Disclaimer: Shingeki no Kyojin is owned by Isayama-sensei. I am only making his characters suffer for no reason.
A/N: This is an accompanying work to my fic "Say Something". It was inspired by this doujinshi: t- -sundere. tumblr post / 67462264827 / original-artist-translated-by (just get rid of the spaces) and the song Walk Away by Five Finger Death Punch. Please listen to the song after you read, if you are so inclined.
Walk Away
Levi had seen it coming, knew he was doomed as soon as he recognized the signs of stuttered replies and emerald stares wandering his way far too often and for far too long, precursors of the pink dusting high-boned cheeks and forlorn sighs thought to have gone unnoticed. He had tried to keep his distance (if only to delay the inevitable), nearly impossible as it was to escape the force of nature that clutched his heart in its vise-like grip, chaining it down with strings and ribbons of earnestly beautiful words he never even knew he was dying to hear, holding him in place as he drowned in fathomless pools of turquoise innocence.
What they were on the cusp of having, he knew it wouldn't last in the reality they lived in: where loss and anguish were never strangers; where corpses waited in lines for the cleansing fires of the furnace, if there was even anything left of them to find and burn. It wouldn't last—one would fall apart at the absence of the other, and then where would Humanity be? The world they lived in was far too cruel to allow them such a luxury.
It was a shame, because they fit each other in every way, puzzle pieces broken beyond repair snapping together at every curve and crevice to form a perfectly seamless whole. It was simply too beautiful to be allowed a proper existence and Levi knew he had to at least dampen the pain of having to experience such agony for both of them. His face betrayed no emotion, his heart never for anyone's viewing pleasure. It's all for the best, he thought, and he firmly believed he was right.
For all the strength he'd been renowned to possess, he wasn't strong enough to resist the pull entirely… Not when his very soul cried out for its missing half; not when he himself desired the union despite knowing the painful consequences it would bring. But this—keeping the warmth safely out of reach and suffering the embers of hope slowly dying from those eyes—he had strength enough for this, knowing that it would be nothing compared to the void that would never be filled when one of them left this world without the other.
Levi banged his fist against the age-old stone wall, losing his infamous composure now that he was within the confines of his private quarters, away from prying and curious eyes.
Too close! Too fucking close!
He lifted his other hand to his face, fingers trembling as they ghosted over lips that still tingled at the lingering taste of warm velvet and that sweet, sweet wordless promise of things he couldn't allow himself to have despite them being practically offered at his feet.
His pulse pounded in his ears in the silence of the night. His shallow breaths made his chest feel too tight and suddenly he couldn't breathe, wheezing and choking while sliding onto his knees, his calloused fingers scraping down the wall as they desperately tried to find purchase.
No! His mind screamed, You have to protect him! You can't let him feel that—
His breathing slowly normalized as he remembered, and his resolve strengthened and steeled while his heart continued to crumble, bleeding through every fissure at the thought of what he had to do. Of what he had to say. Of what he had to not say.
It wasn't even winter, but somehow it was the coldest night of all.
He didn't hear the thunderous jubilation that erupted all around him, the shouts and screams and cries of relief that could have shaken the world from its very axis as the last of the enemy fell at their hands. He was deaf to everything except the voice of his mind screaming, finally, finally, finally!
He turned to the physical embodiment of Humanity's hope, looking up at the motionless form—
His eyes widened.
No!
The titan body disappeared as steam took its place, leaving behind a peacefully sleeping boy encased in his crystal coffin.
"Levi, how many times a day do you plan to do it?"
He stared longingly at the boy's sleeping face, willing thin lids to reveal the gems within, missing the way they would sparkle with joy every time he called his name.
"Shut up, shitty glasses," he replied almost mechanically, too absorbed in what he was doing. Right now, in his reality, there was no one but him and the boy before him. He didn't notice his friend leave, a sad sort of empathy touching her features.
"Eren," he breathed, before softly kissing the cold hard surface where the other's lips should be, "This is today's good morning kiss. I'll give you another one tonight. I'll come back when the sun sets."
You stubborn little shit. You never let go even when I all but told you to walk away…
His fingers touched the place where he left a kiss, tracing the outline of his lover's lips against the glass. "Naa, Eren… Can you feel that I'm kissing you?"
You chose to give up at the wrong time, brat.
It was only here where he could shed the stoic face of Humanity's Strongest Soldier. It was only here where he would let the emotions run free in the storm of his eyes, let them flow in the softness of his voice, all for this other part of him he refused to let go of.
Please come back to me.
I love you.
おわり
A/N: I'm sorry.