you know where to find me (and I know where to find you) Chapter 1, a kingdom hearts fanfic

it's summer vacation, I've got my hat on backwards and I'm ready to fuckin party

let the record show that I have no idea what I'm doing. definitely a heavy WIP, I've got like...half of it planned out. I'm still working at the middle. but anyway!

so! kingdom hearts 3 happened. and uh...the nicest thing I can say is that I was very disappointed. at least the game was pretty. but we got what we got and this is me trying to deal with it. sorta.

I'll blabber some more in the end notes, but for now: take my hand. follow me here. I hope to god someone out there likes this. this is unbeta'd and I edited this on my own as best as I can.

Kairi knew she was dreaming, because she was back in that empty, pressed in by a darkness so thick not even her light could pierce it.

She felt shattered, broken into thousands of pieces, and her back throbbed with every faint breath she took. She couldn't see, couldn't move, and felt the overwhelming pressure of tears behind her eyes at the thought of staying in this cold darkness, broken, forever.

Kairi didn't know how long she was there, trapped in that oppressive dark; it could've been seconds, hours, days. She wanted to cry, wanted to scream and scream until her voice finally reached someone, but she felt the darkness press in on her at all sides, a vacuum, and knew no matter how much she hoped, no one would ever be able to reach her.

"Kairi!"

Suddenly, there was warmth. Suddenly, there was light, as warm, firm arms scooped her up from behind, broad hands folding over her middle and holding her tight. She could smell it, then – the warmth, dirt and sweat and blood. Kari looked down, somehow, and could see him, his warm brown hands, gritty with dirt and dried blood, laced over her belly.

Sora.

"Kairi!" She could practically hear the smile in his voice, the relief. "I finally found you!"

Yeah, she wanted to say, you found me, and she must have been crying by now, she had to be, but before she could even try and test her voice, the darkness that was crushing her shattered.

Light, bright, overwhelming, overcame her sight, blinding, and as Kairi opened her mouth to cry out at the sudden change, salt water filled her mouth.

Even blinded, she could recognize that taste, and Kairi opened her eyes to the blue, blue waters of Destiny Islands as Sora pulled his arms away from her middle, grabbing her hand to lead her to land.

They broke the surface of the water gasping, warm air brushing their faces, and Kairi blinked against the bright sunlight, trying to focus as Sora tugged her along to the shoreline.

There, jumping up from where he was sitting in the sand, was Riku, waiting there as if he knew they'd show up there all along.

As they stumbled forward, rushing to get to him, Riku waded into the waters and met them halfway, arms outstretched.

-o-

Kairi slowly blinked awake and stared out at the stars through her open window, paying no mind to the tears that slipped over the bridge of her nose.

At her back, Naminè sighed in her sleep, her shoulder blades pressing into her back as she slept. The contact made her back throb, pressing against the jagged, tender scar that stretched down her spine,but she ignored it, pushing back the covers.

Slowly, Kairi sat up, careful not to wake her, and blindly reached out towards her nightstand for her phone, grabbing her gummiphone at first before realizing her mistake and reaching for her regular phone instead. Squinting at the sudden brightness, Kairi rubbed at an eye while she checked the time, swiping at dry tear tracks.

Two in the morning.

And, after further investigation, Sora's birthday.

Kairi closed her eyes, feeling like she swallowed a rock, and two more tears slipped down her cheeks. Of course, of course it was; it had been the beginning of the new year when Xheanort had been defeated.

Three months, then, since that sham of a Keyblade War. Three months since Sora disappeared.

Kairi couldn't stay in bed anymore, wouldn't have been able to fall back to sleep after that dream regardless, and quietly slipped out of bed. She pulled on a pair of shoes and blindly grabbed a jacket before slipping out the window, silently landing on the ground, walking away from her home and feeling slightly guilty that she didn't leave a note. She didn't want to make Naminè worry, but she couldn't stay there.

For a while she walked, aimlessly, not really having a true destination before giving up and stealing one of the rowboats, heading to the play island.

She made a beeline for the tree -their tree – and sat on the curve of the thick trunk of the paopu tree, looking out at the moonlit waves of the sea.

That dream wasn't entirely a memory, not really – she could remember the dark, the pain and the empty, and Sora appearing like a beacon.

But they didn't return through the oceans of their home, throwing themselves into Riku's arms and tumbling back into the sea.

They were in the darkness one second and home the next, sitting on their paopu tree and looking out over the setting sun of Destiny Islands. She could hear everyone in the distance, playing, laughing. Safe.

Her hand was wrapped up in Sora's, and he squeezed it and smiled.

And then, between one blink and the next, he vanished, slipping through her fingers like smoke, and it was just her. Like he was never there.

Kairi felt sick at the memory, and wrapped her arms around herself, still looking out at the sea.

A scent wafted up from the jacket she wore, the potpourri that Sora's mother preferred still clinging to the jacket, and Kairi's stomach cramped up with grief.

The jacket was a little large for her, so she knew it was one that she'd stolen from one of her boys, before. Now, after the dream and the discovery of the date, this added reminder of her loss knocked the breath out of her.

"Kairi."

She looked up at the gentle call, and saw Riku heading towards her, dressed similarly to her in his pajamas, a jacket halfway zipped up his chest. He looked tired, dark shadows bruised under his eyes, but his stare was sharp and alert as he moved towards her.

Of course, it was Riku – Riku always reached her first.

On that day, when Sora faded away under her hands, voices began to raise on the beach, alarm echoing across the shore, but it was Riku that got to her first as she curled into herself, slipping off the tree and tumbling into his arms.

"What are you doing up?" She waved at the space in front of her, gesturing him to come closer, and he quickly moved into the space she made for him, leaning up against the trunk of the paopu tree between her knees.

Once he had settled, Kairi loosely hooked her ankles around his waist, reaching out to thread her fingers through his hair, gently combing through the strands.

"I couldn't really sleep," Riku murmured, muscles already beginning to relax under her hands. "I decided to take a walk around the islands, tire myself out a bit. And then I saw you."

"Ah." Kairi stayed quiet for a minute, focusing on the feel of Riku's hair sliding between her fingers. It was a little longer, now; Riku decided a couple months ago to grow his hair out of the botched haircut he received from fighting heartless in the Realm of Darkness.

(Sora had given him shit for days when Riku finally fessed up about how he got his surprise haircut, ribbing him for it any chance he got.)

It was so soft, as always, slipping through her fingers like silk, and Kairi absently began to twine a small braid together.

"…. I had a dream." She finally admitted, putting more attention than necessary in the braid she was making. "A dream about when I – when Sora found me, you know."

Riku said nothing, but she knew he was listening, one hand sliding up to loosely wrap around her ankle, grounding.

"It was the same, but it – it ended different. We ended up in the water instead of – you know. We ran to you."

Kairi finished off the braid and wished that she'd had one of her hair ties, knowing at this length the braid would slide apart before the night was over.

"I woke up and checked the time," she continued, her voice barely a whisper, "and I saw that today is Sora's birthday."

Riku stiffened at that and let go of her ankle to turn and stare up at her, his hands sliding up to cup the backs of her knees. Kairi adjusted to the change of position, placing her hands on his shoulders, just looking at him. His eyes were so sad. "Kairi –"

"Mmm. It's okay." Kairi gave him a smile, even though her voice was thick with tears, and her hands moved up to cup the sides of his neck. "We should do something for him. Today should be a happy day."

"…. Yeah. Okay." Riku's voice cracked a little, and Kairi leaned down to bump her forehead against his, paying no mind to the tears dripping off her chin. "What do you want to do? We should probably get a cake, of course. One of Sora's favorites."

"Definitely one of his favorites," Kairi agreed. "That chocolate cake, yeah?"

"With the strawberry icing." Riku huffed out a laugh, gently rubbing a thumb against Kairi's skin in comfort. "I never knew how he could eat that. It's way too much sugar for even me. We'll get a small one."

"Yeah. And then we'll go visit his parents. We haven't seen Jun and Aouli since – since we told them."

Kairi grimaced at that, and Riku winced right along with her.

Telling Sora's parents the altered story about his disappearance had been one of the worst days of their lives, right up there with Sora vanishing without a trace. Aouli had blinked at them, like he couldn't understand what he just heard, while Jun let out a breath like she'd been punched and sank down onto their couch.

"But…we can find him, right?" Aouli asked blankly. "He always…. he came back before. We just got him home. So he'll be home again. Right?"

Riku was speechless, and Kairi had started crying at this point, wringing her hands and shaking her head. "I'm sorry. I'm so sorry, I –"

"But he –" Jun's voice broke, and Riku started blinking rapidly, eyes quickly filling up as his hands curled into fists at his sides. "He has to come home, because we – because I didn't get to tell him –"

Sora's mother curled her hands into fists, gripping the fabric of her shirt over her middle, and that seemed to do it, her face collapsing in sadness as she curled over her lap, hands still gripping her belly.

It felt like Riku could see the memory play in her eyes, and he gave her a squeeze, bringing her back to the present. "Yeah, we can visit them. We'll split the cake and see how they're doing."

"We've gotta stay updated to let Sora know everything he missed, once we find him."

Riku paused at that, blinking, and when he reached up to wipe the tears from Kairi's cheeks, his smile was sad. "Yeah, you're right. We've got to stay on top of things."

His voice was so unhappy, and she couldn't take it, couldn't bear the thought of him starting to doubt now. She squeezed him, gently, but her tone was firm, "Riku. We're going to find him, of course we are. We've been working so hard, these last few months."

And they have, they have been working hard. Riku, traveling to every world they know Sora's been to, occasionally taking Kairi along, when she wasn't busy training. And she was almost always busy training, always studying, always working on her magic or her combat skills. When she wasn't studying or practicing magic in the Land of Departure with Aqua, she was sparring with Roxas or Xion in Twilight Town, or letting Riku spirit her away to other worlds, taking out any heartless that remain.

She will not let what happened to her during the war occur again. Kairi will make sure no one ever gets the drop on her like that again for as long as she lives.

Every mission that ended with them finding no hint of Sora broke their hearts a little, every time. But they won't give up on finding him. They couldn't. The idea of Sora, gone forever, eternally out of their reach after being apart for so long was unacceptable.

"We're going to find him, Riku," Kairi stressed, not looking away from him for a second. He had to understand, he had to. "We're going to find him, and then we're going to kick his ass for leaving us like this."

Riku huffed out a laugh at that, and some of the clouds cleared away from his eyes. "He really is going to get an earful for this one."

"He is! There's going to be a line halfway down the islands of people that want to yell at him for scaring us like that!"

They snickered at each other over the image, laughter that was quickly broken by Kairi's sudden yawn.

"Yeah, it is pretty late, isn't it." Riku pulled his phone out of his jacket pocket, checking the time, "wow, a little after three. Kai, we need to sleep."

"I don't wanna go back to sleep," she murmured. "Can't I stay with you?"

"We're too old for sleepovers now. What would our parents say?"

"That hasn't stopped us before and you know it."

Riku didn't bother to give a response, which meant she was absolutely right, but her smugness didn't stop him from tightening his grip on her knees and hefting her off the tree, leaving her to squeak in surprise and wrap her arms around his shoulders.

"We'll have a sleepover another day, then. Right now, I'm taking you back home." Riku hitched Kairi up to get a better hold, making her squeak again at the sudden movement, and began to head to the shore, where two rowboats were waiting, side by side.

"We'll have to leave one of the boats."

"Yeah. We'll grab it later, tomorrow." Riku gently lowered her into the boat before settling down himself and starting the short trip back to the main islands.

Halfway through the short trip, Kairi sighed, leaning over to the side of the boat. "I don't know if I'll be able to go back to sleep." Kairi softly admitted, folding her arms against the salt-stained wood as they gently rocked towards home. "I miss him, Riku. I miss him every second."

It took Riku a minute to speak, the only sound being the waves lapping against the boat, but when he finally did, it was whisper soft. "I miss him too, Kairi. Not having him here, with us…" He inhaled sharply, "it hurts."

The rowboat gently slid onto the shore, and Kairi crawled forward to place a hand on Riku's arm as he put the oars to the side, covering a hand over his eyes as if that would stop the traitor tears slipping down his cheeks.

Kairi quickly wiped them away, squirming into his space and winding her arms around him as tight as she could, pressing a fierce kiss into his temple. "We're going to get him back," she swore fiercely, "I swear, Riku, no matter what. We will." More tears poured out, and Kairi was tired. She was so tired of crying; she felt as though she'd cried oceans already, these past few months, but it never stopped.

"Okay." Riku's voice was thick with tears, and he gripped at Kairi, held onto the back of her jacket with tight fists. "No matter what. I know we will."

They stayed in that rowboat, clinging to each other until the sky turned pale with the dawn.

-o-

"Hey."

Kairi blearily stared up at the eternal sunset of Twilight Town, wondering for a second when she ended up on the ground. Her right side was throbbing, and she wondered if there was already a bruise; that's what she gets for doing this on no sleep, she supposes.

Her absent staring was quickly interrupted by Roxas, Keyblade stowed away as he placed his hands on his hips, a tiny wrinkle of concern between his brows.

"You haven't fallen for a move like that in weeks," Roxas said, holding out a hand to help her up. "Are you good?"

"Yeah," Kairi let the word out in a sigh, dispelling her Keyblade and accepting Roxas' hand, letting him pull her to her feet.

"I dunno, Kairi, you look kinda dead."

"Damn, Roxas, you sure know how to make a girl feel good."

"Well you do!"

"Roxas!" Xion piped up from where she was sitting with Naminè, sipping from her bottle of water, "Is Kairi alright?"

"Yeah, but I don't think we should spar anymore today!" he called back, "Kairi isn't feeling well!"

"I'm fine," she grumbled halfheartedly, letting Roxas lead her over to the benches where Xion and Naminè were sitting, watching as Roxas and Kairi sparred in the sandlot.

"You're not fine." Naminè said flatly, handing Kairi a bottle of water as she took a seat, "you came home so late last night, I doubt you got any sleep. I don't know why you tried to do any sparring today, you should rest."

Kairi made a face at her, and Naminè made a face right back, unrepentant at tattling on her.

"Kairi, spill." Roxas demanded, "You could've told us you were tired, we could've just hung out like normal. What's wrong?"

Biting her lip, Kairi rolled her water bottle between her palms, staring down at her lap and determinedly not looking at anyone.

"…. I had a dream." She finally admitted, "About Sora. And when I woke up, I saw that today's his birthday."

Roxas stiffened as Xion inhaled sharply, her face twisting in sadness, and Naminè reached out and pried one of Kairi's hands off the water bottle, lacing their fingers together. "Oh, Kairi…I never knew. I'm sorry."

"It's okay." Kairi squeezed her hand, smiling sadly, determined not to cry; she cried plenty last night. "We never said anything, so no one would've known."

"Are you doing okay? Is Riku okay?"

"Yeah…yeah, we're fine." Kairi looked up at Roxas, staring hard at the ground, still frozen stiff at the reminder of their loss, and placed her water bottle on the bench to free up her other hand. Leaning forward, she grabbed Roxas' hand in a loose hold, and gently squeezed until he was looking at her with wide brown eyes.

"I remember, before the war, Sora was telling us about the bistro here. That there was this little chef, and he made the most amazing fruit tart he ever had." Kairi smiled, and this time it wasn't as sad, "I was going to go to the bistro anyway, to see if I could get a cake made before I went to see Sora's parents, if I make it in time. We should split a tart and see if it's as good as Sora said."

"That's a good idea," Xion piped up, "we've got plenty of munny, we can do it. Roxas, we should."

"Lunch would probably be good, before Roxas takes us back home. We probably need it."

"I…yeah." Roxas' voice was quiet, and he squeezed Kairi's hand back, "yeah, we can do that."

Quiet, the four of them gathered up their things and headed towards the bistro, arms around each other like a small human chain.

Sora was right; the fruit tart was delicious.

-o-

"Okay, Riku said he's waiting for us?"

"At the play island," Kairi confirmed, tucking her phone into her pocket, juggling the small cake box in her other hand.

"And then you're going right to Sora's parents?"

"Yeah. I should have time, I wasn't gone for very long."

"Alright." Roxas adjusted his black coat, tugging on his gloves, "coats on, right? You ready?"

"Oh, just a second. Naminè, can you hold the cake?"

Naminè took the cake box from Kairi, holding it in her left hand as Kairi held her free hand, reaching out to grab Roxas' hand to make a chain. "Okay, now we're ready."

Roxas rolled his eyes, and with a wave of his hand, a dark, splotchy portal appeared, "I know you don't like this, Kairi, so hold tight; I'll go fast."

Kairi grit her teeth as Roxas tugged her and Naminè through the dark portal and closed her eyes as the bitter metallic taste of darkness coated her tongue. The cold inky spread of the darkness was repelled some by the Organization coats Xion and Lea let them borrow, which was a relief; if she had to travel through the portals without them, she'd be sick.

"Hey, you can open your eyes." Roxas gave her hand a squeeze, "We're here."

Her eyes slowly fluttered open, taking in the blue skies of home, the hush of waves hitting the shore, and Riku, who turned to them with a smile as they appeared.

"Welcome back," Riku said warmly. "That wasn't so long. Did you have a good time in Twilight Town?"

"Yes!" Kairi smiled as Riku helped her out of the Organization coat; it was Lea's, and was comically large on her, her frame practically drowning in it. "We went to the bistro for lunch and split a fruit tart. And I got the cake!"

Naminè stepped forward at the mention of the cake, placing the small box into Riku's hands so she could pull down the hood of her own borrowed Organization coat.

"Thanks, Naminè. Ready to go, Kairi?"

"Yeah." She smiled, and the gesture was a little strained, "I'm…I'm honestly a little nervous, to be honest. We didn't really -the last visit wasn't-"

Riku grabbed her hand, "Kairi. Don't worry too much. Aouli and Jun will be happy to see us. It'll be good for us to spend the day together, at least for a little while." He turned to Roxas and Naminè, "I'm sure Kairi's already told you our plans to see Sora's parents; do you want to come along?"

Naminè looked torn, but Roxas was already shaking his head, "thanks, but-but I don't think I'm ready for that, yet." He looked a little pained, and Riku nodded in understanding, "offer's always there, whenever you want it. I think they'd be happy to meet you."

Roxas nodded stiffly in thanks, "I think I'll just take Naminè home before I go, if that's alright." He offered a hand to Naminè, and she took it with a smile before turning to Kairi, concern in her eyes. "I'll see you when you get home. And Riku, make sure Kairi gets some rest; she tried to spar on little to no sleep while we were in Twilight Town, and it went as well as you'd expect."

"Naminè-!"

She stuck her tongue out at Kairi, definitely not sorry for, once again, tattling, before breaking out into giggles as Roxas tugged her into her freshly made getaway, the dark portal vanishing behind them in a blink.

Riku was at her back, and even then Kairi could still feel the disapproving stare Riku aimed at her and fumed silently. "Is this what having a younger sister is like?" she demanded. "Is this how it feels? 'Cause I don't like it."

"Don't ask me, I'm the only child. Kairi, you know you shouldn't have done any sparring."

She sighed loudly, exasperated, "I know, but I just –" she bit her lip, "I just don't want to get left behind."

It felt silly when she admitted it, but it didn't make it any less true; she's been working so hard to catch up to everyone, and even with all the progress she's made in the past few months, she feels like it's never enough.

"Kairi," Riku stepped closer to her, "it's alright to miss a day when you're not feeling well. If you try and make it happen anyway when you aren't at your best, you make more mistakes that way."

"Yeah, I know. I know, Riku." Kairi's shoulders slumped a little, "Sorry. If it makes you feel better, Roxas saw through me right away and called it."

"Good. Did you get hurt anywhere?"

"My side, but it's fine. Already Cured it."

Riku squinted at her for a minute, but eventually nodded in acceptance when Kairi just squinted back at him. "Alright, then. Let's head to Sora's."

"We'll get to be responsible and bring the other boat back to the main islands, at least."

Riku huffed a small laugh at that.

-o-

Aouli looked surprised to see them standing at the doorstep, eyes widening in shock. "Kairi? And Riku! What a nice surprise, we haven't seen you since – since, well."

He coughed, and the air only turned awkward for a second before he waved it away, stepping aside to give them space. "Come in, come on in! Jun is taking a quick walk, but she should be back any minute now. What do I owe you for this lovely visit?"

"Oh, well, we just wanted to check in and stuff since today's -uh. Um. Since today's –"

"We wanted to celebrate Sora's birthday with you two." Kairi cut in, stopping Riku's nervous stammering. "We brought you some cake. One of Sora's favorites."

Aouli's mouth dropped open a little as he stared at the small cake box, and a slight sheen of tears covered his eyes. "Oh," he croaked, "oh, I thought -I thought, well. It doesn't matter what I thought. Let's – let's wait 'till Jun comes back, and then we can cut the cake."

He smiled at them, and there were definitely tears in his eyes, and Kairi felt her eyes fill up in response. "Kairi, Riku…thank you. Thank you so much. This is wonderful."

Kairi quickly swiped at her eyes as the two of them were led to the kitchen, where Aouli quickly sat them down before setting a kettle up at the stove, beginning to make tea for the soon to be four of them.

"So, tell me how you two have been!" He prompted, turning back to face them when the kettle was on, leaning against the counter and crossing his arms. "It's been such a long time since we've seen you two. You doing well in school? And Kairi, when am I going to meet this sister of yours? And don't make that face, you know how quickly gossip spreads across the islands."

"Ah- well…" Kairi scratched at her cheek, "I did extend the invite to Naminè – that's my sister's name -but since today's…. since it's today, she asked for a raincheck instead. I'll bring her along next time I visit, I promise."

"Good, good." Aouli then turned his sharp eyes to Riku, who stiffened and sat straighter in his seat, "Don't think I've forgotten you, Riku. Is school going alright? How are your moms doing? Jun and I saw Nanami and Minato when we went shopping over the weekend, but we weren't able to talk long."

"They're good!" Riku perked up a little at the mention of his mothers, and smiled, "they're really happy I'm back home for good, after all the stuff from a couple years ago. I really scared them, after that storm. And school is fine; I'll be finishing up for good this year."

The high whistle of the kettle interrupted whatever Aouli was going to say, and he turned to attend to it, pouring three cups full of hot water, teabags already waiting. Kairi hopped up to grab the cream and sugar, having been over so many times she didn't need to ask for the location, and soon the three of them sat around the table with their tea, the scent of orange and bergamot wafting up to them.

"I'm happy for you, Riku." Aouli spooned a few spoonfuls of sugar into his tea, swirling the spoon around, "I know it was hard, getting back in the swing of things after such a long absence."

"…Yeah. It was. My moms helped a lot, though. And everyone was really understanding, so I…it was fine. I'm just proud I made it."

Aouli smiled, his eyes crinkling in the corners in a way that achingly reminded Kairi of Sora. From the distance, they heard the door open, and a voice call out, "I'm back!"

"Junie!" Aouli sprang to his feet, "Welcome home! You'll never believe it, guess who came to visit!"

"Is it your mother again? It better not, she was just here last week-" Sora's mother stepped into the kitchen and gasped softly when she saw Riku and Kairi sitting at the table. "Riku, Kairi –"

Kairi inhaled sharply as well, as her eyes zeroed in on the soft swell of Jun's stomach under her blouse. "Oh," she said weakly, looking back up to meet Jun's wide eyes, "we just, um -it's Sora's birthday so, we just, y'know -we have cake?"

"Ah," Aouli said quietly, "I forgot. We never got to tell you."

"Is that what you wanted to tell him?" Riku asked quietly, "What you wanted to tell Sora, before he -before he disappeared?"

Jun nodded, tucking a lock of hair behind her ear, "we'd found out a week before, that month, but could never get a minute to tell him. You three had been pretty scarce, at the time. And then…" She shrugged, helpless, "But -yeah. We're having a baby. Sora is going to be a big brother."

"Wow," Kairi breathed, and a smile tugged at her lips, "wow, I-Jun, Aouli, congratulations! We -you -let's have cake!" She blushed a little at her outburst, but kept going, "today is supposed to be a happy day! It's Sora's birthday, and you two are having a baby! This is wonderful!"

"Yeah, it really is," Riku agreed, a tiny smile on his face, "congratulations. That really is good news."

Jun's shoulders relaxed, and Kairi felt guilty at the thought that she ever needed to feel tense in the first place. She smiled, and Kairi got a reminder of who Sora got his bright smile from, "Thank you Kairi, Riku. I'm happy this baby will be surrounded by such good people."

All three of them soon realized that Jun was still standing in the doorway, and Aouli quickly poured her a cup of tea while Riku sprang up to escort Jun to the table, placing her in the empty seat next to Kairi.

She gave Riku a gentle pat on the cheek as thanks before taking her seat, leaving him pink cheeked and bashful, and squeezed Kairi's hand with a grin. "Alright, so where's that cake?"

Riku unboxed the cake, and all four of them ooh'd and aah'd over the whipped display of the icing, strawberries and rich chocolate wafting up to greet them.

"Oh!" Kairi snapped her fingers, "Candles! We should -do you have any candles, anywhere?"

"Ah, well…. we might have some in the drawer under the stove?"

Kairi went where she was instructed, digging through the drawer until she held up four small birthday candles with a triumphant smile. "Since it's a birthday cake," she explained as she stuck the candles into the cake, "we've got to do all the birthday traditions. Okay, close your eyes."

"Close -why?"

"It's a magic trick! Just trust me! It's gonna be really cool!"

Aouli gave them a skeptical squint before closing his eyes along with his wife, and Kairi cast a quick Fire spell, a gentle flame coming to life on each candle.

"Okay, open your eyes."

Their eyes fluttered open, and they gasped at the lit candles, the gold glow gently filling the air around them. "Jun, Aouli," Riku whispered, "time to sing, okay? One, two, three –"

In soft voices, the four of them sang Happy Birthday to Sora, their voices cracking every now and then but still holding the tune. As they finished the song, Aouli was definitely crying at this point, and Jun wiped at her eyes. "Alright." Kairi said gently, "now we've got to blow out the candles. Everyone got their wish ready?"

Everyone nodded, Sora's parents still sniffling quietly, and Riku met her eyes for a second before they closed their eyes, ready to blow out the candles.

Sending her desperate wish up to any Gods listening, to the light that watched over all the worlds, Kairi blew out at the candles.

Please…let us find Sora. Please bring him back to us.

Wisps of grey smoke drifted around them, and Kairi smiled, no traces of sadness to be found. "Let's cut the cake."

They spent the remainder of the afternoon there, catching up with Sora's parents, promising that they're still looking for him, too, and by the time they left, the sun was starting to sink into the horizon. Kairi and Riku took a moment after walking a little distance from Sora's home, sagging into each other as they stared at the pink and gold hues of the sunset.

"I don't think I've ever been this tired." Kairi sighed, pressing her forehead into Riku's chest. "It's another day now, I want that sleepover."

Riku let out an exaggerated sigh, hands finding their usual home on Kairi's waist, "fine, fine, we can nap for a while, but then I'm taking you home. You're gonna blow our cover."

"It's been over six months and the islands are full of gossips." Kairi said darkly, "they probably knew we were all a thing by the third month."

Riku paled slightly at the thought, "my moms might know. I didn't even get to tell them myself. Oh my god."

"You've gotta accept it at this point," Kairi said soothingly, "I'm pretty sure my dad knows, but he hasn't brought up the courage to talk to me about it yet. You know how small the islands are, Riku."

He sighed again, just as loud and exaggerated as the first, "I guess."

"Sleepover now," Kairi wheedled, tugging at the hem of his shirt, "I feel like I'm about to fall asleep standing up."

"Alright, drama queen, let's go."

"I'll love you a million times if you carry me."

Riku protested, but that didn't stop Kairi from putting all her training to good use, climbing her way up Riku's back and holding on tight. He made a big show of protesting the whole walk to his house, but didn't put her down until they were inside, hollering a greeting to his mothers as he toed off his shoes. Kairi kicked off her shoes and called out her own greeting before she was tugged up the stairs to Riku's room, where they flopped onto the bed with a large sigh, covers fluttering around them with a soft fwomp.

"Today was good," Kairi said, gently brushing Riku's hair out of his face so she could see him. "Right? I feel really good about today."

Riku hummed, eyes fluttering open to stare at her, and he smiled, "Yeah. I'm glad we went to visit. Sora would be pissed if we didn't take care of his folks."

"So pissed." Kairi agreed, and the two of them shared a soft laugh. They spent a minute in silence just staring at each other, Kairi enjoying the colors of the sunset playing in Riku's eyes. He has one of the loveliest pairs of eyes she's ever seen – she'll never get tired of looking. "Do you think…do you think your wish will come true?"

Riku blinked slowly, and he broke eye contact, his eyes drifting down to stare at her collarbone. "… I don't know." He finally said. "I hope it does. Do you?"

"Yes," Kairi readily admitted, winding her arms around his shoulders and pulling him close, "with all my heart."

They fell asleep after that, foreheads touching, gentle puffs of air brushing against their cheeks, and they did not wake until the morning.

-o-

Time passed, and Kairi continued on with life.

She continued her training, keeping up with sparring and magical studies while also keeping up with school. When she wasn't doing that, she was with Riku, continuing their travels to worlds to find some trace of where Sora could've gone.

Each search turning up with nothing.

Eventually, the summer months came around, and Riku turned nineteen.

His mothers threw a small party for him, inviting Sora's parents and the other island teens the trio played with when they were younger. Kairi brought Naminè along and made sure to send out an invite to Xion and Roxas. They set up a small gathering on the beach, a small table nearby laden with snacks as people lounged on blankets and talked. Roxas and Xion did show for the party, Lea tagging along with them, and Xion spent some time walking down the shore and hunting for shells with Naminè before getting pulled into a race by Lea, Roxas, and Riku.

Kairi was laying on the towel she brought, drying off from her long swim in the ocean when Naminè came to sit next to her, adjusting the large floppy hat she wore, her loose coverup swaying with the breeze.

"Need more sunscreen?" Kairi checked in as Naminè sat, and she shook her head, hat wiggling with the movement. "I'm good, thank you. I will probably need some juice, later."

"I'll get you some in a bit. Are you having fun?"

"Yes!" Naminè smiled brightly, "I really like birthday parties. And I'm happy for Riku – he deserves to have a little fun."

Kairi pushed herself up onto her elbows, eyes quickly finding Riku; he was out in the surf, tossing a frisbee around with Lea, Xion, and Roxas. Riku flicked the frisbee toward Lea and bent over laughing when Lea misjudged where the frisbee would go and lunged forward too far, tumbling into the water face-first.

"Yeah," Kairi agreed, a soft, gooey feeling in her chest, "I think everyone deserves to have a little fun, now."

Naminè grinned at her, and Kairi smiled back, pushing herself to her feet, "I'm gonna go swim a little more. Do you want to come?"

"Oh." Naminè looked shocked, "I -I don't…I don't know how to swim."

She looked down at her hands, fingers twisting nervously in her lap, and Kairi frowned at that. "Well, I can teach you!"

Kairi offered her hand, and Naminè stared at it, dazed, "I-"

"It's super easy, once you get the hang of it." She swore, "and I won't let go of your hand the entire time, I swear. We won't go too far out, either, if you're nervous about that."

Naminè bit her lip, considering, eyeing the calm, endless blue of the ocean, "I – I guess…. alright." She took Kairi's hand and let her pull her to her feet. "Great! You'll be great at this, I promise. Okay, you've got to ditch the hat and the cover, so it won't get wet."

"Ah…. alright."

After leaving her hat and cover neatly folded on Kairi's towel, Naminè tightly gripped at Kairi's hands as she slowly backed into the water, guiding Naminè on with a gentle voice.

They occasionally took breaks for food and reapplication of sunscreen, but the time sunset came around, Naminè and Kairi were drifting along in the sea, floating on their backs and looking at the changing colors of the sunset, hands still clasped tight.

"Everyone!" Nanami called out, waving to get their attention, platinum hair slipping out of her ponytail, "Out of the water, it's time for cake!"

That got everyone's attention, and Xion and Roxas scrambled out of the shallow part of the water, throwing handfuls of seashells on their towels before running to where Riku and Sora's parents waited, Jun helping Minato place candles in the cake. Riku trotted after them, wringing the remaining water out of his hair, and Lea followed Naminè and Kairi's sedate pace, tucking his hands behind his head.

"Been a long time since I've been part of a shindig like this," Lea said casually, watching Riku's mothers place the cake in front of Riku before pressing kisses into his hair, laughing at the blush that spread across his cheeks.

"Yeah?" Kairi looked back at him, "did you have a good time?"

"I…I really did, yeah." Lea smiled, a small thing, "thanks for letting me come along."

"Kairi!"

She turned as Xion skipped towards them, beaming; she was already toasty from the sun, her brown skin a deeper hue, a scattering of freckles spread across her nose and cheeks. "We're about to sing a birthday song to Riku! And then we get cake! Thank you for inviting us, today was so fun! I took a lot of pictures, so I'll make sure I'll send mine to you!"

"Of course I'd invite you, it wouldn't be the same without you! I'll make sure to send you the pictures I took, too!"

"Alright, Kairi, bring your friends in!" Minato called out, "Riku's ready for his happy birthday song!"

"Ma."

"Coming!" Kairi laughed, and as she skipped up, everyone else coming up in the rear, she made sure to unlock her phone and make sure that her video camera was on to capture every second of Riku squirming in pleased embarrassment as everyone sang to him at the top of their lungs.

-o-

Kairi pressed her cup to her lips and took a slow sip as she looked out at the ocean, closing her eyes as the warm air brushed her face.

Riku's party wrapped up after the sun fully set, stars peppering the sky as Riku's mothers broke out a bottle of paopu wine, serving a glass for themselves, Aouli, and Riku, who was able to finally drink alcohol.

Aouli snuck a glass to Kairi with a wink, and Jun elbowed him in reprimand but quickly shoo-ed Kairi away, rolling her eyes.

"You know you're not allowed to have that."

Kairi looked up as Riku sat next to her, his own glass dangling from his hand, eyebrow raised. She scoffed, "Bah, eighteen is close enough, isn't it? Besides, Aouli gave it to me, it's fine."

"If you say so."

They fell silent after that, sipping at their glasses and looking out at the water, pressed against each other from shoulder to hip.

"Today was really good." Riku smiled, "I really needed this. I'm glad you were here to celebrate with me."

"Riku, don't be stupid." Kairi elbowed him gently, "there's nowhere else I'd rather be."

His smile faded a little at that, but he didn't say anything, looking back up at the tiny pinpricks of stars. Kairi looked up with him, wrapping her arms around her knees, tapping the bottom of her glass against her knee as she thought.

"Did you know that I can feel it?" Riku looked over at her, confused, and Kairi stretched out an open hand, explaining further, "the light. I can feel the light of all those worlds. Hundreds upon hundreds.

"It's a little more concrete, if I'm closer. Like, I can feel you, and Roxas, and Xion and Lea. Your parents, Sora's parents. I can feel, like…all the light in this world."

She shrugged, taking another sip from her glass, "I'm pretty sure it's a Princess of Heart thing, but I'm still getting the hang of it."

Looking back up at the stars, Kairi sighed, "all the light in all the worlds…I know Sora's light as intimately as yours, but no matter how hard I look, how hard I reach, I can't feel him anywhere."

Riku said nothing, but Kairi felt him lean in and press his cheek to the top of her head, and that was good enough for her.

"Today was fun." Riku finally said, "but it would've been a lot more fun if Sora was here to enjoy it with us. Part of me feels a little bad, that I had so much fun, while he's out there, alone. But I know he'd hate it that I felt like that."

"He'd kick your ass." Kairi agreed, switching her cup to her left hand so she could grab Riku's hand, lacing their fingers together.

"I was thinking of going back out there, soon. Maybe in a few days. To get back to searching for him."

"So soon? Riku, we've been to all the worlds Sora's been to, even some he hasn't –"

"That means we probably just need to keep looking. Keep going further."

"That might be a little dangerous, Riku. That's uncharted territory. I'm with you, no matter what, but I'll need a few days to get ready."

Riku set his jaw, but said nothing, taking another sip from his cup, and Kairi sighed, leaning against his arm.

The beach was quiet now, Lea taking Roxas and Xion home after partaking in his own glass of paopu wine, Naminè escorted home by Sora's father. Jun stayed behind with Riku's parents, and the five of them finished cleaning up the remains of the party before departing, offering Jun a ride home so she wouldn't have to walk, her belly at seven months giving her a bit of a wobble to her walk.

It was just the two of them, and as Kairi leaned into Riku and took in his silence, she swirled the remaining wine around in her glass as a feeling of foreboding sank into her gut.

"Hey, Riku."

"Yeah?"

"Do you think paopu wine counts?"

"Counts for wha –?"

His question died on his lips as Kairi pressed the rim of her glass against his lower lip, and Riku looked at her with eyes so big she almost wanted to laugh.

"Kairi."

"Riku."

"You know you don't have -I know you and Sora –"

"I'm gonna stop you, because I can already tell this is going to be really, really dumb." Kairi laughed a little when Riku's mouth snapped shut with a clack, cutting off whatever he was going to say, before giving him a serious look.

"I'll say it a million times if I have to – I want it to be the three of us, always. No matter what, I will always want you to be in my life. Do you want that, Riku?"

"Kairi, I -?"

"Do you?"

He swallowed heavily, adam's apple bobbing with his nerves, "…Kairi…yes. Of course I do."

"Okay. Then do you want to share this with me?"

Riku let out a shaky breath and shook his head, his voice apparently failing him. He pressed the rim of his glass to Kairi's lower lip, and she smiled at him, the glitter of the stars reflecting in her violet eyes.

The wine tasted a little sweeter that way, somehow.

-o-

A few days later, Kairi awoke with a renewed sense of foreboding in the pit of her stomach.

Part of her already knew, but she needed to check, needed to be sure.

Naminè had woken up before her, her side of the bed empty and cool, and Kairi threw the covers off her and sat up, reaching for her phone. This time, she picked up her gummiphone, and left her regular phone on the dresser; she had a feeling she wouldn't need that one.

Still in her pajamas, she quickly brushed her teeth, threw on some sandals, and slipped downstairs, leaving a note for her father and Naminè before running to Riku's house. By the time she got there, panting, sweat plastered strands of her hair to her temples, gummiphone still clutched tight in her fist.

Knocking on the door, Kairi attempted to pat her hair into some semblance of tidiness, trying to calm her racing heart. Nanami answered the door, eyebrows quirking up in surprise as she took her in, tucking her hair behind her ear. "Kairi? What's wrong, what do you need?"

"Sorry for coming over unannounced but – I just, I was looking – have you seen Riku, lately?"

"Riku?" A concerned wrinkle appeared in her brow, "No, Minato and I saw him last night, before bed, but we haven't seen him since. I just assumed he woke up early and was with you. Did something happen?"

Kairi's stomach sank, and she really hoped that it didn't show in her face.

She squeezed her gummiphone, "…no," she finally croaked, "no, nothing really happened. I was just looking for him, but I -I think I have an idea where he went." Kairi took a couple steps back from the door, already turning away from Riku's mother, "sorry for worrying you, Nanami, I'll -I'll see you later –"

"Kairi, wait –"

But she was already gone, running for the beach.

Kicking off her sandals, Kairi waded into the water, stopping once the cool water lapped around her ankles, taking a deep breath to steel herself before looking at her gummiphone.

There was a message from Riku.

Hurt already cramping her stomach, she unlocked the phone to read what he sent.

The text simply read 'I'm sorry, Kairi. I'll try and find him.'

Kairi let her breath out in a rush and dropped the gummiphone to her side, the hurt in her stomach rising and spilling over into angry tears spilling down her cheeks.

"Riku you idiot." Kairi hissed to herself, swiping at her eyes, furious, trying to stop crying, "You said we'd find him together. You promised. You idiot! I – I can't -"

Kairi's breath left her in an angry sob, and crouched down, curling into herself, not caring how wet her sleep shorts got from the seawater as she cried, loud and angry, into her knees.

-o-

The first couple of weeks, Kairi was so angry she ignored all his calls, pettily leaving the texts he sent to her unread or deleting them whenever he tried to check in.

She got most of her updates on his well-being through others, mainly Naminè, with the occasional desperate 'please call your boyfriend' from Lea.

She wouldn't, though -not until she was ready. Kairi was still so mad she felt like she could breathe fire; if she tried to talk to Riku now, she'd surely say something she would regret, and as mad as she is, Kairi couldn't bear to hurt Riku like that.

Knowing him, he was already beating himself up enough over this dumbass decision and didn't that just make Kairi roll her eyes.

"You've got to talk to him eventually," Naminè chided on the fourth week as they got ready for bed, Kairi plaiting her hair before they went to sleep, "you're probably giving him an ulcer."

Kairi snorted, running a brush through Naminè's fine, blonde hair, "serves him right, then, for leaving me behind. I'm tired of being left behind -what is the point of my training if I don't get to apply it in the worlds!"

Kairi's hands were gentle in Naminè's hair even though her voice was so upset, "he promised me, he said that we'd go out and find Sora together, bring him back home together. How could he just – how could he promise me that and then leave me behind?"

She quickly finished the braid, expertly wrapping a hair tie around the end before sitting back, hands twisting in her lap as Naminè turned to face her.

"I know you're hurt, Kairi." She placed her hand over Kairi's tangled fingers, squeezing, "but ignoring him and keeping all this hurt bottled up…it won't do you any good.

"You don't have to talk to him tonight, or anything, but please…. try and reach out to him soon. It'll get better once you tell him your feelings."

Kairi huffed, unmoved, until Naminè gave her her saddest look, brown eyes wide and pleading, and she folded like a house of cards.

"Fine! Fine, I'll…I'll talk to him soon, I swear."

Naminè smiled, giving Kairi another squeeze, "that's all I ask."

-o-

Kairi knew she was dreaming, because she was back in that empty, pressed in by a darkness so thick not even her light could pierce it.

"Kairi!"

Staring at these hands -warm, brown, scraped and bloody – all Kairi could feel was confusion.

These hands…she knew them.

Didn't she?

Didn't she know these hands?

She wasn't sure. She didn't think so.

"Kairi!" She could practically hear the smile in this voice, the relief. "I finally found you!"

She felt an ache in her chest, felt like this voice was well known, well loved…. but she couldn't recall it at all.

How do you know me? She wanted to ask, but she couldn't seem to get her voice to work, how do I know you? Who are you? Kairi tried to open her mouth to speak, wanted to turn and see who her strange savior was, but then the darkness that was crushing her shattered, the light blinding her, and she woke up to Naminè staring at her, a concerned look in her eyes.

"You were talking in your sleep," she said quietly, curling deeper under the blankets, "you kept saying something, but I couldn't really hear it. Are you okay?"

"I…. I don't know."

Kairi bit her lip, "I just -I feel like…I've forgotten something."

'KAY.

I have no idea how some of y'all can do long chapters, this thing was 20 pages on my word doc and I was so stressed.

I'm sure some people noticed but I've changed some things, a little: giving naminè and roxas brown eyes, for one (everyone has blue eyes and it bores me tbh and when I was a kid and first playing kh I thought for the longest time roxas had brown eyes for some reason). making sora and xion Brown (hawaiian, in sora's case). giving riku good parents. making it sorikai 'cause Sora Has Two Hands.

y'know, little inconsequential things.

regarding sora's parents: his father is aouli, which means blue sky, and his mother is jun, because when I saw the name meaning I had to do it 'cause with one of the translations her name can basically mean simple and clean. I'm deadass.

so, anyway! the beginning. here it is. I hope y'all like it, and will hopefully bear with me as I get this story together. I'll be starting work for the summer, but I'll do my best to work on this as much as I can so I can exorcise this demon from my body.

comments are always cool and appreciated, and I'll see y'all in chapter two. peace!