Meow.

A little thanks to Kirei, for making the story so much more interesting for me. I couldn't forget it when I first heard this song Let It Go – it somehow fit so perfectly.

Just don't ask me why I wrote this, yes?

DISCLAIMER: I DON'T own the song, or any part of the lyrics. And I don't own any of the characters mentioned in this work.

FROZEN

The snow glows white on the mountain tonight

Not a footprint to be seen

As he stared at the pitch blackness of the flawless windowpane, Kotomine Kirei was suddenly reminded of the eternal winter upon the castle of Einzbern he had never even set eyes on before. A gleaming silver-white sheen, skin whiter than snow and crystal eyes as dark as blood…

He realised the object of his thoughts: the homunculus, Irisviel.

A kingdom of isolation

And it looks like I'm the Queen

Why had his father named him Kirei*? All these years he had wondered, and never quite arrived at an acceptable answer.

Eight days had passed since the night of Hell's carnival that had burned fire in his blood, leaving him with an insatiable thirst that had been far from assuaged by his grim duty as a priest of the "church". The days following the great tragedy had been unusually uneventful, as if even the fearless sorcerers had been silenced by the horrors of that night. The only stirrings were the usual outbreaks of small quarrels with minimal casualties that were too minor for Kirei to take on.

Plain rotten corpses of clueless people made no compliment to his wine. That spicy tang laced with the exquisite spike of thrill was too delicious to forget.

The wind is howling like this swirling storm inside

Couldn't keep it in, heaven knows I tried

And did the God in the high heavens save him? Did all that omnipotence? All those years he spent meaninglessly kneeling before the altar? No.

What had found him was this – at the other end of his glance, the half-god. Without him he would probably not have reached his long craved-for answer. The beginning of all legendary beings. Did he revere the King? No. This was his ally, the one "friend" that had understood him out of this entire universe. And universe it was – it was no exaggeration.

According to Gilgamesh the universe belonged to him, along with all the treasures that existed within its confines. Perhaps. Kirei could not care less, for he himself was no treasure.

Gilgamesh was no longer his Servant – Archer – ever since their baptism by the black magic of the Greater Grail that lay in the heart of Mount Enzo. He had received flesh in the likeness of any mortal man, but only with the lingering elegance and perfection of the ancient heavens that suggested otherwise.

Don't let them in, don't let them see

Be the good girl you always have to be

Conceal, don't feel, don't let them know

But now they know

Yes – they definitely did know. As did the five hundred people strong who had perished in the molten wrath of the "tragedy" that had taken place in Fuyuki less than two weeks ago, after the inept attempt by his enemy to destroy the "Holy Grail" in the chaotic conclusion of the fourth Holy Grail war. Perhaps it was some sort of cursed pun thought of by the heads of one of the three Houses – Makiri, most likely – for how else could the literal, gaping, colossal "hole" that had appeared in the sky be explained?

For a few delectable moments, Kirei shut his eyes and listened to the screams of the dying replay in his mind, heard in beautiful cacophony from where he had stood overlooking the holy massacre, with a quiet smile. He felt the black magic of the Grail coursing through his veins once more, as it had when he had finally realised the meaning of his life that fateful night. It continued to sustain him even now, even after his mortal heart had been shot through by the sorcerer-hunter's contender. In any cases –

Why was he being compared to a Disney heroine?

Let it go, let it go

Can't hold it back anymore

Let it go, let it go

Turn away and slam the door

I don't care what they're going to say

No, he didn't, definitely. For what were the dead, once dead?

Let the storm rage on

Ah yes, he cared. Cared what last words of anguish they uttered in their deathbeds. Their faces washed in doom. His newfound fetish was one that would last long before he finally bored of it.

The cold never bothered me anyway

It's funny how some distance

makes everything seem small

And the fears that once controlled me

can't get to me at all

With Emiya Kiritsugu gone and Gilgamesh at his side, he was now probably the freest being on earth. Though, perhaps he ought to be a little cautious of the death-defying head of Matou…

That was no human. "That" was but a living mass of lowly parasite worms. Yes – he would very much relish the look of terror defiling the crook's decrepit old face when it realised that its long-delayed end was nigh upon it. Ah, the pleasure watching the filthy cur that had once mocked him drown in its own fear and agony would bring.

And the comic drama embodied by that puny offspring of Matou, Kariya… These past few weeks had been filled with too much entertainment to do him good, it seemed.

It's time to see what I can do

To test the limits and break through

No right, no wrong, no rules for me

I'm free

Once again, he remembered the doll woman he had killed eight nights ago. She had been intriguing… To admit, so was Kiritsugu, for no sane man would wed a homunculus. The understanding that his once mortal enemy was insane brought with it some measure of comfort for Kirei, even in the knowledge that the man had been reduced to a shadow of his former self. Insanity was no hero.

For he still could not understand; how could a doll have emotions other than those recreated by Einzbern's prided skills of alchemy? How could a doll love a man even a sound human would find impossible to love, one that they knew was due to kill them in a mere nine years' time? How could it bear that man a child, in the knowledge that it would be likewise utilised in the struggle for the "Holy" Grail? Or did the homunculus simply lack such maternal feelings? Was its biological child just another tool?

Illyasviel Einzbern – Irisviel's daughter. Kirei thoughtfully recalled the flawless pulse in the homunculus's slender throat stuttering to a halt beneath the grip of his fingers, piteous despair seeping through her mask of defiance as she struggled for her last breaths.

Did he regret his haste? She had been due to perish anyway. After all, he had had no interest in the Holy Grail. Perhaps, perhaps not. She had been annoying, so stone-headedly convinced that she was in the right. Nothing could probably have broken her faith in her husband except the man himself.

'Was the doll so much to your liking?'

As he was brought back to his surroundings, Kirei found the half-god's iridescent eyes fixed upon his frowning face. Gilgamesh smiled slightly with his usual unreadable demeanour.

'I've no idea what you're talking about.'

'You've been thinking about her often recently, no?'

Kirei had been slightly offended after having his choice weapons being compared to "Wolverine", some fictional creation from one of the R-rated movies Gilgamesh had rented from a DVD store in a neighbouring town in Fuyuki. He would rather argue that the character had been based on his Black Keys. He was human to the bone, after all. He was still slightly miffed from the previous day's argument. 'The homunculus was Einzbern's trash,' he replied coldly.

'But you killed it.'

'She was obstinate. I'm not a rape-obsessed pervert, Gilgamesh.'

'If you had any more interest in sex you would be a tree,' the legend agreed. 'I do wonder if you really mean it, sometimes…'

'Yes.'

'She would have made for a fine plaything.'

'It's rather unpleasant seeing a subject greeting torment with some "honour" that's otherwise obstinacy, if you haven't noticed. It leaves an unattractive aftertaste in my drink.'

'Well, well. How you've learnt.'

Let it go, let it go

I am one with the wind and sky

Let it go, let it go

You'll never see me cry

He expected to be called out shortly for the burial ceremony of Tohsaka Tokiomi. The former Master to Gilgamesh had been foolishly unaware of Kirei's true colours to the very end, even after Kirei had inserted a blade in his back – the very blade of the ornate dagger he had bestowed on his trusted pupil as proof of his faith.

Why, of course. Kirei planned to carry that dagger with him to the burial, in respect and tribute to his former tutor. Nothing lesser would befit such a solemn occasion.

The girl – Rin – would never know that her guardian assigned by her revered noble father was the said man's murderer till the day he wished her to. He would patiently wait for the day when her tears could never taste sweeter.

Here I stand

And here I'll stay

Let the storm rage on

The Key of the Grail had been buried among the replicated organs inside the homunculus Irisviel. The sheer irony of the fact that it had been fought for and then destroyed by her beloved husband – it was exquisite. Her expression of betrayal in their shared vision had been indescribable. Was it truly a coincidence that both Kirei and Kiritsugu had strangled her to death? And was it not amusing that she had died happier in the hands of Kirei, her mortal nemesis?

Irisviel von Einzbern. How such a "perfect" woman could exist was beyond his understanding, if not for her being a man-created imitation. She had understood and supported her husband and defended his eccentric ways to the death. In other aspects as well she had been as perfect a wife as can be.

Unlike her…

The sudden shift in thoughts brought Kirei's mind to a halt. Even now, his consciousness rejected any thoughts concerning her.

How many years ago had it been? She had lived and wed him and died in his arms smiling, without ever having a clue what lay in the depths of his heart. What had he felt, staring down at her as the light slowly left her eyes? He couldn't remember. He didn't want to.

My power flurries through the air into the ground

My soul is spiralling in frozen fractals all around

And one thought crystallizes like an icy blast

I'm never going back, the past is in the past

He had nowhere to return to. His father was dead, his old life gone. He could not return to his past self even if he wished to. How could he forget that pleasure, that thrill, that sense of belonging? That was the shape of his soul, as it was. He had no interest in righteousness – for who was Man to decide what was right and wrong? They could not speak to the gods. They did not know the gods. The gods were powerful, and far beyond the understanding of mere fickle men.

Neither did he have to agree with those gods. What he chose to do was his own design.

Chivalry. Excalibur. To him that "King" Arthuria had been but a confused girl mislead by the teachings of "honour". Her anguish at her own miserable ending stood as solid proof. And what piquant anguish, that. Having killed her own son Mordred. The pure thought of a being discovering that their entire life of dignity had been little more than horseplay made Kirei's eyes narrow in content. That, too, came from being bound to human morality. How pitiable she was. Kirei could drink an entire bottle off with just her misfortunes and still lust for more.

It was not violence or gore he took joy in – perhaps some but limited – simply that humans were beautiful, fascinating. Their ignorance, their foolishness, their blindness and vulnerability. Their petty joys and hopes and dreams crumbling to dust leaving fickle tears of anguish in their eyes. How was this not amusing to observe? No one had understood him till now. No one understood the desolation, the desperation, the despair of being different. Being alone. If this different was what they called "evil", it no longer mattered to him. Who were "they" to judge? Who were they to decree those rules?

That night had proved it. If the "holiness" within the Grail itself was pure "evil", then that was the truth he had been blindly worshipping all these years, unknowing. If any dared deny that, they ought to burn in the viscous black depths of the Holy Grail.

He was the exception, the mistake that the gods had created from the impossible seed of Kotomine Risei.

Why? He didn't know. But one day, he would reach a conclusion. One day he would understand, undermine even the gods. Till such a time when he fulfilled his destiny as he believed it was, he knew that Gilgamesh would not bore enough to leave his side, whether charade or genuine curiosity.

Once he had reached those high peaks… What was the use in living, after that? He would have nothing to strive for once he had everything in his hands, after all. Because the result would be a Gilgamesh. He wouldn't know what he wanted, all over once more.

Let it go, let it go

And I'll rise like the break of dawn

Let it go, let it go

That perfect girl is gone

Here I stand in the light of day

Here he stood in the light of the half-god's crimson gaze, under his impressive gold presence. Gilgamesh's eyes licked up and down his body with brazen interest and contempt. 'Yet I do wonder,' he murmured softly. 'How else would you be defined human?'

Needless to say, his actions were as brazen as both his eyes and tongue. And so were his fingers.

Let the storm rage on

Three deadly Black Keys materialised in Kirei's clenched fist, aimed at Gilgamesh. 'Now that you exist in flesh, it also signifies that you are no longer immune to injury,' he hissed.

The half-god appeared highly amused. 'What makes you think I fear death? I am immortal.' He did not release Kirei.

Kirei made not reply. The Black Keys wordlessly slit three parallel lines in the statuesque sculpture of the King's throat. A crimson trickle ran down the length of his neck, pooling in the crevice of his collarbone and then overflowing, with languid grace.

The flawless legend all but purred, ever so slightly narrowing his eyes of a shade as vivid as his blood. 'I am immortal – for I have a source of sustenance that cannot betray me. And that is you. Indeed… what a dilemma.'

And in the previously empty space around Kirei, shimmering weapons of myth from the Gate of Babylon began to appear one after another.

The cold never bothered me anyway

...That went well, didn't it? :P

Apologies for the horrible writing. I wrote this at four in the morning, because I otherwise couldn't make enough sense of Kirei's philosophy.

(Don't read if you're not a fan of Kirei.)

Okayy, it's a little hard to draw the line between Ryunosuke's blood-mania and Kirei's sadism – Kirei focuses more on mental elaboration and irony, I think. …Alright, that doesn't make much sense. Kirei got kind of less interesting after the fifth book, around after his Kariya playwright episode. He got too predictable.

*Kirei means pretty (or clean or beautiful) in Japanese. Though not the same kanji, obviously (the first is the same). I just found it really funny in the beginning when I started reading the series – I almost thought the illustration on the front cover of the first book was Kirei. Of course, I later found out it was Saber. xD

Yes, I know Saber is famous. The blue and white armour complete with the bust and skirt. Sorry for being an annoying dummy, but I don't play video games.

Wow… Kirei's name is fascinating, if anyone cares to know. It's written in kanji as "ki-rei": "rei" means formal, and "ki" generally means beautiful, but and at the same time (lesser known) it also means play or toy with sth. Like, it perfectly fits his awesome character. :D

Then and again, according to the book the name decided the person's character when they grew up, just like "Kiritsugu"… So was it some sort of unintentional mistake made by Risei?

Okayy, this is getting long.

And to Saber/morality fans, if you can spare some more ranting space.

Yeah, go ahead say I'm a bitch. Anyone who agrees even halfway with Kirei probably is (for example; if you have to kill someone you might as well give yourself the least amount of stress coming out of it, since they're gonna die anyway). And I'm proud of it, so if you don't have a noisy mouth for me to claw off your face and watch you mourn over just get the hell outta my way.

…That's about it I guess, why I like Kirei so much. Because he doesn't give a damn anymore about whether he knows he's "wrong" or not or who else thinks he's wrong, unless it's Gilgamesh because in that exception it puts his life in serious danger. Anyone who's gone through thirty-plus years of depression worth his would know.

And lastly, a big girly mushy awwhh for Kirei. He could have been a seriously hot character if he wasn't such an evil antagonist. Is it just me, or was he the coolest guy in the whole Zero series? :/

...

Oh wow – I wrote 350-plus words on a mini-rant. That's like, more than I've ever managed for a decent school essay. xD Thanks for reading, anyway.

Review please, with a very adorable melt-you-into-a-puddle-of-mush PussInBoots meeeoww (no, just ignoreee the clawss)? :3