Samus Aran was having a bad day.
"I remembered the cry of the baby. I would never again see the baby. I would never again hear the baby. I would never again touch the baby, smell the baby, or taste the baby. If I activated my scan visor I would be unable to ever again scan the baby." She eyed the bottle of enigmatic brown liquid in her hand and poured it out against her visor. "Aww." She kept forgetting her helmet made it difficult to indulge her drinking problem. She was very distraught lately over the death of the baby, to be fair.
The universe's greatest bounty hunter was interrupted from her pity party by the synthesized sound of a baby's crying filling the cockpit of her ship. She groaned and tossed her bottle to the floor to join the rest of its fallen brethren. "A distress call with all the urgency of a baby's cry. An SOS signal broadcast with the intent of summoning help for a vessel in danger. That is what that sound is. The sound in the cockpit of my ship reverberated with all the urgency of my own infant in mortal peril. It was as if the distress call was calling specifically for me, not anyone else who might hear and respond. My thoughts returned to the baby, and Mother Brain, and Planet Zebes, and Ridley, and the Space Pirates, and Phantoon, and the Galactic Federation, and the Chozo, and my parents, and my old commanding officer from when I was in the Galactic Federation Army. The Space Pirates weren't called Space Pirates anymore, they were Zebesians. In addition, even though it was called the Galactic Federation the only people in it nowadays were humans and they were not representative of the galactic community." Samus tapped a few buttons on her console to shut up the crying sound. Galactic Federation space travel protocol was that distress calls could not be silenced or overridden. She never did much care. "It reminds me of why I left the Galactic Federation Army because soldiers were not allowed to use any equipment unless explicitly authorized by their commanding officer. This and other questionable decisions such as their military's unethical use of giant, easy to subvert artificial brains to control colonies and warships, their illegal research into the use of bioweapons such as Metroids, and their well-publicized 99% casualty rate on even routine assignments and complete inability to accomplish anything without hiring Hunters like myself to do it for them, was why the Galactic Federation had become the punchline to countless jokes in the galactic community."
Samus swung around to dock with the BOTTLE SHIP. The strangely-named vessel was less of a spaceship and more of an artificial environment unit for biological research. The Galactic Federation was just smug enough to honestly believe that nobody suspected that they were using these stations for research into biological weapons. Everyone knew better. Why else would the military fund these things?
The BOTTLE SHIP was quiet. Nothing but the soft hum of the life support systems and other spaceship noises. At least, it was quiet until Samus's scan visor picked up the stomping of Galactic Federation goons blundering around. "The sound of the troopers moving around reminded me of my time in the Galactic Federation Army, when I served under Commander Adam Malkovich. Adam liked to believe he had a perfect military mind. To the best of my knowledge he never succeeded at anything unless I did it for him. By taking the credit for my accomplishments he rose to the rank of General and became renowned as a famous war hero. He also considered himself the closest thing I had to a father. It made me think of my actual parents who died on K-2L, and how disrespectful his attitude was to me. I left the Army after a certain incident, and Adam and I went our separate ways. I hadn't heard anything about him since then, which did not bode well for his career. He never attempted to contact me even though I carried out many missions for the Galactic Federation since then."
"Hey there, princess!" Samus sighed under her breath when that boisterous voice greeted her after she rounded a corner. It was none other than Anthony and the rest of her old unit from the Galactic Federation Army, and she spotted Adam leaning against a wall behind them, refusing to look at her. "Looks like the old gang's gotten back together, huh?"
"That's enough Anthony. This outsider has nothing to do with our mission," Adam huffed, shooting Samus a petulant glare. "What are you doing here, Samus?"
"Adam's brusque attitude reminded me of my time in the Galactic Federation Army, when he would finish every briefing with, 'Any objections, Lady?' even though I was the only woman in his unit. Actually James was a transwoman, but Adam and the Galactic Federation did not acknowledge her gender identity," Samus reminisced to herself. She didn't dignify Adam's question with a response since she was very obviously here in response to the distress call. "We would then respond by giving a thumbs-up. The thumbs-up was an ancient gesture of agreement, but I would always turn my thumbs-up into a thumbs-down. It was a twofold gesture indicating my derision at being called a lady and my complete understanding of the mission orders. I had a chip on my shoulder as evidenced by my compliant obedience to my superiors up until I left the Galactic Federation Army, where I served under Adam Malkovich." She ignored the gawking troopers in favor of scanning her surroundings, identified a hostile creature, and terminated it with a few precise ice beam shots and missiles while Adam continued whining. "I was so young. Young and naive."
Adam finally gave up on getting a response from the bounty hunter and assembled his troops. "The situation is critical. We need to gather all the information we can-"
"Hey!" Anthony yelped in surprise when Samus yanked the plasma cannon off his back and headed for the only door to the surveillance room Adam was using for his briefing.
"This is my mission, Samus! Get back here!" Adam called after Samus as she left the room. None of the soldiers dared lift a finger to stop her, despite their C.O.'s outrage. After the door shut behind her the bounty hunter leveled Anthony's plasma gun at it and welded it shut with a blast of superheated fire. That should keep them safe. Whatever had happened on the BOTTLE SHIP the last thing the situation needed was the Galactic Federation Army making everything even worse and getting themselves killed.
"Samus! Open this door!" Adam's voice broke in through her suit radio until Samus blocked his signal. The BOTTLE SHIP was again nice and quiet.
Performing a systematic search of the BOTTLE SHIP in search of survivors, Samus happened across a peculiar little furry creature nibbling on a dead researcher. A scan informed her that it was the larval stage of a genetically-engineered bioform substantially based on Ridley. Just like Mother Brain's Ridley, it was only a threat to unarmed civilians. Her face crinkling in distaste, she shot the thing while it leered at her and vaporized it. Cyborg Space Pirates and baby Ridley. The Galactic Federation really outdid themselves this time. Samus made a mental note to keep her ice beam ready in case any Matroids showed up.
The scan visor in Samus's suit made quick work of the Galactic Federation's computer encryption and network security. It was trash compared to the technology employed by the Space Pirates under Mother Brain, after all. According to the BOTTLE SHIP's databanks, Adam had authored a report on the combat applications of Metroids based on the information Samus had gathered while battling the Space Pirates across the universe. His conclusion was that Metroids could be used as bioweapons if controlled telepathically by a strong mental force like Mother Brain. Samus's conclusion was that Adam must not have been paying much attention to the reports she'd turned in while collecting her bounties. Mother Brain never successfully controlled the Metroids. The baby even helped Samus kill her.
Anyway, the Galactic Federation started a project based on Adam's report to recreate Mother Brain and her Space Pirates and Metroids. Their plan was to use their own Mother Brain to control these bioweapons. The scientists called their humanoid Mother Brain M.B., because apparently imagination was not their strong suit. Everything was going according to plan when the Galactic Federation changed their minds and decided to terminate the project. When their soldiers came for M.B. she used her control over the Federation's bioweapons to defend herself, wiping out most of the BOTTLE SHIP's crew in the process.
Samus sent a quick message to Galactic Federation HQ summarizing the situation and stating that she could take care of the problem for her usual fee. While they thought about it, she used the ship's surveillance systems to track down Dr. Madeline Bergman, M.B.'s creator and one of the only survivors remaining on the BOTTLE SHIP.
Dr. Bergman explained that M.B. had developed self-awareness through interaction with the research team. She was only trying to protect herself; she spared her creator because she knew that Dr. Bergman had no hostile intentions. Samus tracked down M.B. and froze her with an ice beam shot long enough for Dr. Bergman to sedate her. By that time the Federation replied to Samus's message, saying that they would hire her to salvage the BOTTLE SHIP situation under her usual terms. Samus stowed M.B. and Dr. Bergman away on her gunship before blasting the Galactic Federation soldiers out of the room she'd trapped them in. They all gave her nasty glares but complied with the orders they'd just received from HQ to abandon ship and let the bounty hunter take care of the problem.
All that done, Samus activated the BOTTLE SHIP's self-destruct mechanism and then piloted her own ship out of its hangar. The self-destruct worked perfectly and after confirming the threat posed by the BOTTLE SHIP had been totally neutralized Adam and his squad headed back for Federation HQ to report Samus's success. The bounty hunter took a quick detour to a neutral world to drop off M.B. and Dr. Bergman, wishing them both good luck as she left them to their fate. She expected the Galactic Federation to assume the pair to be dead, and without the bioweapons to control M.B. wouldn't be a threat to galactic peace. Hopefully they would take advantage of their newfound freedom to do some good in the universe, instead of creating deadly and uncontrollable biological weapons.
As she prepared to land at Galactic Federation HQ, Samus popped the cap on another bottle of ominous extraterrestrial liquor and splashed it across her visor. "Oh man..." Another one wasted. Sometimes she wished she could just turn the suit on and off like a magical girl transformation from some ancient Earth cartoon, but that wouldn't make any sense. In fact it would be terribly dangerous if the thing could just flicker in and out of existence like that. She relied on it for life support and protection in hostile environments, after all. Apparently it also protected her from her booze. She heaved a sigh and tossed the latest bottle over her shoulder to join the growing pile. Dr. Bergman had given her a weird look when she saw that, but Samus hadn't really felt up to explaining.
For a brief moment, Samus indulged her imagination and wondered what would have happened on the BOTTLE SHIP if Adam had been left in charge of the situation. She just shook her head. Someone might have died. It was a good thing she came along when she did. Another job done and another bounty earned. Samus relaxed in her pilot chair and her thoughts wandered away. "I remembered the cry of the baby... never see the baby again... never... hear... the baby..." Her musings came to a halt as she dozed off, glad that everything had worked out this time.