A/N: This is a continuation to "The Promise" and "Preparation", a Hunger Games Crossover. It is also for the one-word prompt "letter" and a submission for SEBLAINE WEEK #2 - Day 4 (Crossover/AU). There is supposed to be one more fic after this to talk about Blaine's fate, if people are interested that is. To my dear readers, if you like this, please review and rec it! Also, I have a Tumblr where I post my seblaine fanart and drabbles and I'll be honored if you can follow me at "rykerstrom . tumblr .com". Thanks and enjoy!
THE LETTERS
Sebastian's hands were shaking again. It had been happening a lot lately, especially when he felt distraught. It wasn't like Sebastian to become too emotional about things. He had always been good with compartmentalizing his emotions, and had even prided himself on his ability to stay calm and composed in the most difficult situations. But not in this instance, definitely not.
Because it had to do with Blaine, who had been in the Hunger Games for almost two weeks now and the most recent news had Sebastian almost at a breakdown.
With each passing day, it was like a slow torture for Sebastian, wondering, hoping, and dreading what might be going on in the arena, where Blaine was beyond everyone's reach and in constant danger of being killed. This unknown and foreboding feeling had been hanging over Sebastian's head like a dark cloud; and tried as he might, he couldn't just shove it away and compartmentalized everything.
He would never let Blaine go.
Sebastian glanced down at the pieces of paper before him. Familiar handwritings seemed to stare back at him in a mockery and reminder of his helplessness. Sebastian wasn't the kind of person to write letters, be it love letters or personal letters. The very few letters he ever had to write had been business use on behalf of his parents; and even then, those were few and far between.
With trembling hands, Sebastian sorted through all the letters he had written ever since Blaine's departure. He wasn't sure why he wrote these letters, but they had been therapeutic for him ever since Blaine's departure. Whenever things became too overwhelming for him, Sebastian would find himself seated in front of his desk to draft a letter to Blaine. Sebastian had planned on burning these letters if – no, when – Blaine return.
The sound of crinkling papers snapped Sebastian back to reality. He had crumbled the papers as his fingers clenched at them in an act of desperation. Sebastian uncurled his fingers and tried to smooth out the letters carefully.
And then he started re-reading.
Day 1 Since Departure (Pre-Games)
Blaine,
I hope you're well. You must have reached the Capitol by now. Well, this is a bit awkward and I'm not sure if this is the proper way to do it, but I've decided to start a new ritual while you're gone - writing you letters. As you know, I don't do personal letters very well. Hell, I don't even have a journal. What little correspondence I've done had always been business-related. But your letter inspired me to write. So for as long as you're away, I plan on writing to you. I'm going to pretend that I'm actually talking to you through these letters.
That said, it has occurred to me that for as long as we've been together, I've never once written a single letter to you. I wish I've done more that now, because you really deserve letters, flowers, and love poems every single day. I promise you this is something I'll be much better at once you come back.
You deserve nothing but the best, Blaine. I wish I had a chance to tell you that more often when you were here.
Regrets, I've been feeling a lot of that ever since you left. I kept replaying all our time spent together. I kept thinking what I could've done to make our time together better and happier. There were so many things that I wish I could've done differently because you really deserve all the good things in life.
I really hope I have made you happy.
I can only imagine how overwhelming the journey to the Capitol must be, to go to the place where it all begins. I tried to go about my daily business as though it was just another day. But it wasn't.
It was different without you.
I found it impossible to focus on my work today. My mind constantly drifted back to you. I felt conflicted. In a way, I was glad that the Games had yet to begin, but in other way I was hoping it would start so that you could "get it over and done with" and come back.
You know how they would always air the progress of the pre-Games in public? This year is no exceptions. It was hard to miss. Every time I passed by the center of town, they would be either playing something live or on re-runs. It was distracting.
When the Games finally start, I will make sure I take a different route when I go home. I promise you that once the Games begin, I won't watch it.
The past 24 hours had been an absolute agony. Today was the first day without you. I just can't believe you're not here. It was strange, because I swore I saw your shadows everywhere. I was at our meeting place earlier this evening, I could almost see you there, waiting and smiling at me.
But you weren't there. I just wish I could be there with you somehow.
Sebastian
Day 2 Since Departure (Pre-Games)
Dear Blaine,
It sounds strange to address you that way. It's too formal, it's not how I normally talk to you. But thinking back, I wish I have been a bit more open about my affection. I also wish that I have written actual letters to you while you were here with me. You deserve nice letters, letters that praise you for the beautiful person that you are, letters that depict the world's appreciation of you.
Everyone in the District had been talking about the interview with Caesar last night. I can't blame them. I saw the interview. You were fucking amazing. You really blew them away.
Seeing you on screen just made me miss you even more. My God, you looked gorgeous in that suit! Then again, you always look good in anything. You know, I think the audience really liked you, and that's a really good thing. It wouldn't take a genius to see that your sincerity and appeal. I know that if I were one of those rich people in the Capitol, I'd be buying you care packages every day. If I have the means, I would do everything in my power to keep you safe. I would make sure that you win.
I really wish we're the same age. I would've taken your place. Hell, if I could, I would kill them all for you.
Yours,
Sebastian
Day 18 Since Departure (Day 3 in The Hunger Games)
Dear Blaine,
The Games have been running for three days now. And here I have an apology to make. You see, I'm afraid I haven't been taking very good care of myself. I actually haven't been helping at my parents' store since the Games started and today was my first day back. I never knew it was really possible to get sick from worrying but that was exactly what happened.
I know I should have faith, but it's hard to forget about all the gruesome images and stories that I have seen and heard for the past many years. Just the thought of what you'll have to endure by yourself while you're at the Games is enough to make me ill all over again.
As promised, I took a different route when I had to walk through town. But it still couldn't block out everything. People talked about things, Blaine. I heard them talking about the Games, I tried to tune them out but it was difficult. I heard them talking about how the Tributes from District 12 had already perished by today.
It made me angry. No, it made me furious.
How could this happen to anyone? How could this happen to you of all people? You are the most generous, kind, and altruistic person I've ever met. You didn't deserved to be reaped. You didn't deserve to have to live through the horror and the pain. You didn't deserve to go through this alone.
You didn't deserved to be a part of this.
I promise you this. Anyone who dares to hurt you, I will kill them. I'll find a way, even if it costs my own life.
Yours,
Sebastian
Day 26 Since Departure (Day 11 in The Hunger Games)
Dear Blaine,
The people from the Capitol came today to interview the Tributes' families and loved ones. This was how I know that you had prevailed so far. There are only three of you left. I tried not to get too many details, even though I wanted to. But I know that was what you wanted, you wanted me to stay distanced from the Games. Sometimes I wish I never made you that promise, because I hate not knowing.
Those people from the Capitol spoke to your family, and then they spoke to me as well. I tried to stay as neutral as possible, because I knew that one wrong thing and it could spell the end for everyone. I hope I have done it justice. I tried to appeal to everyone's emotions, because right now, you're going to need more help than ever.
I've accepted the fact that you're at the Games. I've accepted the fact that you're not here with me. But what I cannot accept, and will never accept, is the possibility that you will not come back.
You have to, Blaine. You just have to.
Yours,
Sebastian
Day 29 Since Departure (Day 14 in The Hunger Games)
Blaine,
I had to re-write this many times. Even now, I'm still having trouble holding my hand still enough to put words onto paper. I know I have to do this or else I will go crazy and end up doing something I truly regret. Jesus Christ, Blaine! What happened to you out there? Fuck! I can't even do a single thing about this.
I haven't been watching the Games. Now I know I should've, in spite of my promises to you. I need to know who hurt you, I need to know everything that has happened. I only found out about this because someone at our store let slip of it. Apparently my parents already knew and nobody bothered to tell me!
Who hurt you? God, I fucking swear if something happens to you. No, something cannot happen to you. Your mentor better be doing something about getting you the medicine right this second. You're almost home, Blaine. You have to survive!
You have to come home to me, Blaine. Remember your promise? We're going to spend the rest of our lives together. You are my forever Blaine and you better damn well keep that promise because … because without Blaine Anderson, there won't be a Sebastian Smythe.
Please come back alive. Please.
Forever Yours,
Sebastian Smythe
Sebastian took a deep breath as he tried to get his breathing under control. He winced when he noticed a pain in his palm and looked down to see that one of his hands was bleeding from the imprint made by his nails digging into the flesh from clenching his fist too tightly. Sebastian wiped his bleeding palm on his pants unceremoniously, not caring about the stains that would remain on the fabric as he folded the letters up carefully and put them under the floor boards where no one would find them.
Tomorrow, Sebastian Smythe would go to the town square, where they were showing live footage of the Games. Sebastian needed to know what was going to happen. He didn't want to think of the worst case scenario, but no matter what happened, he needed to be there for Blaine until the end, even if it was in spirit.
Sebastian just hoped that while he would be breaking one of his promises to Blaine by doing so, Blaine would keep his and come back alive.
(END)
Addendum: There you have it. Depending on demand, I may or may not do a final installment that talks about what happens to Blaine. If you like this, please like and reblog it. Also, please let me know whether you want the ending (or we can just assume our own ending). Also, I have a Tumblr where I post my seblaine fanart and drabbles and I'll be honored if you can follow me at "rykerstrom . tumblr .com". Thanks again for reading.