Okay, I have no idea what I'm doing right now…

Disclaimer: I don't own Final Fantasy 7, just wish I did, though.

Seventh Heaven King and Queen

Once upon a time, in the vast spaciousness of the Seventh Heaven kitchen, a young barmaid named Tifa Lockhart is preparing breakfast for her dear family.

Just then, the man of the house, Cloud Strife, descended upon the stairs and gives the maiden a kiss on the cheek.

"Making breakfast?" The woman replied with a nod. "Mind if I help?" said the young prince of her dreams, which surprised her, since he never really offered to help her around the house, mainly because of all the deliveries the man had to make.

"Sure." And almost immediately, she left one side of the kitchen to her beloved and turned around to prepare the other needed ingredients.

However, only seconds later, she turned to find the other half of her precious kitchen on fire, the source coming from the man's pot.

"Cloud! How the hell do you set hard boiled eggs on fire?" Was what the young maiden screamed.

"Tifa, help!"

Thus, she ran to where the fire extinguisher was kept. The barmaid firing the substance on the blazing eggs and on her beloved's backside.

Both were in silence and the dismayed Tifa Lockhart sighed.

"…Sorry."

"It's okay; can you slice these carrots, instead?"

"Okay."

The queen of the Seventh Heaven made sure not to place her king within 2 centimeters near fire, or anything flammable, for that matter. She had learned that simple tasks like slicing carrots be the only thing useful he could do inside a kitchen… or so she thought.

Dear, foolish maiden.

She turns around and to her surprise; she finds chaos within yet another half of the kitchen.

He had sliced through the carrots… AND through the cutting board… AND through the tiles of her newly tile padded kitchen.

It seems that our young maiden had forgotten that this gentleman wields a rather huge sword.

"Cloud! Can't you tell the difference between a carrot and Sephiroth?"

The young man lowered his head in shame, and once again…

"…Sorry."

Another sigh left the maiden's breath; she couldn't resist her loved one, being as adorable as he is now, so she decided to give him another chance.

"Alright, Cloud. Separate the soup from the solids. You can do that, right?"

The man's face lit up, utterly certain that his beloved had given up on him, but alas, he was wrong. That is why he is determined not to fail this time, and for once, do something to make his maiden proud.

He carefully poured the liquid on the strainer; he also made sure that there was a container below it so the soup will not waste away. Almost finished, he thought to himself. He was almost finished when…

"Hi Cloud! Whacha doin'?" Suddenly, a young girl quickly popped into the view of the Seventh Heaven's king, which startled him and caused the hot liquid to splatter on his unsuspecting beloved.

The young maiden screamed in her pain and horror, and this, this, while gritting her teeth, was definitely the last straw.

"Cloud…"

He slowly, and ever so slowly, turned to face the young maiden.

"Get the hell out."

Once upon a time, in the vast spaciousness of the Seventh Heaven, the king was dethroned and was stripped of his rights to enter the sacred realm of Tifa Lockhart's kitchen.