I don't wanna lose you,
I don't wanna use you
Just to have somebody by my side
And I don't wanna hate you
I don't wanna take you
But I don't wanna be the one to cry
That don't really matter to anyone, anymore
But like a fool I keep losing my place
And I keep seeing you walk through that door
Elliot POV
How could she leave? How could she leave and not even say goodbye? I can't lose her, but I think I lost her when I pushed her away time and time again. I took my rage out on her and it surprises me every moment that she stayed for so long. God, how I loved her laugh. Unfortunately, they came far and few. I miss looking across from our desks and seeing her fiddle with a pen. Even if they were mine, she bit the end. I told her it drove me crazy, but honestly, I loved it. I loved the way she would hold onto it. When and if I got the pen back, I always loved knowing that she left an impression on it. She has done a hell of a job of leaving an impression on me. God I miss her... Why can't she just enter the precinct right now? If she did, I'd hold her and never let her go.
Olivia POV
Its cold in Oregon. I miss Elliot. I miss his blue eyes and his Superhero Complex. If he were here, he would let me do half the shit Im doing. At least the tea is good.
I even miss his anger. The people here are too hippie for my liking. They only get angry if their rights are being challenged. Whoever formed this case thought that this group was filled with Eco-Terrorists must be on the pipe.
Elliot told me that phrase. It stuck with me, I guess. A part of me should hate him, but I know I donÕt. My heart would shatter if he wasn't by my side. Like he isn't now. I'd give anything to see him and tell him I was sorry for pushing him. I wish that I could turn to him and let myself cry. But I know I won't. Im a lovesick fool who is in Oregon. Who's home is with her love in New York City.
But there's a danger in loving somebody too much
And its sad when you know its your heart you cant trust
There's a reason why people don't stay where they are
Baby sometimes love just ain't enough
Elliot POV
I love her. Not loved. Love. Olivia Benson is the one I love the most. I push her away because I love her. I know she isn't innocent. She is haunted by the same terrors I face. I don't want to put her through my darkness when I know she has her own demons. My heart breaks with the thought of the danger she is in in wherever she is. I hate Dana. or Star. Or whoever she is. She has only brought trouble since that racist case. When I was shot, Olivia was by my side. She was with me and kept me sane through disturbing excuses of hospital food and the loneliness hospitals bring. I'd do anything to tell her that I love her. But that is my weakness. Im afraid of weakness. It is my pride that keeps me from my Olivia.
Damn my pride.
Olivia POV
It hurts too much sometimes. Keeping him away. He is the one I think about in bed at night. When others would come and attempt to fill the void in my soul for love and security. I know there is only one man who will ever fill that void. Elliot. God I need to stop thinking about him. I love him, but I am afraid. Our anger gets the best of both of us. It leaves us hurt and it leaves me alone. He isn't alone. He has his children. I have no one when we are separated. If I saw him now, I'd run to him and love him until I couldn't stay awake. But then, I wouldn't. My fear in rejection and the loss of his presence in my life gets the best of me. I get angry and push him away.
Damn my pride.
Now I could never change you
I don't wanna blame you
Baby you don't have to take the fall
Yes I may have hurt you
But I did not desert you
Maybe I just wanna have it all
It makes a sound like thunder
It makes me feel like rain
And like a fool who will never see the truth
I keep thinking somethings gonna change
Elliot POV
We have changed over the years. She has become more beautiful with every second I spend with her. I wonder if she has changed her hair while she has been away. I love it now. The way it emphasizes the smokiness of her eyes. God I love her.
I don't blame her for leaving the first time. I may love her, but I don't communicate well. I get my anger get the best of me and I don't say what I want to say. Its an Irish flaw... my flaw. That is how I lost Kathy, and God damn it, that is how I lost her.
When I saw her go down, my heart fell through my stomach. The blood... her rapid breathing... Ryan... Too many thoughts clouded my judgment, but I don't regret saving her. I love her... Damn it, I love her.
Olivia POV
I never wanted to leave him. I didn't know Star would have put me in this position. I wanted to be with Elliot. We had just gotten back together as partners. I trace my scar and remember the first time I left. We made mistakes. We let our emotions get too close... I let my heart get too close. I'd die if I lost him. I want to say I didn't desert him. I was infiltrated, not by choice, but opportunity. No matter what happens here, I want to be with him. God, I want to be with him.
I hear the thunder. That is what my heart sounded like whenever he walked into the room. He was amazing. I am so in love with him and want to be with him desperately. I feel the first drops of rain and know that it will be a heavy storm. The rain will be Elliot's love tonight pouring on me. I only pray that his crystal blue gaze will shield me from the cold this night.
But there's a danger in loving somebody too much
And its sad when you know its your heart you cant trust
There's a reason why people don't stay where they are
Baby sometimes love just ain't enough
Elliot POV
Im scared. Im scared without her. I look across my desk and see Dani Beck in her chair. OLIVIA'S CHAIR! That is the love I have for my Olivia shining through. I just want her back. Since she has been gone, I have been more reckless. Lost some of my edge in a pair of jeans. Maybe Olivia will be open to work with me when she returns. She was raised with violence. I was a fool to think she'd stay with me since I've been on the edge.
I want her to trust in my heart so I can trust in it once more... She's my reason for everything.
Olivia POV
My heart tells me I love him. My head tells me that I love him, but he's my partner. Why is the heart so cruel? Why deprive me from love? This case may be a blessing in disguise, because no matter how much I love him, I can't trust my heart. God, please let me trust my heart. Love needs to be right for us. Im so lost and I want to go home. Go home to Elliot.
And there's no way home
When its late at night and you're all alone
Are there things that you wanted to say
Do you feel me beside you in your bed
There beside you where I used to lay
Elliot POV
I can't go home tonight. John, Fin and Beck have been long gone. I told Don that I was going home, but I can't. I can't go home and think of you. The nights that you would come and we'd lay on the couch and wait for one of us to fall asleep. I can't go into that apartment and be left with the knives in my kitchen and the gun in the drawer. I can't because you aren't here to save me.
Do you miss me, Olivia? Are you thinking about me at all tonight? I want to hear your voice. I want to kiss your lips and hold you close. There is so much I want to say, but my pride is what kept you from me. Please come home to me, Olivia. I'll come to you if I need to.
I walked up the stairs and went into the crib. I laid down in my cot and rolled over and briefly see you in the cot beside me. When I blink, you were gone. Instead, I go and lay in your cot, praying that I can still feel you. Still feel you beside me.
Olivia POV
Oregon isn't New York. Nothing can compare to my home with you, Elliot. There isn't an end in sight yet and my heart yearns for your touch or at least a glance at you. I move to my small bag and pull your photo out. You don't know I have this. You had just been promoted to Detective First Grade. I am so proud of you. All I want to do is hold you in my arms tonight and forever. Instead, I lie down and cry.
I wonder if when I come home, you and I will be together. That is what I wish for, El. More than anything.
So I lay down. I look up at the sky and pray that you are safe. I look beside me and find it empty. So I move my pillow beside me and imagine you beside me. One day, maybe you will replace this pillow. When I come back to you. Elliot was standing on the rooftop, his heart torn and angry. Not about Dani backing down and leaving SVU, but for being alone. He'd give anything for Olivia in this moment. He wasn't letting anyone in right now. Not his temporary partner. Not his ex-wife. Not even his children. He knew one person would be able to reach him, but he didn't know if she was dead or alive. Though he still loved her, he wondered if his love would be enough to survive. "Im home," she whispered.
He hurriedly pressed his lips down on hers and she moaned in contact. Her mouth opened almost instantly and his tongue plunged into her warm mouth. She gripped onto his body with no intention of ever leaving him again. They held to each other in desperation as each silently prayed that their love would be enough. One Month Later When Olivia returned and learned that Elliot hadn't yet signed his divorce papers, her heart tore knowing she would need to wait a little while longer for their love. It was during this most recent case that their love for one another was almost revealed to their co-workers. Neither had spoken their words aloud, but after that kiss, both Elliot and Olivia knew that there was more to come. Olivia sat on his apartment stairs sitting with him in the silence. She touched his hand and felt the tears begin to burn behind her eyes. "Elliot," she whispered hoarsely, grabbing his hand. "Liv?" he whispered back. For the second time that evening, she asked, "Are we okay?" He smiled and leaned toward her and captured her mouth with his. The emotions filling them both were setting them on fire. Their love had come. As she came close to straddling his jean covered legs, he pressed a halting kiss on her nose. "We are more than okay. Why don't we head upstairs for some brunch?" "Brunch? El, it's almost five in the morning!" Olivia said with confusion in her eyes. His hot mouth moved behind her ear and he said lowly, "I think we can keep ourselves occupied until the afternoon. Don't you agree, Liv?" She felt the flush in her cheeks and she took his lips in a scorching kiss. He held her close and he dug the key from his jean pocket. "Let's go!" she yelped in an excited tone. He laughed and took her hand, silently praying that their love would be enough. THE END! Let me know what you think!
And there's a danger in loving somebody too much
And its sad when you know its your heart they cant touch.
There's a reason why people don't stay who they are
Cause baby sometimes love just ain't enough.
Baby sometimes love just ain't enough.Weeks Later
It was in this moment that he heard the rooftop door open. The aura was strong. It wasn't John or Fin. Not even his boss. He turned and his heart jumped when he saw the most beautiful woman with long and curly brown hair with lightened streaks. There wasn't much make up to darken her eyes, but she was beautiful. She always had been. He stood in front of her and looked into her deep brown eyes and waited for her touch to know that this was real and not some fantasy.