PREFACE

Sometimes you feel like you can't fight the good fight; that you're too weak to make even the slightest move. In reality, all you need is a little support. That's what I got when I met him.

I'd never given much thought to how I would survive this-to survive anything really. And even though he denied it at first, I felt his love and support. I wanted to feel warmth and in his smile, I did so. It was comforting, loving, and most of all homey. Home. That's what I got when I met him.

1. COMPLICATIONS

COLD.

The north wind brisked up, just as the morning slowly turned into a more depressing gray afternoon, bringing rain so cold it turned to ice that stuck to everything and anything it touched. The bare branches of the trees along O'Halla Street were sheathed in a radiant armor which drug them down and froze them into place. A single tear gently caressed my cheek as I stood in the now vacant bedroom-a place, which used to be my own-for what seemed like hours, knowing I'd never see the familiar surroundings of my Chesapeake home again. Home. The word seems only foreign to me now.

I watched dreadfully as the rain turned to ice on the window of the vacant room; knowing it'll be too long until I see the sun again, feel its blistering heat against my russet toned skin. It had only been drizzling for the past week and hadn't taken long for the sun to squeeze its way through the thick, gray clouds-but ever since I sadly agreed to leave…it seemed that Sunny Chesapeake had only become dark and twisty. Luckily, it had only drizzled long enough for Mom and me to finish packing.

In northwest Washington State, there was a diminutive town named Forks, which exists beneath a near never-ending, cloud-covered sky. It was in this town that Mom decided she and I move-a town she felt was 'healthier' and 'homier' for me. Leaving my friends,-the people I practically grew up with-killed me inside. My mother told me that she thought the move would be healthier for me if I started all over, fresh-though I hadn't wanted to. I was holding onto something that used to be there-the memories-hoping I would receive something in return, though I knew I wouldn't. And the days went by like paper in the wind. Everything changed and changed again.

The painful absence of my father changed me. It changed everything. It changed the way I lived my life, how my mother lived hers. Every night, I could hear myself screaming, as if a nightmare had forcefully wrapped itself around my head, resembling a hat, which was fitted too tight for comfort, unable to remove. I screamed so loud upon waking my 'dead-to-the-world' sleeping Mother-rushing into my room. Usually, she would leave me to handle my nightmares on my own, and I was grateful for that, knowing how helpless she felt. I was also thankful that she wouldn't bring it up the following day during breakfast. As the years passed, the nightmares became worse, practically haunting my once happy life. Ever since he died-I've felt as if a part of me died with him-the jubilant girl I once was.

It was to Forks that I now exiled myself-an action that I take with great hatred. When I was a child, Nina, my mother, always told me to, "Seize the day or die regretting the time you lost." Back then, I never really understood the meaning of the phrase. But now that my father's time was up…I now only felt regret and blamed myself for his succumbing disappearance. It felt as if a hole would be punched through my chest if I left-left the memories behind and developed newer ones. My mother told stories about my living in La Push and visiting Forks-hoping it'd change the way I felt about leaving Chesapeake…though it hadn't, really. Although Chesapeake wasn't the hottest of states, it wasn't the coldest-unlike Forks. To me, Forks was just too dreary for me to enjoy.

As a farewell gesture, I wore my favorite pants and shirt. My pants were a pair of tattered light blue jeans with holes and tears throughout and the shirt was a black button-down with three-quarter sleeves. The drive to the airport, however, was what I dreaded most and sadly, it hadn't taken long for the cab driver to arrive there. I stared at the building through my foggy window with vast hatred, and only tried to play it off when Mom repeated her question on whether I was sure I wanted to prolong the move.

"Raeleigh," my Mother said to me-the last of a thousand times-before we walked inside the airport. "You don't have to do this."

"You don't have to do this." Her words danced around in my head, teasing my wanting to turn around. Mom and I look just alike, though she has shorter hair and laugh lines. My hair length was passed my shoulder blades, black with an insignificant hint of red. My hair was curly; almost as if it had a mind of its own-with layers added to give it body and style. We were also the same height-five feet seven. And since I was always into sports, my body build became muscular while hers stayed slim. I felt a jolt of guilt tugging at my heart as I stared into my Mother's wide, forest green, childlike eyes. I could tell just by the way she looked at me that she wanted to move somewhere more familiar, fun.

"No, I want to go," I lied. I shuffled my feet against the floor and looked away from my mother's playful eyes-not wanting to give in. She'd always wanted to move back to Forks. And saying "no" would have only killed her. I'd always been a terrible liar, but I've been telling myself this particular lie so frequently…I had almost begun to believe it.

Mom hadn't responded. I knew she figured out I'd been lying and when I looked up at her, her expression said it all. She eyed me for a few short moments and repositioned her stance into a more independent posture before crossing her arms. "You do realize that I do know you a bit better than that, right?" she asked me-her tone hardened. I looked away from her, feeling somehow defeated. "Raeleigh, if you didn't want to move, then why did you agree to in the first place?"

I scoffed slightly to myself and kept my attention away from her. I hadn't wanted to answer her pleading inquiry because I knew that if I told her the ugly truth, it'd kill her. Deep down, Mom wanted me to have the want to move to Forks-to have the want to see Sam, Billy, Charlie and the others-to remember them. And deep down, I couldn't force myself to have those wants. Moving from one place to another isn't usually a hardship for most families. Sure, there's a lot of stress and some sadness when leaving your friends-but I feel as if I'm not only leaving my friends, but also leaving everything behind.

"Never be afraid of anything, Rae. Because if you show your fear-it'll only come back and bite you on the ass," Mom told me firmly-a quote she and my father told me when I was younger. "Go out with a bang. Head first-and never look back." She was insistent and I hated it. "What is it that you're running from?" She asked me.

"Somewhere so…" I breathed, "…unfamiliar seems almost dangerous to me," I admitted, studying the creases in my hands. "I wish," I continued in a whisper, "I wish you could feel the…complexity…the insecurity I feel."

"Raeleigh, there is absolutely nothing you need to be insecure about," Mom told me sweetly, placing her hand on my cheek as she caressed it gently. "Wouldn't you rather be in a place that doesn't consume your mind of bad memories?" She asked me.

"I'd rather be in a place that consumes my mind with good memories," I responded almost too quickly.

"Chesapeake isn't healthy for you anymore, Raeleigh…" Mom started-resting her hand on my shoulder. I hung my head low, not wanting to believe it-but I knew the words she spoke were more than false. "…not since after the crash."

"I know," I whispered lowly. So low, it was almost inaudible. "Do you think Dad would've wanted me to go to Forks?" I asked after a moment of silence and looked up at her with hopeful eyes.

"Definitely."

I nodded and pulled the strap of my carry on bag more securely on my shoulder and looked at the front entrance of the airport. "Are you sure this'll be the best for me?" I asked, uncertain.

"I wouldn't have it any other way, baby," she told me lovingly before hugging me tightly. "It'll be an adventure of a lifetime. You'll grow into new things and meet great people." She pulled away from me, her hands resting on my shoulders. "And there're plenty of good memories to go 'round."

I laughed and nodded in response. "I love you."

"I love you too."

The flight from Chesapeake to Seattle took six-hours, following an hour to Port Angeles, and then an hour drive back down to Forks. The flying wasn't something that necessarily bothered me, the long hours, or having to get on and off two separate planes-the part of Charlie driving Nina and I back to his place was what made things awkward for me. Charlie had truly been quite pleased about the move and that Mom and I were staying for good this time. And according to Mom, Sam already registered me for high school in La Push.

Mom had been in a better mood since we landed in Port Angeles, which, as she had said, took exactly an hour. I have to say though, that that particular hour was the longest and most wretched hour I ever endured. When we got off the plane, Mom noticed Charlie waiting for us by the cruiser. I had to admit, seeing him again was more satisfying than I anticipated. He wasn't the garrulous type like Mom and Dad, which sort of put a cramp in my side as he gave me an awkward one-armed hug when I stumbled my way toward him. "It's good to see you again, Rae," he welcomed me, giving my shoulder a gentle tap. "Here, let me grab that from you," he suggested, taking my rather lightweight carry on bag off my back, just after taking Mom's. The pack had been so light, I even forgot I had it strapped on my back. I knew Charlie was being courteous, which wasn't really like him, but went with it anyhow. I pulled the bag off and handed it to him-the bag swinging from side to side as I did so. "I bet you ladies are tired, huh?" He asked as he put the bags in the trunk.

"I know I am but I'm not sure about Rae. She slept on the way here," Mom explained and wrapped her arm around my shoulders.

"No problem. We're all going to watch a movie tonight at Billy's if you two would like to join?" Charlie invited with a small shrug.

"What movie?" I asked, slightly interested.

"I don't know," Charlie replied glumly. I made a face and slouched slightly. "The boys were arguing about it when I left to come and get you two. Hopefully they've made a decision by now. I don't want to have to do something about it."

Oh yeah, I thought to myself as I raised my brows, I'm shakin' in my boots, I finished with a hint of sarcasm. It's been ten years since I've seen Charlie Swan-Chief of Police-but never in my years have I known him to be scary or anything else relating to it.

"We should probably start heading on over. I don't want Billy to start worrying," Mom suggested as she walked for the front seat of the cruiser. I followed her lead and slipped into the backseat. Unfortunately, the seats weren't the most comfortable. I tried repositioning myself on the hard cushions repeatedly, but the attempts failed miserably.

"So, I know your birthday is coming up in a few months…" Charlie started, catching me off guard after the first twenty minutes of pure silence in the car. "…do you have any ideas on what you'd like?"

"A car," I answered, almost too quickly. Charlie chuckled and Mom smirked to herself. "I'm just grateful for whatever I get, really."

The rest of the trip was more pleasant than I thought. Charlie isn't one for being talkative, but he and Mom shared some funny stories with me, commented on the weather-which was mostly wet-, his busy work schedule, Bella…but when Mom mentioned a name she'd never mentioned before, the unfamiliar name grasped my attention almost instantly.

"Whoa, whoa, whoa…wait a minute," I started and sat up straighter in my seat. "Who're the Cullen's?" I asked and leaned closer in between their seats.

"Bella is dating a Cullen. His name is Edward," Charlie grunted lowly as he pulled into the driveway, which I assumed was to Billy's house. From his tone, I had a strong feeling that Charlie didn't like this Edward guy too much. I'm usually not one to bud into other people's business-but if Charlie is going to be my family…that means, I'd like to get to know this Edward kid.

I furrowed my brows tightly and coughed a laugh, "It sounds as if you're categorizing them," I told him softly. "A Cullen," I imitated.

"Believe me, baby, they're a category all in their own," Mom replied grimly before following Charlie out of the car.

I coughed another laugh and sighed in thought, "Tough crowd," I grunted lowly to myself before following Mom to the back of the cruiser to gather our bags and as I grabbed mine, I couldn't help but think of the way Charlie spoke of Edward. What had he done that was so disapproving? I turned to face the small red house and found myself intrigued with La Push's beauty. Everything was green. The branches of the trees along the entrance of the woods were covered in layers of moss. It was as beautiful as Mom described it-though experiencing it for what feels like the first time feels like something you can't compare with anything else.

"We should probably head inside before it starts raining," Charlie suggested in a murmur as he quickly headed toward the house. Mom followed Charlie, wrapping her arm around his shoulders, and mumbled something about Emily but I couldn't quite make out her words. I unhurriedly made my way towards the house, enjoying the quiet surrounding me. It was peaceful like Chesapeake and something I can definitely live with. Mom squealed as she entered the house, welcoming everyone with tight hugs and gentle kisses.