AN: I randomly came up with the idea of Ruby becoming a rebellious, edgy edgelord and decided to write it into a horrible fanfiction. I regret nothing. Warning: This is a crackfic, and everyone is very out of character. If that isn't your cup of tea, you probably won't want to read this. It also contains some sexual content, although nothing explicit, so I think it can still be rated T.
Today was yet another of Dia's lessons in manners.
"You see, Ruby, you must make every bite of food the exact same size. Otherwise, you will appear to be a savage, eating disproportionately sized bites."
Ruby took notes as her sister continued lecturing.
"I have discovered the perfect formula for dividing your meal into equal portions. First..."
As Dia was speaking, Ruby raised her hand.
"Onee-chan, I'm tired of learning things today. You've been teaching me table-side manners every day for the past month, and I just want to go have fun outside!"
"I'm sorry, but these lessons are for your own good. If you don't have a responsible teacher like me to guide you through life, then you might turn out like Yoshiko-chan!"
"It's Yohane!" explained the fallen angel, suddenly jumping through the doorway.
"What are you doing in our house?" questioned Dia. "And were you eavesdropping on us?"
"I think the real question is, why are you so full of shit?!"
Dia gasped. "Don't use such vulgar language in front of my sister!"
"No, she needs to hear this! You've been babying Ruby for her entire life, and it's about time for a change! She is going to be my little demon, overthrowing your corrupt order! Aren't you with me, Ruby-chan?"
"Don't be silly, Ruby is a good Christian girl that is responsible enough to resist your evil, unholy values."
Ruby was previously silent, but was now being pressured to make a decision. "I-I'm..."
"Come on, little demon. Join the dark side! I can teach you my ways, the way of the edge!"
"I'm sorry, Onee-chan, but Yoshiko-chan is right!" Dia gasped at her little sister's decision, as Yohane corrected Ruby's word choice.
"Ruby, why are you-?"
"No, I've had enough! You can...you can..." Ruby walked over to Yoshiko and started whispering into her ear. "What should I tell her she can do?"
"Tell her to go fuck herself."
"B-but...Onee-chan told me that curse words are evil and made by Satan!"
"Don't you want to rebel against Dia? This is your first lesson in the ways of the edge!"
"I can't, I'm too scared!"
"Do it!" exclaimed Yohane like Emperor Palpatine.
Ruby gulped, knowing what she had to do. "Dia, you can go fuck yourself! I'm so fucking tired of you being such a bitch all of the time, now get the fuck out of my life you shithead!"
Dia was so shocked at her little sister's profane outburst that she fainted as Yohane and Ruby ran away.
"I can't believe I just said that to my sister, I've never done anything like that before!"
"I am very proud of you, my demon protégé. You have already exceeded my Satanic expectations. But you still have a long way to go before you have truly mastered the edge. It may take days, weeks, months, maybe even years until you become as edgy of an edgelord as me. Are you up for the challenge?"
"Yes! Dia is always bossing me around, and this is the way of showing her that I'm not the innocent little girl she believes."
The duo soon arrived at Yoshiko's house for the training in the way of the edge.
"First, you must decide a new name to call yourself, as I did when I ascended into my identity as Yohane. Do you have any ideas?"
"In fact, I already have a name picked out! I will be known as...Obsidian, the edgiest of rocks!"
"Oh my Satan, that is perfect! Only a true edgelord could come up with such an edgy name! Now that you've gotten a new identity, you will need some new clothes that will be much more fitting for a little demon such as yourself."
"Yes, Yohane-chan!"
And so "Obsidian" learned how to be goth, listening to edgy American music like Linkin Park and giving double middle fingers to the preps.
Meanwhile, Dia was freaking out about her sister's sudden rebellion. "Oh shit oh shit oh shit where did I go wrong?! Ruby used to be so nice to me AND NOW SHE'S GONE! And I can't believe Yoshiko was the one to drive her to this, I trusted that bitch! But first, I need to go apologize to Ruby, and hopefully she'll come back home and return to being a nice Christian girl."
But walking over to Yoshiko's house, she saw a terrible sight. Ruby was walking around outside, wearing HORRIBLE, SATANIC, AND REVEALING CLOTHING!
Ruby had her hair down and it had black streaks in it. She was wearing a black corset with matching lace around it and a black leather miniskirt, pink fishnets and black combat boots and had on black lipstick, white foundation, black eyeliner and red eye shadow like Ebony Dark'ness Dementia Raven Way.
"RUBY WHAT ARE YOU WEARING?!"
"My name isn't Ruby anymore, you fucking prep. My true name is...Obsidian! Now fuck off!" She flicked Dia off, who gasped.
"What's gotten into you?" she cried. "PLEASE COME BACK TO ME, I PROMISE I'LL BE NICE TO YOU!"
"Fuck that, I'm never going back to your preppy ways! I have been enlightened by Yohane in the way of the edge! I even worship Satan now, hail Satan!"
Dia ran away screaming, going to do what she always does when she's angry, rearranging every classroom in the school to make sure every desk is equally spaced apart.
The edgelord went back into Yohane's bedroom/Satan-summoning room. "Hey, I have a great idea of something we can do to rebel against Dia," said Ruby seductively, putting her hand on the fallen angel's leg.
Yoshiko was a bit disturbed by her student of edge coming on to her. "Uhhhhhhh I have to go to the bathroom."
Meanwhile, Dia called together the rest of Aqours for an emergency meeting.
"I have called all of you here today because of a horrible event that just occurred. Ruby has...turned goth."
Everyone gasped. "What does goth mean, zura?" asked Hanamaru, eating a big Toblerone.
"It means that my perfect sister has turned into a HEATHEN just like Yoshiko!"
"That sounds really cool, zura! If Ruby's doing it, then maybe I should become goth, too!" The Japanese Amish girl ran out of the classroom, deciding to embrace the edge despite having no idea what that means.
Dis slammed her hand down on the table. "Great, we lost another member to Satan. Hopefully Hanamaru quits once she realizes what being goth entails."
"I definitely wouldn't have expected this out of Ruby," said Riko.
"Hopefully she's just going through a phase, just as most other teenagers do," replied Kanan.
Mari smirked, putting a hand on Dia's shoulder. "Like this neat freak phase you're going through right now!"
"BEING ORDERLY IS NOT A PHASE!" growled Dia, as cleanliness and organization are her favorite things, after Ruby, Jesus, the Holy Bible, and μ's.
"Anyway," she continued, "Ruby's new interest might lead to some problems for Aqours. She is now rebelling from all authority, as on her Twitter account, she said the government is "full of cock-sucking preps" and posted a rap cover of "Fuck the Police." Ruby could forever damage our reputation unless we quickly put a stop to this."
"Wait!" exclaimed Chika. "I think this whole thing might actually be for the best!"
"What are you talking about? There is nothing good about this!" replied Dia.
Chika smiled and jumped out of her chair, getting closer to the student council president. "Everyone, take a closer look at Dia-chan! Does she look like any certain character to anyone?"
Everyone got closer to Dia, before You had a realization. "Hey, Dia-chan looks just like Satsuki Kiryuin from Kill la Kill!"
Everyone gasped before nodding in agreement.
"I can't believe I never noticed this before," said Mari, starting to poke Dia's face.
"The resemblance is uncanny," agreed Kanan, also poking the now red-faced Dia
"That's what I'm saying," continued Chika. "Since Dia is Satsuki, and Ruby is now super edgy, that means that Ruby is actually Ryuko Matoi! Don't you see the connection? The possibilities are endless! We can all go to conventions cosplaying as Kill la Kill characters! This whole edgy Ruby thing is actually a blessing in disguise!"
"I'll start making the costumes!" yelled You.
"I have no idea why, but this crossover actually works," said Riko, starting to write erotic Aqours/Kill la Kill fanfiction.
"Everyone, this is not a joke!" exlaimed Dia. "Aqours is in danger! RUBY is in danger!" But it was no use, as everyone else had already left the room.
After leaving to go masturbate in the school bathroom, Riko got a phone call from Yoshiko. "Lily, I made a huge mistake!"
"You mean how you turned Ruby goth?"
"I thought it was a good idea at first, but now things are spiraling out of control! I'm pretty sure that Ruby-chan is coming on to me!"
"She is?! And do you at least like her?"
"I don't like her in that way, no. And there is one thing that is making this situation very complicated. Dia and I have secretly been sleeping together!"
"You WHAT?! B-but...how did this happen?"
"I guess I should start from the beginning. It was a few weeks ago, and we were having a sleepover at Ruby's. You and Ruby were asleep, but I was still up, performing Satanic rituals. Dia came in and told me to stop doing such sinful things and I started talking back to her. In anger, she did that irresistible wall slam thing, one thing led to another, and we got into my bed and started fucking."
"Wait, but the two of us were sharing a be-OH MY GOD!"
"Anyway, this turned into a reoccurring thing, and now we're friends with benefits."
"C-could you t-tell me about that first time again? But in extreme detail. P-please tell me everything."
"What's up with your voice? Your breathing is really heavy and-"
"I-I'm not doing anything weird, okay everything is normal right now I'm just going running right now and that's why my so breathing is so heavy okay okay right NOW GET BACK TO THE STORY!"
So Yoshiko continued her story as Riko made some questionable noises.
A few minutes later, Riko was finished "running."
"I'm just wondering, why did you turn Ruby goth in the first place?"
"I felt bad that Dia was being so controlling over Ruby and thought that she might need to rebel a little. But I went way overboard with turning her goth. I had so much power in my fallen angel hands, and it overcame me, just as how Lucifer was corrupted before being banished to hell. I taught her everything that I know about being edgy, and now she's a bigger edgelord than I am and wants to sleep with me! Only now have I realized the error in my ways. Please help me, Lily, for my little demon has turned into a monster!"
"Do you think that you could talk to Ruby and get her to go back?"
"No, it seems unlikely. Even a mighty fallen angel such as myself is powerless against the strongest edgelord."
"Then I guess your best bet is to go to Dia and apologize for everything."
Yoshiko sighed. "You're probably right. I'll head to the school and go talk to her."
Dia was angrily reorganizing the cards in a box of playing cards to the order it was in when first bought. "What kind of freak doesn't put all of the cards back into the right order every time after using them? Pathetic."
Yohane knocked on the door and stepped into the room.
"Heyyyy Dia-chan, sorry about this whole goth thing! I'd like for you to take Ruby back and forget this entire thing ever happened, kay?"
"You want me to forget? You corrupted my beloved sister! Are you seriously so dense that you think I'll forgive you?"
"Uh, yes?"
Dia's frown turned into an angry smile. "I won't forgive you so easily. You need to be punished for what you've done."
"Yes, please punish me, Master Dia. I deserve it, for I've been a naughty little demon."
Dia grabbed Yoshiko and threw her into a nearby supply closet, where they started to have sex on Riko's hidden porn collection.
But suddenly...You walked in!
"Wait, what are you two doing."
They both froze in horror. "Uhhhhhh," said Yoshiko. "We were just...our doctors told us to do this!"
"Yes," agreed Dia. "We can't disobey our doctor's orders! It's for our health!"
"Okay, cut the bullshit," said You. "I promise I won't tell anyone about this if...you let me join you!"
"Okay!" Dia and Yoshiko yelled in unison.
Later, You was now on her own, smiling evilly. "Little does anyone else know that this was my plan all along! Soon, everyone in Aqours will be part of my harem!"
To be continued!