It's been a long day. I take a deep, heaving sigh, and turn the key to the door. Finally home. After everything that's happened, all the misery of today, I can go home. Wine, perhaps something stronger, dinner, and then some alone time with Merrill.
Merrill. My heart grows a little lighter just for having thought of her, of the most wonderful word I've ever heard. Maker only knows how I've ever found her in my life, what good I must have done somehow to have deserved her.
"Merrill?" I call, but receive no answer. Maker, I hope she's not in the Alienage, working on that mirror. I love her, and the Eluvian is indeed a good cause to work for, but… it hurts so much to see her hurt herself, to feel the blood soaked bandages on her forearms, feel them on her fingers when she's inside me.
Thankfully, she's not. I spy her in our room, wearing her green houserobe. It's nice, to think of it as our room. We're to be seen as a couple, to be treated together. It's not mine, or hers. Ours.
Hi, darling." I smile, entering into the room and closing the door behind. Perhaps our alone time could come first. And then again later. And maybe even a third time? She looks up at me, and I freeze a moment, any dirty thoughts fleeing. Her eyes are wide and sad, the edges pink and tingled red. Something's wrong.
"M-ma vhenan. H-hi." She tries valiantly to put on a smile, a brave face for me and my benefit, but I see right through her.
"Merrill, what's wrong?" I ask, rushing to her side as concern seeps it's way into my voice. I throw my arms around her, and she buries her head in my shoulder. Maker's breath, what could have pained her so much? My love, my little one. I swear, if someone hurt her…
"It's… it's nothing really-" She tries, shaking her head, but I won't have it.
"Oh no." I shake my head defiantly. "You know that doesn't work on me. Now, tell me exactly what happened, and who I have to go yell at." She doesn't like telling me these things, I know. I have a bad habit of dealing with my problems head on even when they're small. I tend to get stabby instead of getting mad. But still, this seems deserves my anger if nothing else.
"It's…" She sighs, and nods slowly. "Marethari has known about us for a long time, but she's kept it from the rest of the clan. But..." She sighs sadly, and my heart aches for her. "The Clan has found out about us, being married. They've now threatened to excommunicate me if I don't leave you. To prevent me from ever going back to them, even if I give up the blood magic. They… they've been holding out hope that they can 'save' me, but won't tolerate someone who..." She sobs, and I lay my head atop hers, closing my eyes. Maker's breath, she hasn't been this hurt in such a long time. "Who would 'dilute our people by being associated with a shem'len in such a way', in their words."
"How dare they?" I hiss angrily. Not for my benefit, but her's. She doesn't deserve this treatment, no matter what they might think being with a human might do to her. Merrill's the love of my life, my sun and stars, and she's the most Dalish woman in the entire world. That isn't diminished by our love, it doesn't take away from her.
And how do the Dalish expect their relations to get better with humans if they won't let us in, even just a little? I don't love Merrill because, or in spite of, the fact that she's Dalish. I love her because she's her. That the way our relations should work, but neither side will let it work that way.
"Hawke." She pleads quietly. "Don't go over there, that will only make this worse. We both knew what this was going to do when we began this. It just… hurts, to finally hear it from them." I see tears at the edges of her eyes, and nodded softly, kissing her on the forehead.
"They can't say those things about you." I insist, now angry for her behalf. "Merrill, I love you. I love you so much, and I won't just let people cast you out because of it."
"Ma Vhenan, please." She lays her hands atop of mine, her big green eyes meeting mine. "Please don't. I love you, and you're sweet, but… what if they tried to hurt you for going over? You would have to fight back, and then…" She trails off meaningfully, shaking her head. "Please, don't."
I sigh angrily, but nod to agree. She's right, as always. Whatever they say, they're her family, of a sort. But still, I feel awful not doing anything more for her.
I stand, and go over to the dresser, feeling her wide eyes staring in wonder at me, wondering what I'm about to do. I pull what I've been looking for out, and motion for her to sit at the side of the bed as I kneel before her. I don't know what this will do, but it means a lot to me, and hopefully it means the same to her.
"Do you know what these are?" I ask softly as I show her, and she covers her mouth in awe, eyes wide as she realizes what they are.
"Hawke, I… I can't believe you've kept these after all of these years!" She cries, taking them and staring at them in shock. They're our handfasting cords, five different lengths of rope, all coloured differently. I keep them close to me at all times, to remind myself just how lucky I am, and the values our marriage is built upon.
"Of course I did." I whisper, looking up at her with wide, loving eyes. She's the best thing to have happened to me, and I need her to believe that. "Merrill, you're my friend, my best friend, and I... I love you. I say that a lot, but I mean it, every time I say it. You're the best thing to have ever happened to me. I love you so much, more than I ever thought it possible to love someone. I know how much you've sacrificed to be with me, even more so now, but I want you to know how much you mean to me. After… after I lost my mother, it seemed as if the world was covered in shadows." My voice cracks, but I don't stop. She's looking at me, utterly enraptured by my words. "As if the entire world were broken, me along with it. But you… you were the bright spot of my world. You held me down when the world tried to sweep me away, stood to protect me when everything tried to tear me apart. You saved me, and it wasn't for the first, or last, time."
"Hawke." A smile breaks out across her face as she cups my head between her palms. "I-"
"I'm not done." I whisper gently, kissing her hand. "The day I bound my hand to yours was the happiest day of my life. You came to me at a time when I hurt more than anything, when I was utterly alone in my world, whenever there was nothing and no one to comfort me. And now I have everything. All because of you. I owe, and love, you more than anything I can put into words."
"Hawke." She whispers again, this time when she's certain I'm done. "I… I can't tell you how much this means to me. I've… just lost my family, and you somehow manage to make it all better. You always do." She pulls me closer, and kisses me, sweet and warm. "I love you too. So, so very much.
"I love you too." I whisper. "But I don't think anyone who casts you out for such a thing should be called family." People who could be so cruel, so disrespectful to her.
"I..." She nods slowly. "Of course. You're my family now. You and all our friends."
"Now, I've got an idea. Let's go out for dinner, fancy Orlesian cooking, and have some wine. Then let's come back for some… marital fun. That sound fun?"
She giggles, blushing, and nods. "Perfect."