for the HPFC Women's Tennis Round One, perfect by nature.
..Yes, I totally was on the Azula tag on tumblr.
i. you should've feared me more
Trust is for fools. Bellatrix learns this at a young age.
Daddy's business deals with silly, silly men who don't know what he'll really do {that he'll really tear them to pieces} and Mum's gossip with other women, ruining families with only a few- hardly any- words and a faked 'Oh, My, Lyra, you won't believe this...'.
Trust is for fools. Fear - that is how you can control people. That is how you win.
At a young age, Bellatrix learned to aspire for greatness and use fear as her favorite weapon - the bests of her means, she was sure.
{But there was only one issue - Sirius did not fear her.}
He would not scream and plead when she hurt him, when she cursed him. He would not let her win. This was not acceptable.
Years later, when she killed him, she laughed. He never feared her. He really should've. Tsk tsk. He always was just a bit stupid.
ii. sometimes, it is the strongest who cry themselves to sleep
It would happen late at night.
The nights when Ted had to go out and do something, check on something - the nights she was all alone in their {not so} big empty home.
It'd be little things - Nymphadora coming out {mummy, look! i look a lot like you!} and she looked like Bellatrix {oh, she looked just like Bellatrix when she did that - a younger Bellatrix, but Bellatrix before her fall from grace}, or a way Nymphadora would smile and say something so Regulus or when she threw back her head and laughed and laughed and laughed like Sirius.
Andromeda would smile {a little tightly, a little bit forced, but a smile nonetheless} and say something to make it seem like she was totally fine. Ted would send her a look {a look that said "Andy, are you okay?"} and she'd smile back and hold back.
But when Ted wasn't there and when Nymphadora couldn't hear her, she'd lock the bedroom door and fall into bed.
Sometimes, it'd be months of tears, just building up and adding until she could let them out.
She'd cover her head and sob, like she used to when Bella cursed her or Cissy showed her up. She never liked her face being exposed while she cried.
She'd cry for hours, sometimes, before falling asleep.
It wasn't that she wanted to cry - Merlin, no - but sometimes, she was just so sick of pretending to be strong.
iii. he always knew
Out of all his traits, despite what he said about his looks and Quidditch skills, Sirius prided himself on his judge of character.
He's supposed that was the only good thing coming from growing with his family. So many people with fake smiles and masks {masks are so flimsy, if you just tug them off - that's where any effort came in} he learned to look past all the lies, the twisting of words to half truths and making it seem so much better than it actually was, he figured just what they were saying - just what kind of a person they were.
It is because of this reason that he never liked Peter. Had James not convinced him, Sirius probably never would've became anything close to friends with him - because Peter reminded him too much of some of the men that came by with masks and fake smiles, lies by the dozen on their tongue.
As they dragged him to Azkaban, he laughed at his own stupidity - in the back of his mind, he always knew there was something wrong with Peter.
iv. almost isn't good enough
"Narcissa!" Druella's voice was always so sharp with her youngest daughter. She wasn't pretty like Bellatrix, in the way that she looked almost - just like - Mum, she wasn't as brilliant as Andromeda. She was almost there in both categories - but not quite.
"Can't you be like your sisters?" No, she can't - because Bellatrix and Andromeda were perfect and who can surpass perfection? But she tried.
She threw herself into her studies in the afternoon, hours of studying until everything was memorized and perfected {like Andromeda - but better!}, the night used for parties for socializing and gaining contacts and allies and suitors and mornings for looking prettier, better {like Bella but better!}
"Show me that charm you and Andromeda were discussing," so she does - the socks fold , but there's one little wrinkle. {Andromeda's had none}
"Almost," her mother says coldly. "Not quite."
Narcissa was never good enough to be Bellatrix or Andromeda - but she could sure as hell try for perfection.
v. my own brother thought me a monster
Sirius yanks him by his {still sore} left arm into an abandoned classroom.
"Sirius," Regulus starts, lips in a dry smile that doesn't quite reach his eyes. "I know you frequent abandoned classrooms with the women you shag, but seeing as I'm not into incest, nor men, I don't quite see why you dragged me into here."
"Don't play stupid, Regulus," Sirius says his name with such venom, he barely holds back from flinching. "It doesn't quite suit you... Actually, maybe it does."
Regulus glowers at the implication - but Sirius is right. He knows damn well why he's in here. "Sirius -"
"Did you do it?" Sirius doesn't have to say - doesn't want to say - what he means. Saying it means that he's admitting it might be true.
"Sirius, I-"
"Answer the question!" Sirius snaps, and he thinks he sees a hint of insanity - of panic - of concern in Sirius' eyes. Maybe.
"I- yes," Regulus mumbles, looking down. Sirius lets go of him, with a look something like disgust.
"Repeat that - louder. I need to know I heard right." Sirius barks.
"Yes!" Regulus answers. Sirius' lip curls in a look of pure disgust. "Yes! They made me!"
Sirius pushes him back, storming out with only a look back - a look that said exactly what Sirius thought of him. He slams the door behind him, and Regulus falls, that look behind his eyelids as he closes them.
Regulus doesn't cry. Monsters aren't supposed to cry.
vi. i can't explain it, but they're slipping
They all crumble under the weight of the Black legacy at some point. Only the perfect are strong enough, and they're too flawed for that.
Bellatrix is in Azkaban - screaming about Voldemort and unloyals and the word 'Andromeda' slips out and she screams even louder - she can't cry, she is Bellatrix, and she is in Azkaban for being loyal, and when her Lord saves her, she will ruin Andromeda and kill Sirius and she will win, damn it! But for a little while, she screamed because too many memories flooded her mind until the Dementors came back to her end.
Andromeda falls apart the night before her wedding, as she realizes that her father wont be walking her down the next day, Bella wont be her Maid of Honor and Cissy her bridesmaid, Sirius and Reg wont be in the altar and her Mother wont cry because her baby's all grown up. She cries because she's alone that night, and it's the first time in a long time she cries herself to sleep.
Sirius falls apart the night he leaves - they're discussing making Regulus join the Death Eaters and Regulus says 'Yes, when I come of age, of course, Mother, Father' and Sirius grabs his trunk and is gone like the wind. There were insults and screams and a Crucio just misses him, and he takes the Knight Bus to James'. He sits on the path for about forty minutes, crying {he'll deny it, of course - Men don't cry} before it's dark out and heads up the path to James' Home.
Narcissa falls much later, but she still falls. Voldemort is in her house - it's not a home, not even a little bit anymore - and she hits rock bottom when she hears Draco's mission. She runs to Snape's and looks like a mess, as she begs, and cries until he does an Unbreakable Vow.
Rehulus hides his face as Kreacher tells what Voldemort made him do as the pieces connect. He allows himself to think, before demanding Kreacher take him - he wont be the monster Sirius thinks him as, he'll fix this- and he thinks he loses his mind a little as he writes and sends Kreacher away. He doesn't cry. Monsters and men don't cry.
As different as they plead to be, they're all so alike - flawed and terrible, family by blood and denial that they're all related - that eventually, they all slipped and fell from grace.
Being a Black demands they be perfect - and none of them ever were.