Hello fanfiction readers! Instead of writing my next Animaniacs story, like I told myself I would, I wrote this instead. This plot bunny danced into my head at 6:45 this morning (curse school starting at 7:25!) and wouldn't leave me alone, so I finally satisfied it. I'm still pretty new to the My Little Pony: FiM world, and thus, I only just watched "The Return of Harmony" last night, hence the plot bunny. This is also one of the darkest things I've ever written, fair warning. There's also a good deal of angst, if you didn't see the genre before clicking. Twilights POV, a bit after the events of "The Return of Harmony". Rating for the whole "darkest thing I've ever written" thing, and some implications of depression and/or PTSD.
Disclaimer: I do not own My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic. This is purely a non-profit story written for the entertainment of others. Also, it'd be a big waste of money to sue a high schooler. Just sayin'.
Chaos after Discord
It was supposed to be over.
Everything's gone back to normal. The Elements of Harmony are back in Princess Celestia's castle with extra protection. She and Princess Luna locked away petrified Discord in a much more secure area than the palace gardens, and helped everypony in Equestria return to normal. My friends and I are closer than ever, even after our friendship nearly fell apart. It took Spike a little coaxing to start sending and receiving letters again, but everything is back as it was before Discord came.
Except for me.
None of my friends remember most of that day. Once they were hypnotized by Discord, their memories are completely black until I snapped them out of it with that memory spell. They all remember how he broke them enough to get them under that spell. The choice he forced Rainbow Dash into, that horrible "truth" that he showed Applejack that almost came true, how he laughed at Pinkie Pie, and made it look like that we all were as well. Rarity almost resisted, but he made her cave. Fluttershy unknowingly resisted, so he kinda cheated with her. Once they were fully under Discord's spell, however, they don't remember any of the horrible things they did. They could hardly believe it themselves when I told them.
He was much more sadistic with me. He didn't hypnotize me to break me down; he just let what he'd done to my friends do the breaking. Made me watch as they turned on me, Princess Celestia, all of Equestria, and even their Elements. Laughed in my face as I broke completely. No spell of his made me doubt my friends and the Elements of Harmony, give up on defeating him, and consider leaving Ponyville. That was my own free will, damaged by Discord's cruel ways.
And the worst part of it all is that I still remember everything because I was never under his control. Every detail of that day (days? I couldn't tell how much time had gone by because he kept making the sun set and raise) is stuck in my mind like glue, clearer than a picture. That horrible labyrinth, the way Ponyville looked under his control, everything is all still fresh in my mind.
I'd never seen Princess Celestia act the way she did. She's usually so calm, so patient, so in control of a situation. Her nervous pacing, the pain in her eyes as she recounted the dark days of Equestria, her anger at Discord, all together was one of the most unsettling parts of that day. I'd never herd her yell until then. The look in her eyes when she told me and my friends that we were the only ones who could wield the Elements of Harmony told me that she was disappointed in herself that she couldn't handle Discord anymore. She could tell we could do it, though it took a lot longer than we thought, and she had faith in us, she was just disappointed in herself.
My friends and I are doing our best to go back to normal. Easier said than done, though. It is easier for them, having fewer memories of that day. We hang out like we always have. Pinkie even threw a "We beat Discord!" party, which helped celebrate and remind us that, in the end, we were successful, and it healed some of the cracks that Discord's spells had put in our friendship.
After that, it seemed like they were able to pick their lives up quickly. Applejack's still working on the farm, Fluttershy has her animals, Rainbow Dash is always flying faster and faster, Rarity is designing something new every day, and Pinkie's just Pinkie. They've slipped back into routine, into everyday life, putting it all behind them.
How I wish I could do the same! There's nothing more I'd like to do than to learn some more spells, read some good books, and fully go back to the life I had before Discord, but that's proving to be impossible. Every suspicious noise, every strange shadow, anything that looks even slightly out-of-place immediately makes me think Discord's back.
He even haunts my dreams. I relive his crazy schemes, my friends horrible behavior, the dark labyrinth, nothing that happened is left out. Every detail is in place. It's all matches real life so perfectly, it's ironic, because Discord would be angry at its perfection. He'd change it up with some new horrors, new things to scare me.
A common one is when Elements of Harmony didn't work. We try and we try, but they just don't work. The dream gets Discord's mocking laughter just right, along with how he knew they wouldn't work, and how he's won. The "Discord rules, Celestia drools" line still makes me furious.
Sometimes, I get one were we were never able to stop Discord, even after everyone was back to normal. Things just get more strange and chaotic, my friends slip away again, and something happens to Princess Celestia. I'm never quite sure what, but the details I'm given tell me I'm better off not knowing.
The worst ones take me back to that rock bottom point, where Discord had fully gotten to me, broken me down to my core, and I felt completely alone. And the worst part is I never get better, Celestia's letters never come to pick me back up. I just keep walking through a disharmonized Ponyville, completely and utterly depressed, while my friend's hurtful words and Discords sharp laughter echo around in my head, overlapping one another in a chaotic, horrible symphony. Discord would probably think it was the most beautiful music in the world.
I've woken up Spike on more than one occasion with my screams of terror, my sleep-talking pleads to "Make it stop!" He says that I toss and turn, tangling myself up in my sheets, screaming and pleading with what he calls "some imaginary force". I evidently don't say aloud what's really going on, that the dreams are about Discord, but I think that's what he suspects.
I begged him not to tell my friends. He kept my promise at first, but sense the nightmares have continued he's broken it, much to my anger. I can tell because my friends have been a lot nicer than usual lately. Fluttershy talks to me like I might shatter at the smallest noise, which is kinda funny considering she's the quietest out of all our friends. Rarity's offered to make me new clothes, and still did so even when I politely turned her down. Pinkie Pie keeps bringing me all kinds of sweets from Sugercube Corner, free of charge. Rainbow Dash has toned down the sarcasm when I'm around, which is rather impressive.
Applejack's the most obvious. She didn't get the Element of Honesty by being a good liar. Always bringing me apple pies and offering to hang out with that nervous grin on her face. The way she covers when she mentions something that might, even in the slightest way possible, lead back to my nightmares pretty much gives it away. She can barely talk to me without worrying she might slip, when she doesn't even realize I already know.
All five of them, plus Spike, have tried to coax the nightmares and trouble I'm having over Discord out of me. I'm not caving, however. I'm not ready to relive the trauma, to go through it all again. Plus, all of them don't have very many memories of that day, even Spike, because he had the smarts to stay inside. I don't want them to go through all the horrors.
And yet, I know I'm being stupid by not talking to someone. I know that I should let it all out, should get all these feelings off my chest, but I can't. I know, but don't want to acknowledge, that not telling someone about this could potentially bring those worse nightmares to life, where I'm constantly depressed. I need help, but I'm not willing to go seek it. I've considered writing Princess Celestia, but she's so busy, and this isn't something I can put down on paper.
Thus, it stays locked away inside me, burning with discord, rather ironically. What my friends will never understand is, even as time goes by, even as it seems I'll get better, and I might, I'll never be able to fully forget that day. It will hang over me like a shadow every waking and sleeping moment. It will never leave me alone until the day I die.
Discord may be in a petrified state, locked away in some place so secret, Princess Celestia won't even tell me, but he'll always be a part of me, part of my life. Though he may have lost in the end, he has one small victory to his name. No matter how much order comes back into my life, there will always be a sense of chaos.
Thank you all for reading! For those of you following my other story, new chapter on Saturday. Weird, how I have a tendency to post other stories on Mondays. Also, if you would be so kind as to leave a review on your way out. I'll take comments and constructive criticism, but no flames please. See you all later! :)