There are three outfits laid out across my canopy bed. The first one says that I'm girly, sweet and cool. The second one says that I am cool and confident. The third, quirky and cool. Usually I am great with fashion. But today I am so nervous about the first day of high school my mind just can't clear. First impressions count they always do. I no longer want to be the loser girl with a troubled background. I want to be the cool, inspired, popular girl that everyone adores.
"Pick the end one" My twin sister Cath shouts across the room where she is once again typing on that cursed laptop of hers.
"Are you sure Cath" I reply, "I just don't want to stand out too much on the first day."
"Of course you will stand out! You're pretty, kind, cool, zesty and I nearly forgot. A complete nerd."
"Be serious Cath." I counter "and zesty. Really. Zesty!"
"It's true though. You are a nerd. A complete and utter geek."
"Yeah right."
"Deep down you too are in love with Simon and Baz."
"Whatever" I say. My sister is nuts about Simon and Baz, and their magical adventures. She even writes stories about them and seriously, people love them. Cath is an amazing writer and she is right. I am a geek when it comes to my sister, Simon and Baz.
"I think I'll wear the first outfit." I decide.
My twin just nods. She is lost now into the world of Simon and Baz. It's like her own sanctuary. A place where she can escape and I admit I am jealous. Who wouldn't love their own magical world? Slowly her typing ceases and she looks up.
"Wren?'
"Yeah"
"Are you…"
"Definitely"
"It's just…"
"I know" I say "Cath?"
"Yeah"
"Everything is going to be okay" I remind her.
"How do you know?"
"I don't"
And that is completely true. I don't know whether everything will be okay. I don't know if dad will become crazy again. I don't know if Cath will be able to handle the social pressure of high school, and I don't know if I will go off the rails again.
"We can only hope" I tell her.
A yell from down stairs grabs both of our attention and the moment is lost. Cath is already sprinting down the stairs and I follow her lead, the outfits and laptop lying forgotten on our beds. When we make it down to the living room our dad is dancing around yelling at the top his voice.
"MY GORGEOUS GIRLS!" He shouts in a sing song voice grabbing Cath's hands and whirling her in circles.
"I have done it" he continues, "I have found the perfect idea to wow the people of the world into buying Cheesos."
"Of course you did!" Cath tells him, "You're amazing. Crazy. But amazing."
I nod my head numbly in agreement, wondering just how crazy my dad is. His eyes normally twinkle with creativity, but today they are blazing. I cross my fingers hoping that this is nothing. Hoping that they will be twinkling tomorrow not blazing with insanity. No matter how hard I try to shake away the feeling it stays, weighing down my shoulders. The feeling of anxiety, it is forever tinting my life, but I can't help hoping that this time will be different.
That night while I lie in bed stressing about tomorrow, my twin sneaks up. She hovers at the end of my bed, her whole body shaking.
"Wren? You awake." She chokes
"Yeah"
"Any room for one more?"
"Always" I answer
She lowers herself beside me and I wrap an arm around her, using the other one to wipe away her tears.
"Why are you hiding behind tears" I ask her
Cath just sighs. Sometimes you don't need to say anything to be understood. This was one of those times. Slowly, side by side our breathing grows heavy and we drift to sleep.