Lulu says good-bye to her past.

This chapter has been updated for better grammar and spelling, it has also been updated to better align with the story that Our Eternity has and will become.

Thank you for the follows/reviews

italics = denotes thought or memory

Not Mine

Torn Page: Not Just a Memory

A FEW MONTHS AFTER THE BATTLE WITH YU YEVON

Lulu stood next to Nooj on Cid's airship. She was alone here, minus the crew and Nooj. Her old friends no longer with her, everyone off on their own various adventures. It had been Nooj's idea this trip - he had said it would be good for her, cathartic. She hadn't wanted to go. Memories were memories, but that's all that they were. It was nice sometimes to think back and smile at the good ones, but when both of the people she was on her way to see had died in ways she would not remember, there was no reason to go back. No reason to stir up things that made her want to reach back to a time where she had wished for death to take away the pain - when she had felt whole and complete. No, better to cast that aside instead of picking at the scab. But she and Nooj had come so far together, and so she would listen to him in this. A balancing act created between them, trying to keep the other alive so that they did not lose the one person who understood them.

After all the pomp and circumstance had passed, after the battle with Sin - she and Nooj had left together. Struck out to build a new life together - free of the shackles of the old oppressive government. The government that had done her so much wrong. But leaving with him, it had been what she had needed. Lulu didn't quite understand it, but after everything she had come to love this man. There was a connection between them, strong and growing stronger with each passing day. When he had asked her to come with him, to live with him, it seemed so natural. Just like breathing. She remembered it as if it were yesterday…

Lulu was in the room she had come to call her own in the airship. The walls seemed so different now that she looked at them as a partially freed woman. The deed wasn't wholly done but Baralai had promised that he would do all in his power to quash the mark of traitor that had been branded into their skin.

Now the walls were no longer a prison, a barrier to keep her out. Now they were just walls, painted and metal.

Behind her the door opened and she turned to find Nooj staring at her. She didn't say anything, unsure of what to say. The two of them had never truly been alone in a world where there was no longer a fight setting the stage for their emotions. This was the both of them exposed, raw - no swords and generals here. Battlements could not protect them any more. A hush descended upon her as she waited for him to speak. The walls that she had just found such comfort in seemed to swallow her up, "I thought I would find you here." he said.

Lulu fiddled with one of the dresspheres that she was packing to bring back to Besaid with her. She wasn't bringing them all, just the ones that she liked, her Lady Luck one and her Gun Mage. She hardly used them - would maybe never use them again, but one never knew, "Are you leaving?" she asked.

He leaned on his cane, and stared at her, "Yes, and you - where are you going?"

"Besaid. It's where I've lived all my life. Yuna and Tidus will wish to return there I am sure. I will follow to watch over her."

Nooj chuckled at that and finally put his cane aside and sat down on one of the chairs that was against the side wall in the room. He watched her for a moment and then spoke, "Yuna's a smart girl. With Tidus she should be able to handle herself. She doesn't need anyone to watch her any more."

She knew this, it wasn't as if Yuna hadn't been pressuring her to go and do whatever she'd always wanted to do now that Sin was gone, but she just felt that Yuna may need her still. Yuna would always need her. So she would return home and deal with whatever needed to be done. That was all she could do, "I know. Yuna's been telling me the same thing. But someday I fear she may get in over her head." she paused, "And I fear I have nothing better to do."

She reached over to grab her favorite moogle, the onion knight and felt Nooj's hand grip hers softly. She looked over at him oddly, and he spoke, "Then come with me. I don't know where I'm going but I do know that I want to be the change that marks this new world, and I want you to be part of that change."

It was an odd feeling - being wanted, that she hadn't felt since the end of the Blitzball tournament with Wakka. And yet even with Wakka there had been this looming feeling that no matter what she did, she would always be the second most important thing in his life. Chappu loomed over both of them - but in different ways. With Nooj it wasn't the same, they were kin the two of them. Therefore they knew just to help each other survive the feelings of death that crept up upon them in the dead of night when the silence slithered in, "What about that project that you're working on?"

"It can wait. Anyway, Gippal is working on it now. I'll tell you all about it when there is more to tell."

She found herself nodding along with what he was saying, "Okay. I'll go with you."

He only smiled.

They had made their home in a large tent just outside of Mushroom Rock Road. But it was not yet permanent and they were considering making it a place in which they could come back to. However Nooj was very busy starting a faction in Spira that he was currently calling the Youth League and so finding a full time home had been moved to the do-list. The Youth League had become a place for those who had been treated unkindly by the Yevon government. Where they could talk freely, and political ideas and beliefs could be considered without fear of prosecution. Despite this it wasn't currently working against the government. In fact sometimes it even worked along-side the government to help those who could not help themselves. Although Baralai had not been the most helpful the past few days.

Still - the group it actually worked most closely with was the Al Bhed, who had lost their Home to the old government. And there was a great deal of work to be done for the Al Bhed, and everyone else who felt at a loss. Eventually Lulu had realized that Nooj could not do it all by himself and joined him in the toil. As Lulu had helped Nooj she had found herself more and more impassioned by the work. It had should not have surprised her then when he had named her co-founder. She wasn't sure if she would have chosen the title for herself - she knew in her heart that she had not been as helpful as she could have been during the first few weeks. But he had named her co-founder all the same and now they worked tirelessly side-by-side.

In the airship Nooj approached Lulu from behind and looked at her, "I know you don't want to do this but I think it's best for you. As those who seek death we need solace. This is the best way to do it."

She sighed, "I know." Turning towards Cid, she spoke to him, "Are we there yet?"

The bald man turned to her, "Not yet. A few more minutes."

"Thank you."

Lulu turned to leave and walked back to their shaded cabin and Nooj followed her. Inside she started to strip from her formal attire, her black dress with the belt buckles. She had thought about wearing something less buckle heavy and Nooj had agreed with her. He liked the dress, and so did she but it was not right for what they were about to do. Now she was in a more explorative outfit, pants and all. Nooj looked at her, "You ready?"

She pulled her shirt over her head, "I guess."

The ship intercom crackled and Cid's voice came over the com, "We're here."

A few minutes latter the walkway of the ship opened to the outside world and Lulu and Nooj found themselves staring at the entrance to Guadolsam. Nooj took her hand and lead her into the city. Inside there was a great deal of busy activity as the Guado's packed to leave, "I wonder what's going on."

"Does it matter?"

Lulu shook her head, "No." She supposed it did not, the Guado deserved to sweat for their terrible part in the war,"Let's go."

The entrance to the farplane was not blocked by anyone as it had been during her first visit here what seemed like eons ago, and they entered quickly. Their steps into the actual farplane seemed to go on forever and ever for Lulu. One foot in front of the other the steps seemed an endless march forward, continuing to taunt her. Finally they reached the top and entered the swirling abyss. Inside the farplane sky churned and swirled with dark energy. Lulu stepped back upon the platform they now stood, "Something here is wrong." Lulu said.

"I can tell. This isn't the Farplane I know or have visited before. Perhaps it is matching the energy outside and will cool when the Guado leave." Nooj surmised.

But it didn't matter to her, different or no she had to do this. Now that she was here she had to venture forth or lose her courage entirely. She stepped up to the edge of the platform and looked into the abyss, and thought of her…

The beach sand was cold between her toes. She had been back for only two days, a failure. She had been only a teen but she had thought that somehow she would be able to protect her. She heard footsteps behind her and a smaller Yuna came up to her, so young but still able to understand so much, "Where were you sis?"

"Away. Just away."

Something about the way Lulu had spoken to her told her even then that something was wrong, "What happened sis Lulu?"

"Nothing."

"Where's sis Ginnem?"

"Who?"

And in those few seconds her sister disappeared from her life forever. And Yuna never knew who Lady Ginnem was, the girl forever erased from her life. After all, Yuna had only been here for such a short amount of time - Ginnem meant nothing to her. The shadow sister, never mentioned, never talked about.

In front of her Lady Ginnem appeared and she stepped back and bowed, speaking softly she smiled as her sister looked back at her, "I've missed you. It's been so long since I've seen you, since we were teens, to be sure. I shouldn't have put this off. You will be happy to hear, I finally found someone."

The figure remained motionless but still it was worth it, talking like this, "He's nice. I don't know if you'd like him. You were always laughing and talking about how much I would grow up alone if I didn't change my ways. I was only a teen but you already knew. You always knew. I don't know how but you did. I think I love you for that."

Behind her Nooj was silent, and let her talk, "So much has happened since you died. Yuna defeated Sin, you should see her. She's so different, not like you remember. You'd think she'd be innocent but she's not. She's grown up into a strong woman; so driven. She was the one who led us after all hope seemed lost against Sin. I didn't know she had it in her. It's funny I never thought that she would be the one to bring about the Eternal Calm. But she did, she beat him, even if it was the man she was in love with. She's the only known survivor of the Final Summon. Funny how that works, apparently love saved her, which in the end is what kills you. But you do know what they say, what doesn't kill you only makes you stronger…"

At this Lulu laughed, "Sorry I'm rambling. What I want you to know is it that I'm not going to forget you. Wakka was so obsessed with keeping memories that he didn't understand that you don't have to be obsessed to keep your memories. They just are, and we don't need to live up to them. I love you."

The apparition faded and she sighed, just one more to go. And he had meant so much to her, she remembered him too. And if she had died, she knew that he would have remembered her as well. It was odd how she knew how he had felt even as he died in her arms. She remembered her last true conversation with him, it had been right before he had left…

"You can't go! Yuna needs you, she needs us!"

He looked at her as if he understood, "I have to go Lu. I can't stay, for his sake."

He meant Chappu. Lulu's fist hit the wall and she looked up at him, "You're being selfish. We promised to protect her. We promised!"

He cupped her face in her hand and tilted her face toward his searching her eyes for a second and then let his hand drop, "Sorry, I have to go. Love you."

She didn't answer, she was just too angry to speak, "Just go."

He opened his mouth to say something but she looked at him and he nodded, "I'll always love you. Know that."

And he was gone. The next time she saw him he was her enemy. There was nothing left to be said. And then he was dead.

Wakka's form faded into view. And she looked at him, he looked the way he looked before death; the Wakka she remembered, the one who played blitzball too much and laughed at all the bad jokes. She looked him over, the same red hair, the same smile. And some part of her was happy just to see him like this, finally at peace. The other part was angry, "I don't know what to say to you. There's so many things that I think you would want to know, and so many things I never got to say… I loved you Wakka. Or, I used to… now, now I don't know. I have these good memories of us. Remember that one time? When we were children and you tried to teach me blitzball and the ball landed too deep in the water? I was scared to go and get it but you talked me into it. That was the day I learned thunder. There were fish in the water and one swam by me and I was scared and then it just happened…"

Nooj made a motion to continue talking and she did, "But then there are the bad memories that just tear at me till I can stand them no more! You betrayed us, took it into your own hands to kill thousands. And I hated you then, didn't matter if you were controlled. What mattered was the betrayal I felt. You came after us, and for what? For Chappu? You just kept telling yourself that, but I know deep down he wouldn't have wanted it this way; he was a peaceful man who fought for what he believed in. Which makes you a what? You were just a blind drone looking for an out. I knew it, you knew it. How did it feel when you learned you were working for Seymour? Did it hurt? I imagine it must have."

A pause then she continued.

"But then you died. For me, and I don't know what to say or think or understand, how, why, I just don't get it. You were his slave, you were the puppet, and yet watching your body as Tidus came at me, his sword flashing, was horror beyond horror. Because somehow you had managed to fight back. When it mattered most, for me. It was for me right? Or did you die because you were in pain? Because you wanted to escape torture? No, we are not alike like that. Your pain is different than mine."

By now she was holding onto Nooj's hand realizing just how much she depended on him, "We both lost family, at different times. But a loss is a loss. I think that's why we loved each other so much, we could see that we were all that we had. But that's not enough to hold people together. You have to truly find someone you love, and I did. I brought him here. I think you already know him, this is Nooj Wakka. And I just wanted you to know about us, because if you didn't know, even if it's not really you I'm speaking too. I don't think I could be okay with this. But you know now, and now… I think I'm going to be okay."

She leaned back into Nooj's arms and the picture faded away. Leaving her to stare into the blackness that had become the Farplane, "Okay, we can go now. "

Nooj nodded and together they went hand in hand outside to the world where things were a little dark and a little light. But she knew that they would face this thing called life and beat it back. Because in the end, Lulu understood now, she was free. Whatever happened now, beyond her time here would be of her own making - created by her own hands. A life of her own design.

A/N: And there you have it. I think this version reads better and works better with the Lulu I eventually started to write in Our Eternity, who I felt didn't quiet match up with Lulu as I originally wrote her in this story.