She sat there in shock, unable how to even begin processing the news. She knew she had duties, things that she needed to do. She had to make all of the arrangement, call people to let them know. She knew she had a long battle ahead of her but she couldn't deal with any of it until the news sunk in. After sitting in the physicians' lounge long enough, she picked up her cell phone and dialed a number. Her heart was pounding and she had no idea how she was going to say those words out loud but she knew she had to.

"Hello." the familiar voice greeted her on the other end of the line.

"Mrs. Shepherd." she started hesitantly, "It's Addison. I um, I have something to tell you."

"Addison." Derek's mother responded coldly. She had never been a fan of Addison but she hid it well before the affair. After the affair she did not bother to mask her disapproval. She was very vocal about her disapproval over the fact that Derek agreed to take her back and give her another chance.

"Are you sitting down? You should sit down." she suggested.

"Okay…" Carolyn mumbled, pulling out a chair from her kitchen table to take a seat. "I'm sitting. Just tell me. It's not good to keep a woman my age in suspense."

"I uh…" Addison paused and drew in a deep breath. "Mrs. Shepherd, Derek passed away." she said softly. "I'm so, so sorry."

"What?" Carolyn asked in disbelief.

"Please don't make me say it again." Addison murmured, her voice breaking as she said it. "It was hard enough to say it the first time."

"That's just not possible, dear. Why don't you go check again and call me back? I'm sure he's fine."

"He was in a car accident. He got called into work early this morning after a late shift last night. He was very sleep deprived and I tried to tell him not to get behind the wheel but he wanted to go see the patient. He um… fell asleep behind the wheel and crashed into a wall on the freeway. They called me an hour later and said he was pronounced dead on arrival."

Carolyn could hear her heaving heavily on the other end of the line and she was doing everything to keep herself from breaking down.

"I'm sorry." Addison whispered again.

"Should we come out there?" Carolyn asked.

"No, I um, I think it would be best for us, for me to come back over there with his body. I was thinking that he would like to be buried next to his father. We never really talked about buying plots or what to do in the case of death so I'm not really sure but I think he would like that. I guess we figured we have plenty of time before we'd have to deal with that. But anyway, our entire family is out there. It would be best for him to be closer to everyone."

"Okay."

"I'll call you when I've got more details. Let me know if there is anything I can do, okay? I'm very sorry."

"Addison." Carolyn called out before Addison could hang up. "Are you okay?"

"I'll manage." she replied before hanging up and breaking down in the a hysterical fit.

A week later Addison found herself back in Connecticut. She figured she and Derek would make a trip out to see his family eventually but never in these circumstances. At the funeral Addison felt completely out of place. She did not belong there, she should not have been there watching her husband being lowered into the ground. Aside from that, she wasn't sure of her place in Derek's family. As Derek wife she should have been in the front at all times but a part of her felt that Derek's family did not want her there. His three married sisters sat in the front during the burial with their husbands and children, Amelia sat beside Carolyn as a shoulder to cry on, leaving no room for Addison. She sat in the second row and kept her head down the entire time hoping not to be noticed. Her own mother, father and brother sat beside her. She could feel her father's hand on her shoulder as she watched the casket being lowered into the ground. She found herself reaching to grab his hand, squeezing the life out of it was the only thing she could do to keep from screaming and breaking down.

After the service she stood stood flanked by Derek's youngest sister on one side and her brother on the other. She tried not to break down as person after person came to expressed their condolences. Once everyone was gone she turned into her brother's arms and instantaneously broke down into tears. He held onto his little sister tightly, knowing that he was holding her up, and did his best to comfort her but he knew nothing would help. Once they parted ways with the Shepherds Archer took Addison back to the Montgomery estate and helped her get settled. She had plans to go to the Brownstone but she couldn't bring herself to go back to the home she shared with a man who was currently six feet under. Addison spent most of that day locked in her room sobbing into her pillow.

Bizzy stood outside the door to Addison's childhood room and listened to her sobbing hysterically from inside the room. She had never been maternal or emotional, she didn't believe in crying around others or showing weakness. She knew that Addison didn't fall apart during the services because she was raised not to show emotion. She also felt horrible for her daughter, she wanted to go into the room and do something to provide some comfort to her little girl. At 37 years old, Addison was far from a little girl but she'd always be the baby of the family and Bizzy hated seeing her so hurt.

"Addison." she called out softly as she gently knocked on the door. She got no response. She reached for the knob only to discover it was locked. "Dear, you can't lock yourself up. You need to come out and eat something, talk to people…"

Once again, no response.

"Okay…" Bizzy sighed, she had very little experience with providing comfort to her children so she was unsure what to do next. "I'll be downstairs if you need me." she said loudly enough for Addison to hear her before leaning against the wall and letting out a deep breath.

Addison stayed with her parents after the burial, she couldn't bring herself to go to the Brownstone and she was terrified of being alone. She needed someone to take care of her and her parents were actually do it for the first time in her life.

"How are you doing, dear? I thought I heard you in the bathroom early in the morning." Bizzy asked her one morning as Addison took a seat at the kitchen table with the rest of her family for breakfast. "Were you sick? I told you slow it down with those drinks last night."

Addison looked down into the mug of black coffee their maid had placed in front of her. She put her elbows on the table, something her mother strictly disapproved of, and dropped her head in her hands. "I'm pregnant." she mumbled. When she lifted her head from her hands she saw everyone, including the wait staff looking at her with their mouths hanging open. "Just when you think my life can't possibly get any more difficult." she added quietly.

"Pregnant." the Captain repeated after a few more seconds of silence. "Wow, that's um… Congratulations."

Addison stared at him blankly.

"I don't know what else to say." he admitted shyly. "How do you feel about this? Is this something you want?" he asked.

"A child? Of course I want a child but not right now, not in these circumstances. Derek and I were together for 14 years. 14 years and we've never once even suspected pregnancy. He had fourteen fucking years to impregnate me and he does it right before he fucking dies."

Normally Bizzy would have scolded her daughter for such inappropriate language. Both Bizzy and the Captain felt that anyone of their class and stature should not curse but for the first time in either of their lives, it seemed appropriate it.

"Are you going to tell Derek's family? His mother?" Bizzy inquired softly, she didn't want her voice to come off too authoritative or firm. She wanted her daughter to make that decision for herself.

"I don't know." Addison whispered. His family hadn't spoke to her since the day of his burial. Derek's youngest sister, Amelia, had called once a couple days later to check on her but that was it. "Probably not. His family never really liked me. The silver lining of this whole thing for them is probably that I'm no longer married to their son so I'm no longer in their family."

"Addie," her mother started. "You are Derek's wife. You may remarry at some point and have a new husband but he's never going to have another wife. You're always going to his wife and you're always going to be the mother of his child. You will somehow always be connected to his family. If they think otherwise then they are wrong. You can choose not be an active member of the family but you're always going to be connected to them."

"Has anyone spoken to Addison?" Nancy asked during one of the Shepherd family weekly dinners. After Derek's death the dinners become more frequent, the family came together in their time of hardship. No one wanted to be alone and no one wanted to leave Carolyn alone. "She hasn't called either?" Nancy asked after receiving no answer.

"I spoke to her once three days after the funeral. It was a short conversation. I asked if she was okay and she said she was trying to be okay and that was it." Amelia answered.

"That was five weeks ago."

Amelia nodded her head. "Yeah." she mumbled, in disbelief over the fact that he brother had been gone that long.

"You haven't called her, Mom?" Kathleen asked as she turned to their mother.

"Why would I call her?" Carolyn questioned.

"She was Derek's wife, Mom." Lizzie told her softly. "This hasn't been easy for us but it can't be easy for her either. He was her husband. They were… they were everything to one another."

"Yeah, they were, right up until she committed adultery with his best friend. She betrayed him, she broke him. She sent him running across the country. If she hadn't cheated then he would have stayed at home and he wouldn't have gotten paged to that hospital and he wouldn't have died."

"You blame her?" Amelia asked slowly, in complete disbelief that she heard those words from her mother's mouth. "You blame Addison for his death?"

"Mom, it could have happened anywhere. Derek was obsessed with his job. Addison didn't want him to go in, she never wanted him to go in for those random calls at all hours of the night. He never listened to her. Its something that could have happened here if he had stayed." Kathleen interjected.

"Could have, not would have. It may have happened here but it did happen here." Carolyn pointed out. "I just don't think we're obligated to show any sympathy toward her. He was in love with the intern, he was going to leave Addison eventually. She was going to lose him either way, we were not."

"Mom, no matter what Derek may have left her in the future for the intern but she wasn't going to leave him. She is still in love with him. He meant the world to her, she would have done anything for him to be happy. She's already blaming herself for his death, she feels horrible that he died without hearing how sorry she is or how much she loves him. She is punishing herself already. We can't punish her too." Lizzie spoke up from her spot at the kitchen table.

"The day before the funeral Addison was telling me that she felt like they were finally at a point where they were both content. She said those last two or three weeks they had together were happier than they'd been in years. She felt like they were really moving forward with their marriage. It should bring us all some comfort to know he was happy at the end…"

"All of you are in here lecturing me about how we should pay attention to her. Have any of you bothered to call her and find out how she's doing?" Carolyn snapped, pointing out her daughters' hypocrisy. She was meant with complete silence. "I didn't think so. We're all dealing with this in our own way so lets not point fingers."

Finishing off 2013 with a depressing first chapter to a mini multi-chapter story. It will be 3 or 4 chapter.

I've never killed off a main character in any my stories so this is very new to me. I can't wait to hear what you guys think. I'm almost done with Chapter 3 but if you have any suggestions on how to improve the story then please let me know.

Thanks for reading. Please review :)