Super Morton Crazy Time Happiness
Summary: Morton Koopa Jr. has a hilariously crazy day.
The Pill
"How the hell did you get shot bro?" asked Iggy, sitting next to his brother in the hospital.
"That asshole Mario started jumping on me, then he suddenly pulled out a gun and shot me. Do you have any idea how fucked up that is?!"
"Yeah, well that's why I invented this red pill."
"What is it?"
"It's like steroids and morphine times 12. I'm pretty sure if you take this pill, you'll be invincible for the next 24 hours. Just don't use the power too much or…"
"Or what?"
"I don't know; I never tested it on anyone yet. Anyway, here you go."
12:30 a.m.
Morton Koopa Jr. was overlooking the Mario Bros. house holding the red pill in his hand, tossing it up and down.
"Well, here goes."
Morton tossed the pill in his mouth and swallowed it, waiting to feel something. Suddenly his brain was rushed with an intense amount of energy and his pupils grew so wide they covered his eyes, as though he were a shark who just inhaled way too much blood. If that wasn't enough, his muscles grew nearly three times in length and he literally was invincible. Morton ran towards Mario's house, panting and snarling loudly like some rabid dog. Morton rang his doorbell, getting into attacking position, waiting for Mario to come by the door.
"Hey, who's there?" asked Mario.
Morton immediately jumped on Mario and started tearing him apart, ripping off his face and basically beating the crap outta him.
"You gonna shoot me now bitch?!!" yelled Morton.
He started punching Mario in the head over and over and over again until his head was smashed into the floorboard.
"Hey, Mario! What's going on?!"
Morton jumped off Mario and pounced on Luigi, ripping out his spine with his bare claws. Then he started to jump up and down on his head until it was nothing more than bones and blood.
"HOW DO YOU LIKE GETTING JUMPED ON BITCH?!!"
7:30 a.m.
Morton arrived back inside Iggy's laboratory, along with Roy and Lemmy.
"It worked! HA HA! It worked, it worked, IT WORKED!!" shouted Morton.
"Seriously? Uh--I mean…yeah. Of course it worked."
"Yeah! I ran down to the house and I was all like 'BANG! BANG! BANG!' on his door and he opened it and then the 'CRRCK! SPLAT!' WHOOO!!!! It was awesome!! Awesome--it was fuckin' awesome!!" yelled Morton.
"Whoa Morton! Chill out!" said Roy.
Morton made a wheezy laugh and snarled at Roy.
"Dude, your breath smells horrible."
Morton stood there twitching constantly and shaking violently, like he drank 127 shots of Brazilian coffee.
"Um…are there any side effects to this pill?" asked Lemmy.
"Effects on the side to the byde to the clyde! APPLE PIE!!"
"There shouldn't be."
"What do you mean by 'shouldn't' Iggy?" asked Lemmy.
"I never invented it. I just took it from dad's chamber."
"Holy shit! Dad is using pills like this?!"
"Yeah, I snuck in his bathroom and just grabbed this bag full of red pills."
"And you've absolutely no idea what it does?"
"Nope."
7:47 a.m.
"Aw, shit!"
"What Iggy?" said Roy.
"I found the list of side-effects."
"Let me see that. I'm sure there can't be too many--aw, shit!"
Roy, Lemmy, and Iggy stared at a list containing nearly 149 side-effects. They practically just OD'd Morton.
"Jesus Christ, Morton has all of this?!"
"Let's see: Severe anger/anxiety?" said Iggy.
"NOBODY TOUCH ME OR I'LL STAB YOU IN THE FUCKIN' FOOT!!!" yelled Morton.
"Check. Dry throat and unquenched thirst?"
Morton dunked his head into a tank of water, lapping it up like crazy.
"Check. Halitosis?"
Lemmy was plugging his nose as Morton panted heavily next to him.
"That's a definite check!"
"Can we just skip down to the stuff he doesn't have?" asked Roy.
"Extreme bowel movements…yeah, he ain't got that."
"Yet is the key word."
"Uncontrollable gas."
Morton belched loud enough to break one of Iggy's beakers. "HA!"
Iggy sighed. "Check."
"Y'know what? Fuck the checklist. The only way we can keep him from blowing up a zoo or somethin' is if we keep him secluded in here."
"Well that's gonna be a problem seeing as he just jumped out the window." said Lemmy.
Roy, Iggy, and Lemmy looked out the castle windows to see Morton jumping around and running like an idiot.
"Goddamnit!"
11:06 a.m.
Morton Koopa Jr. ran to a nearby morning diner and kicked open the door.
"HELLO BITCHES!! Gimme some eggs!"
"What up with you Morton?" asked a koopatrol.
Morton punched him in the face and rushed up to the waiter koopa.
"Gimme some eggs! Now, now, now, now! Eggs bitch! EGGS!!"
"Calm the fuck down!"
Morton kicked the waiter in the groin and laughed wildly as he rushed to the grill in the back.
"YES! Eggs, meat--steak, steak, steak--YES!!!" sputtered Morton.
Morton started taking all the meat off the grill and stuffing it in his mouth, barely even bothering to chew at all. Then he dunked his head in a pot full of chili and started slurping it all up. Normally, it'd burn his face off. But like Iggy said, he just OD'd on a pill that has the effects of steroids and morphine times 12.
"Morton what the fuck are you--"
Morton started burping in the koopatrol's face repeatedly.
"Man, your breath stinks! Stop that!"
The koopatrol punched Morton twice in the face and he wound up hurting his hand.
"Morton feels no pain. NO PAIN FOR MORTON!!!"
Morton grabbed the koopatrol's wrist and broke it in seven places.
"OOWW, THAT FUCKING HURTS!!!!"
Morton flipped the koopatrol over and sat on his face. Then he started violently farting in his mouth and nose, suffocating him until he eventually died.
"HA! I KILL WITH FARTS!!"
"Will someone call animal control!" yelled the waiter.
11:34 a.m.
Roy, Iggy, and Lemmy were taking cover behind a tipped over table along with the rest of the koopa troopas at the diner. Morton was going on a rampage and randomly throwing things and causing as much chaos to the diner as much as he could.
"It's okay Morton! Just put down the frying pan and no one--"
Iggy yelled when Morton threw the pan at his head and laughed wildly.
"Get the pan in the fran--Sam--Pam--damn--JIMMY CRACKED CORN AND I DON'T CARE!!! HAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!"
"What the fuck did you do to him?!?!!" shouted the waiter.
"It's not our fault! My dad had the pills! I didn't do anything!" protested Iggy.
Morton started growling and spit and slobber was sputtering out his mouth. He started panting heavily again.
"MORTON IS GOD! I AM GOD!"
Morton's stomach suddenly growled and he muttered, "Morton feels sick now…" and vomited all over the place.
"Oh, look, another side effect: Vomiting." said Lemmy.
"Is that good or not?" asked the waiter.
Morton screamed so loudly one of the windows cracked. Then he started dancing goofily while muttering, "This shit is bananas! B-A-N-A-N-A-S!!"
"Is that a side-effect?" asked the waiter.
"Actually, it is." said Iggy.
"Candy! I NEED CANDY! CANDY--MORTON NEEDS CANDY--COOKIES!! AAAHHH!!!!!"
Morton Koopa Jr. suddenly zoomed out the window and started running on all fours through the forest. Iggy and his brothers could only stare at each other at what they've done.
"Guys are we going to Hell?" asked Lemmy.
"Let's see, we drugged our brother which led to the deaths of two people and a koopa, assaults on other koopas, and the destruction of a diner. Yes, Lemmy, we are going to Hell."