a/n: This is what happens when I get bored. I really should be writing my SYOT but I just needed a break, and this is the result. A cracked up version of the 74th Hunger Games.
Disclaimer: I don't own the hunger games, just the crazy plot.
3…2…1…
DONG!
"Oh that's like so totally hurting my ears!" Glimmer says she walks to the cornucopia. Actually, strut would be a better word.
"I know right! Why do them Capitol people do that every time? Can't they use some cool hip music or something?" Cato huddles closely to Glimmer.
"Hey, hey. You're my boy Cat," Clove stares ferociously at Cato and he gives her a fake look of shock.
"Oh I'm soooooo sorry, Garlic," Sarcasm seeps through his voice.
"Oh you did not just call me that, you little son-of-a-bleep. Mama's name is Clove! C-L-O-V-E, got it?" Clove grabs Cato's shirt and pulls him off the ground with brute force.
"Uncle! Uncle!" Cato whelps in fear. Having a tough girlfriend is very risky.
By this time, Glimmer and Marvel and the nameless tributes of District 4 are already at the cornucopia gathering up their supplies along with the rest of the tributes. Marvel, who is standing right beside the boy from 5, picks up a spear and decides to make small talk.
"So, how's the arena for you so far?"
"Oh not bad, wish it was a little cooler though. By the way, my name is-,"
"Hey, don't move. There's a mosquito right on your chest, I'm gonna kill it," With that, Marvel plunges the big spear into the poor boy from 5's chest.
The boy drops dead and Marvel wonders "Wow, that's a lot of blood for a mosquito,"
Meanwhile, on the other side of the cornucopia
"Hey, I see a bow! This is my lucky day!" Katniss exclaims gleefully at the sight of a silver bow resting on the ground.
"No, Katniss. Don't take the bow, it's too far and the Careers will kill you before you even get to it!" A few plates away, Peeta shouts at Katniss.
"Oh yeah, forgot about them," giggle "Sorry!" Katniss waves and shouts back at Peeta.
DONG!
"Hell if I'm going in there, peace out y'all!" little Rue takes flight and rushes into the dense forest.
"Okay, I'll be heading into the woods for cover now, OOH! A striking orange backpack! That is soooooo to die for!" Katniss goes gaga at the sight of a designer brand, Cucci backpack.
As Katniss grabs one strap of the bag, another person grabs the other. It's the boy from 9.
"Um hey, It's mine so let go!" Katniss struggles with the bag.
"Nuh-uh, I saw it first. You let go!" Katniss is about to yank it when the boy spews blood from his mouth.
"Gurgle, Cough, Hack," The boy from 9 falls to the ground. And as he does, A figure approaches from the distance. It's Glimmer!
"OOOOH! Orange Cucci! That will go nicely with my heels," Glimmer gestures to her feet, which is covered by a pair of orange, platform heels. Cornucopias these days…
"Love to stay and chat but I gotta run!" Katniss slugs the backpack over her shoulders and flees the scene, leaving Glimmer in frustration.
Meanwhile, on yet another side of the arena
"AAAAAAAAAAAAHHHH! HEEEELLP!" A girl with fox-like facial bones and deep red hair skids around the cornucopia in circles.
"Hold still you twit. You know you want this!" The boy from 4 chases after her, spear in one hand fish in the other.
After a few laps around the cornucopia, Foxface bumps into Peeta "Howdy, ma'am," and falls to the ground. Peeta rides off with his pony.
"Hahaha! Nowhere to run!" District 4 says with an evil grin. Thunder roars through the air to add more effect.
"No, no please! Don't kill me. I-I'll do anything you want! You can have my Barbie collection!" Foxface now on her back tries to inch backwards slowly.
"Wait what? Kill you? Oh no, you got me all wrong. I don't want to kill you; I want to share this fish with you. I don't really like fish which is odd since I'm from district 4 but since the rest of the pack left me I thought I'd share it-,"
No sooner did he say that, a gigantic hammer bashes his skull flat. His body flew 100 yards away, leaving the fish and spear behind.
"Are you hurt? Did he do anything to you?" In front of her, a massive fellow looming high above her offers his hand out. Although to her eyes, the world seems to stop and romantic music starts to play.
"I'm all right, thank you for saving me," Foxface seemed like a dwarf when she stood next to him.
"It's no problem, I'm Thresh," He smiles at her, revealing some gold teeth.
"That's a nice name; I could say it all day. Thresh, Thresh, Thresh, Trash," Foxface begins chanting Thresh's name again and again, her pupils all white, her body shaking.
"Thanks, let me guess your name. Hmm, really red hair and a face that resembles a fox slightly, your name is Foxface!" A light bulb appears behind Thresh's head.
"Oh my Gran Turismo 5! That is my name!" Foxface gasps then grabs both of Thresh's hands. "Are you like, psychic?"
"Heh, no. I'm just an ordinary guy. C'mon let's grab that fish and spear, they'll come in handy for sure," Thresh leads Foxface to where poor old 4 dropped his supplies and loots them and they run into the woods happily ever after. Or is it?
TBC…