Storywide Disclaimer: I don't own South Park, I'm just writing this story.

Chapter One-

Eric

Two months later and he still didn't know what he was supposed to do with himself.

"Eric you are going to school today!"

Eric Theodore Cartman looked up from his frosted flakes, uncomprehending. His mother was glaring at him, arms crossed and looking every bit the responsible authority figure that she normally wasn't. He knew that she had been lecturing him for the past fifteen minutes but his brain had drifted elsewhere after the first two. What was she on about?

"Why would I want to do something like that?" the fourteen year old asked. He had finally stopped going to school altogether four days ago and while he couldn't really say he felt better for it, he at least felt like the walls weren't closing in on him. At home he didn't have to endure everyone pointedly steering clear of him. At home he didn't have to deal with Kyle's obvious joy that his life was in shambles and there was nothing he could do to fix it. There wasn't any classwork to stress over and there certainly was a lack of Heidi refusing to look him in the eye. In his room under his blankets Eric could sleep or watch something on one of his apps, maybe play a game. It was almost as if reality was put on hold.

"You want to do something like that because if you don't you'll fail eighth grade! You won't get to go to high school next year with your friends!" Eric's mom snapped.

"Oh no." that concept would be a lot worse if Eric actually had a friend or two to go to high school with. His mother picked up the sarcasm in his voice and sighed, looking exhausted. Eric saw her slumped form and felt a twinge of pity. There was sympathy in her voice when she started up again.

"Eric I know you've been sad lately and school has been hard-"

Eric snorted.

"-but I am your mother and if I say go to school that means you'll be going to school!" The sympathy abruptly vanished and Liane Cartman now had that dangerous frown on that warned she was not to be messed with on this matter.

Eric didn't respond, choosing instead to take a long sip of orange juice. After four days of relative peace he was not going back to the current hellhole that was South Park Middle School. If his mom kept on bitching then he would eventually just pretend to give in and then go off to the park for the day. It wasn't an exciting prospect but it was all he could think to do if he wasn't in the house.

"Eric you can either go to school on your own or I can force you to go to school and when you get home your room will be completely empty!"

"What a threat." Eric looked at his mom with raised eyebrows, voice bitter "It's almost as if I've never had to deal with having no electronics before. Like I haven't ever been taken out into the woods and forced to watch my favorite things get smashed right in front of me."

His heart clenched, he shouldn't have brought that up. It was that event that lead Heidi to him after all and he was doing his best to block anything Heidi related out.

Which wasn't working.

"Eric!"

"Okay. Fine. I'll go to school. Christ." Eric stood up, giving his mom a glare for good measure. Gotta make it believable after all. Make her think that she's won the battle so she'll get off his case in the future.

"Good." Liane nodded with a smile "and to make sure you actually go to school and not just sneak off to the park I asked one of your little friend's parents to car pool!"

The glare morphed into shocked horror "You did wh-"

The doorbell rang, cutting Eric off.

"That must be them! Go ahead and get ready for class sweetums."

She rushed off to go get the door and Eric stood staring after her, dumbstruck. An all too familiar, boisterous voice filled the room.

"No need for thanks Liane! I'm all to happy to drive Eric to school! Bubbie was very excited when he heard, although that might have been because he hates riding the bus."

Sheila Broflovski.

Kyle.

Eric sped out into the living room, plea on his lips. He didn't want to go to school and he did not want to go to school with Kyle of all people. But any sort of plea or bargain died as soon as his mother looked at him, steely resolve in her eyes. 'You aren't getting out of this, her eyes said, 'I don't trust you.'

"So you totally believe me?"

She took his hands in hers, giving them a reassuring squeeze to ease his panic. "You've never given me a reason not to believe you, babe." Heidi said with a smile.

'Mom please!' Eric could beg with his eyes just fine even if his throat refused to work. Whether it was because of his mother or because of his memory of a time where Heidi trusted him, which refused to be shoved down, he couldn't say.

'Sorry honey,' Liane's eyes softened for just a moment before hardening again, 'But this is final.'

Eric looked from his determined mother to the oblivious Sheila to a very relaxed looking Kyle before spinning around and stomping up the stairs.

"Oh me?" Kyle's voice drifted behind him about halfway up "I'm having a wonderful morning Ms. Cartman thanks for asking."

SP

"So Eric, Kyle tells me you've been having a rough time lately?"

Eric sat in the back seat of the Broflovski Lincoln Navigator, black hood pulled up and eyes trained firmly on his knees. He'd been that way for the entire ride so far, doing his best to ignore both of the other occupants. Of course Kyle had told his mother about Eric's woes. Kyle always got chatty and enthusiastic whenever something particularly bad happened to his archenemy. From losing Cartmanland to getting aids, one thing that always put some pep in Kyle's step was Eric getting 'his just desserts'. Eric would admit to acting in a very similar way in the past. Kyle's suffering had always been something enjoyable to him. Maybe it was hypocritical, well no not maybe there was no way it wasn't, but Eric just couldn't help but hate Kyle's attitude. The smug satisfaction, the cheap shots, the way he was all over Heidi all the damn time hoping to get into her-

"Eric?"

Eric looked up into the rear view mirror, forcing down the rage that always seemed to be close at hand lately. Kyle's mother actually looked concerned for his well being. That was odd. Eric had always been under the impression that Sheila hated him just like half of the other parents. If not more considering who her son was and what Eric thought about her religion.

Used to think damn it! Eric mentally scolded himself. He was trying not to be that kind of person anymore.

Which was easier said than done when half the time his anger told him to slam Kyle's face into the ground until he stopped breathing.

"I'm hanging in there ma'am." Eric replied in what he hoped was a clear, even voice.

"Are you sure?" the older woman didn't seem to believe him "You were shaking just now."

"Okay okay maybe I do feel a little under the weather today." Eric amended. No more thinking about Kyle and the way he was acting. If Kyle wanted to be happy that a person who spent his entire life being mean to him was finally facing punishment then fine. If Kyle wanted to date Heidi Turner that was fine too. Really. He just needed to focus on himself and his own well being. He could do that! Sure he's been utterly failing at doing that over the last two months but he'd get the hang of it eventually! Kyle was justified! Kyle had the moral high ground! Eric just had to remember that and it should keep that red hot rage in check!

"Not just today, you've been looking kinda sickly for a while now." Kyle piped up. Eric made a conscious effort not to move. His fists wanted to clench themselves around the other boy's throat. Jesus even so much as hearing his voice was getting to him right now!

Deep breaths. Come on. You can do this.

"I'm sure you and that girl will work things out Eric." Sheila said in an encouraging tone of voice "You used to look so happy together, all of the parents noticed. You were suddenly so pleasant and she was positively glowing all of the time!"

"I dunno mom," Kyle replied in an innocent tone "Eric really messed things up there at the end. It might just be time to move on..."

Screw it.

"It might just be time for you to shut the fu-"

"Oh look!" Sheila knew a fight about to happen when she saw one "We're here!"

She slowed down to a stop, right in front of the school. South Park Middle looked almost identical to South Park Elementary. Eric had it on good authority that South Park High looked about the same as well. It was clear that a cost cutting measure had been put into place somewhere or another.

Eric and Kyle got out of the car, Kyle saying goodbyes to his mother and Eric storming towards the building. Sheila wouldn't actually leave until Eric walked into the school, he assumed, and if he wasn't in class he had no doubt Kyle would pass his absence along to his mom just to make sure Eric got into trouble.

He really had no choice but to go to school. The thought made his insides twist painfully.

The hallways were flooded with students going about their business, getting ready for the day. Eric weaved through them as best he could, moving toward his locker that of course was as far away from the entrance as it could possibly be. No one tried to stop him, those that saw him coming either ignored him or moved out of his way. He knew he looked angry, dangerous even.

He didn't care.

Out of all the people in South Park how dare his mother make him go to school with the Broflovski's?! Until further notice?! She knew he hated them! He had been very obvious with his complete and utter disdain for the whole lot of them for years! Sure it might seem to the untrained eye like things had cooled down over the last several weeks. He could barely find the energy to so much as get out of bed each day much less rip on Kyle, but the hate was still there! Years of dislike did not just magically vanish overnight! If he was being honest things were worse than they've ever been between them! Eric finally reached his little green locker and spun in the combination. It took a few tries, it was hard to focus on something other than his fury at the moment, but eventually he wrenched it open.

His books and papers spilled out all over the floor.

"Come ON!"

Everything was getting everywhere and no one bothered to stop walking to help him pick it up. Sure they hated him, he could understand that, but did they have to step on his English notes?!

Eric desperately tried not to think about how he himself, just three months ago, would have stepped on someone's English notes. On purpose. Heck he would have changed course for the sole purpose of taking a good stomp on the important looking papers.

Abruptly the anger was switched out with bitterness. That damn melancholy feeling that had been plaguing him just as much as the hatred.

He deserved this. The Kyle, the cold shoulder, the everything. He had been a terrible human being. Even worse he never would have even given it half of a thought if Heidi hadn't dropped him for good. Even when trying to change he was selfish. Trying to change, hah! He wasn't trying to change! He was wallowing in his own self loathing, throwing himself a pity party while trying not to let his negativity get too out of control. He was still a terrible human being and there was nothing he could do about it. Eric crawled around pulling the messy pile of papers, folders and books towards him, looking up at just the right time...

...to catch her eye.

For the first time in two months Eric Cartman and Heidi Turner looked each other in the eye.

It had taken Heidi a week to gain enough weight to look similar to him and it had taken her over a month to lose it all again. But she had, Heidi was looking normal again, her ash brown hair clean and soft looking, skin unblemished, eyes kind. Any edge, any hardness she had gained after his gaslighting was gone, leaving only the true Heidi behind. She was also holding his crumpled English notes.

Eric wanted to say hi, he opened his mouth to, but the word refused to come. His throat was clogged, his eyes were burning. Were those tears? No! Absolutely not! This was the first time she had looked at him in what felt like eternity and he wasn't going to cry over it! Eric Theodore Cartman did not cry over small things like girls! He had lost everything else but damn it he wasn't going to lose this! He wouldn't!

"You've crashed." Heidi said softly.

His vision actually blurred. He had missed her voice. He was so pathetic that he had actually missed her voice.

"I'm..I'm not." he forced the denial out "I'm fine. Never better. I'm still the same old Cartman! ahahaha."

Heidi shook her head, holding out the notes "Is the first thing you say to me in two months really going to be another lie?"

Eric took the papers, noticing the shakiness of his hands. This had started because of a lie. He had brought her to spacex because of a lie he told in a desperate moment, then Butters riled him up and then he spent the rest of the year apathetic only to clamp down on Heidi when she tried to leave him. Lies destroyed them and yet Eric would run to the apparent safety they provided at the drop of a hat.

A few moments passed. Heidi looking at Eric, seemingly looking into him.

"I guess some things never change." Heidi smiled sadly "You're in pain and even now I hate that. Even after everything that happened a part of me wants to help you."

"..But?" Eric hated that he couldn't keep the tremble out of his voice.

"You already know why I can't." Heidi replied simply.

Eric nodded. He knew. She sympathized with him because Heidi Turner was a wonderful human being. But she had limits and there was no way she was going to put herself into another horrible situation trying to help him. She had learned her lesson and that was why she did her best to avoid him. Eric could see that. He could see why. But that didn't mean it didn't hurt. Oh god did it hurt.

"I'll change." the promise, which came out sounding more like a plea, came out before he could stop it "I'll be something better."

"I hope you do." Heidi turned away "Not for me, but because if you change then I know you'll be happier."

"I'd be happier with you." his mouth moving without his brain's permission was getting old. Really, really old.

Heidi didn't respond, she just started to walk, away from him and down the hallway, towards Kyle.

"Heidi!" Eric surged forward, wanting to apologize. In all this time he had never actually apologized. It felt like all of the sudden apologizing to Heidi Turner was the single most important thing in the world to him. "Heidi wait!"

Heidi did not wait, she just kept walking. She greeted Kyle and they started to talk, relaxed and casual. Kyle looked over Heidi's shoulder and into Eric's wide, teary eyes.

He could see him, looking out his window with wide teary eyes as Heidi walked away from him and over to where she belonged. Eric met Kyle's shocked, sorrowful gaze as he took Heidi's hand into his own. Eric smirked, making damn sure Kyle knew that in this moment, this shining wonderful moment, Eric Cartman had truly won.

Kyle smirked, giving Heidi a quick and friendly good morning hug. A hug she returned. A hug that might not be platonic for much longer if Kyle had his way.

In this moment, in this bleak and terrible moment Eric Cartman had lost.

Not to Kyle, no matter how antagonistic he seemed. But to himself. That was the thing that ground his soul into mist.

He had done this all to himself.