Monday 7/20/12 , Yasogami High School, Late Afternoon

The soft chime of the school's final bell resonated loudly through the room, stirring Kanji out of his restless nap. He sat up in his chair, fighting the stiffness in his broad shoulders by shrugging them up and down, wincing at the pops and snaps he heard. The bright July sun bore down hard through the window, but Kanji was pretty sure he would have been sweating in the dead of Winter, too. His palms felt clammy and wet as he nervously clenched a fist, the way they had always got before he knew a fight was coming. In a way, he figured, this was the biggest, scariest fight he had ever undertaken. Well...maybe fight was the wrong way to put it, but he didn't know any other way to describe what was he was planning to do.

Around him, the rest of his classmates all got up and started chattering excitedly. It was now officially Summer vacation, after all, and with the town finally back to normal after a weird year, everyone was looking forward to relaxing. Kanji, himself, was pretty pleased with the idea of working with his Ma over the Summer and really getting better integrated with the business side of craftwork. But before any of that could begin, there was one thing that he had to do, something that had been languishing for almost an entire year and was hanging over his head like a sword. He saw Rise get up from the front of class and head towards him, which was good; she was his partner-in-crime on this, and part of her job was to make sure he didn't screw up.

After all, If he was gonna finally confess his feelings to Naoto, he wanted to at least make sure he couldn't run away in fear again.

The tall second year student had liked Naoto for a very long time, but he had mixed results when it came to expressing how he felt. There had been a few choice opportunities; back in February, him and his friends had gone up North to the mountains to do some skiing, and he and Naoto were attached at the hip while they were there. Her trepidation about falling over made Kanji, with his skiing experience, her safety blanket. Despite all the time they spent together on the slopes, Kanji faltered once again when the moment seemed right, and like usual he just got tongue tied and awkward.

These kinds of things kept happening, to the point that Kanji had been at his wits end. How hard could it have been to tell a nice girl that you liked her? That was just it, though; Kanji had never had a particularly easy time around girls to begin with. His proclivity towards things he considered 'cute' and other types of hand-crafting had, as a younger man, made him the butt of jokes for some particularly nasty girls in primary school. 'Afraid' might have been too harsh a word, but Kanji was, if anything, nervous around girls because of his past experiences. The frustrating part was, as he had come to find out over the year, that was a stupid way to think! As he had come to know Chie, Rise, and Naoto, he found that there was nothing about them being girls that really made a difference to him. Even Yukiko, whom was a childhood acquaintance that he always thought was kinda stuck up, was a super swell friend. It was like all his bad experiences were just the exception, and not the law.

Even with his comfortability on the rise, he still had a hard time asking any of those girls for advice on how to handle this particular issue. It wasn't a big secret; the two older girls knew, and Rise teased him about it incessantly, but he just wasn't comfortable with talking about things like that. It felt awkward; how do you ask your friend out without seeming like a creep? And, even worse, what happened if they said no? Were you still friends? He didn't want to bother the girls with questions like that, especially when two of them were literally swatting away suitors all day; the last thing he wanted to do was come off like a horny jerk.

And the guys? Yosuke was nice but he seemed to forget just how big of a dork he could be when it came to the ladies; Kanji had seen him embarrass himself in enough places to know that. He seemed to also have corrupted Teddie, who stayed in Yosuke's closet and seemed to have absorbed Yosuke's caveman-like sensibilities by osmosis. The only positive influence for him was Yu Narukami, who was easily the coolest guy Kanji had ever known. He was also the only one of their whole group who had been successful with the opposite sex; Rise and Yu had been dating for the better part of six months and both were happy, even with him being all the way in Tokyo. The man was a bonafide casanova, but he was hard to get a hold of between his studying, his after school jobs, and his girlfriend. For awhile, Kanji felt himself fighting the one fight he wasn't sure how to win.

Luckily, when Summer started, his fortune started to change. Rise and Naoto had become quite close, and since Rise already knew about Kanji's true feelings, she did her best to relay information about her to him: what kind of food she liked, TV shows, movies, anything , really, to help get the ball rolling. Kanji felt bad, like he was taking advantage of Rise's friendship, but the idol had assured him that she just wanted to see them together. While he felt she was a little too interested in it, Kanji was happy that Rise was being such a pal to him; they'd kind of gotten off on the wrong foot for awhile, but they had really bonded over the past year, almost like siblings. That made asking Naoto out even harder, because what if she didn't want to hang out with him anymore, and made Rise stay away too?

Thoughts like those had plagued him over the past few weeks as he brainstormed ways to finally confess his feelings. He had originally considered a letter, figuring that if he was so bad at talking, then maybe he explain himself better in writing. On the best day, a conversation with Naoto would inevitably leave him saying something so outrageously embarrassing things that, in his mind, Naoto probably thought of him as not so much a person but something resembling a barely evolved ape.

Worse still, Kanji realized that he wasn't much of a writer, after several rough drafts; it turned out that he just didn't know how to dress it up as anything more than "I like you." He had been at wit's end until a ray of hope suddenly appeared: Rise let Kanji know that during a sleepover one weekend, Naoto had admitted, while playing truth-or-dare, that she felt he was the boy she was closest to in the group. It was an iffy claim, but Kanji felt energized enough to kick it into third gear.

He finally decided that on the last day of school, he was gonna end the first half of school on a good note and tell Naoto how he really felt. He wasn't 100% confident, but the truth-or-dare admission was a solid point in his favor, as was the "Little Stuff." The "Little Stuff" was what Kanji called the collection of moments where he felt Naoto may have shown an interest in a relationship. It was small and uneven, with moments that could be as little as 2 minutes apart and as long as 3 or 4 months. On their skiing trip, as an example, she had clung to him while she was getting off her skis, something he remembered almost passing out over. Then there was the time she had mistakenly touched his hand when she went to grab her pencil during a Junes study session and lingered for a second or two longer than she probably meant to. Again, it wasn't much, but he needed all the examples he could get to help build his confidence.

As Rise settled into the empty desk in front of him, he tugged at the collar of his annoying school shirt, which he had left unbuttoned to reveal a black flaming skull tank top. A yellow bandana covered the top of his head, making his hair invisible from the front. In an attempt to curb his trouble-making image a couple weeks earlier, Kanji had removed his nose and ear piercings and attempted to re-dye his hair black, but had botched the job, requiring a solid portion of his hair to be cut out. IT had finally grown back fine, but Kanji hated that it made his already less-than-generous hairline, so he tried to hide it as best he could with the bandana; the school faculty all seemed a bit too afraid of him to call him out on wearing a hair accessory indoors anyways. The saving grace in the whole thing was that Yukiko and Naoto had both told him that he looked much better without all the thug material, which made his confidence skyrocket, even though he was going through some growing pains.

Rise looked jubilant and mischievous as always when she sat down. Her pigtails flopped happily as she giggled at her obviously nervous friend. "Longest. Class. Ever . Okay, she's gonna be here any minute now; you remember what you're supposed to say?" she asked nervously.

Kanji nodded. "Y-yeah, 'o course: 'Ey, Naoto, can you meet me on the roof? There's somethin' really important I gotta talk to ya about.'"

"That's right! Then you guys go up there, confess your undying, wonderful love for each other, and then I'll be waiting to greet the new happy couple!" Rise chirped, clearly in her own headspace.

"'Ey, c'mon," Kanji cringed, uncomfortable with how lightly Rise seemed to be taking it, "Couldja at least take it a little serious? It ain't yer ass on the line!"

Rise immediately toned it down, grasping the seat back as she leaned in close to Kanji. "I am serious! I'm just trying to make you relax a little."

Kanji still wasn't 100% convinced, but he could see sincerity in her big brown eyes. "I don't mean to yell at ya," he said softly, "I'm jus'...nervous."

Rise reached out and patted his hand, which made him shiver a little. "I know, I can tell, but you gotta have faith, okay!? Trust me, I'm just as nervous, but it's a good nervous, the kind I would feel when I was about to go on stage! That's a good sign! I think you guys will be great together, all you need to do is...!"

Rise clammed up as she caught a glimpse of someone or something entering the classroom. Kanji followed her gaze to see the object of his affections gliding down the aisle toward them. Like him, she wore the male school uniform, although her shirt was buttoned tightly up to her neck with just one button undone. As always, he felt his chest tighten with how heavy his heart was pounding, as if it would leap out any second. Once she got fairly close to them, she smiled and waved at them. Rise immediately took the lead and started gushing to her about summer vacation. Kanji tuned it out; it was really hard to focus on anything when Naoto was in front of him. All he could think about was what it would be like to hold her hand, to caress her cheek, to hear her shyly admit that she had feelings for him, too...

"...something...ay, isn't that right, Kanji?"

Kanji heard his name being said by Rise but he couldn't break his gaze on Naoto, who turned to look at him and gave him a confused glance, destroying his illusionary world. He suddenly felt a flat shoe viciously kick his shin, and as he winced in pain he noticed Rise giving him the stink eye.

"You had something to say, right Kanji!?" she repeated slower and with more venom. Quickly he remembered that was his queue to ask Naoto up to the roof. Unfortunately, his mouth couldn't catch up to his brain.

"HeyNaotolet'sgoroofsomethingIgottatellya!" he blabbed, which made Rise smack her forehead in frustration and further confused Naoto. She stepped a bit closer, which made Kanji recoil until his head gently smacked the plaster wall behind him.

"You have to slow down. You are speaking too quickly," she said, sounding like a mother addressing a child.

Kanji swallowed hard; he was so close, he couldn't back down now! He straightened up, and did his best to look directly at Naoto. "C-can you come up to the roof, Naoto? I got...somethin' I wanna talk to ya 'bout..."

There was hardly a moment of hesitation. "Of course. Rise, would you mind waiting for me?"

"Oh, of course not!" Rise grinned, a little too obviously, for Kanji's liking, "I'll be by the stairs. Have fuuunnnn! "

With that, Naoto beckoned Kanji out of the classroom. Taking a deep breath, Kanji followed suit and was soon in the hallway, following Naoto's lead toward the steps in the middle of the hall. As Kanji took one last look back at Rise, she flashed him a peace sign, then slowly crossed the two fingers.

"Good luck," she mouthed, a determined look on her face as she watched Kanji leave the classroom to face his destiny.

The long walk to the roof was agony; Kanji imagined himself as a peasant in one of the historical dramas his mom watched on TV, being escorted to the local magistrate to be beheaded. The nonchalant way Naoto had agreed to go up to the roof was a sign, wasn't it? Or the fact that she was silent the whole time? Kanji couldn't decide what to think as the two quickly rounded the 3rd floor, where there other friends' classroom was, and up toward the final set leading to the roof entrance.

After a minute, Kanji heard the creak of the school roof door and nervously looked up instead of at his shoes, seeing the bright light of the late afternoon just above him. He climbed the last few steps and looked at Naoto, who was holding the door for him.

He took a second to steel himself. The big teen knew that whatever the day's outcome, he had to shed this particular albatross. He was tired of spending every night just staring up at the ceiling of his room, unable to push his detective friend out of his mind's eye. Like an addict, memories of his best moments with her played on a loop while hours ticked by like picoseconds. He barely had any sleep, and his already shaky hold on academics had slipped even further since he had met the Detective Prince. He couldn't bear this secret anymore, and it was time to give up the ghost. Feeling that he was losing his confidence the more he waited, Kanji hastily stepped through the open door and into the buggy Summer air of the rooftop.

Although it was fairly plain, with nothing but a few scattered AC units, ventilation shafts, and a large fence running around the perimeter, the roof was pretty special to Kanji. He and his friends met up there almost every day for lunch or just to talk, and along with the Junes food court, he considered this place hallowed ground. It was the perfect place to confess his feelings, he thought, because it felt like each of his friends was there in spirit, giving him some extra support. He heard the roof door close, and Naoto stepped forward to speak to him, a small smile in the corner of her mouth.

"So, Kanji-kun, what did you need to speak to me about?" Naoto asked, shifting her book bag to her other hand as she did.

"U-uh, well...," he started, his throat suddenly seeming beyond dry and raspy, "There's somethin' I gotta tell ya, an' it's important. Real important," he repeated, hoping his cracking voice would portray the seriousness of what he was saying. Since Naoto's stare had forced his gaze down to his shoes again, he heard rather than saw her step closer to him.

"Is there something wrong?" she said in a concerned voice, her smile changing into her usual, more placid expression. He clenched his fist and grit his teeth, struggling to form the words he wanted to say.

Something Kanji had struggled deeply with his whole life was getting over his expectations of it what it meant to 'be a man'. Without his father in his life, Kanji could only act out in ways that he thought could be perceived as manly without ever knowing the truth. In his adventures with Yu and the rest of the Investigation Team, Kanji had come to realize that maybe the truth was that it didn't matter, and being his own man was more important than anything. Nevertheless, he could feel a pulsating and powerful pull in his chest that demanded he discuss his feelings with Naoto while looking her in the eye. He obeyed it, his fists trembling as he did.

"N-nah, nothin's wrong," he started, scratching the back of his head. "More like...I..." Dammit! The words wouldn't come out!

He didn't even notice Naoto stepping a bit closer to him. "Kanji-kun, you musn't always be so nervous. If you have something to say, stand up straight and say it." In an earlier time, Kanji would have immediately balked at the vague hint of condescension in her voice, but he was different now. He understood now that she was trying to be helpful, in her own way.

He took the deepest breath he could fathom, then took Naoto's advice and stood up to his full height, almost two heads taller than the detective. "Look, uh, Naoto-kun ...I never met anyone like you before. After everythin' that's gone down this whole year, I dunno what th' hell to think about me, but I know what I think about you. I-I think you're...like, awesome, at everything. You're really smart, and you don't care what people say about who you are. I w-wish I had th' balls that you had..." he stammered and groaned when he saw Naoto's eyebrow raise suspiciously, "I-I don't mean it that way or nothin'! I just... shit! " This was harder than any fight he had ever been in. He almost forgot to take a breath as he hurriedly tried to get to his point.

"I know that I'm...I'm, like, not good at this stuff, but I really like you, Naoto-kun. A lot." There. It was out there. But he had to stick the landing. "I-is it awright if we, y'now," he almost lost it, choking on the words as they came up in his throat, "t-that we, uh, well...start seein' each other? In a-a-a romantic-al type way?"

As soon as all the thoughts left his mouth, Kanji finally inhaled. He wanted to scream from the sheer relief that came with relieving his mind of this immense weight, but he knew that he had to hold it together, for both his and Naoto's sake. He had shut his eyes trying to hold back tears of anguish, but was too nervous to even make an attempt to look for a reaction. When he finally cracked a single eye open, Naoto was still standing in front of him, the same infuriatingly blank expression on her face. Aside from her earlier eyebrow twitch, she didn't appear to have moved a muscle.

There was a long silence before Kanji finally saw her smile a little, the sides of her eyes crinkling as she did. In the dying light of the day, he could barely make out a blush spreading through her cheeks.

"K-Kanji-kun..." Naoto broke off, a pensive look on her face as she considered what to say, "I-I am flattered, of course, by your kind words. To be quite honest, when we first met, my first impression was that you were crude, unsophisticated, and merely a means to an end for my investigation."

Kanji winced, not really wanting to hear something like that. Luckily for him, she wasn't finished.

"...And yet, I have never been so happy to have been wrong. You turned out to be a very loyal, kind, and strong person. We could never have solved the case last year without your help. There are many ways in which I greatly admire you, too, and I am proud to count you among my closest and dearest friends," Naoto finished, the shy smile remaining as she praised him. Kanji was on cloud nine; here was the girl of his dreams, making him feel like he was every bit the person he wanted to be. He couldn't contain the chuckle that came out his lips as he bashfully rubbed the back of his head.

Just as quickly as it had appeared, however, Naoto's smile vanished. Her eyes looked downward, and a thin-lipped frown rose from the ashes of her previous, happier expression.

"But..." she uttered, again looking unsure of how best to frame her speech.

But . Kanji hated "but." Ever since he was a kid, he had been haunted by that conjunction, which was always used to fuel others' rejection of him. "You're really good at sewing Kanji, but that's for girls!" "You were doing so well, but now you've ruined everything!" "You did help those kids, but you're still just a thug, Kanji!" Kanji hated "but," and just the mention of it was enough to turn his blood cold.

"B-but...!?" Kanji stammered, coming down hard from the high he had just been on.

Naoto let out a deep sigh, and continued her own confession, "B-but, having said that, a dear friend is all that I think of you as..." she stopped and pulled the bill of her cap down just a tad, shielding her eyes, "I am afraid that I cannot return your feelings, Kanji-kun, I...I just can't. I'm sorry."

Kanji knew there was a summer wind blowing around them, but the air around him had slowed to such a crawl that he could no longer feel it. He had definitely heard what Naoto had said, but processing the information was a different story. It must have showed on his face, because Naoto took yet another step forward, although he again only saw her feet as he forced his gaze elsewhere.

"Y-you must understand this has nothing to do with you as a person! I meant every word I said, but I-I just don't have... those kinds of feelings for you. O-or anybody! I wish I could give you a clearer answer but..." she stopped, lost in thought again. Kanji just stared at his shoes, still too shaken to respond. After a while, he finally felt the soft wind blowing into his face, which made him keenly aware that a few hot tears had begun leaking out of his intense, smoldering eyes. He didn't look up or attempt to wipe his eyes as he answered her as best he could.

"'S okay, Naoto...was a long shot anyways," he mumbled, annoyed by the shakiness in his voice, "I jus', y'know, figured I should try at least. L-least I know now..." The words felt like sandpaper on his tongue. He thought about the "Little Things," and how now each one of them was tainted by his stupidity at thinking that he had a shot with her. He wished he had been smart enough to be able to tell the difference between basic kindness and romantic gestures; it would at least have let him temper his expectations, at the very least.

When he finally managed to turn his neck up and look at his friend, he was very surprised to see that Naoto, too, had moist eyes, a sight he thought he would never see. Despite the watery sadness in them, the detective's eyes remained steely and serious, like trembling, gray ball bearings.

" Please don't blame yourself; it was nothing you did or didn't do," she almost whispered, forcing Kanji to listen closer, "That isn't it at all. B-but I understand if you don't wish to see me or speak to me f-for a while..." she looked away for a second before turning back. She tugged her cap down over her eyes even further, breaking her long, pitying stare.

There was another sting at Kanji's eyes, which pissed him off; he may not have known a lot about what men did, but he definitely knew they didn't cry in front of girls they liked. He angrily swatted at his nose, trying to rid it of the mucus that was rapidly rushing into it. Her words made sense, but Kanji couldn't break through his own self-loathing long enough for his brain to communicate a positive, constructive response; right now, opening his mouth would involve his heart leaping out of his throat. Seeing Naoto so upset, upset because of him , was way too much to take. And the last thing he wanted her to do was leave, but he couldn't force himself to say it, not when he was already on the verge of blubbering like an idiot.

Naoto answered his silence by taking a big swallow and bowing gracefully, her bookbag scraping the concrete of the roof as she did. "I-I'm going to go now. Forgive me, Kanji-kun," she choked, turning and hurriedly walking back out the rooftop door as quickly as she had appeared.

"N-Naoto...!" Kanji hissed, his voice cracking at the end and making the noise unintelligible. He reached his long-left arm out, as if he could catch the fleeing detective, but she was gone. Kanji stared at the swinging door for too long, hoping that this was all just a dream and this was where he finally woke up. No such luck.

His heart and mind rendered useless, Kanji slowly walked up to the rooftop fence, interlocking his fingers with the steel mesh. He was trying as hard as he could, but there wasn't a shred of strength left in him to help stop the harsh sobs that were beginning to emerge from deep within his chest. He angrily rattled the mesh, muttering curses to himself as he did. In his suffering, he didn't hear the rooftop door opening again.

"K-Kanji! ?"

Just what he needed: the familiar but now shaky voice of Rise coming from behind him.

"W-what happened!?" she asked, "Nao-chan just...she ran past me! Was she...did she..."

Rise stopped dead when Kanji turned to look at her. His eyesight was blurry, and he could barely make out the idol getting closer to him. This wouldn't do.

"S-stop, just guh-get outta here," he moaned, hoping Rise would get the message.

The mirage he assumed to be Rise stopped, its head looking off to the side. "What are you saying!? I'm not gonna leave you alone right now! T-tell me what happened, why was she..."

Rise kept babbling, and the more she talked, the more Kanji felt a familiar, visceral reaction beginning to grow in his gut and his throat. He was hurt, he was embarrassed, and he just wanted to be left alone, like usual. Why couldn't Rise understand?! Kanji fully turned around and looked at the his fellow 2nd year, magma in his eyes. The girl seized up immediately, seemingly horrified at what she saw.

"How many times I gotta say it!? Get th' hell outta here, now ! Jus' leave me the fuck alone!" he hollered, smashing the fence behind him with his fist, dramatically. He hated himself for it, but the familiar feeling of using his rage to handle his emotions was stabilizing, like an addict engaging in vice for the first time in years. He heard a meager whimper come out of the idol's form before she made an about-face and ran toward the exit, her pigtails thrashing to and fro in the wind.

Bitter and ashamed from the outburst, Kanji slumped on a nearby air conditioning unit and lay back down on it, his heart pounding and his soul exhausted. Feeling like the fading sun was too invasive and burning him up, he quickly peeled off his white school shirt and placed it over his face. Lying perfectly still on the air conditioner unit and covered up like a corpse, he just wanted badly to wake up; if it was actually the first day of Summer vacation and he overslept, then it would mean he and Naoto were still fine, and he never would have tried something so stupid.

But each heavy sob that forced him to take deep breaths through the stifling fabric of the shirt was a cruel reminder of the truth: this wasn't a dream, and there was no cure for a broken heart.