Dear momma,
Hi. That's the first time I ever said that to you, and it will be the last. You never once cared enough even to listen, so I guess maybe you'll read instead.
I killed a boy. His name was Bob Sheldon, although you probably won't care. To be honest, I don't care either. All I know was he was drowning Ponyboy, and there wasn't anything I could've done to stop 'em. Besides killing them, obviously.
It was dark and peaceful. I was sittin' there, staring at the stars, when I heard and felt Ponyboy run up to me and shake me hard. "Come on, Johnny, we're runnin' away," is what he said, and I won't ever forget those words. We ran and ran, and to tell the truth, I didn't even care what you thought. I knew if I turned up missing one day, you wouldn't exactly care, now would you? In fact, you'd probably be glad that you could rid yourself of the horrible burden that I provide you.
Anyways, we eventually stopped, and Ponyboy had me so scared it almost felt like that night that I was attacked. He started rambling on and on about how Darry hit him or something like that, but to tell the truth, I don't remember most of it.
I wish you'd notice me just once. Or care enough to stop Dad when he'd hit me. That's all I wanted. To be loved by you guys.
The other guys loved me and treated me like a part of their group. Which I was, I guess, but it just wasn't the same as having your parents love you. If you had loved me, maybe I would've cared enough about myself to not have put myself in danger with Pony. If you had loved me, Bob wouldn't be dead. I would've been safe at home, and the fight probably never would've happened. Although I guess it's a good thing that nothing had changed, because maybe Ponyboy would've died, after the annoying Socs tried to drown him. I'm not sure, but I'd like to hope so.
It may be crazy, but I want to see you again. I have no idea if I'll ever go home, and if I do if i'll be put straight to death or go to jail or somethin' like that. It may be too much to hope that you'll ever love me, but at least I want to say goodbye, and you should have the decency to watch me exit this world, as you brought me into it, although probably against your will.
I always hoped you'd show some sort of caring towards me. Guess it was too much to wish for.
Your boy,
Johnny