Heh, well, first fic. I'm feeling quite confident in my meager writing ability, so let us hope that the awesome gal I'm writing this for happens to enjoy it.
This is a crackfic, so if anything over the top and unrealistic happens, don't flame me for it. If you like the story, I'll write something else. Something like this. With chocolate. So yeah, don't flame... don't bug...
I will thoroughly enjoy comments, I will write something better if I do get happy comments. Like, just ten happy comments.
Don't get your inner demon high on chocolate, it can be rather unfortunate.
Disclaimer TIIIIIIIMMMMMMMMMMEEEEEEEEEE!
I. Do not. Own. Anything. If anyone will give me the rights to Naruto, I will sell it for body augmentations, become cybernetic, and rule Cuba. Apparently it has a bay full of pork. Mmmmmm…. Bacon.
It was a fine day in Konoha, and everyone was really, really pissed off. With steam blowing from their overheated ears, people from the honored Konoha Council stumbled on to the cobblestones outside the council hall. All around the village, a deafening bellow was heard from one Konoha Council.
"NARUTO!"
Said boy was currently sprinting, as fast as his small legs could take him, smiling as he ran. His smile was not met by the passing villagers, only countered with hate filled visages, and fearful glares. He paid them no attention; he would get them tomorrow. His itching powder was still nice and fresh. While lost in thought, well, as much thought that was possible for Naruto at this age, he ran into a wall.
"Naruto! What the-… oh never mind." Iruka sighed as he caught up. "I really don't know why you do these things."
"Cause I can, and the council is full of stick-up-the-ass people like Sasuke-bastard!" Naruto brashly responded.
"Don't bad mouth your classmates, and really, do you have to go around pranking important government officials?" Iruka groaned into the palm of his hand. "You know, forget it. Hear, have a candy bar. It'll help you feel better."
"Thanks Iruka-sensei! I'm sure it will!" Shouted Naruto, dashing away and trying to work away the plastic covering1.
Naruto ran faster than he had to escape; into an alley. As his small, stubby fingers tore away the troublesome wrapper, he noticed the enticing aroma wafting from the candy bar. His eagerness took hold, and with a mighty yank, he tore off the wrapper and left it on the ground in the alley. He quickly shoved all of the succulent pseudo-vegetable into his mouth, and then his head started to spin. Everything took on a brighter, heavier hue, and he had an intense urge to run around the village 100 times on his hands. And wear green spandex. He quickly jumped up, and began his great journey to find the edge of the village, and some spandex.
_-Mindscape-_
Kyuubi, the great demon fox, the greatest biju, was high. The constant fluctuation of the host's chakra due to a fast-acting sugar high, was having an intense euphoric affect on the intelligence of his vile energy. (A/N: Imagine if your thoughts were drawn out and unstable. It would make you unusually happy and dizzy. As such, a high)
"Oh god… mmmm… this is GREAT!" Kyuubi mused. "How do I keep him like this… for all eternity? Yes! Flood his system with my chakra! That'll keep him like this… I think…."
-Konoha-
Naruto was happy. Still. He was running atop villagers heads with pillows strapped to his feet, and was enjoying it immensely. It made some of the villagers wonder how such a cute and annoying boy could ever be the demon fox? Suddenly, Naruto was surrounded by a red glow, and tripped and faceplanted on the street from the sudden energy rush. One, two, three, four, five six, seven, eight, nine tails popped up in a rather slow succession, each with a new feature of a fox. Tails, bones, muscle and finally fur appeared on his skin. Naruto, who was looking at himself, looked up at the screaming and running villagers, than back at himself, then back at the villagers.
"Cool!"
(|Sasuke's Apartment|)
Sasuke relaxed after a long day of training, and brooded about his miserable life. This is how he ended every afternoon, with reflection at the hard times, and how he was still fricking in them. The only way it could get worse is if Naruto suddenly appeared out of almost nowhere….
"!"
"SON OF A BITCH Naruto!" Sasuke shouted as he was tackled by a… fox?
"Do you think you could get laid with Sakura? Scratch that, the entire female population of the village! I heard you needed to repopulate your clan, and these woman are throwing themselves at your feet! Or the dangly above your feet! Wouldn't that be interesting?" Naruto nearly shouted in Sasuke's face.
Sasuke was currently passed out from the images Naruto gave him. With the only smile that will ever be plastered on his face, lying on his bed with a drop of blood dripping out of his nose. Remembering the constantly stalking fangirls, he used his tail to snag Sasuke's left hand and maneuver it toward his…
"FOX-BAKA!"
A fist came out of nowhere and punched the foxified Naruto out of Sasuke's window and into a cluster of bushes behind the apartment complex. Looking up, he noticed Sakura walking out of the apartment building. He smiled as best as he could as a fox.
"Next target." His sugar/chakra/crackhead kind of eyes grew big in malicious intent.
"The itching powder is still fresh…. He he he…. Hwa hahaha… HA HA HA HA! MUHWAAAAA*chokes ahkh… ahem…"
After his failed evil villain moment, Naruto had realized he had lost any trace of Sakura.
Right when the mob showed up.
The lead villager went into some monolog about how he was evil, and should be slayed, and burned, and slayed, and flayed, and flambéed, and eaten, and regurgitated, and all by the work of a swine.
He didn't care.
Naruto roared, showed his teeth and released the full force of his demonic power.
Lemon Start
Naruto looked at the author angrily. "What the hell? I was kidding when I told Sasuke the whole village would…
And was promptly trampled by the mob. His tough skin wasn't even pierced as the villagers tried in stupidity to destroy a mass of living youkai (I think that's what it is…) with kitchen knives and torched, and the odd pitchfork here and there.
Naruto grinned.
"My turn."
And promptly ate them.
Short, I know. I'll probably do better on other things, when I don't write it all in one day. =P I hope it pleases the one I wrote it for. And the ending is a bit abrupt, I know, but don't complain. It's late and I'm tired.
R&R. If possible.