Precious

by FountainPenguin

The story where Courtney takes feral Zeke to prom. Wait, what? (Written June - September 2015)

A semi-recovered half-feral who crouched on his dinky bathroom counter, anyway, but the hat helped. Except that the fabric was snowy white, and turned snowy yellow in the glare of the wrong lights. Didn't quite mesh with the sickly tint of my skin, the dark gray of my suit, or the pale green of my tie when it got that way, and she wouldn't be afraid to let me hear it. Again.

Plus, this new toque was itchy. Stuffing my fingers under the elastic to the best of my abilities, I yanked the ugly yellow-white hat off and hurled it at the toilet. But that made the harsh light reflect off the few brown scraps of hair stuck to my liver-spotted scalp, and I liked the look of that even less. No, no… Going out in public half bald wouldn't win either of us happiness in the end. As appealing as a scratch-free night sounded, Courtney wouldn't see it the same way. She never seemed to particularly care how comfortable I was, so long as she could drag me around with a finger hooked under my collar and shout, "He's not totally feral anymore! See, I fixed him. See? See? They said it couldn't be done, but I did it. It was all me."

As if I'd been fighting her off instead of trying to help.

I set one fist against my cheek and rubbed my other thumb along a smudge on the mirror. Courtney was certainly no Bridgette, but she got things done, and no denying that. When the others had turned aside and whistled innocent tunes, she'd been looking after me on and off for… a long time.

I couldn't remember exactly when it had started; the memories got all fuzzy there. I think I'd attacked her raccoon. But I did know that Bridgette had never called me at midnight to find out how my day had been, how my mom was doing, and if we'd both swallowed our medicine. She'd never called me. Not once. True, I hadn't actually given her my number, but lack of information was no excuse after Izzy had been tossed in her city's jail just a short walk away. Even Beth hadn't wanted to see me for over two and a half years. Tch. So much for friendship bracelets. I'd kept every one she'd ever given me, and every glittery bead was soaked with lies.

Deep down, I couldn't really blame them. When I'd grown sick of shifting through only my scrambled memories for answers, I'd begged Courtney to let me watch Season 3. I knew what I'd been, and what I still was even now. It wasn't pretty. I'd seen that much even through my trembling fingers.

My hands twitched. Part of me felt threatened by my own reflection and wanted to hurl myself at the glass- a larger part of me than I really wanted to admit, even to myself. My gray eyes looked sunken in my face, deep and hollow and accented with permanent bags. I bared my teeth in a snarl and pawed at my shredded ear. Then I jumped from the counter and reached for my hat again.

Drew my hand back. Hovered. Bit my lip with pointed teeth, almost forgetting to be careful not to draw blood. I'd be getting a scolding either way. Would I rather face a night of infinite itchiness, or a night of stares for my savage looks? For some reason, it was still a difficult choice to make. Even when I didn't want to care.

But then again, this was supposed to be a "special treat". Courtney had insisted I come along, and I owed her my sanity. I'd spent worse nights. After all, it was just one stupid dance. Surrounded by a thousand teenagers screaming in mortal terror when they noticed the monster standing in their midst. Not to mention the fish.

"S-s-suck it," I muttered, picking up the toque for what was probably the eighth time by now. "Maybe u-ugly hat, but I l-like it, eh?"

I set it on top of my head and tried to arrange it nicely, but it fell off.

I decided, officially, to stop caring.

Lured back by the scent of leftover ribs that hadn't yet been put away, I wandered down the hall and into the tiny kitchen. Mom was still washing the same pot she'd been holding when I left. Or at least one like it. Dad perched at the table, yanking thread through the eyes of various needles. He kept tugging at the brim of his hat and shooting millisecond glances Mom's way, clearly measuring the costs of benefits of getting up to join her. On the one hand, she'd probably be super offended by the offer. On the other, it was only a matter of time before she toppled into the sink again. I caught his eye and tilted my chin in a silent question of Should I bother? but he shook his head and dragged a length of gray thread along his tongue. She was in another I-can-do-everything-myself-Alzheimer's-or-no-Alzheimer's mood, then. Worked for me.

"We walk on two feet in this hoousehold, Zeke," he said. "You woon't be able a' dance with Coourtney standing like that, eh?"

Personally, I thought not dancing sounded vines and sandy. But I dragged my spine up straight, pressing one hand to the wooden wall. "Tch. She c-come yet?"

"Nope, not yet. Any minute now, I'm sure." He balanced a spool of thread on his nose. "I fixed the hole in your glooves. What happened a' your tooque?"

I found a loose string on my suit and gave it a yank. "F-fell off."

"Well, come get your glooves on. Then y'oughta maybe wait for her on the poorch out front, eh? Don't wanna make her knock 'er way straight through it this time, I s'pect."

No. I had learned my lesson there. While Dad wriggled the first white glove onto my hand, I rubbed a phantom bruise on the back of my neck. Never again. Even if it was the final shot in the Jets vs Maple Leafs hockey tournament.

Dad tied on my second glove, and Mom finally turned away from the sink. Her bleary blue eyes focused on my chest. "Michael, straighten your tie. You're not an animal."

"Yes, ma'am."

Dad shot her a glance as she returned to the pot, then unbuttoned my collar. As he fumbled with my tie, I plucked again at the general area of the loose string, not sure where else to look.

"Soorry," I mumbled.

"Not a problem, kiddo."

"H-hands, eh."

"I undoorstand." He finished with the tying and reached beneath his chair. "Got you tha' pack y'asked for. Phoone numbers, wet wipes, change a' cloothes, coupons for one-dollar milkshakes at Iceboorg, EpiPen, 'mergency baggy a' fake-guts spaghetti noodles an' sauce 'case you get caught in awkward coonversation and need looking like you're sick- anythin' you could possibly need tonight is in there, eh."

Mom stuck the rag in her overall pocket long enough to come around the table and kiss me on both cheeks. "Have a good trip, biscuit."

"W-will."

She held me at arms' length, studying me with that razor-critical eye that thus far, every girl I'd ever met had been born with. Then she hugged me close. "My baby brother, rompin' off ta summer camp. Tell the nice Chris man 'ello for me, eh."

"Yes," I said, though I was planning to jab him in the eyes and bolt in the opposite direction if I ever saw him again. Even in her delirious state, Mom never would've called Chris a nice man if she'd watched World Tour with us. No sane nor insane person would- even Izzy and Sierra had nasty things to say about him.

… Mom didn't let go of me. I patted her back a few times, glancing towards my dad. Of course, when I actually had left for summer camp nearly four years ago, I'd had to sneak out a window and she'd convinced herself that I had run away to join the RCMP. And then she'd slapped my face on a milk carton before Dad could stop her. Seven weeks at Playa Des Losers, agonizing over if I was about to be arrested any second. Yeah, not going through that again.

Though, I still wished Dad hadn't had to tell her I was going anywhere tonight. I really would have preferred to sleep when I came home rather than face a scolding when Mom realized I'd "lied to her" about summer camp. Followed by explaining to her every tiny detail of the night once she finally accepted where I had actually gone. Then the roosters would crow. Oh well- least the sheep didn't mind if I looked a little loopy all the next day. So long as I didn't get so tired I…

After an eternity of awkward silence, Mom released me and wandered back to her pots and pans. I swung the black backpack over my shoulders. Filled my cheeks with air, then blew it all out like a fire distinguisher. "R-r-ready."

Dad chuckled and mussed my scraggly hair. "Not just yet, eh? Lemme rescue your hat foorst. Can't leave withou' that."

I grinned and nodded, but let the smile drop as he headed for the hall. Itchiness it was. Tonight's score now stood at Ezekiel 2, Courtney 11- and she wasn't even here yet. Or so I hoped. I forced myself to the front door, praying with every step that she wouldn't already be tapping her foot on the other side.

Just one dance. If I could stomach eighteen weeks of raw rat, I could stomach "prom".

With that thought in mind, I swallowed hard and draped my fingers over the handle.

"And Michael?"

"Eh?"

"Don't you dare e'en think a' gettin' that poor Coourtney girl pregnant."

"No ma'am." The idea of even liking her as a person made me roll my eyes. "Come back s-soon."

I put all my weight on the handle and kicked both the wooden and the screen door open. Scolling fields of new grass shoots, the apple orchard, the long and dusty farm road. Terrel the Fifth bleated when he caught my scent and scurried off. A single teenaged figure bent over the water spigot some meters away, quietly rinsing dirt and blood from the multicolored scarf my dad had made for him last Christmas. But no Courtney in sight- Yet. As I plopped down on the porch steps and started licking rib sauce from my forearm, I entertained the thought of her marching into an office someday with a wailing child tucked under each arm and a third clinging to her leg. Poor things; Courtney wasn't really the mothering type. She'd probably hit them with lampposts.

I grimaced. Of all the things I'd struggled to forgive Courtney for, that one had easily been the hardest.

But to be fair, I supposed I wouldn't win a prize for world's best father unless I were the last guy on the planet. Poor balance. Night terrors. Razor teeth. I tightened my hands into fists beneath my gloves. Fingers pointed into claws. During my month trapped in the mine with an elevator that refused to dip down and rescue me, radiation had sunk deep into my DNA. Any kids I had, well… Better not to wish for what would never be. If all my mutant giant gopher subjects hadn't been wiped out in the flood, I'd consider adopting one.

As the small silver car finally putted around the tip of the orchard, I wondered if Courtney "crushed" me. After all, she had spent more than two years helping me recover from my incident. She called me her boyfriend sometimes, even though I'd never given her permission to. And she wasn't very nice to me, so it was a major possibility. I'd thought Eva had crushed me once, back when DJ had explained to me that Duncan only picked on Courtney because he liked her. Although if that were the case, I honestly didn't understand why she wasn't married to her "Fruitcake" Noah yet, no matter how busy his life of hopping from one reality show to the next kept him these days.

… At least, they weren't married as far as I knew. No one had ever told me. Actually, there were apparently a lot of things going on that no one told me. I was still furious that I'd missed the reunion party over New Year's. The only other person from three casts that Katie and Sadie hadn't invited? Scarlett. After all my fumbled apologies and gentle words, after all the times I'd smuggled them candy and given them a shoulder to cry on, they had ranked me with Scarlett. Yes, it turns out that even they have a cruel streak in their blood. Maybe they were the ones who "crushed" me.

I still thought the whole concept was ridiculous and immature. You weren't supposed to pick on girls- you were supposed to treat them gently and offer your jacket if they looked cold and help them when they faltered or fell behind. Tch. And people called me backwards.

The screen door swung open. I looked up just as my dad shoved the white toque over my eyes. "Gotch'er hat," he announced as I scratched at my scalp. "Gettin' late out, but it looks like I made it just in time ta see you off, eh?"

"Yeah. She c-comes now." I stood and squeezed him in one last hug. "I come b-back soon, Dad. Th-thanks." Then, as Courtney's dirty silver car slowed to a stop, I sprang off the porch and raced to open her door.

"Two feet, bucko!" Dad shouted after me.

I shifted position mid-step, but only because the backpack was hard to balance in a crouch. Courtney was unbuckling her seatbelt, so she only looked up when I skidded to a halt (too late) and slammed into the side of her car. I started to pull her door open, but she grabbed my arm.

"I'm not made of glass, Ezekiel- I'm perfectly capable of doing this myself. Shut the door. Shut it!"

I did. Courtney waited a stubborn five seconds, then opened it again and stepped out into the dirt, yanking fingers through the curls in her brown hair. "Did you really have to wear that ugly hat today? You know it turns that awful yellow when the light doesn't hit it just right. And then it doesn't match the dark gray of your suit or the pale green of your tie. What's this?" She latched onto my wrist and yanked me forward. "Did you get dirt on your gloves already?"

I sighed. "Hi, Coourtney."

She was wearing her peacock dress, with the "seafoam ribbons" and the "aquamarine undertone" and "clasp of coral-pink gems encircling the neck". Ooh, look at me, I know my colors. She'd let me pick it out with her last month, even though she'd obviously had her heart set on the sleeveless scarlet one. No, I'd insisted, stuffing it back on the rack as best as my clumsy hands permitted me to. No red. I ain't comin' if it's red. It had finally occurred to her why, and after that she'd relented.

As she stood before me now, I could still remember pouring the sleek fabric through my sorry fingers and marveling at how it was the most gorgeous cloth I had looked at for years, even though it wasn't particularly shiny. Long, swirling skirts decorated with tiny vines and sequined flowers down at the hem. Puffy sleeves of blue and green. She'd always been taller than me even when I didn't slouch, and the silver high heels she wore now boosted her another inch, which I'm quite sure she did on purpose. She'd also lined her eyelids with gold and her lips with bright red. I think some extra color had been patted on her tan cheeks and nose too, but this time it didn't cover up her freckles. Good. Courtney had never been my favorite person in the world, but I did really like her freckles.

"You're drooling on your lapel."

I brushed the dot of spit away. It had already burned a tiny hole in my collar and I hoped she wouldn't notice. "Thank you ask for d-dance and you d-drive," I said as Courtney slid her hands to her waist.

"Well, duh. Who else would I go with? You're my soon-to-be-perfect boyfriend, remember? You have The List?"

"Yep." I patted my jacket so she could hear the folded papers crunch in the inside pocket. "All p-pages, always, eh?"

Her shoulders relaxed. "And your EpiPen?"

I twisted to show her the backpack. I'd lost a number of things over the course of my incident, and my peanut allergy wasn't one of them. I didn't think I would ever stop being mad about that.

"And your emergency meds? And your sippy cup with a lid that isn't all gross and partially dissolved?"

"E'erythin's in," I insisted, shooting off a silent prayer that she wouldn't use the 's' word while we were at the dance. I nodded at the car. "Drive now?"

"Actually, I was hoping to show your mom just what we picked out at the… She's not really in the mood for this, is she?"

In answer, I raised one arm towards the porch, where my dad stood alone. His dark fingers were wrapped tight around the banister. A twitching muscle in his cheek told me that what he most wanted to do in the world was charge out and scoop us both in his arms, plop us down in Mandelbrot's saddle, and keep an eye on us all evening.

Courtney fidgeted with her wrist corsage and the folds of her dress as her eyes dimmed from sweet chocolate to muddy syrup. "Maybe it's just as well. I've already been rear-ended today; I can't take another of her tangents about my 'frivolous spending habits' right now."

"Well… Much money f-for thing to only wear o-once, eh?"

She glanced at me sideways, then turned to wave at my dad. "See you in class on Monday, Mr. Foster! I hope you're ready to hand me my A; I came up with a pie chart that will blow Abigail Stenson's out of the water. Oh, and see you in gym, Mike."

I winced at the quote marks she added around his name. He looked incredibly miffed as he flipped the tail of his scarf over one shoulder and started up the porch, but both he and my dad raised their hands as we climbed into the car. Once she had slammed the door, Courtney shoved her fingers through her curls and let out a whoof of breath.

"Find p-problem?" I asked, plucking at my seatbelt.

"Nope. Everything's going according to schedule so far." She reached across my lap to take my buckle and fasten me in. "But just so you're aware, as soon as school gets out, I plan on spending another few weeks up here. We really need to work on your speech again. Before July rolls around, I expect you to be able to read Much Ado About Nothing without any stuttering."

"You teach, then I s-s-sure it happen." She jarred up the car. I sighed as my dad's broad-brimmed hat and the farmhouse grew smaller and smaller, until we rounded the orchard and they disappeared for good. The first two minutes passed in silence and dust. I turned the air conditioner towards me, then turned it away again.

"Who other will come for d-dance? I could know from sh-show?"

She eased the car from the dirt path and onto the main road. "Let's see. It's really just me and… Well, I guess Cody was never technically enrolled there anyway, so it's really just me. Then there are a couple of the other old contestants too, from the other seasons. We go out for lunch sometimes. Very sometimes, when I can help it."

I understood that. She'd invited me to one of those lunches before and I'd made sure I couldn't make it to another.

"There's Zoey." Courtney gagged when she said the name. "She hinted she'd come, but I know for a fact she hasn't dated since you-know-who went you-know-what, so we'll have to see how things work out. Leonard- you know him quite well."

"Tch. He made explo… explo… Uh, blow up in D-Dad's classroom on W-Wedday." A smile picked at one corner of my lips. My dad was a go-easy guy, but even he had a breaking point. We wouldn't be having to see Leonard anytime soon.

"Um, oh- and that Staci girl. She has her whole… AP robotics project… living toaster… dog thing. She's out of town, so she won't be there tonight, good riddance. Her hair is still coming back in patches, but you'd recognize her if you saw her face, right? You'd better. I spent two whole weeks up at your place when that season finally came on."

"You built balls from p-p-popcorn," I remembered, staring out the window. "I liked those."

The car jerked to the left. "Wait- wait! Ugh! Valentine's Day, it was her house you broke into with those dead pigeons. That's right!"

As it turned out, panic was one of those 'objects in mirror that may be closer than it appears'. I said, "You built b-balls from popcorn."

Courtney spouted off about cheating boyfriends the whole fifty minutes before we pulled into the aquarium parking lot, and made it very clear that I was lucky she didn't dump me there and then. I nodded and apologized in most of the right places, but I couldn't help feeling like she was being unreasonable. Courtney had never felt the smack of betrayal the first night out of the gates, never arranged her things carefully on a cabin bunk only to see them ripped away without a single use, never been made to believe that she was the biggest loser of all the losers there would be all summer. No, despite all her insistence to the contrary, even Courtney couldn't understand everything. I shared a special kinship with Staci that would last us 'til the day we died. Staci just didn't know it yet.

I stayed where I was as Courtney climbed from the car and circled to my side. The aquarium loomed over my head, tall and white and sparkling. Every window had a fish or turtle design plastered to the glass, and the stare in their eyes told me that even in my suit and tie, I didn't belong. I sunk into my seat, tugging my hat over my eyes with fingers that couldn't do the job right.

"Come on." Courtney popped my door and offered me her elbow. "Don't get cold feet on me now, Ezekiel. Not after all the effort I've put in to drag you out here."

I seeped out and put my arm through hers, trying not to brush her skin. "W-will they stare? For us, uh, g-got famous? We were had a sh-show, eh?"

"I've been asked for autographs many times. I was a fan favorite, clearly." She shrugged and pulled me across the parking lot. "But the novelty eventually wears off. I don't expect them to be much of a bother, especially with you around being… you know… you. These people are all more interested in Zoey, anyway, especially after she won her million. Oh, and Leonard too, because he somehow wriggled his way into prom committee."

Ah. That explained why our theme was 'Magic in Our Hearts'.

I forced Courtney to stop walking before she could put her hand on the door. "I-I'm soorry, Coourtney. Advanced soorry."

"Don't be ridiculous. Apologies aren't sincere until after you understand what you did wrong." Her fingers closed around the handle.

"Wait! F-forgot backpack with c-car, eh?"

"And I left my PDA there too, so it looks like we're both going to have to suck it up tonight."

"B-but my EpiPen-"

No go. The door lurched open, greeting us with a blast of warm air. A pudgy man dressed in blue took in our fancy attire and waved us towards the front counter so Courtney could hand in our tickets.

I couldn't move my feet. Music pumped through the entire building, vibrating my bones and rattling my teeth from their tight notches. Happy voices. Cheerful faces that soured for long seconds as eyes trailed in my direction. Bright colors- too many colors. More bare backs and shoulders flashing than my mom would have felt comfortable exposing me to had today been seven years ago and she in a saner state of mind. Sweaty smells and crowding bodies. Glinting decorations that twirled in spirals from the ceiling.

I wanted to throw up.

Courtney slid our tickets across the counter and wrapped her fingers around mine. "Ready?"

"Yeah," I said, because her nails were biting through my glove. I drew in a great breath and plunged into the lobby after her.

But the lobby turned out to be littered with tables, not dancers. And not just any tables. Circle ones. With perfect white tablecloths and tall water glasses. Couples had seated themselves around them, talking and laughing, with baskets of rolls or plates of salad and – Could it be? warm meat – laid out in front of them. As we passed the first table, I frowned at the heavy silverware.

"Why… they are eating d-dinner? You told me should e-eat before…"

I stared at Courtney's freckles as the truth sunk in around me. She hovered there the whole time, flicking her gaze between me and the tables. My fingers crumpled in her palm.

"C-Coourtney, you lie 'cuz I not use good s-small movements with fingers and hold f-fork. You not want friends embarrass caught you try f-feed me." I bit down on my lower lip, lowering the rest of me as my legs grew weaker. "You be embarrassed of Fr-Freakiel."

"Zeke, come on! No, of course not." Courtney knelt down and took my cheeks in her hands. "If I were embarrassed of you, would I have invited you to the second-biggest event of my entire high school life?"

I swallowed acid.

"Homeschool do n-not belong here, eh?"

"Yes you do. You bought a ticket. Now, get up before you get dust and food all over your suit. I'm glad you're wearing gloves- Who knows the last time this floor was washed?"

I tried to remind myself that my dad had cooked ribs for dinner for the first time in months just for my special night, and they had been delicious. And that even if Courtney claimed not to be embarrassed by my painstaking feeding requirements, she knew I would have been and was only looking out for me. It didn't lessen the sting.

"Do what first?" I sighed, taking both of Courtney's hands as she pulled me back to my feet. We'd definitely have to make a stop by the physics teacher who had marked Courtney's model bridge with an A-, and the girl who had inserted Courtney's poem "47 Things About Him" into the school newspaper without permission, and that one kid who had picked her last for his volleyball team in gym two months ago.

"This way." Courtney led me across the lobby. We wove between tables, skirted spilled puddles of water, heading towards a long line of people waiting for…

I yanked Courtney back by her elbow and hissed, "You not said e'er th-there would got cam'ras!"

She blinked. "It's prom."

"Dinner? C-cam'ras?" I tried to tear my hand away, only for her to grab my sleeve. "You keep other things you f-forgot tellin' me?"

"How was I supposed to know you didn't know? You can't leave prom without taking pictures! It's kind of a big event. I need proof that you were rehabilitated enough to join me tonight for my autobiography."

I stuck a finger beneath both my shirt and my actual collar, jiggling the metal tags that declared me vaccinated another year. "Coourtney, p-please can don't? You r-remember I not like l-lookin' at-"

"There you are, Zeke! I knew you'd come for me when I burned that incense of honey and grapes!"

The nasal-high voice pierced through the thumping music. I could literally feel the blood drop from my face, turning my cheeks colder than the time I'd fallen through the ice in the pond when I was nine. I half-ducked behind Courtney, but she still had a razor grip on my arm. She realized the problem and released me too late.

"Oh no," she whimpered, "What is he doing here? He's supposed to be in detention all week!"

I watched with swelling panic as a tall figure swaddled in green and yellow robes shoved his way through the tables. Fake gray beard included- no denying who it was, even with that new limp he'd gotten from the explosion last Wednesday.

It got worse- he hadn't come alone. A dark-haired girl trotted at his heels, humming Ring Around the Rosie. There was an inconveniently-long train dripping from the back of her yellow dress, which would have been hilarious except for the fact that a flock of colorful birds lifted it well above the sticky floor and stomping feet. I could remember only two people who had such an impact on the local fauna, and neither of them were particularly pleasant. As she skipped away to investigate a tray of biscuits on a nearby table, I caught something glinting on her cheeks.

Oh no. Please, no.

Ella had found the glitter again.

Courtney whipped around, her face so flushed that her freckles disappeared. "The dessert buffet. Go!"

Too late. A dark hand enveloped her tan one and lifted it gently towards a smiling mouth. He said, "An honor tonight as always, my lady," and kissed her wrist. Then he stepped around her so he could get a better look at me. Courtney twisted, blocking the way with her blue and green skirts, but that didn't deter him. It never did.

"Hi, Le'nard," I mumbled into Courtney's sleeve.

Leonard lifted me beneath the arms and swung me over his head. "I would be a sad wizard indeed if I arrived at such a formal event without my best familiar, now wouldn't I?"

"Y-yes? Uh, s-sir?"

He laughed and thunked me back to the floor, jarring my teeth so they pierced my gums. "Okay, while we both know that's not entirely true, you did just make my day like a thousand times better. Hey, buddy! I can feel my mana recharging at triple rate as we speak. Ready to pull off that summoning spell I was telling you about last Tuesday? I have all the stuff set up in the theater upstairs."

I pushed my hat further over my eyes. "U-um…"

"Excuse me, Leonard," Courtney said, crossing her arms. "Ezekiel is my date tonight, so you can screw off and find your own. We passed a mop in a garbage bin on our way over here. You should get her number sometime. It would do you good not to be the better-looking one for once."

"Taken." Leonard stuck a thumb over his shoulder in Ella's general direction. When I peeked beneath my toque, she was apologizing profusely to a pink-haired girl with bird droppings tangled in her curls; the birds themselves had nearly succeeded in dragging the train of Ella's dress into one tractor-sized mass, and I still couldn't see the end. "And between my stupid negative aromantic points and Tammy's long-distance counterspell from New Zealand, it took me three hours to hit high enough on my flatter check to say yes. So yeah, not giving that up anytime soon, thanks. Maybe next year. Actually, I just came over to borrow Zeke for twenty minutes. I've checked the star charts. Every factor is aligned. Tonight's the night we finally raise the dead!"

Courtney squinted, fingers twitching. That was her I want to hurl something at your face really hard look (which I was a pro at picking up on these days, let me tell you), so I quickly took a few steps towards Ella. That made Ella glance away from the pink-haired girl. She waved. And, sensing an escape from the nasty scolding she was getting, she skipped over to join me. The birds fluttered behind her with the train, and more than one of them nestled into her hair. I tried very hard to keep my eyes off their plump bodies as she threw a shower of pink glitter over my head.

"Hey pixiedust, bring your menagerie back here! I was still yelling at you!"

Ella then greeted me with a curtsy and one outstretched glove, palm turned down. "An honor to catch you here at the ball tonight, Sir Ezekiel, noble ambassador of the animals! After four months of endless, pressing silence, it appears that fate has entwined our paths together once again."

"Uh, y-you okay, homie? Water f-filled up your e-e-eyes, eh?"

"Hmm?" A single tear ran down her pale cheek, smudging the blush and sparkles, and traced a path around her smile. "Oh, that." She covered her mouth with one hand as she chuckled, keeping the first extended to me. "It's only the glitter. I dabbed a fresh layer of it across my eyelids just a moment ago, but then I blinked. Is the atmosphere in the ballroom not marvelous? The fairies have smiled wonderfully on us tonight. Their magic has soaked into the air here and I taste it every time I breathe."

I hesitated. Ella had never stood so close to me before, even when she'd started singing to the livestock on my farm and part of me had been too enchanted to resist following her across the prairie. I took her glitter-doused glove with care and lifted it towards my lips. My saliva may be acidic, but I didn't want to hurt her feelings after the sour note we'd parted on last time. Especially with Leonard still standing somewhere behind me. I'd pantomime a kiss. That would be enough.

Halfway there, the scent of deer hit my nostrils. I snapped her arm back down. A look of offense flashed over Ella's face. The birds in her hair rustled their wings, conspiring amongst themselves in low cheeps.

"S-soorry." I raised her hand again. There was definitely deer on it. Elk, actually. Manitoban elk. A bull. Far too much testosterone for not even being in the rutting season. It must have been running hard and fast and far. The musk wafted around my face, bathing me completely in peace and promise. I took a deep sniff, then another. It wasn't just elk, I realized then. Other scents were layered beneath it: domestic cow, mallard duck, forest hare, mountain lion, gopher, seagull, squirrel, grizzly bear, black bear, wild boar. Antelope, for whatever reason. Ella's sweat carried traces of every animal this side of Wawanakwa.

And. It. Was. Heavenly.

My eyes began to burn. I returned Ella's hand without kissing it and backed away, scrubbing my gloved knuckles into my eye sockets. Her smile turned down at the corners, and that spurred my heart to racing. Ella always got pouty when her fairy tale perception started to slide off the beaten path, when things stopped going perceivably perfect. She opened her mouth.

No. Please oh please, God, don't let her do it.

She was going to sing. Right here. Right now.

I'd had nightmares about her songs ever since I'd seen her season. Ella, spinning me at her fingertips, forcing me to comply with whatever cruel fantasy popped into her head. Fetching drinks and little sandwiches and tagging after her in a stuffy suit (or, more often, a flamboyant dress). Scrubbing the grout in her bathroom tiles. Attacking those step-sisters she was always going on about. A kiss, maybe- or sometimes more. Robbing a bank, hurling myself at an electric fence, setting fire to Sugar's house and then hunting for her charred remains so they could be crushed beneath her heels- I don't know. And me, unable to fight back, unable to resist the charm, because no matter how much I tried to pretend otherwise, deep inside I was still truly…

… animal.

"What poor enchantment has befallen our respective betrothed for the evening?" she asked, nodding past my shoulder. Her eyes turned to slits. "Those two didn't eat the apple slices, did they? I warned him extensively not to eat the apple slices." She leaned in and whispered, "Extensively."

Leonard and Courtney were still standing where I'd left them, looking for all the world like they hadn't broken eye contact. Or breathed. But Leonard had his wand out now and Courtney clutched an enormous potted fern over her head. I forced my drool back with the fold of my tongue and shrugged.

"Tch. Not so many c-crowns for all a' be r-r-royals, eh? Both c-convinced they born princess for C-Can'da."

"Oh!" Ella's eyes darted to me, then back again. "Is that right?"

Before I could decide if I wanted to tack a "ma'am" onto my stammered "Yeah", a pair of fat jackrabbits came shooting from a forest of table legs, knocking the pink-haired girl over in her high heels. They frisked about in the hem of Ella's dress and then tumbled between my feet. My stomach gave a deep, dark growl.

Ella heard it. Wiping her smile like it had been painted on, she sized me up with arms folded tight. I raised my hands and shook my head. She made that finger sign- the one where she pointed at her own eyes and then pointed at me. Oh my gosh, the drool was dripping onto my lapel again. Once I'd swallowed and nodded, the smile edged back to her face.

"Is it not wonderful for us four to be reunited in such a pleasant place? On such happy terms, no less? Oh, I have dreamt of this night ever since I was but a little girl, and now it has finally come upon us."

Leonard finally wrenched his gaze away, blinking stubbornly. "Hello, Danielle," Courtney said, lowering her fern with obvious reluctance. "I didn't know you were going to be here." She frowned. "Don't you live in like, Ontario? Did you seriously come all this way just to dance with Leonard? Again?"

Ella clasped her hands against her cheek. "Four hundred kilometers is nothing to a heart so full of love. I rose with the sun and traveled all morning atop the back of the most magnificent elk. We raced along a mountain stream and plunged into a valley meadow filled to the brim with a blossoming rainbow of roses. I plucked up the largest, most yellow one of all, and when I held it up in the sunlight it shimmered a thousand different colors and transformed into my wonderful dress you see now."

"Explains s-smell," I muttered.

"Right, okay." Courtney snagged my sleeve and tried to pull me away, but Leonard grabbed my other wrist and squeezed.

"Courtney, one moment. This is a delicate spell I've set up and I require the presence of my familiar to best channel my energy."

"Channel my energy!" she shouted back, swiping her fingers like claws at his nose. Leonard yelped and ducked, releasing my hand, and the recoil of it sent me and Courtney bowling into the floor. I scrambled away on all fours and slid behind the potted fern. Ella and several tiny birds lowered themselves to offer Courtney a gentle hand (or, er, claw).

"Please, we have no need to fight. We are all friends here who deeply respect and care for one another, so I know we can come to an agreement and share Ezekiel kindly and fairly tonight. There is no need to bruise one another's egos with bitter tongues and scalding words."

"Rather come h-home," I told my itchy hat.

"He's mine," Courtney hissed, pushing herself up on her own. "Where were you when he went feral? I spent two and a half years fixing him, I brought him here, he stays with me. He's a human being, not an animal."

"For the love of Great TOM's flash drive, we've been over this! He's just animal enough to provide an essential amount of ner-" Leonard broke off into an abrupt scowl. "Um, Ella? Isn't that your step-mother by the door?"

The smile froze on her face. "What?"

As one, the birds trilled with panic and dropped the ball of Ella's train onto her head. She hit the floor, wrestling with the yellow fabric as her little friends scattered in a whirlwind of feathers. One smacked into my eye. Another caught its foot in Courtney's hair and dangled, upside-down and flapping furiously. "We'd better track down Scarlett now," Leonard said, hooking his elbows beneath Ella's arms. "We might need to throw the emerge-"

"You brought Scarlett with you?"

My hackles bristled up as Courtney's shriek overpowered the music. Instantly regretting my attempt to hide behind the fern alone, I crawled back to Courtney's side and forced myself to stand again.

But Leonard looked genuinely confused. "Well, yeah. She lives in the dungeon."

"His basement," Ella explained, getting back to her feet. The train of her dress now draped over her shoulders, a scarf custom-made for a mountain, but when one of the birds on Leonard's hat made a throaty warning noise, she threw it over her face again with a whimper.

Courtney's jaw hung open for a solid minute, twitching. No words came out. I interlocked my fingers with hers and that finally shocked the sense back into her. She slapped me away and grabbed Leonard by the collar of his robes.

"Tell my ears, for the love of all that is fair and just in this world, that you did not invite Maxwell Zambar and Scarlett Valentine to my senior prom."

"Of course I didn't," Leonard said, trying to unclasp her fingers. "Scarlett still flips like a banshee if anyone dares to breathe his name; worse still if anyone suggests they spend any time together. Did your observance check tell you I had a death wish? Geez Courtney, I have more points to my intellect stat than that. I asked Ella to invite them while I set up a force-field in the kitchen."

Courtney rounded on Ella as her gloved hands flew up in surrender. "I can guarantee you that poor Max's invitation faced a tragic obstacle along the way and was lost in the mail. I had my dear friends the pigeons make sure of it. Much as you do, I have no desire to see that troll stirring her up to anger on what is intended to be a pleasant evening. He won't be coming. Scarlett hitched a lift with us, stag."

Leonard frowned. "I thought you told me he just said no."

Courtney's dark eyes turned to slits. "You two are mind-boggingly unbelievable. I will not stand to have my perfect night ruined by a complete psycho, no matter how sweet and polite you're convinced she is. Did somebody search her for weapons?" Ignoring their hasty nods, she grabbed my elbow and dragged me across the lobby.

"Coourtney…" As we stumbled into the jellyfish room, she in her sharp heels and me on my unstable feet, I tried especially hard to string the words together in a coherent way. "I doon't l-like… to cause problem. I would not m-mind going to Le'nard. Really s'not so bad. He just needs… take li'l bit a' my blood, and he… he has me wear… necklace… s-sing li'l song. Takes only few minutes."

"Oh, you're staying with me." She tugged me between a girl and a boy who looked like they were just about to kiss. I shot them both a frown of apology, but Courtney forged on like she hadn't noticed. "Nobody steals my boyfriend."

I ducked the legs of another girl as her date swung her into the air. "I'm not 'xactly b-boyfriend, homie."

"Not quite," Courtney admitted. She stopped walking. She paused there for a moment, staring at a couple that she must have recognized, this being her school and all. She didn't even move when one of Ella's pink birds settled on her shoulder. Then she faced me again. "You still have a long way to go. You may not have enough coordination to brush your teeth, you struggle not to attack your own farm animals, it's illegal for you to drive, and you still pick your nose- don't think I haven't noticed you sneaking it. But you know… we've made amazing progress in three years. We really have."

I sighed. "Thanks, Coourtney."

She hesitated, halfway committed. An orange bird landed on her other shoulder. Her arms lifted, then went back to her sides. But then she shook her head and wrapped her arms around my shoulders. One hand stretched up behind my neck to pat my head. "I'm so proud of you, Zeke. You're a good boy."

Courtney didn't let her fragile side slip out very often. You had to take advantage of it while you could. As another bird settled in her hair, I hugged her in return. We stayed that way until she realized this might get caught on camera and shoved me off.

"Now, I have to find Scarlett and give her a piece of my mind. Keep on my heels. I want a witness to be around."

"You s-sure? Ookay."

Courtney flailed her arms at the cloud of birds that had settled on her body. They cheeped like popping popcorn and began to zip circles around my head, even as we moved to the seahorses. When Courtney wasn't looking, I snagged a fat cardinal by the tail and stuffed it into my mouth. That sent the other birds scattering, screeching, in search of Ella. One solid crunch and it was dead. Feathers brushed the ridges of my gums. The meat was warm and tasted like steak and pumpkin pie rolled into one. The blood flowed down my tongue as sweet as melted chocolate. And the bones… the tiny bones and its paperweight skull…

While Courtney tracked down Scarlett, I tracked down a trashcan to be sick in against the wall. I coughed. I hacked. One boy in a red tuxedo even rushed over to perform the Heimlich maneuver on me. When I was done, the bird's mangled body lay in the garbage bin among a heap of food scraps and vomit. "Uh, sorry," I mumbled to the boy; he couldn't scramble away fast enough when he saw what had been in my mouth. My throat sizzled. I pushed up my sleeve and wiped my lips dry on my sallow skin. If I had one thing to be grateful for, it was that I, like most every venomous animal, was immune to my own poison. Unfortunately, the same could not be said for the trashcan. The acid I'd spit up started to eat away at the plastic lining.

Er, yeah.

I inched back through the crowd in search of Courtney, trying to ignore the disgusted glances that followed me like the stink of sick. The pulsing music thundered through my blood – the smash of horse hooves – and my itchy scalp didn't help matters in the least.

After five or six minutes of searching, I found Courtney standing guard at one entrance of the walk-beneath tunnel-tank, scanning the couples that danced in the pale blue glow of the glass walls. She yanked my sleeve before I could go in. When she pointed out a tall girl gnawing on a cinnamon roll with intent to kill, it took me too long of a moment to realize it was Scarlett. Tch- with that kind of reaction time, I'd have been dead if I were a Pahkitew contestant, eh?

She'd chosen to wear a strapless black and silver dress that melded perfectly with the shadows and strobe lights. Her signature red hair hung low against her back in a long and scruffy ponytail. She hadn't brought her glasses. From the squint in her eyes as she sized up the sharks, I could tell she was regretting that decision immensely. Up until tonight, I had seen Scarlett only through a protective coating of cameras and TV screens, when her violent lashing out against Chris had been adorable more than anything else. Maybe she was three years younger than me, but seeing the dirt beneath her fingernails made me wonder if being within ten kilometers of her stabbing arm was really such a good idea.

"Sh-should dye her hair, eh? Or all chop off. Not recognized her with h-hair turn brown and sh-short."

"You'd think she would, but I asked Leonard about that at the New Year's reunion and he said she's too vain to let it go. If she gets spotted in public, it's her own fault."

I grimaced.

Now, walking straight up to a wannabe supervillain who had threatened to kill a season's worth of contestants with little or no remorse and offering your hand for a shake may not seem like the best way to start a death threat, and I wouldn't recommend it to anybody of a sane mind. But this was Courtney. That's exactly what she did, and I was forced to follow. Scarlett looked away from a hammerhead at the sound of clipping heels and clumsy feet.

"Courtney Ross." Courtney put out her arm. "You may remember me from Island, Action, World Tour, and All-Stars. I'm a classic contestant."

The corner of Scarlett's mouth quirked up. She accepted the shake with one sticky hand. "Scarlett Valentine. Pahkitew Island, Season 6. I assume you've heard of me already."

"Everyone's heard of you," Courtney replied, forcing the words through gritted teeth. "Should you really be here, Scarlett? There are cameras and security guards crawling all over this place. You could be spotted. Tracked down. Caught."

Scarlett briefly went cross-eyed. She took the last bite of her cinnamon roll and licked her fingers. Then she shook her head. "I'm afraid I don't know what you're talking about. What reason should I have for running from authority figures?"

I didn't like how the dance music switched to the "Jaws" theme.

"Okay, fine then. Let me get straight to the point. After all you've done, why haven't they thrown you in jail yet like Izzy?"

A knowing smile spread over Scarlett's lips as she began a story she'd clearly told a thousand times. "Sweetheart, all I did was lock a door and hand out poor directions. Is it my fault if I didn't know how to disable an alleged time-bomb? Alas, it isn't a crime not to commit a crime, and legally speaking I did nothing wrong. As opposed to Chris himself, who refused to lift a finger to rescue any of us from a situation he fully perceived to be life-and-death despite possessing a perfectly-operational helicopter – which, I may as well add, I myself did not have access to – and so I cannot by any stretch of imagination be held responsible for allegedly preventing the escape of any individual from the island if he wriggles out with simply a warning."

Courtney pinched the bridge of her nose. "Sure, right. Scarlett, don't avoid the qu-"

"I'm sure you know more about the situation than I do, Courtney. If I was correctly informed, you're the resident expert on the law." She lifted her eyebrows. "And of course, you and I both know there was never any real danger. An entire private island hooked up to a self-destruct button? Please; even the densest of jury members could tell that was little more than some fanciful storytelling, much the same as when that one reality show in South Korea claimed its own contestants had strayed across the northern border. When the RCMP took control of the craft services tent, they found the whole thing plotted in Chris's challenge script."

"But you can't seriously have-"

"Besides those obvious truths, my so-called 'evil' persona was purely an act, remember?" Scarlett placed a hand on her chest, looking injured. "I really can't help myself if my extensive knowledge in the psychological field influenced the audience's interpretation and realism of my acting skills. I merely played up the drama for the other contestants in the best way I knew how- by bringing to light Max's cute little game. Almost like a certain someone who deliberately attempted to drop four innocent adolescent boys from a hot air balloon over a cliff into waters she fully knew to be infested by man-eating sharks, hm?"

Courtney's lid could stay on no longer. I clamped my hands over my ears and crouched down as she erupted with, "Act, Owen's buttocks! No one actually believes your crap, do they? You tried to blow up the entire island! And murder everyone! You'll never have a career now. Doesn't that bother you? How can you even sleep at night knowing that proof of your mental instability was sprawled across international television and probably everyone from Juneau to Tokyo will soon know your name?"

Scarlett shrugged. "I invested in a soft pillow."

"Uh, 'round world th'other way," I said, standing again, "Juno to Tokyo n-not far, eh?"

Courtney's glare shriveled my tongue, and Scarlett's eyes flooded with green as her irises dilated. "Hold on, don't tell me you actually brought-?"

She was looking at me. At me. I forced myself to extend my hand and hoped she wouldn't notice how badly it was quivering. "E-E-Eze…kiel. Foster. C-classic too, like C-Coourtney."

"You're the one who went feral during Season 3, on the jet. And you've chosen to retain your sharpened canines and incisors after all this time. Intriguing; I would have kept them too." Scarlett took my hand in both of hers, staring into my eyes with an expression I can only describe as unadulterated excitement- the same way I used to get when I ran across a deer carcass so fresh that not even one maggot had wriggled into the haunches. "Watching your primal instincts unfold on television like that was incredibly fascinating. At this point, I believe I can arguably declare that I've become your biggest fan. Might I have the honor of dissecting your brain?"

My hands slapped to my temples. "You try t-take it, I will go to be F-Feral Zeke o'er your li'l pretty b-butt, homie!"

Scarlett chuckled. "I meant when you're done with it, homeslice. Between what the plane did to you and all those CPs you ingested, I don't anticipate you'll live past forty, very tops. Ella and I are considering careers in wildlife biology and animal psychology, and what you've got locked up in there could potentially lead to a breakthrough someday. I would never dream of cutting your one-in-a-trillion life short, but please ensure your legal guardian fills out a form for organ donation to science sooner rather than later, all right?"

Courtney clamped a hand on my shoulder. I lowered my arms, but slowly. "Breakthrough gets name to s-science books. Be famous then, huh?"

"I could make it happen. Would you like that?"

"No point have f-f-fame if dead."

She grinned. "Fair enough. Truthfully, I am delighted to see you here tonight, Ezekiel. You're looking well- it's evident that the healthy color has started to edge back to your skin. Leonard has offered to give me a lift up to your farm on numerous occasions, but I simply never found the time. Additionally, it's never mere child's play for even me to strain the truth from his disillusions, and when he last insisted he'd seen you, in actuality he'd spent seventy-two hours perched up in a tree and I firmly believe the sun touched him in the head."

Scarlett held out an inviting hand, palm up. "Regardless, I would very much enjoy getting to know you on a more intimate level. I did notice earlier that Leonard shattered the lock to the theater. It would be far quieter in there than here and perhaps easier on your cortisol levels. Would you care to sit and have an hour's chat with me?"

"Wait, no!" Courtney wrapped her arms around my chest and wrenched me back. "You can't take him! He's my date!"

A lump took root in the base of my throat. I tried to fight it down, clinging to Courtney's wrists. "D-doon't really would not like t-talk of it anyway. M-my accident."

"Ah, trauma. Well, of course." Scarlett nodded, but the frustration in her eyes was clear even to me. Her fingers tapped a quick rhythm on her calves. "I understand completely, but please do seek me out if ever you change your mind. I'd be very interested to hear anything you have to say."

"I'll think."

"All right," Courtney said, her voice forcefully bright. "Thanks for making him feel welcome tonight, Scarlett. I guess we could say there's a fleck of good in your heart after all, couldn't we?"

"My pleasure. But before you go, Ezekiel, might I take a sample of your saliva?" I eyed her with a frown and she said, "I mean to compare and contrast it with the toxins of various other creatures in the world- lionfish, black mamba, sea urchins. Et cetera. It would give me a fair guess on your stomach structure without having to actually go at you with my knife." She flashed me a smile. "Not that I would ever do that, of course. We all have our little quirks, and for my part, I do despise having my hands messy."

Courtney and I shared a glance. Handing acid over to her, of all people in this world, sounded like the crucial first step of a murder scheme.

But at the same time, Scarlett probably had all those other toxins already, and she hadn't killed millions with them yet. Plus, if her story was true then she'd barely dodged a jail sentence this year alone. She wouldn't risk drawing attention to herself again, right? And if she was offering to look into the whole thing for free… I scrubbed my scalp with my thumb.

"I guess s'okay… but p-promise you tell what is found of p-poison? I wanna know. F-f-family safety. And, uh, got something for c-carry? Not melt?"

"Certainly, yes and yes. I never leave home unprepared. After all, when inspiration strikes, it strikes." Scarlett checked her dress for pockets. Twice. "Oh," she said, looking up at me again. A rosy color spread over the base of her neck. "It's, um… J-just hang on a moment."

She turned around, fumbling with the front of her dress. One of the tiger sharks in the tank blushed, well, scarlet. After a moment, Scarlett faced us again, clutching a thick vial in her fist. "I stole the concept of this from Max," she announced, tapping the vial with her nail. It made a deep ringing sound. "It can be hurled to the floor and won't shatter. I even had Mr. Moore go at it with his chainsaw. More relevantly, I have yet to come into contact with any substance that can dissolve it. I call it miliglass."

"Did you just take that out of your bra?" Courtney asked, crossing her arms.

Scarlett uncorked the vial. "I hardly see why that's an important piece of this discussion. Here, Zeke." She offered it to me like she thought I could grasp it, and Courtney snatched it from her hand and held it to my lips. I stared into it for a moment, working my saliva around with my tongue.

Moment of truth. Aside from my radiation-soaked skin, scaled gums, rough tongue, gift of strong stomach lining, and seriously damaged teeth, we hadn't come across anything my spit didn't burn through if given a little time. Well, dirt and water, I suppose. Same way you'd stop a fire.

Taking great care not to splatter, I dripped blue liquid into the vial. It sizzled, puzzled over itself for a second or two, then turned brown. Courtney held it as far from her body as possible. Scarlett took it back and replaced the stopper, looking for all the world like she'd stolen Santa's entire bag of gifts straight from his hands. Without the slightest hesitation, she dropped it back in her bra. I wondered if I should warn her that my saliva would obliterate that cork in a matter of heartbeats if given the chance. No, I decided, maybe I wouldn't bother.

"You tell?" I asked Scarlett, taking hold of Courtney's arm. "About a-acid stuff when l-learned?"

"You'll be the first to know. I'll have Leonard drive me up the very minute I make a discovery of any particular significance." She clasped her hands behind her back and began to rock on her heels. Her face lit with smugness as she shifted her gaze between Courtney and me. "I need to ask, though, before I take my leave- Do you recall the moment when you crossed the line? Did you still have coherent thoughts, or would you say you were more of an animal? I would presume the former, seeing as there should be no way for any human being to become truly feral in that brief amount of time, particularly with good food and human company just around the corner. Wallflower? Yes, perhaps, but feral, no."

"Um-"

"And how" – air quotes – "'feral' would you describe yourself towards the end of the season? Namely, did you really eat that intern in the Serengeti? Shawn insists that you did, and claims it was his uncle, so I've given him credibility until proven incorrect, but I have to know straight from the source."

The world rushed to water before my eyes. The question chilled my blood. My stomach exploded with acid. When I sniffled, I suddenly found my nose buried in Courtney's puffy sleeves.

Blood. Salty in my mouth and pooling in my hands. Dripping from my fingers. Spattered everywhere, and not just in my daydreams.

"What is wrong with you, Scarlett?" Courtney screamed, enveloping my sweaty head with her arms. "Why would you ask him that? Do you have any idea how awful it can be to deal with him when he gets this way? Ugh!" Her hand snapped forward– I think she grabbed Scarlett's wrist, or slapped her or something. "You of anyone has absolutely no right to be here! This isn't your real school, this isn't even your real province, and none of these people here are your friends. Why don't you traumatize your own boyfriend?"

"I am not dating Max!"

I looked up in a panic when Scarlett yelled the name to see that her face had flashed almost as red as her hair. Strands of it began to unravel from her ponytail.

"I will have you know, Courtney Ross the classic contestant, that I don't even like Max. I have legitimate proof that he was born a psychrolutes marcidus instead of a human being. He is a self-centered porcine child who would benefit enormously from having his head shoved down a sink disposal, and I would have gone through with it on multiple occasions when the opportunity presented itself had his neck not been so fat. I honestly don't understand why all of you keep insisting that he and I ever became, as the tabloids put it, an item. Chris invented the whole 'Smooch City' concept just to stir up interest among the fans. You especially should know how he plays his little games. Max and I absolutely, positively, very certainly did not kiss. In days of past as well as days of present I view him merely as my sidekick, and he will never be more than that to me. And the next person who suggests as much will have their hair tied around the propeller of the first boat to Tasmania."

She stomped up the tunnel into a patch of startled students. A flick of her fiery ponytail and she was gone. Courtney clutched me tight to her chest, trembling and seething nasty words. I couldn't let her go. My fingers snagged in the ribbons on the back of her dress, and I know it made her uncomfortable to have my jagged teeth so close to her throat, but I couldn't let her go.

"I ate him. I a-ate him. So soorry, God, so sorry. I ate him- please God, please f-forgive me, I ate him, I ate him…"

"Zeke!" Courtney grabbed my shoulders and forced me away, ripping my claws from her dress. A scrap of iridescent cloth came with them. She shook me hard. "You didn't eat him, remember? Sierra was there, and she told me so. You knocked him out, grabbed his sandwich, and ran for the bushes. Remember that?"

Not really. But that whole year and a half from World Tour through Revenge was fuzzy for me, and her words didn't stop my shaking.

"But I d-did, Coourtney! I know. B-blood all over splashed in my face, drip off my chin- still taste it, dear God, f-forgive me! Forgive me, God! I'm soorry! So s-soorry, eh! He worked with a-an'mals and scent like deer and goat and I had need so hungry!"

No one was dancing anymore. A wide berth had formed around us. People were staring. Whispers flew. Gazes skittered and dropped when I looked their way. I realized then that Leonard, Ella, and her step-mother stood at one entrance of the tunnel, their mouths and arms stuffed with pastries and juice cups. Ella was wreathed in birds and rabbits. A roe fawn nuzzled her hip.

I couldn't look at her. Not without wishing I could eat her. So I couldn't stay here, because I would eat her- glitter or no glitter. I knew I would, because that's what wild animals did.

Whirling on my heels, I charged the opposite side of the crowd. Screams rang out. Students parted before me like they feared I was a monster spiraling out of control.

I burst into the jellyfish room. One girl made the mistake of stepping in my path and I snarled at her. She sprang back. I grabbed her shoulder and flung her against the wall. My shoes slapped across tile as I sprinted, and my sweaty palms soon joined in.

Past the seahorses. Past the otters and the loons. Past the penguins. Past the touch pool with its starfish and rays. Halfway through the turtle hall, I spotted restrooms and veered my course. There were two other boys in there, engaged in the most heated game of Rock-Paper-Scissors known to mankind, but they froze cold as I grabbed the nearest stall handle.

"Out!" I flung my hand towards the restroom entrance. When neither moved, I whipped off my hat and flashed my fangs. That spurred them into action. I heard them screaming, "Somebody broke Foster's kid again!" all the way down the hall.

I slammed the stall door so hard that it rebounded back in my face. Two long minutes were spent fumbling with the lock; my fingers were shaking so much that they were even more hopeless than usual. Once it was secure, I tucked myself between the brick wall and the grubby toilet and thought long and hard about the day I had decided to kill a man.

"Did you still have coherent thoughts, or would you say you were more of an animal?"

"An'mal," I whispered, even though it wasn't true. I buried my face in my knees. "An'mal, an'mal- I s-swear, God, I was only all an'mal."

My whimpers stopped coming about twelve minutes in. I threw up in the toilet several times, but had to keep flushing so my acid wouldn't have time to disintegrate the porcelain. I wasn't sure if I was causing more damage to the pipes that way and honestly didn't care. A boy used the stall next to me and asked if I was okay, and when he heard my scratchy, accented reply, he asked uneasily if I were Ezekiel Foster. I said I was and told him to "Lose off". The second boy who tried to talk to me was Leonard. He didn't take my warning seriously, so when he crouched down I shot a beam of acid so hot that it had already turned brown across the hem of his robes without shifting from my hiding place. As he left, he murmured something about needing Ella.

I stared at my trembling hands. I did need Ella. She had a beautiful voice that could put even a rampaging shark out of its misery.

The restroom door clicked open after an agonizing wait. High heels. Silver ones, marching in without a dash of hesitation. They halted in front of my stall.

"Zeke?"

I don't know why I'd bothered trying to run. No one could escape her forever. Not when she was committed. I wiped my nose. "This b-boys' bathroom, eh?"

She squeezed herself beneath the door, spitting out a long curl of mocha hair. "Yeah, I noticed that from the first whiff. Honestly, couldn't you at least have thrown yourself in the girls' room instead? This place is absolutely disgusting. If someone walks in here and starts using the urinal in front of me, I am going to puke."

"Well, s-soorry. Not f-first thing across m-mind."

She ignored my comment. "That was incredibly selfish of you, you know. You promised to be my date for the night- you can't just run off on me like that. I taught you so much better than this. And now I have to stuff your hat back on. Wait, what's that stain on the- Ew, is that- pee? On the wall? Ugh! You children are so immature!" With that, she ripped off a fistful of toilet paper and started to scrub.

Only Courtney.

The tremble in my chin died away. I felt the tug of a smile. "Coourtney, homes, you c-come back to hall. Ruin your nice d-dress if you stay."

"As if I'll let you sulk in a pig sty all night." She snatched the whole toilet paper roll from the wall and started spreading strips over the dirty tiles. "This is my special evening, and you aren't going to wriggle out of it with a temper tantrum. Don't try playing any games with me. We both know you're too smart to fall for Scarlett's lies. I'm staying right here until you build yourself a bridge for this pathetic river of tears and get your butt over it."

"Well… Th-then I guess I g-got come too. But-" I added, jerking back as she reached out for me, "you g-g-got wash h-hands first, or I ain't t-touch."

Courtney made me hold her wrist as we went back into the turtle hall. "I'll get you some water," she said as I sat down on the nearest bench. "There's a buffet table just out there by the seahorses."

"G-grape juice?"

"Sure." She kissed my forehead and whisked off to fetch the drink. I cocked my head, watching the top of her hair bob through the crowd and wondering how long it would take her to realize what she had just done. Courtney never kissed me. She never kissed anyone these days. I must have really bothered her.

"Thank starshine and Great TOM's pencil sharpener– I thought she would never leave."

I buried my eyes in my gloves as our friendly neighborhood wannabe wizard limped over to join me by the wall. So far, this night was not going remotely the way I'd hoped it would. At least he'd shaken Ella, so I had one less coconut to deal with now.

"Well?" Leonard poked my fingers with his wand until I moved them and then placed his hands on his hips. "Ready or not, our time has come. Move it or lose it, buddy."

"Not now." I kicked my feet. "Not in right m-mood yet. Still need ice cream. V'nilla. Chocolate s-s-sprinkles."

"You do not. The magic in your soul grows as the sunlight fades. That's the Sol-G2 Luna-Swap Clause. You picked it up after you drank from the waterfall during the blue harvest moon last year. Come on, Zeke!" He gave my sleeve a sharp tug. "Quit fooling around- you're making me start to feel like an idiot, and that's just rude. Hurry; now's our chance to raise the dead."

"But I doon't wanna r-raise the dead."

"Well neither do I, but that isn't really the point here, now is it? Science! Fame! Exploration!" Leonard finally succeeded in yanking me from my seat, and I went sprawling across the floor. He nudged me with his sneaker, but I decided not to get up. "Honestly," he groaned, dropping to a crouch, "of all the familiars in this world, I get stuck with you. I could have had an imprinted gosling or an interesting-looking lizard, and you had to stumble into my garage that night. I suppose it was destiny, but thanks a mil, comrade."

I flopped onto my stomach. "S-s'not my fault, homes. Could smell b-barb'cue of kilometer far… Uh, w-where find Ella now?"

Leonard pursed his lips and yanked a golden slipper from the sleeve of his robes. "She snuck out of her apartment without telling her step-mother and the old lady's been worried sick since sunrise. You missed a huge fight. Before Ella ran into the parking lot, she only had time to take off this shoe and hurl it at my face as hard as she could. It's all I have left of her." He rolled his eyes. "She does this every time she leaves my house. I'm starting to think I oughta pour some hot glue in my next-"

"Leonard Whatever-All-Your-Middle-Names-Are Moore!"

He sprang to his feet, whipping out his wand in the same movement as Courtney stalked towards us, plastic plate and cup in hand. "Akava maraca!"

Even in her high heels, she had to tilt her head back to look him in the eyes. "If you don't stop flirting with my boyfriend, I may just have to give Chris a call and feed him ideas for future Total Drama challenges. Our contracts expire next month. Yours doesn't." Pause. "By the way, I told the janitor that a boy who was supposed to be in detention had made a mess in the theater, and that the prom committee were so horrified when they saw it, they were planning to leave the whole place an absolutely awful rating on the aquarium website. I asked him to tidy it up immediately so it wouldn't have to come to that."

Leonard's jaw dropped so far open, I could see his uvula. "You didn't. I've been here since five arranging every last one of those beads and stones in the pattern of the summer constellations during the year 14-"

"You could probably catch him if you run," Courtney told him sweetly, and Leonard raced off with a furious screech. I watched him trip on the ends of his robes and go sprawling into several of the dancers. "Here," she said then, setting the paper plate in my lap. "I brought you some cookies. Mint chip. No peanuts. I made sure."

"Thanks, C-Coourtney."

"Do you want the juice now?"

I nodded and opened my mouth. Courtney raised the cup, then lowered it again. She squinted. "What the-? Ew!" She jerked away, plastering one hand over both cheeks as they swelled. "Is that a feather? Ezekiel, you didn't eat one of Ella's birds!"

The tears pooled in the corners of my eyes. I covered my face with my gloves again. "Soorry. S-soorry. She smell l-like elk and made me all turn h-hungry. Too many b-birds. So close, all smell. No stopping Zeke. S-soorry."

Gingerly, she placed her hand against the sweaty back of my head. "Ugh… Gross as that is, we'll have to keep taking it step by step. We agreed from the beginning that I wouldn't make you quit cold turkey."

My stomach gurgled.

Courtney held the cup to my lips. "Easy," she warned, but I took the juice in gulps until she finally pulled it away. "Better?"

I nodded again, still dabbing at my eyes.

"You ripped through your glove." Courtney took my hand in hers. I jerked it back, but not before I saw the gnarled tip of my finger, the nail worn into a kind of claw from years of being used as one. I clutched my right wrist in my left, pressing both against my chest. My lips moved with mumbled words. As I started to rock from side to side, Courtney lowered herself into the seat on my left. She slid one hand behind my back until her fingers were around my other shoulder.

"Zeke. Did you even want to come here tonight?"

"Course yes."

She thrust one finger beneath my chin and forced me to look her in the eyes. "I don't appreciate being lied to, Ezekiel."

I swallowed the feather in my throat. "But I did, Coourtney. N-night special for you, but you still want Zeke be asked c-come, eh. None asked Zeke come d-dances, ever. None but you." I took a breath. "I will… ne'er… forget that, n-no… matter… what happen… to future. It… means… very lot to me. Thank you. Courtney," I added at the end, trying hard to pronounce her name without my accent. I don't think it worked; 'Cartney' wasn't any closer.

We sat there through four more songs, watching the turtles paddle about, she stroking my spine and rotating my melting juice cup. A few actual wallflowers strayed over to join us on the benches. They didn't give me very nice looks, but Courtney gave them worse ones that sent them scampering. Finally, when a sweet, wintery-sounding tune came on, she pulled me to my feet.

"This is it. May I have this waltz?"

I shook my head, hoping that the darkness covered up my flushing. "Can't, eh?"

"Excuse me?"

I groaned and held out my arm. "I mean, l-love to. Much."

Courtney shifted one of my hands to her waist and kept the other in her fist. The hand with my claw showing. I looked over her shoulder and into the turtle tank. Just a splash of spit, a few precious minutes, and the glass would melt. I could throw Courtney in and take off for the hills.

As the words of the song began, Courtney tugged me a step forward. I followed her lead, stepping back at the next beat. Then to the left before she could move right. Her eyebrows went up.

"How-"

"After you went S-Season 2, Tyler had cel'brate for L-Lindsay arrival at P-Playa. D-dance all day. Trent show me how for w-waltz." I forced myself to smile. "He was girl for me, eh? Doon't remember lot 's-sides that."

Courtney and I gave up trying to match the beat halfway through the song. As it spoke of dancing bears and snow and Russian palaces, we swept over the floor as best as my clumsy legs wanted to. Several of the turtles began to drift around the room after us. I lifted my arm and Courtney twirled under, her hand as dainty as a flower petal when she placed it back in mine. Though I'm sure she didn't mean for me to see, I glanced into the tank once and caught her reflection smiling.

We danced through the next song, and the next, even though they weren't the kind for waltzing (if that's what it even was). Some couples left, others trickled in. One loner with bright red hair kept trying to catch Courtney's eye, clearly hoping she would abandon the semi-feral freak for him.

She did, but I gave her permission to. My feet needed to rest, especially in those tight shoes. And my scalp begged for a good scratching. I stood by the hall's entrance, braced myself against the arch, and took a moment to marvel at the way Courtney's peacock skirts flashed in the glow of the turtle tank. You know… she really was lovely. Sure, she had her unorthodox methods of venting rage, but deep inside she only meant well, really. Maybe one day I could find myself attracted to more than just the smattering of freckles across her nose.

Then I turned and slammed my forehead against the nearest tank. A crab slammed its claw back and scuttled away between the rocks.

"Stoopid freak," I muttered, but soft enough that my words didn't carry above the music. My palm slid down the glass. Sure, and then what- Courtney would fall in love with me too? Somehow, I didn't think she'd say yes if I ever knelt at her feet with a wedding ring. Well, yes to me, anyway- she'd probably keep the diamond.

But marry me? Even I knew how ridiculous the idea was, and I wouldn't wish that fate on anyone. There were too many risks involved: teeth and claws, nightmares and delusions, venomous drool and fumbling fingers that couldn't button shirts or pull hats down over ears. No woman deserved to fear that the warm body lying beside her in bed might devour her while she slept. No toddling child deserved to struggle through life with acidic saliva of their own.

Besides all of that, Courtney's hands were soft. She wasn't cut out for life on the farm. And if that weren't enough, she had a long and lucrative career in politics to consider. No one would ever take her seriously if she had a monster for a husband. She'd be ruined. I'd probably be better off moving into Leonard's basement with Scarlett and their other foster siblings (Haha, I get the joke, it's hilarious), and Courtney'd be better off dating that ginger boy who held her close to his waist. Too close, I thought, narrowing my eyes. Maybe he was forgetting just whose girlfriend he was dancing with.

What, I was calling her 'girlfriend', now? Tch. About time Stockholm syndrome kicked in. I'd been wondering if it ever would.

I tried to imagine a future without Courtney and still found myself unhappy with the results. Courtney had done a ridiculous amount for me over the last two and a half years. I wouldn't say necessarily that I loved her – nor she me, I was more than certain – but she had saved my life. Whether we jumped the broom together one of these days or not, I would always owe her for that.

There was no point in making wishes on stars that would never fall. Still, as I watched the redheaded boy give her another spin, I allowed myself to fantasize of a normal life. A happy life. Wrapping a tender, tiny child in my arms its first day in the world. A family of three or four or six loping across the prairie hills on horseback. Just one kiss on a Christmas night as the snow pattered down outside. I was putting the finishing touches on my fantasy farmhouse when the devil himself came to steal my soul.

"Hey, check it- Homeschool's out of homeschool!"

I whipped around, dropping to a crouch before I thought to stop myself. My claws gripped the tiles and my fangs bared like a row of… fangs. Chris hadn't come unprepared. I stared up the barrel of a yellow tranquilizer dartgun. Again. Apparently those things are a lot easier to come by than I'd always figured.

"Tut, tut, tut, Zeke. Down, boy. Heel." Chris grinned, but he didn't lower the weapon. "No need to get feisty. I'm not after your contract-bound behind today. I only popped in to say hello."

He hadn't done any fancy dressing up; he still wore his favorite navy blue shirt. Just the way he did on TV. Just the way he did in my nightmares. The only difference was that tonight he was sporting a camo-print cap on his head, and his thick black hair looked like someone had gone at it with a paintball gun.

"You can't be seriou- Chris?" That was Courtney. I glanced over my shoulder to see her shove the red-haired boy away and storm to my side. She grabbed my collar and hoisted me up to my feet. "What the heck are you doing here?"

Okay, she didn't really say 'heck'.

Chris stuck out his lower lip, looking hurt. "Your prom committee was searching for ways to throw the most wicked after-party in school history. I offered the MC services of Canada's best reality TV show host free of charge when I learned it was for a couple of my losers. Chef's setting up the first challenge in the otter range right now. I traveled all this way across Manitoba on my own personal funds, and this is the sort of welcome you give me?"

"When you learned…" Courtney balled her hands into fists. "Leonard!"

Not to mention Zoey's million, I thought. And Courtney proudly displaying the school's front in her original audition tape. And a home ec teacher with a mutated freak for a son. We weren't the most subtle school on the map.

Chris flashed another of his infamous smiles. "Dingaling on the first try. Being legally authorized to show up this time did help, but we would have found a way in had shove come to huger shove. Over the years, Chef and I have managed to swing by every last one of our first-season contestants' senior proms. Very near gave Gwen a heart attack, and then I helped her blow up the buffet table with a monster stink bomb, heh heh ha. Good times."

A small but curious crowd of students had recognized Chris and pressed around us. I was starting to feel claustrophobic.

Courtney crossed her arms, lips trembling, and I mimicked her movement. "Okay, you've said your 'Hi', Chris. Are you going to go now, or do you want me to walk out there and ring my lawyers?"

Chris's smug expression said, Aw, I've missed your barbed tongue. His mouth said, "I can't believe my Season 1 babies are growing up on me. After four fun-tastic years, your contracts expire next month and restraining orders are legal. And then I may never get to see your precious faces again." He stared at us for a moment with pathetically sad eyes, then smirked again and winked at Courtney. "Only had one prom to visit this year, though. Can you believe it took me this long to reach the last of 'em? What's the hold-up, Court?"

She set her jaw. "Shut. Up."

It hit me for the very first time.

"Coourtney… why did you now join p-prom dance? I finish grade 'leven 'fore… 'fore World T-Tour. Long time back. You ne'er f-finish school e'en yet? Th-thought you were s'posed go c-c-coollege. Where sc-schoolship go bye?"

She wiped her eyes with the corsage on her wrist. "Sh-shut up, Ezekiel."

"Zeke speaks after all!" Chris made a fair attempt at applauding this piece of news. "Oh man, three bets won in a single night? Chef's really going to have to cough it up this time."

"I fixed him," Courtney insisted, thrusting one arm between Chris and me. "See? Oh, it was a real struggle reversing the effects of all the trauma you put him through. You said it couldn't be done, but I did it. You wouldn't send help for him, even when he broke into my house a dozen times and I threatened to sue you into next century, so I had to take care of him on my own. I fixed him all by myself, see?"

I mouthed the last part along with her behind her back. That made Chris break into an Owen-sized grin, but when Courtney spun around to face me, all I did was give her my sheepiest smile.

"Okay," she said, wheeling on Chris again. "I've already had my lawyers draw up that restraining order, and it goes into effect the very minute my contract to you expires. And if I ever see you again after that, it had better be when you're on trial for abandonment and reckless disregard for human life and safety. I warn you- I play Ace Attorney, and I have never lost a case."

"Don't let your hopes rocket too high, Courticus." Chris leaned back against the wall, tucking one arm behind his head. With the other, he kept the dartgun trained on me. "I'll prob'ly be catching you later. There's gonna be a wedding come Halloween-time, and I was invited with the highest honors."

"Weddin'?" I frowned, struggling to come up with the name of even one person who would ever invite Chris to anything- and whose wedding it might be that he would expect to see us at. The only possibility would be someone from-

"Correcto directo, I said 'wedding'. Our li'l friend Tyler Thompson just proposed last week. To Sierra, of all people- can you actually believe it?" Chris wrapped his arms around his waist and squeezed himself in a hug. "I'm going to the wedding of my own ex-contestants! Oh man, this is gonna be great. Chef and I used to fantasize about this, but I had no idea it would become reality so soon!" He froze then, staring into empty space. "Reality…"

For a moment, Courtney and I locked gazes and neither of us moved. Then, slowly, she sank down to a peacock puddle on the floor.

"Aw," I said, "we turn gettin' old, Coourtney."

"This is impossible," she insisted, taking two fistfuls of her dress. "How could they be getting married? I haven't even graduated high school yet. For crying out loud, I'm at prom!"

Chris shrugged. "He's twenty now, and by the time it's wedding day, he'll be twenty-one. The world doesn't end when the curtain falls. It's not always just about you."

"But I didn't even know they were dating! When I left All-Stars, I thought… I thought Lindsay meant… But Sierra shouldn't be… I could've sworn… Okay, so I tune out ninety percent of what those two say, but how could everything change in the course of a year?"

"What?" Chris looked horrified. "Those two chickadees been going at it for months here and there, when he managed to jump between her and Cody. My little oddballs are the talk of the reality show world right now. Um, hello? Don't you keep tabs on everybody? Don't you want to know what's become of their little lives since me? If they drastically modify their appearance, wouldn't you still want to be able to recognize them in public?"

Courtney folded her arms again. "Ha! I wouldn't give most of those losers the time it takes to type their names into my PDA."

"Been kinda b-busy," I said, scratching at my arm.

Chris's eyes went wide. "But you guys still watch me though, right? I just got my contract renewed for a new show, and it's going to be a big one. Trust me, tune in. You will not. Want. To miss it."

We left Chris signing autographs in the turtle hall and went to see the touch pool. I'd hoped the feel of water on her wrists could calm her down, but Courtney stood beside me fuming the entire time.

"I can't believe Tyler is actually getting married! And to Sierra? That creepy stalker blabbered out what was left of her own brains ten years ago. What could she possibly have to offer him in the way of a serious relationship? That Lindsay couldn't?" She shook her head, skimming a hand down a stingray's back. Too rough, I thought with a wince. I tried to demonstrate gentleness, but the ray skirted off before I could touch it. Actually, all the rays were 'blanking' me. Even the starfish picked themselves up and rolled away when my hands came near. No surprise- I'd been the southern end of Ella's magnet for months. My own farm animals avoided me when they could.

"It has to be a ploy. A grab for media attention. Tyler's in the acting business, after all. Him and Sierra? Puh-lease. Yeah right. Maybe in eighty years when the rest of their dating pool has dried up. This is the fakest thing I've heard all day, and I had a talk with Leonard about the undead- I can't believe he ever agreed to let that spineless, slimy viper host the after-party. Ugh! Chris will have to try harder than this to lure me near any of those Neanderthals from the island."

"Or m-maybe they turn in love. Life goes still with no c-cam'ras, Coourtney." I gestured to myself. "People grow."

She snorted and splashed the water over my sleeves. "I'm still not going. I'll mail them some silverware and a card, but after what happened over New Year's, I wouldn't come within twenty kilometers of another reunion, even if Chris didn't know about it and Sierra promised to wipe every last one of her fanblogs down forever. Anyway, disregarding that, I'm not sure I could handle a whole day of Tyler trotting around on my heels and repeating, 'If there's anything I can do to make you happier, you just let me know, guy'."

"I hope c-cake is good," I said.

"Don't be ridiculous. You're not going either. It's obviously a last-ditch trick of Chris's to drag us into another season." She picked up my hands. "Remember what happened the last time we all got together to celebrate a special night?"

She didn't mean the New Year's reunion party. She meant the Gemmi Awards. Season 3. The jet.

I shuddered.

"But Tyla's good h-homie. He stood out and neck… when I come f-feral plus no other came. B-before you chose Zeke try fixin', eh? Be rude not comin'. My brother m-married once, then his wife's family… not come to show. Hearts breaking. Not same for Tyla and S-Sierra."

Courtney stopped dead. "Wait. You have a brother?"

"Sam'el, Abra…'am, D-Daniel, Jonah." I held up all four fingers as I counted them off, then shrugged. "They born older. C-come far at ocean coollege. Not try home for seen again, so f-farm for Ez…Ezek…iel with de…fault." I tasted the words again and nodded once. "I'm b-baby.

I screw it, no one fills me i-in it."

"Oh," Courtney said.

I found cake in the jellyfish hall. While I attempted eating on the other side of the room, Courtney gave Leonard a fierce shredding ("But he was doing it for free," Leonard protested). We danced again, with halfhearted steps. Finally snapped our prom pictures. Zoey caught us by the sharks and asked me how Mike was doing since the house fire. We pretended to have a long discussion where I acted like I didn't know who she was talking about until she finally slapped her forehead and cried, "Oh, right, he doesn't use that name anymore, haha, sorry!" All meant as a distraction, of course- she slipped me another six hundred-dollar check for the farm and my therapy when Courtney accidentally looked the other way, and fluttered off as I signed a Thanks 'cuz 'cuz, you are best, behind my back. Midnight passed. Courtney found some girls she recognized, so I paid the penguins a visit alone. I met one of my dad's students. He seemed nice.

One of the penguins swam up to me. I placed my thumb on the glass, pretending to rub her head. Because my reflection overlapped the penguin's face, it looked kinda like I was stroking my own hat. Heh. Funny.

"Sorry for you been in cage," I murmured. "I'd melt wall and p-pull out you, but I not can know how p-penguin care. Keeper can only know. Be died without. Is she n-nice for you?"

There was a green and brown band around her flipper. As she swam away, I glanced at the chart on the wall. Her name was Gossamer. She'd been born with a disease that had left her with a twisted foot. She didn't get along very well with the other penguins because of it and had never had a mate or laid any eggs. She was often depressed and the prediction was that she wouldn't live to see more than another two winters. Okay, I was done here.

As I slouched back to the lobby, I wondered if Courtney would appreciate a trinket from the gift shop. Maybe a mug? A soft dolphin? My parents wouldn't have approved of the gesture, but it was my allowance money, and I could do with it what I wanted. I'd already bought my month's allotment of meds.

I looked at the few crumpled bills in my hand, then stuffed them back in my pocket with the cake crumbles I'd saved for later and my emergency key to Courtney's car. I'd spent enough on the suit and entrance ticket already without bringing pointless gifts into the night. It wasn't like I had a job. Well, not since my encounter at the drive-thru with Jasmine and Shawn. I hoped Courtney hadn't gotten fired for that. I probably should have asked. A good boyfriend would have asked.

The music cut off. A crackle over the loudspeakers. Then, from every direction, "Attention, prom-going teens! Heh heh ha. This is Chris McLean, Canada's Host-With-The-Most three years running! All thrill-seekers wishing to participate in our wicked Total Drama-themed after-party tonight should proceed to the foyer immediately and sign a few waivers."

Leonard's nasal voice: "Chris, you said I could announce it!"

"Oh yeah," Chris said, "and we'll be handing out some awesome rewards to those of you who don't die. Don't worry; I assure you the bridge is perfectly safe. Keeping with the true spirit of Total Drama, we're just about to have one of our unpaid crew give it a test run- I.E. your friend Leonard here, because he signed a contract. See you dudes later. McLean, out!"

Chris must have forgotten to turn the intercom system off again. The spells Leonard screamed grew fainter and fainter until I couldn't hear them anymore. A thud.

I scratched my scalp, gazing through the windows and over the parking lot as a slow smile spread across my face. Maybe I could get Courtney a gift that didn't require money after all.

An hour later, I found Courtney sitting on the staircase. I walked towards her as daintily – as "suavely" – as I could manage, my hands behind my back.

"Brought p-present," I began, then stopped. "You drip all wet."

"I decided I would be a good person for once and rescue a bleeding Scarlett from the shark tank." She let out a sigh, twisting water from her hair. Her careful curls had lost their spring, and dabs of red and gold make-up bled down her neck. "Zoey's doing. Don't even ask. I wouldn't know where to start."

The peacock dress hung from her shoulders like a sack, its ribbons tattered to sopping shreds. "Can use my j-jacket," I offered, "but need have open b-buttons yourself, eh?"

"You're very kind, but I'd rather not. Your Vitamin D-deficiency makes you sweat like a pig, and I don't want to catch anything that way."

"H-head sweats only," I argued, but didn't press it. I rocked back on my heels as she traced her fingers down one of her remaining curls. "Have meet again at C-Chris with I were way off?"

"Ergh, Leonard, I swear… No. Thankfully, no." She tossed her hair behind her shoulders and went to work on her ribbons. "When is that stupid after-party supposed to start? I want to be a hundred miles away from here. Or at Arby's. Whichever comes first."

"Party over without begin." I took my hands from behind my back. "Have prizes. F-figurines from promoted mer…chan…dise box. Most Chris. Stole off r-redhead boy and win me th-these, eh?"

The figures were cheap scraps of plastic, small enough to fit through the Easter eggs that Chef had scattered through the otter pens. They weren't incredibly detailed either, but there was no denying who they were supposed to be. I offered Courtney hers. She stared at it blankly before snapping up to look at me for the first time.

"Zeke, you didn't participate in Chris's party challenges! What were you thinking? There are no producers, no camera crew, no lawyers- With you still bound by your contract until next month, Chris could have gotten away with doing almost anything he wanted to you! That was really, incredibly dangerous."

"Got figures," I said, still holding one in each hand and unable to restrain my grin. There were two Ezekiel varieties- Homeschool and Feral. The only other contestant of three casts to have earned an extra design? Scarlett. No bald Heather. No pre-mutation Dakota. As pathetic as I had been, as hated as I thought I was, they had ranked me with Scarlett.

"Ezekiel, they weren't worth it." Courtney grabbed my hand. "You could've been injured. You could've died, and then all my years of painstaking work would have gone to waste. I would've been left with nothing! And for what, a handful of junky figurines? Zeke, I can buy you figurines. Heck, Cody can carve you something better with his eyes shut! Don't ever do that again."

I pretended to be confused. "Coourtney, these n-not your present I brought."

"Then what-"

"J-jumped Chris when he looked off to 'nother way. Got his g-gun. Fire him use tranq dart, eh? So simple, my cl-l-lumsy fingers did. He screamed fell down h-high platform. Pants made stuck in tree. Chef laughs, even. Then Chris hits jaw in o-otter pen and they claw chewin' his f-face, eh?" I patted my pocket. "Leonard catch v-video shoot with your P-PDA. And once you try get shown me how m-makin' e-mail good, we can send out for to e'ery one a' the other conte-"

Courtney yanked me forward by the tie and pressed her mouth into mine. The figurines slipped from my fingers and clattered down the stairs. Her kiss was deep and warm and drawn out- Courtney never did anything by halves. I tried to scream her name, only to find that my lips wouldn't twitch. When she released me at last, her chest heaved and she had that I did a naughty thing grin plastered all over her face, just like when we'd hidden in the mall until after hours so we could sprint up the down escalators.

"C-C-Coourtney!" I grabbed her cheeks and slammed her forehead against my own. "You 'member my spit is acid?"

The dopey smile plunged from her lips. "Oops."