Hey, everyone! I am so, so sorry...I know I owe you all another chapter on Peeta's Long Walk. I am egregiously late. I should be posting that and not this. But...this wouldn't get out of my head and I felt compelled to write it first. The good news is that I am in a very Hunger Games, Everlarkish mood, and so have already started on that new chapter. It will be published soon, I promise.
In the meantime, please take the following as my act of atonement. In all the anticipation for the last movie coming out, I've been reading a lot online, and am surprised at all the people who are confused by this scene in the novel, or who interpret it, IMHO, completely incorrectly. I am assuming they will make it clearer in the movie, but wanted to get my version of it out there beforehand, because the movies always mess with my head-canon.
So without further ado...
I sit there in shock, not wanting...not able to understand what has just happened. I am dimly aware of people milling around me, voices and movement and activity, and I know I am supposed to be a part of it, but I am frozen in my seat.
More Games.
More children. Innocent. Dead. Killed. Tortured. Murdered.
This can't be happening.
It was supposed to be over. Everything was supposed to be different now, better. We had won. The side of right had won.
Hadn't we?
They all seemed to think it was necessary. Just. A way to exact revenge without killing off too much of the remaining population.
Why couldn't they see how evil it was? Didn't they know it would never stop once they let it begin? It would never be enough.
Everything we had gone though. Everything we had suffered. Sacrificed. If we did this, if we allowed it to happen, it would all be for nothing. The war had been pointless.
My parents, my brothers. Finnick. Rue. Thresh and Boggs and Cinna and Portia and Wiress and Mags and so many, many more. The dead were countless and infinite. They had all, all died in vain.
Even Prim.
I feel sick when I look up to see Katniss exchange a grim smile with Coin. She hands the new president a white rose as she is surrounded by an entourage of people fixing her hair and adjusting her makeup. I watch as she exits the room, Plutarch nattering instructions in her ear as she goes.
I am thrown back into the agony of not knowing what is real and what is not. I had thought I had been finding my way clear. Starting to believe I could trust myself. That I could trust her. I had been starting to see and understand what they had been telling me all along. That I truly had loved her, and with good reason. That she was good, and brave, and that she had cared about me.
All of that is suddenly gone, and I feel the rage wash over me. How could she? If she truly believes that any of this is okay, then she is not even close to the person I thought she was. Maybe she really is the Mutt, and not the girl.
Everything I thought I knew has been called into question again, and I hate her, hate her, for making me feel this way.
"Peeta?"
I look around to see the room has emptied, and Coin is standing there, looking at me, one perfectly sculpted eyebrow raised.
"Are you coming?"
I realize my hands are clenched in fists, every muscle in my body tense. I force myself to relax, to loosen my grip on myself before I answer.
"I'm coming," I say.
"Because I think it's very important," she persists, "that we present a united front."
I just look at her, making no effort to hide my disgust. I have never trusted Coin, especially since she sent me to join Katniss' squad. But it wasn't until today that I had realized she may as bad or possibly even worse than Snow. How could Katniss not see it?
"Do you think you can help me do that, Peeta? Because if not, we may need to have some further discussions."
Some further discussions. What a quaint way to put it.
And now my rage is gone, and all I feel is despair. I had thought I had escaped, but here I am, stuck back in the games again.
At least, this is a game I know well how to play.
"No need to worry about me," I assure her and rise from my seat. "I'll be right behind you."
She peers at me, trying to judge the veracity of my words. I keep my face carefully blank, cautious not to give anything away. I must either be convincing, or else she decides now is not the time to press the issue. She nods curtly and walks out of the room, where her lackeys are waiting for her in the hallway. Like Katniss, she is treated to a last-minute beauty once-over as they run a brush through her steely grey hair and give her lipstick a quick touch-up.
I follow her out, determined to get this gruesome show over with so I can retreat to my room and lick my wounds in private. It's not that I think Snow doesn't deserve to die, but I have seen enough death to last ten lifetimes. I am not eager to witness more, no matter how justified.
I turn away from her and follow along a hallway as directed, and then through a doorway into the bright sunlight of a brisk, cold day. I find myself standing between Annie and Haymitch along with the other surviving Victors, lined up in front of the Governor's Mansion to bear witness to the execution-helping to present the necessary united front to the throngs of people who have gathered here.
A cheer rises up from the crowd, and I peer up over my shoulder to see that Coin has appeared on the balcony above us. She smiles and waves, welcoming their adulation.
And then an even larger roar bursts from the crowd, and I look down to see Katniss emerging from the front doors. She walks out in front of us to her position, turns to the side, and waits. She does not acknowledge the chants and cheers, seems not to hear the people calling her name.
How is it possible to look at a single person and feel so many emotions at once? Admiration. Fear. Anger. Betrayal.
Betrayal...at this exact moment, that is the primary reaction she evokes in me. She, in collusion with Coin, has betrayed me, and Prim, and every single person whose lives were ruined by the Capitol and by Snow. All of these people cheering for her have been betrayed, and they don't even realize it yet.
I feel a hand on my arm, and I realize I have tensed up again, my hands balling back into fists.
"It's okay," Haymitch mutters. "Trust her."
Trust her? Why should I trust her, or him for that matter? He has always chosen her over me, always. I yank my arm from his grip, refusing to look at him. His betrayal does not cut as deep as hers, simply because I have never granted him that level of power over me, but it still stings.
Echoing my mood, the cheers change to jeers and hisses as Snow is brought out next. The guards secure him to a post a only a few yards away from Katniss and then they step back. The crowd goes quiet, and suddenly it is just the two of them.
Katniss positions an arrow and aims it at Snow. And then she hesitates.
Snow makes a noise somewhere between a cough and a laugh, and I watch as a dribble of blood drips over his lips and down his chin. He and Katniss are watching each other, silent words passing between them in a private conversation that only the two of them can understand.
Suddenly, so quickly I almost miss it, Katniss' arm shifts as she lifts the bow further, now aiming to a spot above. She releases the arrow.
In that moment, I understand everything.
She has not betrayed me. She was playing the game.
"For Prim," she had said.
Prim, who would have never, not in a million years, approved of having the children of the Capitol participate in a new version of the Hunger Games. Of course Katniss would have understood that. She had loved Prim beyond all others, would never have done anything to tarnish her sister's memory. I should have known. I should have seen.
For Prim.
No, Katniss did not betray me. It was me...I was the one who had betrayed her.
Katniss knew...she knew before I did that Coin had to be stopped. If Katniss had objected to the games, Coin would have either moved to have her killed or at the very least ostracized, banished. Katniss had been acting to retain the older woman's trust, to keep her close. So she could seize the opportunity when it came to bring her down. She might not have realized at the time that the chance would come so soon, but she knew it would come eventually.
I thought I was good at playing the game, but I know now that Katniss is the master.
I watch as Coin's lifeless body topples from the balcony, tumbling end over end to crash to the empty ground between Katniss and Snow. The sight is not unlike that scene that has been shown over and over again on the television over the past weeks-a huge statue of Snow being pulled down by celebrating rebels.
Another corrupt leader has been toppled.
It takes a moment, but then pandemonium strikes. There is a rush of people trying to reach Katniss, but I get there first. Because suddenly I trust myself again, and I trust my own knowledge of her. And I know what she will do in this moment.
I cannot allow it.
Pain radiates down my arm as her teeth bite into the back of my hand, which I have clamped over the deathly little pill she had been trying to reach. There is blood, but I refuse to let go. She looks at me in confusion, and I meet her gaze.
"Let me go," she says, trying to sound fierce but her voice is pleading. She struggles against me, but I am stronger.
"I can't," I say, simply. It is the truth. No matter what happens between us, what hell we go through together, what betrayals and lies and deceptions, I have never been able to let her go. Will never be able to. I will continue to fight for her, always.
I know she thinks she is doomed, but I won't let anything happen to her. I will do everything in my power to see that she is safe. I owe her that.
My grip on her is so strong that the pocket on her uniform is ripped when they pull her away from me. I am powerless to do anything other than watch as they lift her above the melee, her body writhing with the struggle to get away. She starts screaming for Gale, but I know he will not grant her death wish. He, like I, loves her too well.
She disappears back into the mansion, and I turn to find Haymitch. Our eyes meet through the crush, and he nods at me. It's time for us to start plotting...once again we must work together to save the Girl on Fire.
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