What Is Today If Yesterday Is Tomorrow?
CHAPTER 1: Stan Marsh
Day: Thursday
~By ViraLayton~
~CO-WRITTEN BY MARIO_MARTINO~
"Alright class now listen up!" Mr. Garison announced, "We will be taking a test to determine who your perfect match would be in a relationship. Now it will be using you and all the other 16-17 year olds across the United States." Stan looked at Wendy. She winked at him. "You are to return the test to me by tomorrow. You are to do this ALL BY YOURSELVES. Comprende?" the class nodded. The bell rang, signalling the dismissal of the school day. Wendy ran up to Stan at his locker.
"Hey Stan. What're you doing after school?" she asked him.
"Test, homework, dog. I'll be done by… 10:00 ish."
"Oh, Ok…" she started to walk away.
"Wait! I don't… necessarily have to do those DIRECTLY when I get home." she perked up. She grabbed his hand and dragged him out of the school. He slung his book bag over his shoulder she smiled at him and tightened her grip on his hand. They were silent. Wendy adjusted her dark pink beret. They arrived at her house minutes later, still enveloped in silence. He led her up to the door.
"Thanks." she smiled. Stan nodded. He leaned in close to her face, close enough to kiss her. So close… so clo-
"DON'T THROW UP, STAN!" Cartman yelled. Stan balled his hands up into fists.
"I've gotta go." he told Wendy. She nodded then rushed inside. Stan ran over to his friends. Cartman was staring at him, Kenny was doubled over in laughter, and Kyle was staring angrily at Cartman with his arms crossed.
"What the hell, fatass?" he yelled.
"I just couldn't pass up the opportunity." he smirked. He pushed past him and Kenny. Kyle ran up next to me.
"You alright, dude?" he asked.
"I'm fine. I just wish Cartman would quit being such a moment-ruinner." Stan kicked a rock into the street. It bounced off some guys' windshield, causing him to spin out of control and crash into a signpost that said 'Need a hand? Allstate can help.'
"Dude, what's up with you?" normally he would have told him, but he was too angry to tell him. Stan ran home and rushed to his room, slamming the door behind him. He locked the door and threw himself onto his bed. He dug through his book bag until he found the test and a pencil.
"Might as well get it over with."
1. Would you prefer:
(a) A walk on the beach
(b) Stroll through town
(c) Stargazing in the country
(d) Night at the movies
(e) Video gaming
He picked e.
2. What is your favourite colour?
(a) red
(b) Orange
(c) Yellow
(d) Green
(e) Blue
He picked e. He skimmed over the questions quickly, then arriving at the last question.
50. What do you look for in a potential partner?
(a) Funny
(b) Adventurous
(c) Musical
(d) Romantic
(e) Sporty
He picked the last answer. He stuffed the test in his backpack and lay down on his bed. He threw his hat at his desk and shut his eyes. He thought he fell asleep, but really, he had just passed out.
He woke up at one in the morning.
By something scratching outside his window. Stan sat up. Someone slid open his window and rolled into his room. He stood and pulled something out of his back pocket. It glinted in the faint light. A knife.
"Stan?" someone called. "It's alright… I'm not gonna kill you."
Yeah, right. Stan silently slid off his bed and underneath it. He pulled out his cell and texted Kyle.
I think someone's trying to kill me.
You're imagining things. Go 2 sleep, Stan. Ur probably just dreaming.
No, it's a legit guy with a legit knife.
Whtevr.
Stan threw the phone down in rage. The guy in his room flung open Stan's closet, then his door. He flipped the switch. Then turned it back off. He rushed back to the window. Stan watched him slip out his window. He sat back on his bed.
"Who the hell was that?" he didn't want to know anyway.
"Alright class, hand in your partner tests." Mr. Garrison yelled. Stan pulled out his test from his back pocket. He passed it up to the kid in front of him. Wendy looked at him.
"Are you alright, Stan?" she asked he put his head down on his desk. The sound reverberated through his skull. He looked at her.
"No." he whispered. Mr. Garrison surveyed the class. "It's Friday, try to show some excitement." the class groaned. "You will receive your results after lunch. Now go." The bell rung as if on cue.
Stan got his lunch of a Salisbury steak with mashed potatoes. Stan took his seat next to Kyle across from Kenny.
"Dude, you alright?" Kyle looked confused.
"I swear, the next person who asks that is gonna die." he growled.
"Ok jeez, don't eat me." Kenny grinned.
"What do you think your perfect match is gonna be like?" Craig, who was in between Kenny and Cartman, randomly asked.
"I swear if there's another Cartman, I'm gonna kill myself." Kyle groaned.
"Do us all a favour and do it now." Cartman snorted.
"Shut up, fatass." Kenny rolled his eyes at him.
"You can't say that! I've lost weight."
"Yeah, like, half a pound." Kenny retorted.
"Guys!" Stan interrupted. They all stared at him. "Just, can't you guys shut up for two minutes?"
"Didn't you see your doctor about being a cynical asshole?" Cartman laughed.
"Yeah, so?" Stan wolfed down his lunch and headed back to class a few minutes early. He sat outside the door. When the bell rang signalling the end of lunch, he rushed inside. There was a single file on every desk in the room. As Stan sat in his chair, he surveyed the file. There was a small picture of a girl inside and she looked a lot like he did. Her long black hair flowed down her shoulders and she wore a blue hat, much like his. "Stella March, hmm." saying the name aloud made him feel funny. The strange feeling made him uneasy.
"So," Kyle said as he sat down next to Stan, "Who did you get?" Stan pulled the file away just as Kyle looked over his shoulder. "Fine, don't tell me."
"All right class settle down, now your homework assignment is to find out as much about your partner as possible. Now, I will have a little surprise waiting for you on Monday morning," Mr. Garrison smiled at this last comment, and it felt as though the whole class shifted uneasily.
Stan's phone went off.
"Hey Stan" Wendy said on the other end. "What's going on?"
"Doing the homework, y'know, about our 'partners'."
"Who'd you get?" she asked.
"Some chick named Stella March." he replied. "What about you?"
"Wendel Eataburger." she was silent for a minute. "Proposition."
"What?"
"No matter how much we like our 'match,' we stay true to each other."
"Ok. Works for me." Stan looked out his window.
"Ok, bye then."
"Later." he hung up the phone. Stan booted up his laptop and Googled 'Stella March' and went to images. The first one he saw was her at the X-Games on the half-pipe. The next was her holding the second place trophy.
"Wow, she's a… skateboarder." he pulled the file out of his book bag.
Stella March
Age: 16
Birthday: June 10, 1999
Interests: Skateboarding, Video Games, Bass Guitar
Best Friend: Kylie Broslosski
Often Seen With: Kylie Broslosski, Kendal MacCermick, Erica Cartmine
Nunber of Answers Similar: 49/50
Number of Answers Different: 1/50
"Whoa."
Stan walked into class on Monday. He started to his seat, then stopped.
To find it was already taken. By a girl. She turned to him.
"Hey, how's it goin'?" Stella asked him. Stan stood with his mouth open.
"Dude, don't-don't drool on the desk." said a girl in Kyle's desk. She pushed back a clump of red hair in her face.
"SURPRISE!" Mr. Garrison yelled.
"What kind of sick joke is this?" Cartman shouted.
"Shut it, Eric. You will be spending the remainder o the month with your new partner. You are NOT TO BE SEPARATED for one minute. Understood?" the double sized class nodded. "Good. My class will be seated on the floor next to their desks and Mrs. Garison's students will be in the desks. Now for today's lesson; Doppelgangers. Now can anyone tell me…?" Mr. Garrison's voice trailed off into the background. Stan stared at Stella in awe. How the hell did I get this sexy chick?