A Tribute To Yami-Yugi, The Pharaoh Atemu, And His Lost Light
Me: Yeah, I know, it's another one-shot, not another proper update… well, here's the deal: I'm pulling a Shadow and promising an update once a month. That's fair, right? Well, this month's a double-or-triple feature. I already posted DeDe, and this is another one-shot. I'm also hoping to get in a new chapter of Ancient Times, planning on getting that done before summer ends. (Sorry John! Can't describe how busy I've been!) Also, expect at least monthly updates of Combined Silence, the fic I'm working on with Shadow over Egypt (on her site). Make a note of it, don't expect me on often. My dad's blocked it on our main computer, which is why I'm never on anymore! (cries) Well anywhoosle, next month expect to see a new fic, one that I hope will become a favorite. (I haven't decided between The Hunted and The Lookout yet… descriptions on my profile, check it out and tell me which you want!)
Summary: In all reality, Yami left Yugi, just as Yugi was finally accustomed to the weight of being the Pharaoh's host. Guess no one figured how "free" things got once he was gone…
Warnings: Dark. Cynical. Language is bad. A side not typically seen of Yugi Motou. Shall we say reminiscent of Cynicism and Insomnia by Shadow dearest?
Disclaimer: Hikari Daeron does not own Yu-Gi-Oh! or any of its characters.
It's so very dark nowadays…
Funny, how you expect that once someone with the name of Darkness is gone from your life, everything will lighten. After all, wasn't I the hikari, the Light? So without Darkness, shouldn't the only thing penetrating my site be the Light?
It's so, so dark without you…A laugh bubbles in my throat. A harsh cackle escapes me before I can cap it. It's all so fucking funny right now…
Did you think this would happen when you left me, Yami? Did you think that without the burden of being your host I would be happier? Did you think that the moment you left, I could return to normal? Huh?! Did you?!
Did you think that the moment I was free, I would suddenly want you back? Did you think for a fucking minute that I needed you?
The darkness if overbearing, Yami… it takes over… it calls, it binds, it promises, it lies. And yet… it's so addicting. Without it, can the Light survive?
Another chuckle starts to form, but I cough it out. I begin to wheeze, doubled-over, clawing at my throat. At last, it stops, and I sit up, a smile creeping up on my face.
I'm still here, Yami… did you think you could escape me for long? Where are you Yami? Are you still here? You promised me that you'd never leave… that my memories were enough. So then why did you disappear? I watched you. You slipped through my fingers and disappeared through that stupid, stupid doorway. Why? Because Shadi told you to…
I press my fingers into my wrist and feel a dull throb. I press ever harder, until finally, the pain wells up and then recedes, repeating the roller coaster process. Curious, I press my fingers to my lips and lick them. A dull, coppery taste floods my mouth. I shudder.
Look what you've reduced me to, Yami… without you, I'm left in the dark… you leaving me didn't make my life easier, it made it harder. Did you ever think of that, Yami? Or was your selfish mind only worried about going to beddy-bye? Did you ever think about me for a fucking second, Yami? Or was Your Royal Highness only concerned about getting His Will taken care of? You forget Yami… we're not in Ancient Egypt anymore, and your reign as Pharaoh is over
This time the maniacal laugh fills the small space around me. I croon, rocking back and forth, letting the air hover with my cackles and screams.
WHY DON'T YOU EVER FUCKING ANSWER ME ANYMORE, YAMI?! YOU THINK I'M CRAZY TOO?? WILL YOU AVOID ME AS ALL THE REST HAVE?? Oh yes…the so-called gang, the "geek squad", "Yugi-tachi" has long disbanded… who wants to be associated with a depressed little half-pint anyway? Everyone's gone… they all think I'm a psychopath… do you think I'm crazy too, Yami? Do you think I've turned into Bakura? Poor Ryou was driven mad too… but he went crazy because of his yami. I've turned loony because of my lack of one…
I raise the object and poke it into my wrist again before taking it out and throwing it carelessly in a corner. I slowly run my tongue up my sweaty forearm, starting from the elbow. I lick the salty perspiration and metallic-tasting liquid off my fingertips, sucking on them oh-so-delicately. I chuckle again and run my nails between my teeth.
The itsy-bitsy spider went up the waterspout…
Yami left me three months ago. Three months I have been caught on the fine line between sane and insane. Three months I have teetered, trying to find reason in the madness I'm stuck in.
Down came the rain and washed the spider out…
Three months ago, my friends started avoiding me. The dream team disbanded. Yugi-tachi was no longer a tachi, least of all belonging to Yugi. Not even the great Seto Kaiba would associate himself with a lunatic.
Out came the sun and dried up all the rain…
I've been caught in the dusk of my life for three months. The sun will not shine on a person who has forsaken it. Why would the Light return to its original host, now that the host rejects the gift it has been given?
Ah, but is it a gift, or a burden…?
And the itsy-bitsy spider went up the spout again…
Once upon a time, I was not normal, but I was happy. Now, I do not know the meaning of the word.
What about you, Yami? You happy, wherever the hell you are? Have you at last found Paradise? Are you ruling over that, as you ruled over our lives? Or do you find it not to your liking, Majesty? Maybe you want to come back to the Land of the Living? Here, at least, you're King of Games. And we all know how people… worship that title.
Hehehe… was a delicious irony this is. Wasn't I the peppy one of the group? The "go-get 'em" leader, the inspiration, hope, and source of confidence? Wasn't everything about me?
No… no, even then, it was all for you, Yami… even then, I wasn't center-stage, you were… is this how Bakura's always felt? Huh… never thought I'd sympathize with a madman, Yami. But then again… I guess it's what I've become. Yami, do you drive everyone mad? Everyone who's ever cared about you – have they gone loopy? Huh Yami?
Hahaha… have I gone mad? Am I loony? Are you scared of me, Yami? Do you want to run away? Run away birdy, fly on home. Your mother's left you and no one's home. Go on Yami… run, run while you still can…
Huh… why haven't you asked me yet, Yami? Why haven't you asked why I keep calling you Yami? After all, wasn't that what this was all about? Your name, your memories? The fact that you didn't remember shit, that you didn't even know your own fucking name? Well guess what Yami… you're not Atemu, you'll never be Atemu… I'm fucking King Atemu the Pharaoh. I fucking ruled over Egypt…
A chuckle escapes me again, and the maniacal laughter begins again. I bury my tongue in my wrist.
Wouldn't that be a fucking riot, Yami, if I ruled over Egypt? Imagine, having a nutter for Pharaoh… ALL HAIL KING LOONY THE PHARAOH!! BOW DOWN FOR THE KING OF INSANITY! Maybe I could get Ryou to help… after all, isn't he crazy too, Yami?
Hickory, DICKORY, dock, Yami. The mouse ran UP the clock… the clock struck ONE… why did it strike one, Yami? Why not some other hour? Why not midnight? Why one? Huh, Yami? Did you tell him to go to one? … And down he run… Hickory. Dickory. DOCK.
I rock slowly, back and forth, back and forth. My breaths come in shuddery gasps and halts. I feel suddenly devoid of energy. I wrap my arms around me, the cold acute to my near-naked skin. Despite my surroundings, my blood is surprisingly warm.
Who'd have thought that I missed you so much, Yami, that I'd go through such great lengths to get you back again? Who'd have thought that I'd go through any lengths to get you back, Yami? Certainly not my former friends, Yami. They don't care any more, Yami. And it's all because of you. But that's okay. It's going to be all right, Yami. So don't you cry no more, Yami. Don't you cry none. Because I'm going to be with you very soon, Yami.
The room starts to spin. A bubble of mirth escapes me as I feel the floor ebb away.
Don't cry like I did Yami… Don't you cry now. Don't waste those precious tears on little old me, Yami. You're an angel, a God-born, Yami. You're a Pharaoh, and a True King. So don't you worry yourself over me, Yami. I'm going to visit you soon, Yami. Very soon…
My eyes lose focus…
It's so very dark where I am, Yami. And I don't really like the dark. Or the light. No, I like the Shadows… let's go to the Shadows, Yami.
Suddenly I'm much too cold… I lose grip on myself…
Don't worry about a thing, Yami. When I'm gone, they'll be no trace…
For I'm the sole survivor…
No more.
Me: Don't say I didn't warn you! This is what comes of late-night rablings.