I know it's a bit late for Christmas, but I say it's a story you can read any time of year, so there. I originally submitted this to the fanfic contest on R2's website (check it out; it's great!), http://theiman.homestead.com/theiman.html, but I decided to put it here, too, in a slightly edited form. The original should in fact still be on the other site anyway…just your average reminder: I don't own the characters or the show, I'm just borrowing. I promise to put everything back nicely…well, fairly nicely anyway. J
Christmas Memories
"Christmas. It's a kid's holiday, isn't it? Just living for the presents. Loses something when you grow up, I think. It doesn't mean anything anymore. Not to me.
"But we had fun back then, didn't we? We always woke each other up at five in the morning, just to go and look at the tree and presents. Remember that? They always managed to get you just what you wanted, didn't they? But they never knew what I wanted for Christmas. I never knew what I wanted.
"I remember—do you remember?—the tree. The lights, all the different colors in the darkness, sparkling. I used to think it was the most beautiful sight in the world. And it was always so silent in the house. Never any noises at all. Like we were in church, or the library, you know? We had to tiptoe and whisper, make sure we didn't wake them up. You always fell asleep on the couch after we shook all the boxes with our names on them. Every year you fell asleep! I didn't. I couldn't; I was too excited. Funny that, isn't it, now that I think about it…I mean, I never was expecting anything. I never knew what I wanted; how could I expect anything? Why should I be excited then? But maybe that was why—any present I got really would be a surprise…unlike you. You always knew exactly what you wanted, and you always got it.
"Lucky you, huh? Yeah. Lucky you.
"But it just stopped being exciting when we grew up, didn't it? When we were teens. You had stuff to do, always stuff to do that was too damned important to you for your own good. Me, I…I just didn't care about the presents and the tree and the lights and the five a.m. silences anymore. I had other stuff to do, too, I guess. I wonder if we hurt them? Was Christmas really important to them, d'you think? I don't remember…
"And then we finally moved away from each other, and we hardly ever met…when was the last time I actually celebrated Christmas? When was the last time Christmas had any meaning to it? When was the last time we woke up at five a.m. together, excited for the morning?
"When did I last spend Christmas with you?
"I'm sorry we didn't stay in better touch. I would have liked to have spent Christmas with you this year. You know, the big fancy dinner and the presents…and the companionship…we could've talked. Gotten drunk together. Laughed and remembered. You know, all the sentimental family Christmas crap.
"I guess this is all we'll get though. I'm sorry. It's not the same. I wish I could really talk to you now, have you answer me. I hope you have a merry Christmas wherever you are, Kevin. I love you."
Darien Fawkes dropped a white rose on his brother's grave and walked away.