Not my sandbox, I'm just playing with the characters. Kubo Tite owns all. Takes place during Pendulum Arc.

Urahara had a bad feeling about this. He was at the Academy, checking out the latest crop of graduates, and Saskakibe had summoned him. The last time Saskakibe had summoned him, he'd met Kurotsuchi. He liked Kurotsuchi, but damn did that man have problems.

"Enter," Saskakibe called. A boy glared at him from one of the chairs. He was only a few years older than Hiyori, with scraggly brown hair and a ragged academy uniform. Apparently the kid was fighting a losing battle against hair loss (or lice.)

"Urahara-taicho, this is Ikkaku Madarame."

"Lemme go, dammit," Madarame swore. "I haven't done anything."

"Today. Yesterday, you managed to knock out two students, and the day before that, you cut kido class. And the day before that you managed to get in another fight. At breakfast."

"Saskakibe-san, I'm not in Second anymore. What do you want me to do?"

"Excellent question. You see, Madarame-kun is one of the best students in zenjutsu we have. I am not willing to lose such a promising student, but he might do better if he were assigned to a private tutor."

Urahara felt his heart sink. Saskakibe was probably still carrying a bit of a grudge from Urahara's student days. It hadn't been his fault that all his teachers were slow.

"I'm really busy," he babbled. "Sarugaki-chan doesn't look at the paperwork, so last month I ended up paying Eighth and Fifth's bills, there's a promising new line of research I'm pursuing- I'm so busy I hardly sleep!"

"I'm sure you can make time. Why don't you and Madarame-kun get to know one another? I'm sure you'll get along like a house on fire."

People screaming, general pandemonium, yep, that sounded about right.

--

"So, what'd you do to him?" Madarame asked.

"Well, my grades were impeccable, but I kept my roommate up all night when I was working on my projects, and I set a dorm room on fire. And I blew up the cafeteria, by accident."

The rest of his exploits were still classified.

Madarame chuckled. "Wow, for a noble shinigami, that's impressive."

"I'm not a noble. I lived in the Rukon for a long time, until I met Yoruichi. She was impressed by my skills and with her sponsorship, I and a friend managed to get into the academy."

"Another Rukon rat, huh?"

"And you?"

"Got scooped off the street and dragged here. I liked the Rukon better, it's too boring here. I mean, we get food, if you can call it that, but there's too much stupid stuff they want us to learn."

"Like kido?"

"Yeah."

He sighed. "I'll pick you up tomorrow. Try not to get in any more fights."

"Sure, spoil my fun."
-

"So Saskakibe decided to pay you back?" Yoruichi chortled. "About time karma bit you in the ass."

The captains were gathered in the canteen, and Urahara reminded himself of the rules. Never talk to Kyoraku, lest you feed the rumor mill.

"Har-de-har. Look, this kid's about as stubborn as you can get, and I have more important things to do. Would you consider training him? You're doing wonders with Soi Fong."

"Thanks, but I think you should teach him yourself. Birds of a feather, you know."

"Tessai, please?"

"Karma."

"Aigawa-san?"

"Sorry, I've got a protégée of my own," the captain of Seventh replied. "Komamura-kun's a hard worker, but he has to be drawn out. If I add another student, he'd lose all faith in me."

"Rojuro-kun?"

"You set my dorm room on fire, senpai. Any student of yours would demolish my division. No, no way."

"It'd make my allergies flare up," Kyoraku said.

"Your allergies to hard work," Yadamaru replied.

"I'm not letting either of you near him," Urahara commented. "I remember that unofficial 'oral exam' scam you two tried to pull. Mugarame-san?"

"I have a vice-captain to baby-sit," Kensei replied. "Sorry."

"Shinji?"

Shinji shook his head. "I got one child prodigy already, and he's enough of a handful."

Urahara considered his options: Ukitake- no, he was resting at Fourth. Unohana was too busy training her own set of ducklings. (She liked children, and Fourth could always use even the smallest set of extra hands.) The Captain of Tenth was reorganizing his division. The current Kenpachi was on a mission and Yamamoto would roast him.

Kuchiki-taicho wouldn't have enough energy to keep up with Madarame. Given the boy's views on nobles, they'd end up fighting anyway.

Looks like I'm stuck with him, Urahara thought.

This was not going to end well.

I think this will be a two or three shot story. I realize I've done the equivalent of luring cannon into a deserted alley and mugging it. It's winter, and I need the flames. (I should be working on my other stories but no..)

There's a poll up on my profile, and your votes are appreciated.

Little Academy! Ikkaku just makes me giggle.