Title: Tongue-Tied
Summary: Gray Fullbuster, twenty-four, had a lot of questions in mind but couldn't even find the right words to say it out loud to a distant Erza Scarlet. But she has but one answer that'll certainly make up for it.
Warnings: Curses. Grammatical mistakes and typos.
Disclaimer: All characters belong to Hiro Mashima, creator of FairyTail.
The story takes as back when he was just a brash kid who had a lot to learn in life (until now), and she was just a young girl who was forced to learn about life in a hard way.
Gray thought it was curiosity that caught his attention towards the red-haired girl who was cautiously stepping inside the guild with wary, brown eyes. While he vowed Natsu's pink hair was ridiculous and very irritating to the eye (such was his logic as a boy), there was also something in the natural flowing crimson hair that easily engraved itself to his memory.
Why was her hair red? He wondered. I wonder what's her name. He thought.
Young kid he was, Gray was known to be bold (almost literally), reckless, rebellious, and tactless. Nevertheless, he was proud and confident. He wanted to catch her attention, make her notice or something, ask her name and maybe even get to know each other. It was logical to mingle with people his age in a guild where adults crowded themselves.
But none of those actually happened. The redhead was socially-awkward that time, so was he. His greeting ended up tumbling her table and food, and him getting riled up and irritated, and hugely insulted.
And he never got her name.
When Gray actually managed to calm down after barking an embarrassed 'shut up' to everyone who laughed at his epic failure, he finally did something that would've been the first thing he should've done in the beginning.
"I know that look, Gray. Just spit it out. Come on, don't be a sissy." Mira mockingly elbowed the half-naked raven with a sly smile.
"No, I'm not gonna ask what's her name! Especially not to you, Mirajane!"
Said girl, who still yet to grow into a sweet and kind woman, only grinned wider as she got the perfect response. "Erza. Her name's Erza. And you're welcome." Mira gave her that irritating look that spelled victory and rubbed insult to injury.
Erza? So that was her name. I think it would've sounded better if she said it herself..
It has a nice ring to it.
"Ugh! I don't care!"
When Gray did learn her name, his curiosity intensified to the point that he was willing to be senselessly beaten to a pulp just to make her talk. Looking back from now, Gray thought how ridiculous his idea went when he could've just simply. Asked.
But in his nature, when he was just a boy with a lot in mind with less to say, it was difficult. His ego was as big as his throat that it blocked every polite word he wanted to say. And so came his self-torture, which turned out very much useless aside from getting humiliated and a source of laughing stock inside the guild for having his ass handed by a girl.
Well, he was determined to change that. Gray ran to chase where Erza could've gone after walking out of the guild like a badassed character who finished beating an unimportant ugly troll. That witch, acting mighty and all. That arrogant, self-centered witch! Ugh! Who cares if she'd disappear just like that from the guild? I was just doing this because I've had enough of her oh-so mighty attitude! I don't care!
Or so he told himself, blinded by childish logic and temper. But then again, he was a boy who had a lot to say but never got the right words to speak. Especially after seeing the strict, and insanely strong female beastling turn into a fragile and vulnerable young girl crying her heart out alone by the riverside.
Gray had a lot in mind. Had. But it instantly blanked out, until the only question he could ask was an entirely different thing he swore he would've asked. "Why are you here?"
Erza shortly replied, "I like being alone."
And Gray couldn't really understand it. He should've asked why was she being like that. But his mouth seemed to move on its own, "Then why are you crying all by yourself?"
Face flushed, Gray remembered having reluctantly offered his presence to a crying Erza. He didn't intend it to be. He didn't intend to be more sensitive, or to be more observant of the girl's actions.
He didn't intend to fall in love.
Perhaps love was too much to describe his childish feelings towards the redhead. Perhaps, Gray thought, it was just sympathy that lead him to understand Erza's defense mechanism.
But he could never find a reason- it certainly was not pity or sympathy as he would like to put it- why he became strangely drawn to Erza and everything she does and she is.
He was twelve, probably. He was still a kid, and yet he was on the way to being a teen. Maybe it was because of that, Gray asked too many questions and noticed too many things about her.
Was her hair that fine and silky when she first stepped in the guild?
Were her eyes that warm since I first stared at it? What about her artificial one? Why did I find it endearing that she still looks pretty with those eyes?
I wonder if I can actually make her smile. Would that be pretty on her, too?
Why does her name sound sweet between the roll of my tongue now? I wonder if it was okay to call her Scarlet.
Did she really used to walk that way? Has anyone told her that her fingers are so delicate despite being brutal when fighting?
Gray had many questions. Yet he never had the right words to say it out to a distant Erza Scarlet.
When Gray was fourteen, the questions never seemed to end. Erza grew to be a fine- no, a beautiful woman everyone could imagine. Her strength was formidable as she was the strongest female in the guild. Her beauty was of a goddess, her skin was precious as porcelain, her eyes were bright, brilliant and warm but also firm, her hair- oh, her beautiful scarlet hair was as red as a breathtaking red moon. She was called Titania, the Fairy Queen.
That, he won't even question why.
What the question was how? How could he even tell her, the great Erza Scarlet, that she's beautiful and her hair is captivating like a fine thread of red intricately made for her? How could he tell her that her fingers are delicate and pearl white, Gray just wanted to hold it and feel the warmth of it like her brown orbs are?
How could he tell her that she's strong and yet he wanted to be the one to protect her from anyone who'd dare make her cry?
How could he tell Erza he's getting crazy for getting addicted over her?
Most of all, how could he finally admit it to his self-denying heart that he was, and is in love with her? The Great, unreachable, dream-girl for every man in Fiore?
Gray had many questions, far too many of them that he couldn't even say them all at once. The answers though, are as scarce as the chances that he will ever be noticed by her.
Four years had gone by, and Gray had grown enough manliness to be on the top bachelors list of male wizards over Fiore (yes, there are fangirls who love his daring acts of stripping exhibitions). He had grown out his brash, and rebellious phase from childhood just as how he outgrew his clothes. He had grown enough to know that Juvia is definitely head-over-heels for him, despite everyone telling him that he is dense as ice.
Certainly, Gray had matured a lot. So did Erza. If anything, Erza grew a lot more than him. She could be seen smiling, and boy did he wish he could make her do that more often. She was beginning to shed her armor which he was eternally grateful for, only he wished it was his ice that broke through it.
Erza did grew a lot. And Gray's love only multiplied for her, too. Only, through the maturity and adolescent sense he managed to have with his age, Gray still couldn't grow enough to have the courage to say just how much he does.
Not now, when he knew Erza definitely has, or had a thing with, or for, Jellal.
This time, he could only ask himself, "Will I ever be enough?"
"My goodness, Gray Fullbuster! You're not eight, you're twenty-four and is not getting younger!" Lucy, his oh, so supporting friend slightly scolded a drunk and not-getting-sober-by-the-minute Gray who was filling his blood with the fifteenth shot of alcohol.
"Yeah, Ice-freak I didn't know out of all people who's tactless and-"
"Hey!" Gray scowled back. He certainly was not tactless, right? Okay, maybe he was.
"-I'm just saying, Ice Princess! I didn't think you'd be this cowardly and stupid." Natsu rolled his eyes at his rival and friend. It was one of those nights when their circle of friends gathered together for a reunion, for fun. And yes, that included getting drunk and eventually heartbroken drunkards tended to get on a rambling phase.
Sadly, Gray was becoming one of those heartbroken drunkards. Well, not really heartbroken, right? You would be surprised that he's twenty-four and he had never been in any of the relationships, not even rejected once. You could say that it's because he never made a move at all. And that was the exact thing his friends were trying to get into his thick skull.
"Seriously, Gray. Why don't you give it a shot already? I mean, it's Erza! What can possibly happen?" Lucy piped in again.
Gray, in his alcohol-drowned brain couldn't even stop himself from rambling. It's funny how he gets tongue-tied at everything about her, and yet right now when he's drinking his soul out he couldn't bring himself to stop talking.
"Anything could happen! It's her! I mean! I've known her since like, the whole Fairy Tail life I have. You think it was easy telling her that I didn't mean to bully her the first day even though I got hit by a bull like her instead? I only wanted to ask her name! And I was sorry! And then I had to see her cry, and it hurts and I totally blamed myself for being an asshole all the time t-"
"Oh, Gray.." they could only sigh for their friend who continued rambling between his gulps of alcohol that he didn't care anymore whether it wasn't the same thing he drunk earlier, or if it burned his throat even more.
Until, Lucy had a sudden sugary sweet smile that got Natsu and Happy cringing, and Mira smiling like she got the message.
Gray paid no mind, and instead continued on his endless rants, thankfully there's only them inside the guild now. Speaking of which..
"Gray.. You're obviously drunk-"
"Shut up and listen! I'm not done talking yet! You don't know how hard it is for sixteen years having a lot of questions and getting no answers instead!"
"Uhm.."
"How can I tell you that you're beautiful and that I longed to touch your hair, without me sounding like a rapist? That you're a goddamn sexy goddess, without you punching me in the gut for sounding like a pervert? That I love the way you look with those warm and forgiving eyes that I melt with it? That I want to see your smile everyday or else I'd go insane? How can I even say you look cute when you're being straightforward, or socially-awkward, or just when you're eating your cake, or when you're in a bunny suit- or when you laugh, or sleep, or you're being clueless about anything! And you don't even know it!"
"..."
"How can I tell you that I'm jealous over Jellal, but I know I can't be because I just don't have the right? But still, I wished how it could be me that you noticed instead! How can I tell you all the things I love about you without sounding offensive or cheesy, or awkward?"
"..Okay.-"
"How can I say sorry for being not enough to protect you? Or have the will to even say these things in front of you without stuttering like a love-struck idiot?"
"Gray, that's not-"
"I love you, okay? Just. I'm sorry, I don't want to ruin our friendship, Erza. So just forget i-" Gray's eyes widened in realization which blew his entire being away from its place. The glass of alcohol remained in his grip, and he suddenly froze in his spot that he couldn't even bring himself to tear his gaze away from the gold liquid sloshing and then stilling inside the glass cup. "Oh, crap."
He so wanted to bury himself to the next world in shame. Shit, shit shit. Can this day be any worse than this? Oh, Mavis. Anyone, hello? Take me now? Out of here, just I dont care. Help me?
Warm, and gentle hands moved to take away the glass in Gray's hand, unfortunate for getting frosted over from the outburst. Suddenly, he remembered asking himself what it feels like to hold her hands.
"Gray.."
Instincts told him to bury his head in his hands which were trembling and sweating at the moment. The realization was clear, and he was certainly, definitely not under the hallucination brought by his alcohol-induced mind.
And it freaking hurt. Like hell. The world was spinning, he wished the earth would just swallow him up. He was once again tongue-tied, unable to speak, unable to move or think.
Shit.
"My, you sure have a lot to say, Gray. Though, I hope you'll forgive me for not saying anything remotely that long."
It's okay. Damnit, I don't even expect you to say anything about how incredibly embarrassing I went.
Instead, Erza's fingers pushed his chin up, meeting his gaze, and Gray didn't know what happened or is this really happening? Oh, Mavis the world is spinning, It feels so warm and I could get insane for this. Her lips are soft and I taste horrible with alcohol but gods she smells of cheesecake and strawberries and summer, and I could get addicted to this. Am I really-?
Behind it all was a scheming blonde girl, and white-haired bar mistress who were exchanging knowing glances and totally satisfied grins for a job well done (again) as the resident matchmakers in the guild.
A/N: I don't even know when is the GrayZa day/week. So, this could be late or early or I don't know whatever. Sooo, how's my attempt at fluff and humor?
Reviews are greatly appreciated.
Love,
Ice