"You did what with my leg?" Hiccup deadpanned.
Astrid laughed nervously. Ruffnut and Tuffnut attempted to hide behind each other simultaneously. Snotlout whistled nonchalantly, all the while edging slowly out of the room. Fishlegs, in a rare burst of stupidity, made a mad dash for the window.
And Hiccup continued to look severely unimpressed.
"Well," Astrid started, "You see. Um. It's actually a really funny story-"
"I'm sure." Hiccup exchanged a look with the Night Fury at the end of his bed. Or rather, the boy looked at his dragon in a long suffering manner, and Toothless continued to feign sleep, apparently going with the 'if I can't see them, they can't see me, and therefore I will not get involved in Young Viking Shenanigans at this ungodly hour' fallback.
Said Young Vikings were crowded in Hiccup's bedroom, all looking somewhat bedraggled and, for some inexplicable reason, covered from head to toe in soot, fish scales and- were those bite marks?
"So, let me get this straight. You stole my prosthetic limb – which is, in case you hadn't realized, the only way I can get around – tried to improve it… I don't even…" He dragged his hand across his face and sighed. "Have any of you actually worked in a forge? Ever? I didn't think so."
Astrid grimaced. "It wasn't my idea! It was theirs!" she said, gesturing wildly over her shoulder.
"Whoa, hey! We were drunk, and in no way responsible for our actions. And you were the one who told us to do it!" Tuffnut said defensively.
"That's encouraging," Hiccup muttered, "Drunken teenage Vikings can now break into my house and steal my belongings while I sleep. What happened, anyway? Any reasons as to why you all look like you've been halfway to Hel and back?"
They looked relieved at the change of topic. Despite all appearances, an angry Hiccup was a terrifying sight to behold.
Fishlegs abandoned his efforts of squeezing through the window, instead giving a hasty explanation.
"W-well, your, um, prosthetic doesn't seem to, uh, handle the snow and ice and all that, so we decided to do something nice for you to help-"
"Wait wait wait- you all willingly did something nice for me, to help me…" Hiccup said disbelievingly.
"Hey, dude, I did say we were drunk." Tuffnut shrugged.
Taking a deep, steadying breath, Hiccup gestured for Fishlegs to continue.
"So, um, anyway, we tried to improve it- your prosthetic, that is- and we didn't quite plan, and so it, uh, melted. And caught on fire. At the same time." He cringed at the memory.
Hiccup closed his eyes briefly. "And how- exactly-do you expect me to, oh I don't know, walk?"
There was a collective wince.
"Okay. That explains the soot. What about the fish scales?"
"A Viking's gotta eat," shrugged Snotlout.
"And –dare I ask- what about the bite marks?"
For some reason, this was incredibly funny, as the majority of the people in the room burst out laughing, while Snotlout blushed crimson.
"Our dear, courageous leader over here managed to sit on a clutch of Terror hatchlings. If that makes you feel any better." Astrid grinned at him.
And, sitting on his bed with one and a half legs and a useless reptile, surrounded by friends who cared enough (even while drunk) to help him, Hiccup realized that yes, he did feel slightly better.
He was still going to kill them.
Hopefully this didn't come out quite as badly as it appears to my poor, sleep deprived mind. And as for the title, I'm working on it. Apparently after one in the morning, inspiration starts screwing with me.
Disclaimer: I'm sure you all know how this works by now. And if anyone takes it upon themselves to sue me, you wouldn't get very far, as I am about as broke as they come. :D