Hi this is my first story so constructive advice would be helpful and flames are not accepted. I really need some good advice and I want the truth. I hope you review because if you do I will update more often. :) Here goes!
Tangy raced through the plains, her strong mustang legs carrying her to wherever she was fated to go. She heard the sound of her owner behind her.
"You git back 'ere Tang! You be a good 'orsey, now. Git!" Her owner, Valeraina, shouted. Tangy didn't hesitate, she just breezed through the plains her hooves crackling soundlessly upon the wind. How she wished that the horse carrying Valeraina wasn't Clover. Clover, the sleek tan mustang with deep black eyes and white patches. His brown mane raced among the wind and his eyes burned into her golden fur with confusion. Tangy could not look back at the handsome young horse, he would pull her back to the dreaded 'Philles Horse Palace'. Though her beloved Clover was behind her, she knew she had to face the losses, and she looked ahead.
"By SacredClan! Is that a whipper coming yon here?" A young clydesdale peered closer at an awkward angle and squinted his golden eyes. He shook his brown and white pelt and galloped off to tell his herd.
"Nighthoof, is it true that you saw some blur of a whipper coming our way? Maybe there was a pony or so we could help? Whippers usually don't mess up here 'less they're whippin' a horse," Goldenwind asked.
"Indeed," Nighthoof answered politely, "Do I have your consent to patrol the border to wait for our visitor?"
"Of course, young one," Goldenwind answered, "Be off with you."
In the plains...
Tangy spotted a young horse at the corner of her eye, crouched among the bushes, his black mane flowing freely amidst the wind. She suddenly changed direction sharply, heading for him. He trotted up to her and swung his tail around her muzzle. She suddenly felt safe as she followed him, disappearing behind bushes and dodging holes in the ground. She was surprised about how much her knew about this rocky plainland. Tangy suddenly arrived at a campground, and the horse nudged her up to a hollow log, which top had been forced open. Tangy realized this was a bed, and she sat down on it. The stranger trotted up to her and swung a blanket of skin on top of her.
"Get some rest," he assured her softly, and his voice died down. Tangy was asleep.
A shadow peered over her, and Tangy stood up lazily.
"She's old enough to be an apprentice." This was a new horse. She seemed to be the leader of all the surrounding strange horses. Goldenwind, they called her.
"May all horses old enough to catch their own prey gather here under Highhill for a Herd meeting." A loud shout shattered Tangy's thoughts. She imitated the other horses and settled in front of a small hill. Goldenwind galloped onto it.
"Horses of MountainHerd, we have a new member of our herd," she nodded at Tangy, "She will be a new apprentice and I expect you all to treat her equally. Her new name will be Songhoof. As for her mentor," Goldenwind hesitated, "Her mentor will be Rockmane." A few faint cheers spread through the herd, and quickly died down. Tangy snorted. She made an effort to get up, then collapsed, overly tired.
"Horses of MountainHerd, I'd thank you all for your hospitality, and I'll be gone by sunrise, don't worry," she glanced uneasily at a pack of snickering horses, "And the name, really, utterly inappropriate. Utterly." The horses continued to snicker. "Goldenwind, I see you'd like to talk. But before you speak, I'd like to ask if you call one of these horses here Snickers?" she snapped. The horses were silent and Goldenwind looked awkwardly at her.
"Snickers? No, we don't have any Snickers here. Snickerhoof you mean? We don't have any of those either."
Tangy reared up at this. "Does everything have to have two words in it, little miss good two hooves?"
Goldenwind was silent, momentarily stunned by Tangy's wild temper. Almost toppling over, she caught her balance. "Songhoof, young one. I am the leader of this Herd. There are four Herds. MountainHerd, TideHerd, MeadowHerd, and LostHerd. The fifth Herd is made of the stars you see at night. We call it SacredHerd. Nighthoof will show you around and tell you about our ways. You see, Songhoof. We have accepted you as one of our own. Welcome to MountainHerd, young bronco. You will not leave at sunrise. You will stay. You will be sworn in at starlight. Get some rest. Moonflame, I understand you were going to train your apprentice, but you must put of until the morrow. Dismissed."
Tangy followed Nighthoof eagerly, her eyes brimming with joy as she watched his sleek pelt, all thoughts of Clover drifting from her mind.
So Tangy learned about the ways of the Herds and was sworn in, placing an oath over SacredHerd. She was a fast learner, and immediately adapted to her new life.
There. It wasn't the best, but it's the best I can offer. Review please..! You can make a difference every review counts!