Bobby leads the way to the cafeteria. When they arrive, he holds the door open for her and as she brushes by him he catches a whiff of her perfume. It is something sultry and expensive-smelling, not unpleasant but very different from the light citrus scent he detected when he first met her at Chimney's party. She must have put it on specially for her date with Buck. He noticed her nails earlier, painted a pale rosy beige with black stripes at the tips. Marcy had done her nails like that sometimes. French manicure, he thinks it's called. He remembered it taking an inordinately long time. Abby had clearly put as much effort into preparing for their Valentine's date as Buck had and it makes him sorry for her ruined evening.
"How do you like your coffee? Cream, sugar?" he asks after they find a table.
"It's ok, I'll get it."
"No, you sit. Relax for a minute. You've earned it."
Settling gratefully into her chair, she smiles.
"I can't argue with that. Cream, no sugar. Thank you."
He takes his the same way and for some reason it gives him a little jolt of pleasure, discovering that they have that in common. He secures the two coffees and adds a giant blueberry muffin to the tray as well. It's close to midnight and he can't imagine she had much to eat at the restaurant. Her eyes light up as he slides the muffin in front of her.
"I thought you probably didn't get much dinner."
"You thought right. I'm starving, actually! But I didn't even notice until now."
"Adrenalin will do that to you."
She unwraps the cellophane from the muffin and pushes it toward him.
"You'll have to help me out a little with this. I don't think I'm quite starving enough to finish the whole thing."
The muffin is roughly the size of a baseball and of a similar consistency, although it is edible enough. He breaks off a piece just to keep her company.
"Make sure you chew it at least thirty times," he warns jokingly as she raises a bite of muffin to her lips. She does, counting off on her fingers before she swallows.
"No worries there, I don't think I'll ever be able to eat without thinking about choking again."
"I hope this hasn't ruined food for you forever. Or Valentine's Day"
She grins.
"I think I'll be fine on both counts. I like food too much to ever not enjoy it. As for Valentine's Day… I suppose I'm just going to have to believe that the best is yet to come. And this one…well, it could certainly have been a lot worse."
"If it weren't for you, it certainly would have been."
Abby sighs.
"I'm just glad it's over. I hope this didn't spoil whatever you were doing for Valentine's Day?"
Bobby takes a sip of his coffee and grimaces. It is just as vile as he remembers, but it is hot and caffeinated so he gulps it down.
"The coffee is a pretty unique blend of awful. Just to warn you. No, I was working. Just got off shift." He has the feeling that she is about to ask him if he had plans after that and he doesn't want her to. He's not sure how much Buck has told her about his wife and he would rather avoid the whole subject.
"Do you want something else to eat? Most of the food here is horrible, but as long as you stick to things that are wrapped and check the expiration date you should be ok. Definitely avoid the Jello and anything claiming to be soup.
"I think I'm all set, actually. But thanks for the warning. You sound like quite the authority on hospital cafeteria cuisine."
He chuckles. "I think we all put in a lot of quality time here, waiting for them to put Chim back together."
"Oh, God. I can imagine. You must be so relieved he's all right."
"Yeah. It was pretty terrifying. I honestly can't imagine what we'd have done if we'd lost him."
She is silent for a moment, staring into space. He looks across the table, concerned, and sees that her blue eyes are glimmering with tears.
"Abby, are you ok?" Without thinking, he touches her hand. Her skin is warm and soft and he feels a sudden current of electricity shoot through him at the contact. Quickly he pulls his hand back.
She grabs a paper napkin from the table and dabs at her eyes.
"I'm fine. I'm sorry. It's just – it hit me, you know? Buck could so easily be dead right now. He stopped breathing. For seconds. He could be gone and we'd never get to talk to him again. Chimney too. You know it and I know it. We lose people every day. You, me, just as easily. It's all so fragile."
It is. It is a hard truth and they come up against it constantly. There is nothing he can say that will make it any better, but he can't stand to see her cry.
"It's true. But Buck's going to be fine, Abby. He's all right. You'll get to talk to him soon."
"I know. And I'm so grateful. It's just…it's so much. To take in."
"My wife died."
He doesn't know why he says it. He can see from the shock on her face that Buck has not in fact shared that piece of information with her."
"Oh, Bobby," she says gently. "I'm so sorry. So very, very, sorry."
He doesn't say it's ok, because it isn't and it never will be. Instead he stares at the ugly Formica tabletop and breathes deeply, in and out, because it's the best way he knows to keep from crying.
"I told her I loved her a lot. But never enough. I never told her enough and I never showed her enough. It's all we can do, I think. Love the people we love as hard as we can, let go of the ones we can't save, and never take anything for granted."
"Wise words, Captain Nash." She gives him a watery smile. He notices that her eyeliner is smudged, but somehow it only makes her lovelier, her blue eyes more luminous. "I see why Buck looks up to you so much. He talks about you all the time. I wondered if he might be exaggerating, but now I'm pretty sure he isn't."
She stands and finishes her coffee. "Ugh. Buck had better recuperate quickly, because I don't know if I can stomach many more cups of this. Shall we head back?"
When they get to the room Buck is still asleep, but as Abby sinks back into the chair beside his bed his eyelids flutter open.
"Abby?" he says groggily. "Ow! That hurts!"
"Shh! Don't try to talk! I'm calling the doctor."
"No, not yet! Abby, I'm so sorry. I ruined everything. "
She leans in toward the bed and cups his face gently in her hand.
"You didn't ruin anything. I'm just so glad you're all right."
"You saved me, didn't you?" Buck is staring into her face as though he is seeing an angel.
"She did." Bobby informs him from the other side of the bed.
Buck turns his head and grins faintly at Bobby.
"I didn't sleep with her," he whispers to Bobby, who rolls his eyes and shrugs apologetically at Abby.
"Good job." Bobby squeezes Buck's shoulder carefully. Abby is gazing at Buck, her eyes soft and her face glowing with tenderness and Buck has Abby's hand in his and is stroking it slowly with his thumb. Bobby is aware that his presence, though appreciated, is no longer desired.
"I'm going to head out now. Looks like you're in good hands. Abby, thank you again for saving his life. He's got his drawbacks, but he'd be hard to replace." He smiles, robbing the words of any potential sting. "Buck, we don't want to see you back at the firehouse until you're completely healed up so don't even think about coming back before then."
"Thanks for coming by, Pops."
Bobby doesn't mind the nickname, but he suddenly wishes Buck wouldn't use it in front of Abby. He's not that much older than her. He immediately feels guilty for caring about something so trivial and pushes the thought away.
"Thanks so much for the coffee. And the company."
She has torn her eyes away from Buck's and is smiling warmly at Bobby and suddenly her beauty in the golden light of the lamp is too much. It makes his heart hurt. He gives a quick wave and heads out into the hall, closing the door gently behind him. He looks back and through the glass sees their two heads coming closer, looking very much as though they are about to kiss. Not wanting to witness it, he hastens on his way.
Driving home to his empty apartment to catch a few hours of sleep before work, he replays his conversation with Abby. He had felt so connected to her. Connected in a way he hasn't felt with anybody since Marcy. There is a pool of residual warmth in his chest from the interaction that makes the cold sterility of his apartment seem more bearable than usual. When he prays before bed, as he does every night, he thanks God for sparing Buck's life, but he also thanks Him for Abby, for allowing him to feel not alone again, even if it was just for a few moments.
What he does not include in his prayers that night but will in confession later that week is that he is coming perilously close to coveting a woman who he has no right to have feelings for at all.