Disclaimer: Everything belongs to their respective owners.
This "Everything Wrong With" fanfic was inspired by lknmjh and her "Everything Wrong With Star vs the Forces of Evil Season 1". Be sure to check them out when you can, they're pretty good.
Okay, so the writing stuff is as follows: Bold equals what I say and the sin counter. Italic is what the characters in the show are saying. Normal is when actions are being described.
Also, since this is based on CinemaSins "Everything Wrong With" series, it would be a good idea to watch their content and get a better understanding of their humor if you haven't already. If you have, then welcome to the party.
Hey, just before we go on, I'd like to apologize in advance for any extremely harsh or mean thing I'll say through this fic. I'm here to point the flaws of an episode, yes, but sometimes I can get carried away. So, without further ado, thanks you for reading, and I hope you enjoy.
Everything Wrong
With
STAR COMES TO EARTH
In...some minutes or less.
Spoilers!
(You don't say?)
It starts on a view of the Butterfly castle.
Far, far away, in the magical land known as Mewni-
"A princess decided to narrate the beginning of the episode and then stopped after reaching her castle for no reason."
Episode Sin Counter: 1
Star slides down the rail and hits the ground, wherein the portrait of her family falls on top of her. She gets up and destroys the portrait in the process.
Some people consider me irresponsible and reckless.
"And for good reason."
Episode Sin Counter: 2
Star fights with some monsters.
Because I fight monsters-
As the next is said, a scene from "Dia Family Vacation" plays that shows the state of life for the rest of Mewni: It's pretty bad, to say the least.
"Actually, the fact that you do nothing to make their current living situation better is probably the real reason."
Episode Sin Counter: 3
And I tame wild unicorns!
Star, coming from the sky, lands on the unicorn and "tames" it.
"That looks more like "forcefully surprising it and using it as a ride" than "taming it" to me."
Episode Sin Counter: 4
YEE-HAW!
"Star Cowboyfly."
Episode Sin Counter: 5
Star narrates as she rides back home on top of the unicorn, causing some mayhem in the process.
So anyway, today is my 14th birthday! And that means that, according to tradition, my mother has to bestow upon me the royal wand!
The next is said as Star arrives at the castle.
"Good lord, there's so much things wrong with this tradition, I'll need to list them all. First, 14 seems a tad too young a requirement to hold a royal artifact passed down from generation to generation."
Episode Sin Counter: 6
"Second, is the tradition even obligatory? Star does says her mother has to give it to her in her 14th birthday, yes, but it's never stated it can only be bestowed when she's 14. They could wait a few more years, teach her how to handle the wand, maybe try to calm her the fuck down and then hand it to her when she's 16 or 17, hell maybe even 15 if she acts nice. There, problem solved."
Episode Sin Counter: 7
"Third, if the wand is capable of destroying the universe if it falls in the hands of the forces of evil, why don't you lock it away or-better yet-destroy the heck out of it so the danger is averted? They never say destroying it could be a bad idea, so this is a valid option."
Episode Sin Counter: 8
"Fourth, why didn't her parents even try to train her or warn her about the wand? Someone as hyperactive as Star clearly hasn't been taught how to properly react to something of ultimate power, and even if it's a natural reaction a teenager would have to a wand that strong, it clearly shows they're not ready to hold it yet."
Episode Sin Counter: 9
"Fifth, are we even sure Star is the necessary age yet? We never see a birthday party, hell nobody wishes Star "happy birthday! You're 14 now!", so either the party happened off-screen, or she was handed the wand JUST as she turned 14, which is pretty fucking lucky."
Episode Sin Counter: 10
"Sixth, the way the queen says her words implies Star has heard of the wand's power before but has forgotten about it. This simply serves as further proof of why she shouldn't have it, why would you give someone an artifact of enormous power that could destroy the universe if it falls in the wrong hands IF THEY'LL JUST FORGET THAT THEY'RE HOLDING AN ARTIFACT WITH ENORMOUS POWER THAT COULD DESTROY THE UNIVERSE IF IT FALLS IN THE WRONG HANDS?!"
Episode Sin Counter: 11
"And seventh, "royal tradition that involves handing something down from generation to generation" cliche."
Episode Sin Counter: 12
Remember Star-
"As you know..."
Episode Sin Counter: 13
I can handle it.
Cut to Star standing far away from the burning Mewni.
"Gilligan Cut."
Episode Sin Counter: 14
King and Queen Butterfly watch from their castle with binoculars.
She can't handle it.
"So you got your proof and you got your first view of what could happen if you let Star keep the wand, so why don't you take away the wand?"
Episode Sin Counter: 15
Please don't send me to St. Olga's Reform School for Wayward Princesses!
Star is then "sucked" into the school as she screams.
"Apparently St. Olga uses a tractor beam for princesses...actually, considering how their security works as shown in the same-titled episode, maybe they do have a princess tractor beam."
Episode Sin Counter: 16
You're going to be sent to Earth, a safer dimension where you can train.
"Why do you have to send her to Earth? Can't she train here in Mewni, with a bajillion guards watching her just in case?"
Episode Sin Counter: 17
Star toys with the light switch.
You said Earth had no magic.
"Character from another dimension/location/what-have-you is impressed by something mundane" cliche."
Episode Sin Counter: 18
This won't work.
Queen and King Butterfly show Principal Skeeves a treasure chest full of gold.
Actually, this might work really well!
"When in doubt, use a treasure chest full of gold!"
Episode Sin Counter: 19
Marco hears he's called to the principal's office.
Well, looks like someone is in trouble.
"Seriously, show? You're going to use the "good kid trying to pass off as the bad kid" cliche?"
Episode Sin Counter: 20
It's shown Miss Skullnick is painting her nails.
"Not a sin, but Skullnick is painting her nails? Since there doesn't seem to be any class going on, why are the students bored instead of disgusted?"
I need someone who can act as her guide, and you're the perfect candidate, Safe Kid!
I'm not the Safe Kid, I'ma misunderstood bad boy!
"Ugh, you are going to use the "good kid trying to pass off as the bad kid" cliche."
Episode Sin Counter: 21
Now time to buy all 52 flavors of ice cream!
"Who hired this dumbass? Seriously, he has a treasure chest full of gold, and he plans to use it on ice cream?"
Episode Sin Counter: 22
Marco and Star walk around the school as Star looks everywhere.
Thanks for showing me around, Safe Kid.
I'm not a Safe Kid! Anything you rumor you heard about me isn't true!
"She probably hasn't heard much, since we don't know if she's talked to anybody other than Principal Skeeves."
Episode Sin Counter: 23
"Also, "character says they're not X while doing stuff that shows that they're X" cliche."
Episode Sin Counter: 24
I want some danger in my life!
Star transforms a butterfly into a monster.
"Okay, one, "be careful what you wish for" cliche."
Episode Sin Counter: 25
"Second, why did Star turn the butterfly into a monster if Marco didn't tell her to do that? He said he wanted some danger in his life, he didn't say he wanted it now."
Episode Sin Counter: 26
Just... who are you?
"Principal Skeeves already told you who she was: the new foreign exchange student. What, weren't you paying attention?"
Episode Sin Counter: 27
Star smiles around a rainbow, which is soon set on fire.
"While the easy answer is magic, I still got to ask: How do you set a rainbow on fire?"
Episode Sin Counter: 28
The next is said as Marco puts on his hoodie and flees from Star as she waves goodbye and the school starts catching on fire.
"I swear if you take this out of context it'll look like a horror movie trailer."
Episode Sin Counter: 29
Marco arrives home only to see Star with his parents.
"Wait, last time we saw these two, Marco was running away from her and Star remained in the school. How did she get, or even find, Marco's house before he arrived?"
Episode Sin Counter: 30
Marco, meet the foreign exchange student that's gonna be living with us!
What?!
"Yeah, what?! Marco had one job: guide her through the school, and that's what he did! Nobody said shit about Star having to live with him for the meantime."
Episode Sin Counter: 31
"In addition, what do you mean "meet" the new foreign exchange student? Star didn't tell you she met Marco before?"
Episode Sin Counter: 32
Won't it be nice to have Star's upbeat energy around the house?
"I don't know if what she means with that sentence is that Marco's attitude isn't that energetic, which is somewhat odd, or the Diaz haven't met an exchange student with Star's energy, which considering their history with exchange students living with them, is incredibly ridiculous. Eitherway, I'm sinning that sentence."
Episode Sin Counter: 33
Star summons eight laser puppies, which start shooting lasers around the house, hitting many things in the process.
"Okay, I can understand Marco being pissed off at what happened. What I don't get is why Mr. and Mrs. Diaz are NOT pissed off. I mean seriously, if an interdimensional girl summoned 8-pardon my language-canine freaks that shoots lasers from their eyes which hit some of your possessions, you don't find it charming, you kick them the hell out of your house, or at the very least scold them."
Episode Sin Counter: 34
Mr. Diaz grabs one of the laser puppies, which shoots him in the eye.
Ay! My eye! *laughs*
"Mr. Diaz must be quite pain resistant if his reaction to having a laser hit him in the eye is a simple "ay" before laughing it off altogether."
Episode Sin Counter: 35
Buff Frog arrives at Ludo's castle, and he bows.
Master Ludo, I found Star Butterfly in the Earth Dimension. Unguarded.
"Oh right, I completely forgot about that! Thanks Buff Frog!"
"You see, when Star's parents brought her to Earth, they didn't bring any guards with them. Here's the question: why? Even if she can take care of herself, that doesn't change the fact that the forces of evil will be hunting and stalking her until they get her wand. I'm sure one or two guards wouldn't hurt."
Episode Sin Counter: 36
Ludo laughs and then turns around...to reveal he's very tiny, and is using pillows to look taller.
"Character of imposing nature turns out to be shorter than they imply" cliche."
Episode Sin Counter: 37
Once I get her wand, the world will be mine!
"Take over the world" cliche."
Episode Sin Counter: 38
And then the universe! And then... actually, just the universe.
"It's not like you can go any further."
Episode Sin Counter: 39
Star looks around and turns back to Marco while...bitting her wand?
I can work with this.
"I can work with this" would imply that Star is content with the room or at least willing to try it out first before she decides to change it, yet she uses her magic to make the room better anyway."
Episode Sin Counter: 40
The room transform into a rock-built royal room that looks like a mini-tower.
"lknmjh pointed this out, and I will too: there's no way the house can support a room like that. I mean, there isn't anything that can support it from below."
Episode Sin Counter: 41
Star jumps on her bed while Marco watches.
I wish I had a room this cool.
You do?
"Again, "be careful what you wish for" cliche."
Episode Sin Counter: 42
Star casts a spell, but bluffs it and it forms a black hole in the middle of the room, which starts to suck everything.
"WHAT?! Did Star just cast A FUCKING BLACK HOLE INTO MARCO'S ROOM?! Not only that, they actually manage to not get sucked into it. Two teenagers, one human and one interdimensional mewman, managed to avoid being sucked into a black hole...somehow, I can't buy that."
Episode Sin Counter: 43
Why was the word "suck" in that spell?!
"Your room has been sucked into another dimension by a fucking black hole, and THAT'S what you ask, Marco?"
Episode Sin Counter: 44
"Actually, come to think of it, why did the spell have "suck" in it, Star?"
It just came out like that!
"So Star just so happened to utter suck among the other words in her spell...Oh no! My mind is being filled with naughty thoughts! Go to the next sin, go to the next sin!"
Episode Sin Counter: 45
"Come to think of it, any particular reason Star used a different spell instead of using the one she used for her own room? There's no guarantee it would have worked, but there really was no reason for her to use a different spell either."
Episode Sin Counter: 46
Marco slams his face on the door.
"Since the door opens inward, Marco was very lucky they closed it or else he would've been sucked by the black hole. Then again..."
Episode Sin Counter: 47
How about a little sunshine?
Star summons a happy sun on top of Marco's head, which turns into a raining cloud.
That's it! I'm leaving if you're staying!
And then Marco goes to the window.
"Dude, you have a raining cloud on top of you, maybe the window isn't such a good idea."
Episode Sin Counter: 48
Marco goes to the window and slips. Star goes to check on him.
Are you okay?
Marco lies among some cacti.
I'm fine.
"Looks like Marco inherited his father's pain resistance. Mr. Diaz gets hit in the eye with a laser and laughs it off, and Marco doesn't even seem to be fazed by the cactus. I wonder if Mrs. Diaz shares the same pain resistance."
Episode Sin Counter: 49
Do you need help?
"Considering what just happened, Star should know that's not a good question to ask right now."
Episode Sin Counter: 50
"Also, the cacti Marco fell on disappear as he gets up and replies."
Episode Sin Counter: 51
I'm fine, leave me alone!
Marco leaves and Star whimpers.
"Although I sympathize and pity Star, I sympathize and pity Marco more."
"Warning, I'm gonna go into detail here and will probably be mean or boring. So, do yourself a favor, and skip ahead."
As the next is said, parts of Star and Marco's tour through the school are supposed to be seen.
"Think about it: You're on a normal day on school. Suddenly, you're told to be the guide of an exchange student who is really an interdimensional girl who, in your eyes, just came out of nowhere. She seems nice, if energetic, but it all changes when you discover she has magic powers. You realize she's probably really dangerous, so you do what anybody in their right mind would do and run away from her."
Ditto, but with the house parts instead.
"However, once you go back home, you find out the girl is not only in your home, but in your parents' good side. She summons puppies, who can shoot lasers from their eyes. They shoot and hit some stuff, and then your parents accept it and don't get pissed off. You think everything will be fine when she transforms her room, but then she bluffs a spell and causes your room to be sucked into a black hole. Finally, you think enough is enough, and leave your own house."
"Marco has been through some shit, man."
Episode Sin Counter: 52
Then it shows Marco at the Stop & Slurp, where he's...not all there.
"This scene is...rather unsettling, to say the least."
Episode Sin Counter: 53
"Wait, the time suggests that it is night, so a lot of time must have passed. You mean to tell me that Marco left his house and has been gone for hours, and his parents haven't looked for him?! Goddamn it, show."
Episode Sin Counter: 54
I didn't get a choice to come here on Earth.
"But you did have a choice on summoning the puppies or not, yet you summoned them. You had a choice on using the same room spell with Marco, but you didn't. You had the choice of going to any other house other than the Diazes, but you didn't. I don't think they qualify as sins, I'm just pointing them out."
I'll find another family to live with.
"It's been hours, Star. You probably could have done that earlier."
Episode Sin Counter: 55
S-Star...
Star turns around and sees Ludo and his army.
"At least Star walked into the scene. These guys just flat out came out of nowhere."
Episode Sin Counter: 56
How did you find me?!
You really wanna know?
Yeah, that's why I asked you.
Well you see-wait, I don't have to tell you anything!
"Okay, I'll admit that was actually kinda funny."
You told me she was unguarded!
"She technically is, Marco just tagged along for the fight."
Episode Sin Counter: 57
You can fight?!
"I don't know, Star, did that look like anything other than fighting to you?"
Episode Sin Counter: 58
"While I have to admit the fight is cool and all, I have to wonder: why is Ludo doing jackshit during it? He has a scepter, can he, I don't know, hit the duo in their heads with it? Just saying.
Buff Frog is hit by one of Star's spells and sees his hands get his face.
What's happening?
"A mindfuck, that's what's happening."
Episode Sin Counter: 59
Once the battle's over, Ludo sees as Star gives him a smug look.
Want some of this, Ludo?
"Want some of...what, exactly?"
Episode Sin Counter: 60
I'll get you, Star Bu-
Before he can finish, the portal closes on Ludo's neck.
"Yeah, no, Ludo should have been decapitated."
Episode Sin Counter: 61
Well, I should probably go back and pack my bags.
"What bags? I thought you put your crap in luggages."
Episode Sin Counter: 62
Marco stops Star on her tracks.
I don't want you go.
"Are you kidding me?"
I want you to stay.
"Are you fucking kidding me?! Look, I don't wanna ruin the moment, I don't wanna sound like a jerk-specially since I can do that just fine by myself-but after everything that has happened, specially what happened prior to the big fight, Marco has no reason to let Star stay in his house!"
Episode Sin Counter: 63
Will there be monsters attacking us every day?
Probably.
"You know, holding a wand of enormous power probably merits an "attack of the forces of evil" frequency higher than probably."
Episode Sin Counter: 64
"You know, I'm actually starting to get worried with Marco's response."
Awesome! That sounds so dangerous!
"Nevermind, I'm officially worried now."
Episode Sin Counter: 65
Marco stops Star before she crosses the street.
Let's cross at the light.
And then they go along the sideline.
"Then stay there and wait for the light, don't walk away like you're doing right now."
Episode Sin Counter: 66
.
.
.
.
Sin Tally: 66
Sentence: Have Star mess up a spell that makes your room be sucked into a black hole.
(It just came out that way!)