Summary: At a family BBQ, Alex and Mike come to a new decision.

Pairing: Mike/Alex

Series: M/A, Sequel to Bubbles and Speak. But this one can definitely stand alone.

Spoilers: S6, Bedfellows and anything before that.

Disclaimer: Not mine, 'nuff said.

Reviews: Please? Thank you so much to those that have already done so. They help me to improve.

Confessions

"A confession is good for the soul only in the sense that a tweed coat is good for dandruff - it is palliative rather than remedy." Peter De Vries, writer (1910 - 1993)

He had never been to one before.

At least, not one that involved a friendly atmosphere and a tonne of kids. It was overwhelming and almost too much for him. Everytime he was involved in a family moment like this he quickly put up this intense masquerade, a facade of happiness and a general round happy-go-lucky guy that can smile at anything.

Like he'd had a family before.

The Eames family were an intense group of people... and Huge. He could almost even call it an epic family with so much history that to stand there and listen to it all and then get it in some kind of understanding would be so impossible that he doubted that even Robert Goren could do such a thing.

Mike Logan on the other hand was from a small, spread out family that reeked of bad history and a lack of understanding would be welcomed for him but he knew too much; he'd lived it. Watching Alex Eames as she rushed around outside on the back yard with all of her nieces and nephews, Mike was bewildered a little, she seemed so happy that the recent events seemed so surreal. Had they happened at all? Had she really been kidnapped? She'd proven once again that she was a fighter and that if anyone could move on from such an horrific moment in their lives it could be her.

It seemed he'd been so dazed by her activities with the children that Mike hadn't noticed the presence beside him; a caring hand was placed on his shoulder and he eventually heard a voice. "Hey, you watching the whole thing or her?"

Mike managed to tear his eyes away from Alex to see her brother, Steve Eames, standing beside him with an amused but subtle look on his face. Mike smirked a little, "Only her."

Steve's lips twitched into his own crookied smirk, "Fair enough." He then passed Mike a fresh bottle of bud, which he gratefully took placing the rim to his lips and knocking a swig back with his eyes still watching Alex as she started tackling these children to the ground to get a hold of the ball. "It's strange how they only play like that with her."

Mike looked back toward Steve, "Yeah?"

Steve chuckled, "Yeah. You see, if anyone else was to play like that with them they'd cry, but she could be as rough as she wants with them and they won't even shed a tear."

This caused a laugh out of Mike. Steve gave him a curious look but Mike just shook his head.

"Can I ask you a question?" Steve asked, carefully.

Mike nodded. Not sure about what kind of question this was going to be or if he even really wanted to hear it.

"You're not from a big family are you?"

"No." Mike asked, looking back at Alex before turning back to Steve.

"Oh, she didn't say anything if that's what you're thinking." Steve quickly reassured him, not that Mike needed it; he knew Alex wouldn't have spoken about Mike's private life with her family. "I can just tell because I am from a big family and clearly you're not used to it."

Mike pondered this for a moment before saying, "I've been here before. You didn't say anything then."

Steve shrugged, "Sorry." He suddenly got the impression that this clearly wasn't a topic Mike wanted to talk about. Mike nodded, in acceptance and gratitude - hoping that the conversation really was over. His eyes immediately went back to Alex and the bottle of bud was brought back up to his lips; feeling thirsty all of a sudden.

Then he remembered what day it was and he suddenly knew why he was feeling so introspective. And as he that realisation hit him he felt that familiar groan come from the pit of his stomach in the form of a rumble. Not what he wanted to think about, at all.

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A deep desire to not think about what today represented forced Mike to join in the game of football with Alex and the children. He hadn't realised how much energy and fitness was required to play this game, apparently he was losing his touch. Before long it had become a match of Alex against Mike. A heated, passionate and fun game between the two of them that had the kids in hysterics and the adults watching with an amused fascination.

"Unbelievable." Johnny Eames said with fascination. "Next he's gonna tell me he's a Packers fan."

Eric and Steve, his two sons, laughed at that thought. Eric was tucking into his burger with delight but he was saving room for the hotdogs.

They watched like they were at an actual game; Mike had pulled Alex to the floor as she'd tried to get a hold of the ball and now he was stopping her from moving forward, the ball just out of reach of her fingers. Scrambling on top of her as she was face down on the ground, laughing so hard she could barely move but she was still attempting it. "No, you're not gonna win." Alex said through laughter but set in her determination. Frustrated that the ball kept brushing the tips of her fingers.

Through his own laughter Mike replied, "No? I've got you pinned so..."

After a few more seconds of trying to free herself from his grasp she gave up and twisted herself around to look at him, laughing so hard that tears were falling down her face.

"Auntie Alex?" She looked up to see her nephew, Nathan, standing above her holding the ball she'd been reaching for. "Do you want da ball?"

"Quick!" She exclaimed, turning back around catching Mike off guard. "Throw it there!" Pointing to a particular spot on the ground that would symbolise victory for her. Her nephew, the one she'd given birth to, was quick to respond and did so with a smile of achievement on his face. A smile that grew when Alex started cheering at him, still caught underneath Mike.

Mike pretended to be upset by his loss but he couldn't help but laugh when he heard everyone chuckling and laughing at them. Standing up, he held out his hand and helped Alex up, brushing the grass off of each other. "You lost, Mikey!" Nathan squealed in delight, running circles around Alex and Mike's legs.

Alex looked up at Mike and he could see the laughter was not only on her face but in her eyes, "Technically he wasn't on your team." Mike tried for one last chance to be victorious.

With a smirk she said, "He's always on my team."

Mike looked down at the toddler who had picked up the ball again and was continually throwing it back down at the spot where Alex had instructed him to do so. "Ah, well my apologies then." Mike said with a grin as Nathan rushed off carrying the ball towards his mother, Jo.

"Mamma. Mamma. I did it!" He cried in happiness. The ball a little too big for his small hands but he held on all the same, tossing it towards his mother.

"Good job." She smiled, happily, dodging the ball as it was hurled towards her. Mike and Alex followed him, both of them finally calming down and catching their breaths.

"It's nice to see that a baby can give you a run for your money, Mike." Johnny said, with humor.

Mike rolled his eyes and grinned, "Well, I let him win." He then made an 'ow' sound as Alex playfully slapped him on the arm. They sat down on the white patio chairs and smiled when they were passed some food by Katie, her other sister. "Thanks."

"Careful though." Alex warned him, as he began to tuck into his burger. "You might wanna save room for the hotdogs."

Mike lifted his face away from his food and looked at her with keen interest. "Hotdogs?"

She smirked, "Oh yeah."

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Watching him tuck into his third hotdog like it was his first made Alex smile. Personally she couldn't see the attraction to them. Processed meat and a piece of bread with sauce? They were never very appetising to her. The only reason they were ever made is because her brother Eric loved them to pieces. Now her family were discovering that when they had a BBQ in the future they needed to accommodate Mike's tastes as well.

The future thoughts were starting to invade her mind a lot more often than they used to. She couldn't tell if it was old age or something - although she had a feeling her sisters would be the first to point out that she's not that old - maybe it wasn't age as in years but some kind of clock was definitely ticking.

That very thought made her cringe. She'd always thought she would be the last person to listen to the proverbial biological clock. But as she looked at Mike she could swear she could even hear it ticking.

Tick. Tock. Tick. Tock.

A vision of a bomb exploding and a mushroom cloud suddenly felt like it had a place in her mind.

Funny, when she had started this relationship with him the thought of settling down with him had been bizarre at best but as time had gone by she began to see something between them that she hadn't had before; not even with Joe. Her marriage to Joe had been a rollarcoaster of massive proportions, she would be the first to tell you that her marriage had been far from perfect - it had been difficult but she didn't regret it. But when Joe had died, she had promised herself she wouldn't marry again and she can vaguely remembering cursing herself for marrying a cop in the first place.

Strange how that thought occured to her now instead of when it mattered. Would it have stopped her? She doubted it. She been caught up in all the excitement and all the new feelings that had surrounded her that her own words had been forgotten and here she was, sitting and watching him whilst her mind seriously considered telling him everything and taking that step forward. But did she dare to do so? Would he be okay with that? What if she lost him over it?

So many questions flew through her mind like a blizzard that she never realised it was getting dark and that Mike had actually finished his hotdog and was looking at her with a face of concern. "Huh?" She asked, dragging herself out of her thoughts.

"I said, you're spacing out like your partner." Mike said, his lips twitching as he smiled.

"Oh." Alex said, holding her mouth in the shape of an O.

Mike looked at her, "What were you thinking about?"

After a moment she just shook her head, "Nothing important."

"Are you kidding?" Jo snorted, causing them both to turn to look at her with curiosity, both of them had forgotten they were alone. "It looked important enough to be the meaning of life!"

"That is important." Agreed Eric, letting them know if his presence as well. He was still eating his hotdog.

Mike seemed to give himelf a mental shake and then he turned back to Alex with a small smile. "You alright?" He asked.

She nodded, "I'm fine." She made a swallowing action that she couldn't control, "I'm gonna get a drink." Alex stood up and looked at them all around the table, "Anyone want one?"

"Me!" Alex turned to see Nathan on his trike, trying to pedal towards her with his hand up in the air.

Alex smiled, "Okay." She turned and walked into the house.

Mike watched her leave as he heard the little toddler call out to her, "Wait for me, Auntie Alex!" But Alex had already walked through the door and had disappeared from view.

"Mike?" Hearing his name, Mike turned towards Johnny with a quizzical expression. "You want another hotdog?" Mike watched as the man walked towards him with a plate of hotdogs.

Well, who can resist one of those? "Sure!" He replied, enthusiastically as the older man reached him and placed the plate on the table within reach of both Mike and Eric.

"You boys are gonna regret eating all of those." Katie scolded gently as she sat down next to Jo.

"Nope." Eric and Mike commented at the same time. They shared a look but they shook it off and continued to dig in. Jo and Katie shared their own look and then laughed at them.

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Once it had become too dark to stay outside, most of them had retreated to the safety of the bright indoors. Most. Mike was still sat outside with Eric and Johnny, he had no idea where Alex was but he assumed she was doing some family thing with her sisters or her mother, who hadn't been outside for the entire time. Eric and Johnny were in some deep conversation about a car that Eric had been working on, some cheap second hand vehicle that he'd bought and was now doing up in the hopes of selling to make a profit but his father was trying to talk Eric out of selling the car at all because he felt it was a thing of beauty to do up your own.

Mike wasn't really paying that much attention to the conversation. His thoughts were once again resting on what today was and he realised again just how much the memory of his mother really did plague him, like a thorn in his side that just wouldn't come loose even after all the tugging he'd been doing; he was just making it worse.

Today was the anniversary of her death. Today was the anniversary of the day when he'd felt a mix of relief and regret, there had been some sadness but not as much as there should have been. He sometimes wished he could go back and see if he could make it right. As a child he'd always believed his mother had abused him because it was his fault. But then doesn't a child always think it's their fault when adults do things that they can't explain? It didn't help that his mother certainly blamed him but could he have changed it?

He'd forget dates and such because they didn't mean anything to him, which is why today's meaning hadn't occured to him until the day was almost done. Lately he'd been finding that he'd think of his mother less and less so why did she have to bother him today? Damn her.

He felt someone gently hold his arm and he blinked himself out of his thoughts to see Alex looking at him with a soft, concerned face. Her face lit up from the light being emitted from the kitchen and. not for the first time, Mike was basking in her beauty. She smiled, softly and he could see that she was concerned. Suddenly the roles had reversed.

Turning away from her for a second he noticed that Eric and Johnny were no longer standing outside and that they were the only ones. He turned his attention back to her and he didn't miss the flutter of a smirk that flew across her face, "So, I was pondering the meaning of life and you were thinking about the origins of the universe?" She asked, a hint of humor but it didn't mask her concern.

"So you were thinking about that?" Mike asked, a playful grin on his face.

One that was quickly removed when she seriously shook her head, "No."

Mike nodded, his face twisting a little in anguish, "Me neither."

"Wanna tell me what you were thinking?"

He wanted to open his mouth and allow it all to come flying out at 600mph but when his mouth opened nothing came out; like a dragon all out of puff. He sighed in frustration but she didn't move, she didn't take her eyes off his face.

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TBC