I hope I didn´t mess this up, since I have written before basically just OUAT´s Snow white ;) Just got strong feeling after seeing 4x20 to write more to that ending bed scene, though hands already told all very strongly :)

Not betat, so sorry for any mistakes since I´m not native English speaker.

Disclaimer: Not my characters, just playing with them.

Since Maddie left life have been hard. All is falling apart and I don´t know how to fix it. Part of me feels like leaving would be the right thing to do, to free them all from everything ugly I seemed to have brought in their lives. But like Rayna said, leaving isn´t really an answer. So I just lie here in our bed. Feeling her beside me, but still it feels like we have million miles between us.

I don´t know what we should have get out of that therapy session. But at least her call about it saved me from wasting everything in that bottle of whiskey. For that I´m thankful, like I´m thankful for her about everything else. Like I said to that therapist she is everything and there isn´t life without her. One thing we do get also was the confirmation how strong bond we have, like it needed confirmation anyway, but it´s nice to be reminded in times like these when my faith is thin and all seems dark.

I´m so deep in my thoughts that I didn´t notice when she moves and suddenly feeling her hand on my back takes me completely off guard. Is this real? Did she just took that first step? When she moves her arm to wrap it around me, I´m sure. She really does want to get closer. So after short hesitance I stretch my own hand over hers. For a while we just stay like that, hands touching and it´s comforting. Maybe there is hope still left?

I don´t know how she always seems to come back eventually. No matter how bad I have screwed all up. I still somewhat think that I need to break this cycle, but maybe just maybe it could be something we can do together. After all I´m not the only one who have screwed this thing up. Rayna keeping Maddie from me was a pretty big one on her behalf too. Just thinking about that though makes the ache in my heart even bigger for Maddie. How this could have happened? Was I so bad dad that Rayna was on right track on keeping us apart and our knowing was the worst thing to happen? Or would this all been avoided if we had just known from the start? I don´t know, I just don´t know anything anymore…

With these thoughts I tighten my hold on her hand and feel the tears starting to fill my eyes. I can tell Rayna is sensing the shift in me since she gets closer to me hesitantly until she is laying completely on my side almost like nothing isn´t wrong at all and just like we sometimes sleep when all is well.

"Hey, we will get through this somehow!" She whispers in my ear.

I so want to believe her.

"I know you don´t want to hear this anymore, since I have said it way too many times and nothing have changed, but I truly are sorry about everything" I sob to her and finally turn to face her. There is so much pain in her eyes but I also see all that love and what makes me feel relieve there is also that beginning of forgiveness and hope in there too. "I don´t know how, but maybe we will survive. I know I want to try that together. I´m sorry for trying to leave!"

With that she pulls me to her and surprising us both we end up burying all our feelings to each other and give in to our need to be close. I don´t know what tomorrow will bring. Certainly this won´t solve everything, but at least we found our way back to being close. And maybe that will lead us to solve everything out. At least I hope so.