Disclaimer: I own nothing!
Will: Hello everybody! I'm Will -points to header name- see? I decided I wanted to do one of those 'Ask the Death Note characters Questions' dealies. Because, y'know... it's not like I have anything better to do.
Near: Yeah, it's not like he could be out finding a job or cleaning the house.
Mello: Or studying for school.
Matt: Or even working on one of his stories that he's already started. I'm kinda worried about the freaking murderer who's apparently out to get me.
Will: And I'm kinda worried about the three annoying orphans who are apparently out to get me. Shut up and let me do my job!
Near: This isn't a job, moron.
Will: MOVING. ON. ... ahem. Anyways, you might be confused by the fact that Matt and Mello are still... y'know, breathing. Along with Light, L, and an assortment of other Death Note characters who should be dead.
Matt: Yeah... that is rather confusing.
Mello: Not really, this is fanfiction after all.
Will: There shall be SILENCE while I'm talking!
Matt/Mello: ...
Will: ...
All: ...
Will: Right then. Well, I brought them back from the dead! Using my Thing-y-gami and her Life Note!
All: ...
Light: Thing-y-gami...? -looks at Ryuk-
Ryuk: -shrugs-
Tami (the thing-y-gami): I'm really just here for the free food.
L: Are there any sweets?
Tami: Not for you.
Will: I had to bribe her somehow...
Light: I don't think there's such a thing as a ... thing-y-gami.
Will: Not important. What's important is that you're all here to answer random fanfiction reader's questions! And before anyone asks, no. you're not getting paid. You're doing this out of the kindness of your hearts.
All: ...
Light: Mikami?
Mikami: On it, Kami-sama. -writing down Will's true name-
-forty seconds later-
Will: :3 Now, as I was saying. You're all locked in here and you can't leave until I get bored. You'll do whatever the reviewers say, and answer any question asked. And if I don't get enough reviews, then I'll probably make one of you do something entertaining like jumping off a cliff with no parachute or dressing in drag. You'll get one meal a day, two if you're good. Don't touch the free food, that's for me and Tami only. And... hm... what else...
Light: Wait a minute! Why aren't you dead!?
Mikami: I have failed you...Kami... -stabs himself with a pen-
Will: The Death Note states that only a human will be killed when his or her name is written in it. I am clearly a raccoon.
Light: ...
Near: Yeah, obviously.
L: Really Light, I thought you were smarter than that.
Light: ... I hate you all.
Misa: Misa is confused. Why is the rodent talking?
Tami: I turned him into a raccoon with my Species Note.
Mello: Wait, I thought you carried a Life Note.
Tami: I have lots of Notes. Hence why I'm a Thing-y-gami and not a Life-y-gami.
Near: Keep up Mello. You're as bad as Light.
Mello: -dies a little inside-
Will: Anywho, now it's time to address the readers!
Takada: I highly doubt you'll get any.
Will: Tami?
Tami: On it, freak. -writing down Takada's name-
Takada: -turns into a ferret- Wha-what the hell!?
Will: Thank you. :3
Matt: -gasp!- She looks like a Furret!!
All: ??
Matt: I'm gonna catch her! -starts chasing Takada-
All besides Takada and Matt: ... -watching boredly-
Mello: ... I need to keep him away from video games...
Near: Agreed.
Tami: Is he... is he trying to shove her into a sock?
L: It would appear so.
Will: Moving right along. I just want the readers to know that they can ask any question. But for the sake of our dear friends at Death Note, try to be polite. Even if you don't like the character, they have feelings too.
Mello: Don't listen to him! Make Light miserable!
Will: I didn't say I was talking about Light. I could be referring to Takada as well.
Tami: No. He was talking about Light.
Near: Which is strange, seeing as you hate him...
Light: Yeah...
Will: Be that as it may, I stiill believe that everyone deserves respect. So please people, try to show our friend Light some kindness. :3 -pats Light on the back-
Light: Wow... thanks...?
Will: No problem buddy.
Mello: How did a tiny raccoon reach up to Light's back...?
Will: There shall be SILENCE from you!
Mello: Uh... kay?
Light: -feeling loved-
L (to Near): Think he'll notice the kick me sign?
Near (to L): Possibly. I'm sure he figure it out once a few people start kicking him.
L: Yeah.
Matsuda: Do I get any lines...?
Will: -duct tapes Matsuda's mouth shut-
Matsuda: -cries-
Will: Well, that's our introduction. If anyone gives a flying anteater's grandmother, leave a question or two!
Tami: Or three or four.
L: Or even more!
Mello: ...
Near: ...
Will: Too much?
Near: Too much.
Mikami: -twitching on the floor-