AN: This is my rewrite of X-men 3. I thought that the original 'version' was too droll, so I started this one. Of course, I don't own anything except the plot idea blah blah.
Professor Xavier was sleeping in. Usually he didn't, but he felt like it today. Then a knock was heard on his door.
"Um, idiot?" Wolverine's coarse voice was heard. "No offense, Chuck, but if you don't get up now, I'm going to send Kitty in to get you up." A muffled outcry followed this statement, with Wolverine sniggering.
"Uuuungh." He didn't feel like getting up.
"Seriously, idiot, Kitty's gonna phase your clothing on and off, too. And if you don't want her seeing you naked-"
Kitty stumbled in, and almost immediately ran out shrieking. The action provoked a similar response from Xavier.
"I'd have thought that you were more dignified, professor," putting heavy emphasis on the "professor" part.
* * *
When Xavier wheeled himself into the classroom, late and groggy, a silent class greeted him. "Ah yes," he mumbled. "Today, we will be talking about the ethics of wearing undergarments." Muffled giggles greeted this announcement.
"Now," Xavier continued, frowning slightly, "undergarments are very useful in many ways. Sometimes it is considered indecent to go without them. The most 'popular' types of undergarments are usually-"
At the same time Xavier was droning on about the ethics of undergarments, Ororo Munroe and Logan were leading a Danger Room session.
"Lighten up, Storm," he muttered to Ororo. "It's just a lot of computer simulations."
The white-haired woman spun around and gave him a glare. "It's not just a lot of computer simulations. It's-"
But Logan interrupted her. "Oh yeah?" he retorted. He stalked over to the hidden control panel, and with a snikt of his middle claw extending, slammed it into a slot.
Instantaneously, electricity crackled, and the scene jerked and faded. A new scene appeared: pink bunnies hopping on a pure green hill, picking up little purple ducklings and dropping them into Easter baskets. The kids in the Danger Room at the time started in surprise.
"See?" Logan smirked at Storm. Before she had a chance to respond, Rogue screamed. A large pink bunny had hopped over and tried to yank off one of her boots. Startled, the bunny dropped Rogue's boot and fled off the hill.
"Now, Logan," Storm said in a dangerous voice. "Get the damn room back to the original robot simulation.
Logan shrugged. "Whatever you say, bub." He walked over to the panel again. Again he jammed a claw into the slot.
The scene didn't change. Logan looked around. The bunnies were still collecting the ducklings.
Then a larger-than-life Magneto floated down to the hillside. More mutants flanked him on either side. "What the hell?" Logan exclaimed.
"Hi wittle baby Logan!" the simulated Magneto cackled in Xavier's voice. "I like your purty knives! Whatcha do with 'em?"
"I kill people," Logan replied dismissively.
"Ooooh!" Magneto's simulated duplicate exclaimed. "That's cool! Where'dya go for kindergarten?"
Logan stared at him in disbelief. "You are mental."
Storm called out behind him, "Computer, end simulation."
The room faded back to the grid lines, and the group trooped out of there.
* * *