceased can be found at the Ministry of Magic. The following are Dumbledore's army, and the first and second Order of the Phoenix. Thank You.
Hannah Abbott
Katie Bell
Susan Bones
Terry Boot
Lavender Brown
Michael Corner
Colin Creevey
Dennis Creevey
Justin Finch-Fletchley
Seamus Finnigan
Anthony Goldstein
Angelina Johnson
Lee Jordan
Neville Longbottom
Luna Lovegood
Ernie Macmillan
Padma Patil
Parvati Patil
Zacharias Smith
Alicia Spinnet
Dean Thomas
Fred Weasley
George Weasley
Ginny Weasley
Edgar Bones
Sirius Black
Caradoc Dearborn
Dedalus Diggle
Elphias Doge
Aberforth Dumbledore
Albus Dumbledore
Benjy Fenwick
Arabella Figg
Mundungus Fletcher
Rubeus Hagrid
Alice Longbottom
Frank Longbottom
Remus Lupin
Minerva McGonagall
Marlene Mckinnon
Dorcas Meadowes
Alastor Moody
Sturgis Podmore
James Potter
Lily Potter
Fabian Prewett
Gideon Prewett
Emmeline Vance
Fleur Delacour-Weasley
Severus Snape
Hestia Jones
Kingsley Shacklebolt
Nymphadora Tonks-Lupin
Arthur Weasley
Molly Weasley
Bill Weasley
Charlie Weasley
Ron Weasley
Hermione Granger
Harry Potter