Dear Agony
She couldn't breathe. She couldn't /think/.
All she could do was cry as Stefan, fucking /Stefan/ kept talking and saying /nothing/.
He said nothing of value, he couldn't. She wished it were Damon here saying those things to her now because he just always knew what to say, even if he himself didn't know that he knew; he knew. She couldn't sleep.
I mean, she didn't need the sleep because she was undead, but the oblivion of sleep was beyond her capabilities at present and it sucked.
She was the kiddie pool no more and the last few years proved that to her over and over.
She was beautiful and strong and full of light. She was fancied.
Right.
She was slowly suffering and hurting and wanting to crawl into a hole.
She needed water. She entered the kitchen and there was Damon, hateful hurtful Damon writing a eulogy for his only friend. The not nice guy who abused her so long ago and now, now he was here and he was talking.
"The worst day, that will be next week, when you're all alone and all that's around you is silence. That'll be your worst day."
"Thanks for the water."
And she left him there so she could lay down in the trembling hutch of her dark room and not sleep and
just think as the leaves patterned the ceiling in the dark and it wasn't her room and it wasn't her house and her mom was dead now and cold on a slab, or in a coffin, whatever and she was here and feeling and hurting and in agony.
There was sunlight in the church, and there were words in the church, and there was her mom in the church except she was still in the cold, in the coffin /whatever/, draped in a flag and having her last call out.
"Unit 26 is out of commission."
Jesus.
Jesus she wasn't going to make it and it just hurt so bad.
She missed Klaus. She missed how he made her feel in situations like this, where the pain was too much where the agony ran deep like blood and wine and water in her veins liquid hurt, he never turned off his humanity, Klaus who always looked at her like she fucking /mattered/ even when he hurt so bad it shattered his ocean blue eyes into shards of himself, he still looked to her and /at/ her when he broke like that.
She mattered.
But it was too much.
And he was gone, gone like her mother.
And oh there was Elena on the floor broken doll shattered dreams Elena on the floor dead because, oops, she killed her but not really because Elena wasn't technically alive; like her.
Dead on the floor with her eyes open and staring and Caroline was staring and not caring.
But the pain was gone and with the snap of Elena's slim neck, Caroline's humanity was snapped off as well.
Snap.
Just like that.
Easy right?
So easy and there was nothing left.
Nothing but the agony she could shut off and hide.
Except the fight was gone.
Gone like Elena, gone like her mom, her beautiful angel of a mother. Gone like Klaus.
Gone with her love and gone with the wind and Scarlet she frankly didn't give a damn; about anything. She didn't care and as she stepped over Elena's body she smiled but it didn't touch the sunlit sky of her eyes, she was cold as ice on snow now lights out curtain call fat lady singing humanity over.
New life, new Caroline.
Blue and cold Caroline.
But not anymore. She wasn't blue anymore and God didn't answer prayers from creatures like her if he ever did and she was as alone as she could ever be, all alone in a world without angels or demons just former humans waiting for an eternity that never came.
Dear agony...
Fin