It's been a while (7 months, to be exact) since I last posted something here. In case you're wondering how I'm able to type this whole thing out, I borrowed my mother's laptop with the purpose of writing a new second chapter for Believe Me When I Say It's Real. But this Slam Dunk fever of mine has been going on for weeks, and I am really super frustrated that not many stories are written for this fandom anymore. So my hands suddenly grew a mind of their own and decided to write a SenHana fic instead.
I am so sorry, my BMWISIR readers. It seems you have to wait a little longer. I hope some of you are Slam Dunk fans as well, so you'd be able to forgive me for this and appreciate this story. Slam Dunk will always be my all-time favorite. Before I fell in love with Prince of Tennis, Sakuragi, Rukawa and Sendoh occupied my heart and thoughts.
No, they're not my OT3. And no, I do not ship SenRu, and I never will (no offense). But I do love SenHana and RuHana pairings very much. This is my first SD fic, so please be gentle with me. And I hope you enjoy this one!
Note: This story is set several months after the manga. At this point, Sakuragi's back is already fully healed.
Sakuragi and Rukawa are now in second year of high school, while Sendoh is in third year.
Disclaimer: I do not own Slam Dunk, the great Inoue Takehiko does. But the rest is mine.
Prologue
"I'm not scared of love. I'm scared of the mess I make of it."
Sakuragi Hanamichi knows. He knows that one day, Rukawa would come up to him and tell him he's leaving. Rukawa Kaede is leaving him for America. But anticipating it doesn't make the blow less painful.
He wants to ask, why am I not enough? , but he doesn't. Not because it hurts to speak, but because it hurts even more to hear Rukawa's answer. So he simply says, "When?"
Rukawa's eyes averted his, "This Monday."
You just couldn't wait to leave me, Sakuragi wants to shout at the person in front of him, hurt him, but he doesn't, so rather he smiles bitterly. And then he remembers Rukawa Kaede as the basketball player: his display of amazing basketball skills, which Sakuragi has always been, deep inside, envious of; he remembers Rukawa's rivalry with Sendoh Akira and his incredible desire to defeat Eiji Sawakita in court. Sakuragi reminds himself over and over again: Rukawa practically lives and breathes basketball that there's no more space for him. If there is any, really, it would be too irrelevant and too easy to toss aside.
Sakuragi doesn't hear it, but he feels his heart break into pieces. And, oh God, it is by far the most painful thing he has felt in his entire life. Even his record of fifty rejections could not compare.
He says nothing and heads for the door of their shared apartment that would soon be occupied by one person, leaving the blue eyed boy behind.
Sakuragi Hanamichi cries about few things, and now he finally admits that Rukawa is one of them. He cries for the realization that he is never going to be enough for Rukawa.
-;-
Monday comes, and Sakuragi doesn't see him off, when most of their teammates are in the airport with him. Even Akagi and Kogure who are already in college are with them. Damn, even Sakuragi's gang has arrived just in time. Anger and worry rise inside him. Sakuragi has not returned home ever since that night of their confrontation. Rukawa thought the redhead would at least want to see him one last time before he leaves the country.
He doesn't ask Ayako or Akagi's sister or anyone from the team, but his eyes search the airport for a vision of Sakuragi.
Come on, do ahou. Where are you? Rukawa bites his tongue to refrain himself from saying that out loud.
-;-
Three hours later, his peers are still there. While all of them are proud of him and are just wishing him all the best in his chosen path, some are still hoping that he stays. He tells them that he, too, is proud of their team and that being in Shohoku is the best decision in his life.
Mito Youhei suddenly excuses himself from the group, and that catches Rukawa's attention. Sakuragi might have come after all. But he sees Mito go straight to the restroom, and Rukawa mentally berates himself for getting his hopes up.
Who is he kidding? It's been hours, and there's still no sign of his boyfriend. Ex-boyfriend, his mind painfully reminds him. Rukawa slightly cringes; he is going to have to get used to it, and he knows he's going to have a tough time. Old habits die hard, after all.
He hears his flight being called, so he stands up to give his company his last bid of farewell when suddenly Akagi Haruko steps towards him and says in a tiny voice so only he hears, "Don't worry about Sakuragi-kun, Rukawa-kun. He'll eventually come around."
Rukawa looks at her and wonders if she knows that true nature of his relationship with Hanamichi. Oddly enough, he doesn't feel bothered anymore. Not when the look she is giving him isn't that of disgust or horror.
And for the first time in two years, Rukawa acknowledges Haruko and gives her his most genuine smile.
-;-
Not far from the group of familiar people, Sakuragi Hanamichi settles himself behind one of the airport's pillars. He hides himself all too well, he thought, since nobody from his team seems to notice him. That or they really just don't look his way.
Sakuragi sighs and removes his sunglasses. It has been three hours since he got here, and his eyes have been glued on no one but Rukawa.
Today is the day Rukawa leaves Japan. Today is the day he leaves their team behind. Today –
His thoughts are interrupted when he feels a hand touch his shoulder. Sakuragi looks over and sees Mito Youhei, his bestfriend and one of the few people who know about him and Rukawa.
"So you came after all," this from Youhei, with a concerned look on his face. Sakuragi knows it isn't a question, but still he answers, "Ah."
He doesn't ask why they are here; he doesn't ask when his gang started caring for Rukawa; doesn't ask Mito why Rukawa wants to leave him so soon or why Sakuragi isn't enough for Rukawa. He doesn't ask these because it would not be fair to his bestfriend. And because it hurts too damn much to speak.
"To all the passengers of flight to Los Angeles, please board the plane immediately…" (1)
He hears that and Mito's question, "Why don't you fight for him, Hanamichi?"
Sakuragi hears the last call for the passengers, and he is sure Rukawa has boarded the plane. There is no turning back. This is it; this is goodbye. Sakuragi's heart starts to break again, if there are still any pieces left to break.
He waits for another few minutes as he holds back the tears. The redhead isn't going to cry, not in front of his bestfriend; he has to save what's little left of his dignity.
This time, Sakuragi tries to open his mouth to say something, forcing down that painful lump in his throat. He thinks of a million ways to answer his companion, but he settles with, "I want him to be happy."
But Sakuragi does cry. The sad smile and few tears do not escape Mito when Sakuragi's eyes follow the plane as it takes off. He has known the redhead ever since they were kids. Words would do nothing to sooth the pain Sakuragi is feeling.
So instead, Mito Youhei puts his arm around his best friend and leads the way home, completely forgetting and leaving the basketball team and their gang behind.
… Today marks Hanamichi Sakuragi's 51st heartbreak, his most painful one so far.
-;-
Inside the plane, fifteen thousand feet above Japan, Rukawa Kaede stares at the clouds outside. He doesn't wipe the tears that roll down his cheeks. Because Hanamichi deserves to know, or at least feel, that he, whom people deem cold as ice, cries for his first love and only for him.
But that's useless now, isn't it? Because Sakuragi Hanamichi is not here anymore to know or feel.
Fuck, Rukawa curses inwardly.
He hates himself. Hates himself for being inconsiderate of Hana's feelings, for leaving his most important person behind. He is still the selfish son of a bitch he was years ago who would do anything to get to the top of basketball hierarchy. And for a while, the blue eyed lad wonders if following his dream is really going to make him happy when he had experienced heaven on earth with his redhead.
"Forgive me, Hanamichi. Please, please wait for me."Rukawa whispers, "Until then, be happy."
End of Prologue
(1) I don't know how passengers are called for their flights in an airport, so please pardon me if I got that one wrong.
Sorry for the angst, but that's just me. I hope you read and review. Constructive criticisms are welcome.
Happy holidays, everyone! I will update next week, probably before Christmas. You have my word. And to my BMWISIR readers, check my profile for updates. :F
Next chapter, Sendoh will appear. La, la, la, love!