Akatsuki Crackfic Chapter 1: Food chains and food webs

Okay, so this is a crackfic I made. Not very crack-ish yet but it will be in later chapters, where there might be crossovers. Seriously, who doesn't like crossovers?^.^ Anyway all characters belongs to Kishimato, whom I want to kill dearly, is I did own them, the Akatsuki would be allied with the villages, NOT , rate and review. Over and out!

Okay, so it was one fine, NORMAL, day in the Akatsuki hideout(as normal as one's life can be when one's an S-rank missing-nin, of course). Pein had shut himself in his room, Kakuzu is counting his money a usual, Zetsu's …ermmm…well…being a Zetsu, Tobi is ,as usual, singing ( a more appropriate word would be screaming) the 'Good Boy' song, if it could be considered one, Hidan was holdind rituals again, Konan is currently nowhere to be found, Kisame is cleaning Samehada (how the fuck does he clean it?!), Itachi is polishing his kunais (neatfreak…), Sasori was improving on his puppets and Deidara is …still sleeping.

Then, all of a sudden, my dear OC, Rose, barged in, demanding ( with a megaphone, mind you)for a meeting. One by one, as if by magic, the rest of the members popped into the room.

" What do you want? It's 6.30 am in the fucking morning,hmmm!" Groaned Deidara, who obviously was not a morning person. "I was in the middle of a ritual!" Hidan butted in. Soon, the members started to grumble loudly.

"Attention everyone!" Rose shrieked using her megaphone. "Today, we are going to have a Science lesson! Ain't that great?"

-Cues puzzled looks from the Akatsuki members-

"A Science lesson!" said Rose exasperatedly." And why do we need one?" asked Pein. "Because…" Dramatic pause…" Y'all are lacking knowledge!"

-cues facepalm and cries of outrage-

"We're not DUMB." Sasori said pointedly." I don't care. Anyway, I'll be teaching. Have a good day." And with that Rose poofed off, much to the dismay of the others, returned with a blackboard and a chalk.( God knows where she got them)

And so, the lesson started.

Lesson 1

" So, let's start on the basics of a food chain." Rose said. Scrawling on the blackboard with a speed that could rival that of Minato, Konoha's Yellow Flash and Yoruichi, the shun-po master, she wrote down a set of facts." There, any questions?" The Akatsuki all craned their necks to look at the long list.

· A food chain shows the food relationship and energy transfer from an organism to another.

· A plant is a food producer as it makes its own food

· An animal is a food producer as it consumes plants or other animals for food

· A plant is always at the start of a food chain or food web

· A food web consists of more than one food chain

· Not all energy will be transferred as some is used for life processes and some lost as heat to the surroundings.

· All the animals are dependent on the plants for food, directly or indirectly

· The food producer's population will be the most followed by the herbivores' and then the omnivores' and/or the carnivores'

· Any slight change to a food chain or web can damage the entire eco-system but will gradually change back as the course of nature sets

itself right most of the time

Footnote: Humans are animals too.

*hands shoots up*

"Err…"Sweat dropping at the number of questions asked, Rose picked Tobi.

" Rose-chan, is Zetsu a food producer too?"

" Actually, no. I think not. What do you say, Zetsu?"

"I can't make food. No,we can't."Both sides answered stimulously.

"That should settle your question, Tobi. Deidara?"

" Where does Danna fit in? I see no notes on narcissistical puppet, hmmm." He quieried while dodging a poison sen-bon

" He's a fucking human puppet, emphasis on human. Itachi?"

" Is Kisame classified as a fish? For I too, see no place for a sushi to be categorized with humans."

" As I have said, he is a fucking half-human. Now deal with it!"

" I don't see where a jashin-obssesed immortal prick would fit. His IQ is too to be a human's"

-Cues laughter and swearing from Hidan-

"Where does Jashin fit in, he is is god."

"No, I am god." Countered Pain.

Just as a full blown brawl was about to break out, there was a poof of smoke.

"Where am I?" a forgein voice said.

Argument forgotten, they turned to face the new-comer.

Instant reaction? WTF

Randomly, just very randomly, the Kazakage,Sabaku no Gaara, stood before them.

"Why the fuck am I here?"

Nothing said, mayhem ensured.