The game of the name
a Torchwood story
by RoadrunnerGER
Disclaimer: Just playing to fill the time until we get more Torchwood from the BBC.
Summary: A bored team, an unexpected visitor… well, see for yourself, because more might give it away. Janto, what else.
xXx
It was one of those days that did not seem to pass at all. Everything was quiet, actually for four days already, and slowly but surely the Torchwood team ran out of useful things to do. Gwen and Owen tried to entertain themselves with childish card games while Ianto buried himself in the archives. Jack was in his office (or did he sneak off to the archives, too? Maybe someone should check on him.), brooding over files, and Toshiko sat at her workstation, being the only one who seemed to really busy herself with something.
"Oh, my god," she suddenly gasped. "Gwen? Owen? Come look at that!"
"What's wrong, Tosh?" Gwen asked worriedly as she hurried over to her team mate.
"Hope it is something wrong," Owen remarked. "This day's boring enough without your lectures on computer programs."
Ignoring him Tosh pointed at her computer screen. Both her team mates glanced over the information displayed there first, but then they read with more interest.
"I never knew!" Gwen exclaimed. "Oh, my god."
"Imagine… if they were less inventive…"
"You're right!" Gwen shouted. "Oh, my god! Oh, my god! That would be so confusing!"
"One to two about three, that would have to be expected," Tosh said, pointing at the screen. "Three and one about two, too, but I can hardly imagine three and two about one."
"You kidding, Tosh? Two wouldn't even think about doing that with three."
"I'm talking about talking, Gwen."
"Now that conversation cheers me up no end," Owen sighed, turning on his heel to go… somewhere, some place without silly geese. "You have a dirty imagination, girls."
"Just following examples!" Gwen shouted after him.
Tosh murmured something to her and both burst out with laughter.
xXx
About an hour later they were released from boredom by a Rift-alert. Jack burst out of the vaults (so he had been brooding over Ianto in the archives, actually), Owen out of the autopsy bay, and Gwen jumped up from the couch. They all gathered around Toshiko's workstation.
"What's up?" yelled a dishevelled and excited Captain Jack.
Now Ianto emerged from the vaults, too. His hair was ruffled but his suit was immaculate.
"Rift-alert!" cheered Owen. "Come on, Tosh! What is it? A Weevil or something more interesting?"
"Don't know yet…" she mused. "Well, it's not a Weevil."
"Something big?" Gwen pushed. "Something that'll keep us busy?"
"What? Don't you want to see Rhys tonight?" Jack asked.
"Well, yes." Gwen smirked. "But that doesn't mean that I wouldn't fancy some real work to come home from."
"Others make their work their home," Owen muttered under his breath.
Still Jack and Ianto heard it and glowered at him.
"Well, we won't find it out kicking our heels here," Jack said. "Let's go, kids!"
So they grabbed their stun guns and headed for the SUV. They were so excited about the alert that none of them argued about Jack being the one to drive. As he was steering the SUV to their destination they reached it faster as if one of the others would have been driven.
As they approached their goal Tosh read from her monitor, "Police report coming in, a guy disturbing a private party at a pub around the corner from where the rift-alert came."
"Party?"
"Guy?"
"Pub?"
"John," Jack groaned.
On the backseat Tosh and Gwen exchanged glances and dissolved in giggles.
"What did I say?" Jack asked, irritated.
"Nothing," Owen said. "They're like that the whole day."
"What could he be up to?" Ianto said, remembering with horror their last adventure with the rogue time agent.
"I'm afraid we'll find it out." Jack swivelled the SUV around a corner and jammed the brakes, making it skid to a halt.
They all alighted from the car and strode in standard formation to the pub. So Jack was the first who burst through the door into the bar.
"Jaaack!"
The captain stopped, standing akimbo, sensing his team taking position at his sides, Owen and Gwen to his left, Tosh and Ianto to his right.
"Eye Candy!" John shouted with delight. "It's so good to see you all! What's kept you so long?"
"What do you want, John?" Jack demanded to know, crossing his arms over his chest, head tilted back, and squinting at the unexpected and unwanted visitor over the bridge of his nose.
"Drinks!" John raised the bottle in his hand and swallowed a few gulps. "Sex!" He winked at Ianto. "And rock 'n roll!" He thumped his fist on the music box beside the bar and it began to play Shakin Stevens. John danced to the music, approaching Jack and…
If you're gonna give me good kisses like that
…smacking a wet kiss on his lips.
Honey don't you know I'm gonna give them right back
'Cause that's a kissing good way
Pouting John scowled at Jack who did not react at all.
mmmm that's a kissing good way
Ah that's a kissing good way
"What's wrong with you, Jack? C'mon! It's just a little bit of fun!"
Actually Jack did not have made the best experiences with a little bit of fun lately, and he glanced at Gwen.
That's a kissing good way
That's a kissing good way
Before anyone could do anything John danced to the side, around Ianto, wrapping one arm around the Welshman's waist and pulling him close.
To mess around and fall in love
Then John messed around kissing the younger man hard on the mouth. Ianto was not able to defend himself as John's embrace pressed his arms to his side.
Don't mess around, don't mess around
"Leave him alone," Jack snapped.
"Oh, but I love your candy. Can't I get a little taste?" John pleaded, giving Jack puppy dog eyes. "We shared everything back in old times. Remember, Jack?"
Yes, he remembered. He did not want to remember. And the mention of Ianto's taste now rather reminded him of cannibals than of erotic games.
Ooh if you're gonna start out hugging me tight (right)
And John hugged Ianto even tighter for a moment before letting go of him. He moved on to Toshiko.
Don't mess around come and hug me right
'Cause that's a hugging good way
She sang along with Shakin and spread her arms invitingly. She still thought that John was cute even though she knew how dangerous he was.
(That's a hugging good way) Yeah ha ha
And with that John threw his arms around the Japanese's slender form. Tosh hugged him back.
That's a hugging good way (that's a hugging good way)
That's a hugging good way
Swinging her around with him John danced through the pub. Toshiko squeaked with joy.
To mess around and fall in love
Don't mess around, "Sing it Jackie, Don't mess around," John drowned out the jukebox.
Jack just stared at him with undisguised anger.
xXx
"And then John said to John," Toshiko chuckled, "that he should leave John alone."
"I know. We were still with them then," Gwen reminded her. "But what about when they were alone in the SUV? You could hear it! Now tell me!"
"I'm sorry, Gwen, but I couldn't," Tosh said, looking devastated. "When I checked again I saw that the bug did not work. There's no recording."
"Bummer. And now that John's back when he belongs we can't even ask him."
"But we have a good idea of what it must've been like," Tosh told her. "John certainly asked John if he would mind sharing John, what John equally certainly would decline."
"Yeah, because John's desperately in love with John, so that John has no place in his heart…"
"If he ever had. I start to doubt that John really was so close with John."
"Oh, yes, he was," Gwen insisted. "Even if it was only during that time loop."
"John wouldn't mind a loop with both of them."
"You sure you don't mean lube?"
"I'm sure that John wouldn't mind a sandwich."
"Yep, because John's john is always eager to satisfy John and John." Gwen smirked. "Especially as John is a real John, including the mood swings."
"Yeah, John's exuberant," Tosh agreed, "but John is, too. Just John seems to be rather withdrawn."
"None of them would john in bed, don't you think?"
"Oh, yeah. They'd be amazing. I'm sure they're all real johns. I guess I'd be scared."
"Whoaaa!" Gwen slumped back in her chair as if she was blown away with the imagination of the three men's sizes.
"What the bloody hell are you talking about?" Jack wanted to know.
They did not notice that he came up the stairs. Ianto was right beside him.
Both girls exchanged glances and burst out with laughter again.
"Don't look at me," Owen said, getting up from the couch, raising both hands in surrender, and turning to vanish quickly to the autopsy bay.
"Maybe we should enlighten them," Gwen suggested between hiccoughing laughter.
"Now John's Hebrew, meaning Yahweh is gracious," Tosh took mercy on them.
"While Jack's derived from Jackin, a medieval diminutive of John," Gwen added.
Before either she or Tosh could tell them more Ianto blushed. Now that they were talking about etymology he remembered that Ianto was short for Ifan, which was the Welsh variation of John.
Now Jack got it, too.
"John one and two need their beauty sleep now," he chuckled and reached for Ianto's hand. Then he guided his lover up to his office and from there down the hatch. "Thank God for inventing the Welsh language," Jack sighed as they sank down on his bed.
"Why?" Ianto asked.
"Because it makes your vowels roll so nicely," Jack smirked. "Makes you sound sexy in addition to your gorgeous looks. And then…" He trailed off, swallowing his emotion.
"And then…?" Ianto pushed gently in a soft tone.
"And then… For me Ianto means love," Jack admitted. "Always will, cariad."
For a moment Ianto was choked up with emotion before he could whisper, "I love you, too, anwylyd."
Sharing a deep and passionate kiss both sank into the pillows and were not to be seen until the next Rift-alert sounded about sixteen hours later.
The End
A/N: So, that's it. Hope I got the puns right. Even though I'm getting better every day (at least I think so...) English still is my second language. The title's a pun, too. It's a deliberate twist on the phrase "The name of the game", not a typo.
I'd like to give you a challenge: Write a Torchwood story with all the characters in it called John, in one form or another. I would LOVE to read them, and I'm sure the other readers would love it, too.