AUTHOR'S NOTE: This is a series of one-shots that I wrote in 2006 and 2007. Each fic stands on its own, but together they do form a loose story.

The closet was tight and dark, and Jayne had already stubbed his toe, but the pain was little compared to the pleasure of having Kaylee Frye attached to his lips.

He chuckled to himself as she eagerly untucked his shirt. Nothin' like a soft young thing itchin' for some action in a dark, illicit place where you just might get discovered. He'd forgotten—almost—how good it could be. He made a satisfied growl in his throat and shifted his weight to maneuver Kaylee against the wall, when he lost his balance, dropping Kaylee as he grabbed madly for anything to break his fall. Unfortunately, he grabbed a metal shelving unit that fell forward and clanged against the other wall, and whatever was on the shelves slid off. In the blackness, he heard Kaylee yelp in surprise, and a bunch of falling things made a shower of thumps.

For a moment, there was complete silence.

Jayne cleared his throat carefully. "Uh, you okay?" he asked.

"What do you think?" came the reply, which sounded not so happy to Jayne's ears.

He felt around for the wall, and then ran his hands along it until he found the light switch. He clicked it, and their surroundings became visible.

Kaylee was buried under a mountain of toilet paper rolls and the shelving unit. "And you thought this was a good idea because...?"

"I was improvisin'!" Not the best excuse, but it was the first thing that came to mind.

There was another moment of silence.

Jayne gingerly righted the shelving unit.

A little more silence.

Glaring at him, Kaylee freed a hand from under the pile of toilet paper rolls and held it out to him.

He stared at her for a minute, until it dawned on him: "Oh, right." Jayne extended a hand and easily pulled her to her feet. He was surprised at how small she actually was; her personality made her seem much bigger. Especially in her current mood, which featured a very red face and some angry eyebrows.

"Glad to see you're not, uh, hurt or nothin'," he mumbled.

Kaylee brushed herself off and looked around, then groaned, shaking her head. "Never again," she muttered to herself.

"Now wait a second," Jayne interjected, feeling a few feathers ruffled. "You said you wanted some excitement. I was givin' it to you."

"You dropped me, Jayne. And then a bunch of toilet paper and a shelf fell on me!"

Jayne threw up his hands. "It was an accident! They happen!"

Kaylee sighed. "You know, Jayne, all I was askin' for was a little seduction. I wasn't askin' you to recite the alphabet."

"Hey! Don't bring my alphabet into this! My alphabet is right purty!"

Kaylee just rolled her eyes and pushed by him, and Jayne, sensing his only chance at carnal knowledge in weeks slipping away from him, quickly racked his brain. "Wait, wait. I can make it up to you! How 'bout in the engine room? You like gears, I like gears...."

"You do not like gears!"

"I could learn to like 'em! Real fast!"

A withering look from Kaylee silenced him. "Jayne? This ship has sailed. Say goodbye."

He gaped at her. "No! Wait!" he called to her back as she stomped out of the closet. "Come on, you're supposed to be nice! Cheerful! Where's your spirit of forgiveness?"

He stood, frozen. He'd just been kicked to the curb. Kaylee wasn't the first female to do that to him, but still....

After she left, he picked up all the toilet paper and put it back on the straightened shelf. It was going to be another long night in his bunk, but it wasn't anything a nice chat with Vera couldn't fix. Shame that more women couldn't be as understanding.

'Course, he'd never dropped Vera.