Chapter 1 - Feelings

Now at the vicinity of her comfort at her desk in the 21st District, Erin started to realise that there was one person lingering in her mind for the past week. It was like a lightbulb had popped up in her head and now she understood what her heart was trying to tell her.

It is that person she thinks about whenever she opens her eyes in the morning and closes at night. Thinking back, each and every time she closed her eyes, it is that person she sees. She cannot feel this way. She cannot jeopardise their friendship; she respects her too much to do that.

Why on earth was she feeling this way?

And to a girl?

She have never felt this way for a girl before. It feels different.

This somewhat foreign and unfamiliar feeling towards her friend, Kim Burgess, was eating her alive since last night. As they talked, laughed and hang out last night at Molly's with Jay and the rest of the team, all she wanted was to kiss those beautiful lips of hers. She shouldn't feel this way. She didn't want to.

Picking up her phone, she looked to see who have texted her.

It was her.

Her heart started pumping harshly in her chest while somehow the bullpen seemed to be on fire.

Oh my god! What's happening to me?

She was turning crimson red by just reading the message.

[Thanks again for the ride. Last night was great! You're a great friend!]

"There it is; she sees me as a friend." she said, explaining to herself. Her face scrunched up into a frown. That explains everything. She doesn't have to feel this way anymore. Now all she has to do is forget about Kim Burgess, to avoid her pretty eyes. At least for a while she has to. Until this, whatever she was feeling goes away.

But how can she?

They work in the same building.

"Who are you talking to?" asked Jay.

"What? Wasn't saying anything." said Erin in her defense.
"Right…" he knitted his brows, not believing him. But he simply shrugged it off. She could be talking to herself.

"Hey, wanna grab dinner tonight? Then we could go over to my place...the rest is self-explanatory" Jay said smiling at Erin.

That grin.

That face just makes her want to kiss him, right then and there.

Wait…

Two of her friends?

But Jay is kind of, sort of, more than just a friend. Their status have not been define quite just yet.

"Not tonight. I have plans with umm…friends."

She didn't want to hurt him with whatever conflicting feelings she has with Kim. She had to sort out her heart before they could continue with what they had started.

"Ok. You have friends?" Jay laughed and braced himself as she threw a punch on his shoulder.

"Not funny, Halstead." she said with a hint of annoyance.

2 weeks have passed now. Erin was very much distracted all week and was trying her best to avoid Jay, avoid Kim, avoid everyone for that matter. She have been for weeks now.

Whenever she was asked to hang at Molly's after work, she would decline. Whenever Jay was at the break room, she would turn back around. Whenever Kim was at the scene of a crime, she would not give any eye contact or any indication that she knows of her presence. She knows she might look stuck up but that was how things are supposed to be.

She shouldn't be developing feelings for her.

As time, days passed, her fondness for her friend bloomed. The emotions, the lust just grew stronger. She can't stop thinking about her. Kim Burgess was in her head 24/7. She both hate and love this feeling. And it, she, was taking a toll in her health.

She haven't been sleeping or eating much lately. Just drowning her feeling alone in her apartment.

Jay wasn't stupid. He have noticed her acting weird. She haven't been talking much to him anymore. She never stop by at his place anymore. And every time, they would be somewhere together, just the both of them, there was a giant elephant in the room.

Hell, everyone noticed her acting stranger and was worried whether she was back to her old ways. She looked like hell - eye bags, messy hair, and pale skin.

She just looked horrible.

"Erin. My office!" Voight shouted as Jay went back to his seat from his office.

Her heartbeat rang in her ears as she glared at Jay.

Did he say anything to Voight?

She haven't done anything wrong, have she?

"Yeah?" said Erin as she walked into his office and closed the door behind her.

"Erin." he said with a sigh as he put his pen down on top of the pile of paperwork in front of him.

"Is everything alright? Am I in some sort of trouble?"

"You look terrible." he stated. He went straight for the punch, "Are you using again? If you are, just tell me." Voight glared at her, his eyes filled with fire that she hadn't seen in quite some time.

"What the hell! No! I'm not on anything! I kept my word, Hank!" she burst out in anger.

How dare he!

Just because she haven't been herself lately doesn't mean she's using.

Just because she have been under a lot of stress and pressure, doesn't mean she's using.

"Great. Then you wouldn't have a problem taking a test." he said nonchalantly, taking a cup from his desk.

"A test? No way! What the hell Voight! I said I'm not on anything. Isn't my word enough?" She protested.

"Not since the last time you gave me your word. You have 2 choices here, Lindsay.
1. To take the drug test, 2. To give me your gun and badge and figure yourself out." said Voight as a matter of fact.

"Did Jay put you up to this?"

Was this his revenge for not sleeping with him, for not giving him sex?

Is that all she is to him?

"Take the test, Lindsay."

She grabbed the cup and ran out.

"I want it by the end of the day!" he shouted as she left his office.

"I'll give it to you now since that's what you want!"

As she stormed out, the rest of the Unit stared at her. All eyes were on her and she felt vulnerable. But most of all she was pissed at Jay. That explains why he was at Voight's office all morning.

"What!" she shout and hurried to the bathroom.

Erin returned with the cup, bursting into his office as she threw the pee-filled cup at Voight. She was hoping that the cup would accidentally open and spill all over Voight. At least she'll have a good laugh.

"Now, you can see that I'm telling the truth."

She wasn't worried; she knows the test would come back clean.

Storming out of the office, she stomped back to her desk. She can feel Jay's eyes piercing through her; she didn't want to look at him. He must have been the one to put such thought in his head. She sat back down, trying to calm herself, trying very hard not to explode at Jay, trying hard to look anywhere but at him.

Jay went over to her. She's mad at him. He knows she is but he just didn't know why. "Did I do something wrong?"

God! The nerve!

She simply ignored him, pulling out a random file off her pile and pretended to study it.

"Erin." he pulled the folder out from her hand, wanting to know why she have been so distant.

"Don't. Don't you dare touch me." she shouted in a whisper, yanking her hand away from his grasp. She was well beyond pissed. He's pretending like he doesn't even know why she's so angry at him.

Does he think she's that stupid?

"You told Voight that I'm using again." she spat.

"Whoa…I didn't tell him anything." Jay said in his defense, holding his hand up. She snickered. Like she was going to believe that!

"In fact, I was covering for you."

She laughed bitterly. It really isn't like he cares. They were just partners. Nothing more, nothing less.

"What's going on, Erin? I know there's something you're hiding." he said softly.

"You know what, Jay. Stop pretending like you care about me. Cuz we both know I'm just a girl you use for a good time. We fucked and that was that." she said that last sentence louder than she had anticipated, causing heads to turn.

Blinking rapidly, her choice of words astonished him. She definitely wasn't a girl to use for a good time. She's his partner and girlfriend.

Jay stared at the girl, his girl, in front of him. His mind knew that she didn't mean it but somehow that didn't rely to heart.

"Hey! You two," Olinsky called, "Get back to work or take it outside!"

Half past seven and she've already had enough of this awful day. She needed to go back home. So she turned off her computer and walked down the stairs, heading for the locker room.

Kim was still very much in her head. She hated herself for feeling this way. She can't understand it. She hated Jay for…She can't ever hate him. She's just mad at him.

But was she really actually mad at him? Or was she just mad at herself?

The guilt she felt for feeling this way.

Sighing deeply, she pushed the doors to the locker room. She's going to go home, drink a beer or more and go to bed. Yap, that was all she really needed in life.

But the sight before her caught her off guard, she stopped in her tracks as she was passing through one of the aisles.

Erin could feel her heart in her mouth as stared at her like a deer in the headlights.

Stop staring! Stop staring!

But she could. What was before her was breathtaking!

Kim was changing out of her uniform when she walked in. She didn't thought there would be anyone walking in.

She's just so beautiful.

Her brunette hair – loose and flowing down her shoulders. She was wearing nothing but a bra that matched the colour of her skin.

Their eyes locked for a moment longer than they both cared.

"To hell with it…" Erin said under her breath as she practically ran to her half-naked friend and grabbed her by the back of her neck, instantly locking lips with the other brunette, throwing her back harshly against the cold metal of the locker.

She couldn't believe what she was doing.

Here?

In a locker room?

At the station?

With a girl?

Kim Burgess?

She smile when she heard a moan escaped Kim's lips when she traced her tongue over the curves of her mouth before slipping in to meet hers. She pressed against her hips while Kim slid a hand down her back to cup her behind.

Erin wanted this for weeks and now her dream came true. Here she is, Kim Burgess, against the locker of their workplace, touching her, exploring her, coming to terms of this feeling that she never thought existed.

Hey guys! Here something different! Not a Linstead fanfic but a Lingess! I know some people have strong mixed feelings about these two. But I hope you all will like this story! Thanks for reading! Please review and let me know your thoughts!