Betrothal
"If I loved you less, I might be able to talk about it more." Emma
Fenris hadn't exactly moved in with Hawke but it had been weeks since the last time he had slept in his mansion. He had come one afternoon to read and spend time with Hawke. Somehow that afternoon had turned into night, night into morning and that morning into several mornings.
It was such a peaceful reassuring moment waking up next to a big mass of dark hair, taking a peek under the covers to see how far up her nightgown had travelled during the night. To listen every morning Hawke's sleepy voice calling him a pervert and shushing her with kisses and the occasional tickle attack.
Orana had moved his few clothes from the guest room to Hawke's chamber. There were always two services at the table without even asking if he was going to stay for dinner. They even had a bath routine; she'd always bathe first and brush her hair pretending not to ogle him when it was his turn.
There really was no need to go back to his mansion but there was this nagging sensation that just wouldn't let him be. He would have to do it eventually. That was the main reason why he had come that afternoon.
She entered the bathroom fully dressed, hair in a loose braid "Are you alright Fenris?" it seemed that he didn't hear her. She walked to the bath, checking the temperature with her fingers "Fenris, the water is freezing, you'll catch a cold"
"I haven't noticed" he said suddenly focused on her left hand. He reached for it and kissed her third finger, which Hawke didn't seem to notice.
"You are freezing, get dressed, I'll make you a tea" she said pulling him out of the basin. She ran to the kitchen and came back juggling a tray with little cups, biscuits and a pot full of hot tea.
Next to the fire with tea in hand, the cold was replaced with worry and uncertainty. Hawke was so oblivious to his state. How would he do this? Now he was regretting not asking some advice from Varric, he must have written this kind of scene a million times. He would have known how to proceed. Why had he asked Aveline? She had gotten married twice but he should have remembered the marigolds coin fiasco.
"Fenris, you were supposed to drink the tea" she said casually without taking off her eyes from the book she was reading, or she was pretending to read.
He opened and closed his mouth several times in an attempt to say something.
"Is something the matter?" now she was looking at him, he could feel her eyes already looking for answers he might not be willing to voice.
"I am…" he scowled drowning in his own thoughts. He had closed his mouth again, to rephrase "I'm fine"
She half smiled at him sighing "even Merrill lies better than that" she went back to her book "whatever it is, you'll end up telling me."
It didn't pass more than a couple minutes when Fenris started to talk.
"Do you remember the things your mother used to tell you?"
"Yes" she said not paying too much attention. If you showed too much interest when he was behaving like this, he usually stopped talking.
He exhaled in resignation "I have to say, I did agree with some things your mother asked of you" his tone was cautious.
"Having a Hightown suitor, marry him and having tons of children?" she said with some mirth in her voice. Talking about her mother had become less painful over the years.
"Yes" he cleared his throat "The third one, eventually"
She closed her book and turned to look at him to see if he was being serious or it was some sort of game she was not familiar with. "You actually wanted me to be with one of those pompous pricks?"
"Not all of them are 'pompous pricks' as you put it." He was being serious. All this time they had spent together, he had been thinking of a way out. Which didn't surprise her; after all it is not as if he hadn't done it before. This time though, she really let herself believe he was no longer afraid.
Sadly, it was her own fear that didn't let her see what he really meant. She didn't understand that he was looking down at his feet not out of shame, but because he was trying to hide the deep blush that covered his face all the way to his ears.
She kept the hurt under control and continued as if nothing had happened.
"Do tell, who is this Hightown citizen that I have not been acquainted with?"
"You are acquainted" he peeked through his hair. "Very much I'd say"
Something was wrong. Her eyes looked sad and she was forcing a smile.
"Do you mean Sebastian? He is a Chantry Brother, remember?"
Was it because he had mentioned her mother? "No, I do not mean Sebastian"
"Then I don't know who you are talking about"
Whatever it was, he had to fix it or this was going to be a complete failure. She was really trying to fake composure and if he had not being paying attention, he might have believed her. "Try, my love"
She blocked those words out. If he decided they were going to remain as friends, she would have to ask him to refrain himself from calling her that way.
"Please?"
She was trying to find someone who would fit the description but either she was too distracted or such person did not exist. He sighed deeply "Hawke, where do I live?"
Her puzzled expression changed so fast from that sad hopelessness, to enlightenment and finally settled in extreme confusion.
By the time she came back to reality, he was already on one knee in front of her.
Now it was her turn to open and shut her mouth trying to form something coherent to say.
"What was going on in that head of yours?" he said taking her left hand and kissing her finger again. She just shut her eyes to stop the tears and shook her head, pointlessly denying what she had thought. He had some idea of what she might have imagined; he had hurt her in the past, not without reason but the memory remained. As painful as they were, Fenris was glad to have them.
He reached inside one of his pockets "I have to admit, it wasn't hard to hide this from you." It was a silver ring with two entwined leafs.
"Marriage?" she asked almost inaudible.
"They are birch leafs" he said while she was breathing in deeply, wiping off the two or three tears that had already fallen, trying to control her emotions. "Aveline said they mean growth, stability and" she interrupted him "I am yours already Fenris, from the deepest of my heart to the very surface, it is all yours"
He stood up and started to pace in front of the fire place. This brought back the precise set of memories she had been trying to suppress only a few moments ago.
"Well yes, but I want everyone to know"
"They already do" she just stayed there, staring at him uncertain of how this would end.
"No."He stopped abruptly. "To them I am just the elven lover you have until a proper suitor appears." He was glowering, that was never a good sign.
"You are the best I could get." The look of hurt in his eyes told her that the phrase was misunderstood. "You are the best anyone can get"
He turned to face the fire hunching his shoulders "I know your mother wanted a more traditional union for you but" he was saying while playing with the ring. "But she ran away with an apostate Fenris" she interjected.
"Whatever my mother had asked of me that was the only thing I would not have given to her." She put her arms around his waist and kissed that part of his back where the lyrium markings from his neck met the ones coming from his shoulders. He put his hand on hers thinking why wasn't anything simple with them.
She pressed his fingers gently to get his attention. He turned his face slightly finding her eyes peeking from his shoulder. "Weren't you going to ask me something?" her impish tone let him know she had recovered her spirits.
"I kind of already did" he half smiled.
"Ask me"
The blush was returning, this time more powerful. "Do I have to?"
"How else do you plan getting my answer?"
His throat felt suddenly extremely dry, his palms were sweaty and that awful blush was making his ears really hot but he needed that answer. Taking a reassuring breathe, he turned to face her completely.
"Marian" he took her hand and placing the ring just above her finger "will you be my wife?"
She barely nodded before she pulled him into a kiss.
"Answer me" he pleaded against her lips.
"Yes" she replied between kisses and giggles.
He finally took her hand again and placed the ring. "I'm glad you accepted, because carrying you on my shoulder or dragging you to the Chantry would have resulted in unnecessary questioning."
She took a step back and narrowed her eyes "you wouldn't dare."
"Don't tempt me woman."
At the end of that day he did end up carrying a kicking and giggling Hawke on his shoulder but it certainly was not to take her to the Chantry.