We all make mistakes. I guess mine was a rather… fatal one. You see, it was all because of my conflicted feelings. I will admit that what I have done is one of the most idiotic things I could have ever done. Mind you, I didn't do it because I'm 'psychotic'. My views differ from yours, and that is the bottom line. You see, it all began when I was young. When my interest in seeing how humans and creatures alike behave began to spark. I wanted to know how other's "felt", because I was uncertain on how a person really "feels". Growing up has been tough, but no one really knows that because I never mentioned it. My family is not kind to me, and I was always abused- whether it was psychically, or mentally. Sometimes I wonder what it would be like if I was a cheerful boy like my "best friend", Kensuke Kurosaki. I am uncertain when I call him my "best friend" because I'm not sure if he still considers me one. I only knew how important he was to me after what I did to him; after I lost him. He was my best friend. I want him to still be my best friend. It's true that I said I never liked him, that he was never anything close to my best friend. Instead, I told myself he was just another person I had to deal with each day.
Thinking back on it all makes me feel a little sick. An overwhelming emotion of sadness and regret has washed over me. I can't stop thinking back at all the things I did wrong. The people I lost. The boy I lost…. He was the only thing truly precious to me. I will tell you, whoever will listen, what happened. Though it's doubtful you might end up in this predicament, it helps to be warned, right? I know I don't have much time left, but I'll say all that I can…
I had been patiently waiting outside of a bathroom for a young girl whose name was Yuka. I had met her while wandering the barren school halls of Heavenly Host Elementary School. This is not an ordinary school, I assure you. It's a place filled with death, and you can smell rotting flesh and corpses everywhere you go. At first, I thought this place was amazing. I took it as a chance to finally study how human beings are when they die. They show their true colors, who they really are. Back to my point; Yuka had been in need of a bathroom, so I left her to do her business. That's when he showed up. He called my name, with a tone of disbelief. "Is it really you? Thank god I finally found someone alive!" Kurosaki's voice filled the silence of the room and I was quite shocked. He held my hands and got on his knees, and I could only quirk an eyebrow at his ridiculous stance. It almost seemed like he was going to propose to me. However, It was not long until my craving came back. What he spoke about didn't interest me. I just wanted to see him on the ground beneath me, putting on a great show of dying. That's when I took out my knife and stabbed him in the stomach. It felt great to see his look of utter shock. His eyes filled with what seemed like betrayal. As if I betrayed him. I only did him a favor. "Let go! It hurts! Stop!" was what he said to make me leave him be. It was cute, really. So cute that I couldn't bear it, so I kicked him down the hole in the floor that was behind him.
He screamed my name on the way down, and I only watched without an ounce of remorse. "It doesn't matter if you're killed by the ghost children, or by me. Either way, you're dead." I spoke lowly, and let out hot pants at the sound of him hitting the floor. I was more than excited! He was the last of my classmates. The end of the people I had to put up with had finally arrived. The thrill of having just killed him flowed through me. That's when she came out, and I just had to feel giddy at her uncertainty. She questioned me, and then decided to leave on her own. "I wouldn't go that way…" I warned her, since Kurosaki's body was just down that way. She didn't listen to me, and that was a bad little sister. The show was far from over, and I wasn't going to let her go. I took my time down the stairs, and my heart was beating rather wildly. You could say I look calm and collected, but inside I was filling up with unexplainable emotion. 'This is what it's like to feel!' I thought to myself. As I entered the room, I heard his voice again. So he was alive after all that? What a strong young man! The fun really wasn't over, and that made me even more excited. It was so adorable that Yuka was trying to help him, and he was trying to warn her to run. It seems that she doesn't like to listen to people's warnings, and I kicked her out of the way. She flew like a ragdoll and landed in front of the entrance of the room. A laugh escaped my lips; she had pissed herself and started convulsing! I was going after her unconscious body until a familiar voice called my name over and over in an attempt to stop me. "Please…. Don't hurt her…" is what he managed to say. Was he trying to play hero?
"I'm a terrible best friend…" he looked up at me, and his pained expression got me to stop and stare. That was unusual, but I felt my heart stop as if something terrible had happened. In my eyes, nothing bad was happening. So that feeling was a little unexplainable. "…What made you think we were ever best friends?" I spat, now feeling rather angry after registering his words. I was interested, so I knelt in front of him and looked down on him. He began to say that there was something he should have done a long time ago, and punched me in the face. I stumbled backwards. For an injured person, he packed quite the punch. That just pissed me off. Getting back to my feet, I took out my bloodied knife and knelt in front of him again. I raised it and slammed the knife into his stomach again. How dare he try something like that! I continued to stab him to my heart's content. His screams were loud and his pleas were never ending. What he also managed to say just didn't make any sense to me. He kept apologizing for things that were unrelated to this. For the things he didn't do. Unlike the others, he wasn't cursing. It didn't affect me then, I didn't think about it because all that was getting me excited was his reaction to the pain. I had completely lost it. I was beginning to take out his intestines, and I don't even recall when he actually died. I only heard him mummer something, but I just didn't stop. His intestines were laid out before me, and I panted hard. Laughing filled the room, I was covered in his blood and I loved it.
Not long after that, Yuka woke up. By then, I had calmed down. As expected, she was frightened of me, and took off running at the sight of Kurosaki's dead body and my bloody appearance. "Yuuuukaaaaa?" I chased after her, and I knew that once I caught her, I would kill her. It would be me to relieve her off this hell. I was doing everyone a favor. She was a fast little one, and it reminded me of a rabbit. I always hated animals, and that boosted my motivation to kill her. "RUN, RABBIT, RUN! GEHEHAHAHAH!" I let out a hoot and started to chase her again. That was when that man came out of nowhere. I gasped at the sledge hammer that came crashing down on my head. It was my turn to let out a yelp of pain. I hit the floor hard and felt my body get slowly dragged away. Blood was gushing out of my head. Those few moments I had left were my time to think. That's what I regret.
Can you understand why I feel so much sadness and regret? I was foolish to the end. I killed him. Kurosaki Kensuke. I killed him and he didn't seem to hate me for it in his last moments. I'm sorry, Kurosaki. I've gotten the time to think about it all. You… were wrong… there were so many things that /I/ should have done. My name is Yuuya Kizami, and If I only had a second chance, I would make things right. I did hear what you said when you died… and I… l-love y-