Bunking with Johanna Mason has been a lot more pleasant than expected. I really thought I'd have more personal time compared to living with Mom and Prim but it's the opposite. Besides our individualized training, we have the same schedules. I could never talk to my family about whats on my mind, the last thing I want is for them to be even more worried. Johanna already knows the pain and true depth of chaos we're drowning in. The sadistic playful banter exchanged after an exhausting day of training for yet another Capitol game is the only way I'm holding onto sanity. Plus at times like this, 3 in the dark of morning, despite her slumber in the bunk above me, the steady rhythmic sound of her breathing gives me comfort after waking from a fevered nightmare. The comfort stems from the assumption that if I woke within my dream being a reality, I could wake her and she would be my ally then as well. It's pathetic the crap you convince yourself to be able to sleep at night.
"Are you awake?" I ask in a raspy voice loud enough to hear but quiet enough to not wake her if she's sleeping. Often times she is.
No reply.
As usual I'm having a hard time falling back asleep. My brain is infamously stubborn about dissecting the days events. Tonight is different though, I'm not sweating from paranoia or anger; I'm not tossing and turning from disturbing images of the things I've done; my eyes are wide awake from the events that happened with Gale earlier today. I'm purposely trying to keep my eyes pried open because when I close them all I see Gales broad shoulders, dark smoky eyes, and thick chocolate locks.
After a heated argument about how to further our attack on the Capital things went a little too far.. frustrated with his new-found blood lust, I slapped him hard across the face in a desperate attempt to bring him back to the boy in the woods who would always lead me to safety.
The second my hand left contact with his face and a loud crack filled the room, I regretted the motion and prayed he wouldn't leave. Even though we are fighting and sometimes when he talks I want to slap him across the face like I just did, fighting with him offers more comfort than my empty bed. Gale softly rubbed the side of his face and slowly turned his head back to a straightened position, lifting his eyes to meet mine. There was a look in his eyes I couldn't explain.. His brow wasn't furrowed which means he can't be mad, his eyes are too dark compared to the bright silver which sparkles when he is obviously hurt.
Not being able to read him is awkward, almost foreign. His chest rising and falling heavily, I take two steps closer to him.
"Katniss just stop...don't come closer " His voice stern and harsh but his body language is saying the complete opposite. Shoulders slumped in defeat, eyes burrowing into mine.
"Stop what? Suddenly you need even more personal space from me? Like I don't already barely see you" I snort at him and take two more steps closer to him.
"I'm sorry Gale, I didn't mean to hurt you but you deserved it. You're starting to sound like someone straight outta the capital."
"It didn't hurt Katniss, in fact you should try to work on that...it felt kinda weak." His smile is crookedly back on his face by his attempt at an insult.
"I wasn't trying to hurt you idiot. Don't challenge me." I retort playfully.
It doesn't last long though, he is back to just staring at me, giving me the once over with sad eyes. The whole scenario becomes weird to me, what's wrong with him?
"Gale please." I never beg for what I want, but here I am doing just that. "Can you just talk to me?"
"It's hard." He murmurs like a child. "You wouldn't understand."
"What's hard Gale?! Why can you suddenly not trust me?" It actually hurts to hear him belittle me like we didn't grow up in the same town with the same pain, if anyone it should be me who understands how he feels.
"it's hard to be physically close to you when I can't do what I want to do! When I'm not sure if I even truly want that! When everything and everyone tells me to say no but I continuously yearn to say yes!"
"Want what Gale?!" Normally I would just know what's on his mind but my inability to read him is throwing me off and pissing me off at the same time.
"Never mind Katniss.. Go check on Peeta or something."
The way he hisses my name like its a diss ignites an anger inside me. By now I'm only a foot in front of him, poking hard at his chest with my eyes squinted, defying any minimal request for personal space.
"I don't want to see Peeta and he doesn't want to see me, I want you to just talk to me and tell me what the fuck you want from m.."
My words are interrupted when Gale shoves both of my shoulders hard, my feet barely able to keep up until I slam into a wall. How dare he push me away like that. I begin to yell and come back at him screaming, arms flailing, "what's your proble.."
But I'm once again I'm cut off, this time by the taste of his lips crashing onto mine followed by the loud thump of my back against the wall again.
At first I'm in shock, this wasn't on my mind with the war, the torturing of Peeta, the training that will hopefully prepare me for combat, that's what I should be thinking of. I try to push him off but I'm pinned by his large frame, each time I press force against him he equals it back causing us to repeatedly bump into the wall and his body to press against mine. Gale has always been a good kisser, his lips firm but tender, driven yet gentle. His hands are tracing circles on the skin of my back under my shirt. This isn't what I need in my head right now, I need to be focused with a clear mind and no distractions but his touch is making me weak and I can't fight back much longer.. His tongue skillfully provoking thoughts I've never thought before. If we were back in 12 and the games didn't exist or reek havoc on our lives, I'm positive this would of happened by now with a big possibility of us actually being together.. but the games DID happen along with a thousand other things we can't take back.
I grab a big handful of his hair and yank it down, figuring this will distract him for sure, giving me time to slip away. His lips break from mine when his head pulls back from the force, I wasn't being gentle.
"Oh fuck." Followed by a deep moan forces out of his mouth which causes my eyes to involuntarily roll to the back of my head from the wave of pleasure entering me. I quickly open my eyes to once again fight my temptation to continue but that doesn't help either because the light is hitting Gales neck so perfectly, his head still pulled back I give him sharp kisses up the length of his collar bone, ending with a bite. This wasn't quite the result I had planned for but I push my fingers back into his twisted hair and pull his lips back onto mine. Swiftly he lifts me and wraps my my legs around his waist, still against the wall.
Despite not being outside for a long time, he still smells of pine and fresh chopped wood. Closing my eyes tightly, the smell alone convinces me we are at home. Gales tongue starts tracing circles on my neck stopping only to bite down on my pulse so hard that I wince, feel a jolt of adrenaline, and release a small amount of liquid onto my underwear. His hands slip underneath my top and find my hard nipples begging for attention. By now I've forgotten all about the war, Snow, and even District 13. Right here, right now, all I know is there's a hunger building inside, aching to be cared for. Gale forces his tongue skillfully into my mouth, I never knew the feeling of his tongue on mine would make my clit throb with such intensity.
"Fuck Katniss, I need this so bad." His voice is desperate and husky. I arch my back causing my hips to press onto his, I'm greeted by a large bulge pressing against his pants.. He lets out a loud moan simply from the touch.
I'm waving my white flag, finally allowing myself to surrender, I'm not the victor this time. I have completely given up on denying what is about to happen nor do I care what we should or shouldn't do.
"Please Gale" I whisper in his ear which makes him start to thrust against me.
"Take your cock out." I demand, forcing him to look into my eyes. He drops my legs and kneels down, kissing my stomach above my pants. My fingers can't seem to find their way out of his hair, tugging and pulling at it as he unbuttons my jeans.
Suddenly a loud blaring tune scares me out of my lust induced coma, it's Gale's communicuff. We stop moving and both read the tiny screen: IMMEDIATE ATTENTION REQUIRED
I tried to pull him back to me but his dedication to the war never faulted.
So here I am, back arched involuntarily, alone and suffering from a pulsing clit. I've never been too sexual of a person, the games interrupting me before I could bloom, but after what happened earlier the ache is becoming unbearable.
At first it feels wrong, dirty almost, I slowly insert a finger into my pajama bottoms, followed by another just until I can feel the top of my curls. Just thinking of what would have happened if Gale wasn't ripped from underneath me forces a whimper to escape my lips.
I must be quiet, I must be quiet, I must be quiet. I hear myself repeating in my head. Johanna is still in the bunk above me and although she is sleeping, what if she were to wake up?
I'm already choking back moans and I haven't even touched myself yet. I take my shirt in my mouth and bite down as hard as I can as I extend my finger over my bundle of nerves and the slick wetness building up beneath it.
"Ohhhmmp.. Gallle" I accidentally slip out as I trace slow but hard pressed circles around my center. My whole body is screaming with an ever increasing intensity, I need more.
Johanna Mason's pov
A loud gasp followed by panicked shuffling around comes from below my bunk. Katniss must have woken up from a nightmare as I just did 30 minutes ago. Her breaths are labored and panicked but eventually calm down.
"Are you awake?" Katniss asks in a whisper.
Normally id be all for a midnight ramble considering ill be up for a while but it's just one of those nights I don't want to say anything. I'm pissed off. I've been underground for far too fucking long taking orders from rebel commanders, aka the new peacekeepers. Nothing specific happened today, it was actually pretty mellow but I can't help it. Some people get depressed, I get pissed off. Maybe Katniss has some morphling lying around...but that would require actually using my voice and I don't know if its worth it. I'd rather just close my eyes and disappear.
My therapist told me to focus on my breathing, the rise and fall of my chest, while envisioning a place of comfort. Blah blah blah. Experience the power of meditation! HAH who am I kidding? Still I find nothing better to distract my thoughts, so I follow the pattern of my lungs.
Breathe.
Release.
Breathe.
Release.
Katniss's breathing has seemed to pick backs up as well. It's a bit more distracting and labored than usual.
"Ohhmmph..Gallle " I hear so quietly it's barley audible. My heart stops and I almost want to bust out laughing. Is miss Katniss Everdeen, rebel solider, girl on fire, purest of pure hearts, really fucking herself in the same room as me? She always seemed so offended and prude in her attempts to convince Snow of her love for Peeta, I honestly didn't think she had it in her.
It's quite hilarious, I don't know if I should mention that I'm awake to save her the embarrassment or mention it tomorrow to savor the embarrassment. Hmm, save it for tomorrow for sure.
Now that I'm paying attention I can hear almost everything. The slick sound of her pleasing herself, the wringing of her legs as the pressure builds. The smile now gone from my face, I'm remembered of how long it's been since I've had any pleasure. A familiar burn of desire begins to build up in my abdomen. Katniss is moving more boldly, I can feel her thrusting into herself gently, trying but failing to hide her motions. It's hard not to get turned on, I can't dispute Katniss' attractiveness even if I'm not gay. Her moans are what's getting to me, soft and sweet yet chock full of desire.
I don't even have a crush now-a-days. No one I would want to fuck comes easily to mind. It's been maybe a year since I've had any fun, Finnick and I messed around on a purely sexual friendly agreement. I envision his toned body pressed up against mine and place a hand over my own personal heat. Thinking of his collar-bone and swimmers thighs, sexy yes, but apparently not what excites me now because the desire starts to fade away. I pull my hand above my head removing the temptation to follow in Katniss' lead. It's weird enough she's touching herself with me right here, touching myself at the same time is a whole other level.
"Fuck...pleease..Gale" I hear the young brunette hiss below me like she's been deprived of him her whole life. The two really do make a sickeningly beautiful couple, dark hair, smokey eyes, milky tanned skin. Closing my eyes illuminates images of her biting her lip with the coal dusted man hunched over her, smoothly sliding in and out of her.
The images drive me insane, causing a wetness to build in my core. I contribute most of it to the thought of Gale but I strangely can't stop thinking of Katniss. I have never felt so turned on from thoughts of someone of the same gender as me but I leave the self-questioning for later and slip my hand into my heat. The whimpers and moans beneath me are making it impossible to stop myself. I can't remember the late time I was this wet. I don't bother starting slow, my hand is moving as fast as possible without attracting attention. I bite my lip and send one of my free fingers curling into myself.
Katniss is close to making herself cum, I can feel her shivers transfer to the top bunk, her breathing is deep and fast. Trying to be quieter than her is getting to be easy now that she's has started to release throaty moans and sharp gasps; each tone making my eyes roll slightly at the seductive sounds.
My motions pick up quickly and I feel release coming, it takes everything out of me to not make a sound as all my muscles tense up and liquid pours out onto my hand..
I'm going to give Katniss shit about this tomorrow but I'm sure as hell not telling her the effect it had on me.