Disclaimer: Only the fic is mine.

AN: I can honestly say I'm still devastated over Barba's leaving, I originally thought of some of this story for after Gone Baby Gone, but the muse wasn't playing nice. Unbeated.

Had it only been just a few hours?

Barba was no longer ADA for the special victims unit, he had kissed her on the forehead and then walked off.

My world was black and white, you slowly wormed your way into that world, and then there were colors. His words repeated in her head over and over again.

Olivia Benson sat on the couch in her apartment, how many nights had the two of them sat on this very couch preparing for court hearings? Or sometimes just talking.

If only she hadn't called him to take this case.

Was he gone forever?

Would he be another in a long line to leave her life forever?

She had had Noah to keep her occupied but he was now sleeping, these last four weeks had been draining, Noah's abduction and now Rafael.

At that moment she craved some alcohol, it had been a long time since she had drank.

She had nearly become an alcoholic, but her relationship with Ed Tucker had been what had stopped it. He had seen her drinking and helped her realize she had a problem.

Her former captain Donald Craegen had been her sponsor as she had attended some meetings.

She was thinking about calling someone, Fin, Munch, as she thought about who to call,she was grateful for the number of people still in her life.

Just then a knock came from her door and Olivia slowly walked to the peephole so she could see who it was.

Her heart was pounding, the legacy of William Lewis was forever present, and she could no longer be fully secure in what used to be safe spaces.

Shook and relief filled her when she saw Rafael standing there.

Olivia unlocked and opened the door in record time, "Rafa?" She whispered. The nickname had only come recently but felt so right.

"I wasn't sure if I'd be welcome...but I just couldn't stay away..."

She wasn't sure who moved first but they were in each others arms, their bodies shaking as they both cried silently.

How they made it inside and to her couch she didn't remember.

"I was afraid I'd never see you again," She whispered.

"I could never walk out on you forever, I'm not him, Liv."

"I should never have called you to take the case..."

"I'm a big boy Liv, I could've said no, every choice I made I knew what I was doing."

"Uncle Rafa!" Noah's happy voice startled them both and he ran to them, his blue eyes filled with happiness.

"What's wrong?" He no doubt saw their red eyes.

"We're fine sweet boy, just a stressful day, why are you up?"

"Can't sleep, can uncle Rafa read to me?"

Rafael smiled, "I'd love to."

He read Noah's favorite book and he quickly fell asleep, Liv carried him to bed and tucked him in.

She rejoined Rafael on the couch, "I never thought I'd love being around kids, but he's just like his mom, able to worm his way in."

Olivia took a breath, "So you really meant...?"

"Yes," Rafael replied sincerely, "I only truly began living when you entered my life, you challenged my definition of orderly, and you drive me crazy so many times."

He took a breath, "I fell in love...if you..."

Olivia cut him off by kissing him, he stiffened briefly in shock and then kissed her just as tenderly, just as eagerly.

They finally broke apart for air, "I love you to, Rafa, whatever you decide to do next, and I'll support you."

They shared a few more kisses and simply held each other.

That invisible line between them had been crossed but they didn't have to worry about any conflict of interest.

And soon they fell asleep in each other's arms.

***
AN2: Sorry if this seemed all over the place, Barba's leaving is just so awful, but fanfic has been helping a bit.